Hey guys, I have kind of a weird question for you all. How does everyone here who is on TRT cope with the idea of having to do injections for life? A little back story here-I am 27 and have not felt right since I graduated college. The last year of college I was prescribed ridiculous dosages of adderall/vyvanse and basically tweaked for a year and a half. Near the end of this stint I would use kratom to relieve anxiety (an opioid, which obviously lower testosterone). It was a ridiculously stupid period of my life I would like to forget about. Over the course of three years I never had a Total T reading above 540. The other readings were 252 and then one somewhere in the 300s. Then one around 450. Highest Free T I got was bang on middle range, the other two were low. I went to the doctors, had a pituitary MRI, ultrasound of my testicles, vitamin D test, the works. Since then I have done TRT three separate times. First time I didn't realize I had a hypersensitivity reaction to hcg so my blood pressure skyrocketed after a while and I had several bouts of AFIB and tremendous anxiety. Second time I had the same issue, still didn't realize the cause but then took out the hcg and felt a bit better. Third time decided to start with just test and did MUCH better. Found out I can only take choriomon and ovidrel-anything else hcg-wise gives me terrible reactions. Was feeling great after 8 months even though things weren't totally balanced out. Here is my main issue however, every time I get on and start feeling better, I start thinking about all these what-ifs and worrying about things like what if I had to come off because my prostate blows up? What if I make myself permanently infertile? (I froze sperm so I shouldn't worry so much about this but still) What if the government cuts access like they did with opioids? Not to mention I am 27 and the idea of pinning forever seems a bit daunting. So I inevitably come off hoping to restore my test to some high level. After coming off this past time I got a blood test with an LH of 7 and a TT of 715 with a Free T at the very top of the range. However, I am pretty sure clomid was still in my system at the time so it is hard to glean much information from that. But it gave me some hope that I probably didn't need as I know it will probably lower after a few weeks and I feel pretty shitty anywhere below 550. Anyways, how do you guys stick to it? Is this something I should see a therapist about? It seems when I am low t and feeling like shit the choice is obvious- I'm full of dread and anxiety and my dick is useless and I don't care about girls, get on TRT! Then I get on and start feeling great and confident and taking important risks with my career and my dick is rock hard and then I sabotage myself by thinking of dumb shit like being dependent and worrying that my balls will completely disappear or look retarded at some point. I feel like I need to stay on, I believe I had high test until my early twenties and I don't seem to function well at all without it. Life just seems gray. Any tips on dealing with thoughts like these?