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The good, bad, the ugly of AAS.

Discussion in 'Steroid Forum' started by Bigboy727, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. Bigboy727

    Bigboy727 Member Supporter

    That’s intense.. I took an oxytocin when I threw out my back one time. My mom had cancer and she gave me one. I never have been so sick and miserable in my life. I tried a Percocet last year that even didn’t make me feel good. My body just can’t handle it. I have no tolerance for opiates. I can drink a liter of vodka and not lose coordination or won’t slur a word but anything more than Advil and I’m sick. Glad you hopefully made it through all that. Quite a story and hope to god you never turn back!
    TRT@40 and eje1990 like this.
  2. eje1990

    eje1990 Member Supporter

    Yeah... I gave up 4 years of recovery this last summer. My best friend overdosed. I was getting sized up for a suit to be his best man for his wedding the weekend he died. And he was to be my best man next year in my wedding. Fucking sucks man. I wasn't even looking for dope. The day we took him off life support I pulled over on the side of the road and was on the phone with my sponsor, I was a wreck. Some dude walked up to the window and was like "yo how many you want?".... I was at a point where my mind was telling me the only way to get through this is shit is to numb it. Was only back out for a month and a half. Lost 40lbs. Had to tell my sponsees I fucked up and I couldn't sponsor them anymore. It was rough.

    Just gotta keep pushing forward. All anyone has is today. Whether 20 years of clean time or 20 days. Today is what matters.

    Lol sorry for venting.
    NorthMich, Heynow, Oldschool and 4 others like this.
  3. 350lift

    350lift Member

    god damn..

    yeah youre right
    eje1990 likes this.
  4. cfreetenor

    cfreetenor Member

    Dude, there are so many people in recovery on this board.
    Oldschool and eje1990 like this.
  5. eje1990

    eje1990 Member Supporter

    Yeah man. I would like to see a survey/study done on the percentage of AAS users that are addicts in recovery vs non addict. A lot of people gravitate towards exercise in recovery and actually it's recommend. Lol just the steriod aspect of it isn't unusual. Addicts tend to take it to the next level.
  6. BigNattyDaddy

    BigNattyDaddy Member

    Start a thread asking that and put a poll in it
    eje1990, Pierced and NorthMich like this.
  7. cfreetenor

    cfreetenor Member

    It makes sense, the place I find the most supraphysiologically jacked guys outside of the gym is definitely meetings.

    Part of my hesitation with pulling the plunger is whether or not to consider it mind or mood altering. Then I figure coffee is pretty mood altering. But I don’t inject it.
    eje1990 likes this.
  8. eje1990

    eje1990 Member Supporter

    I had an internal battle with that as well. I know that what makes us addicts is our inability to deal with emotions. Or our skewed perceptions of ourselves and the world around us and our reactions to daily life are things to be vigilant of. I'm not trying to justify my AAS usage but I know members in the rooms that have 15 years clean and are cheating on their wives. And that to me is being clean but living dirty ya know what I mean?

    I work steps, have a home group, do service work, I have a sponsor who has a sponsor who has a sponsor. I fuckin love narcotics anonymous and the literature.

    BUT I make sure that I stay in tune with myself. (Prayer/meditation) and I try stay away from things like tren. I just brewed some up I'm gonna run in the spring but I'm gonna chill after that. Because that almost is border line mood/mind altering and any guy on here who isn't an addict would probably agree with that. Lol. Just gotta keep emotions in check.

    And I'm not one of those guys who says they're clean but drinks every now and then. Lol. I travel for NA conventions and workshops when I can.

    Anytime you want to PM me don't hesitate brother.
    cfreetenor likes this.
  9. valuum

    valuum Member

    I used to be heavy involved in the AA community (Where I was was a HUGE recovery community for Michigan and for whatever reason AA was even more lopsidingly bigger than usual and all young addicts went there). Never really got into NA but around here it's more a black thing to be honest. A couple years ago the chair of the meeting got beat to death with brass knuckles over some 13th stepping LOL, in the middle of a fucking meeting.

    I personally don't think AAS isn't sober. By that definition you're not sober if you're on any meds. All the people that bitch about steroids not being sober are usually just "hating". I dislike using that word but it just works. Just the same lemming-type thinking of "its illegal so it must be bad". Probably wouldn't bat an eye about taking some goofy ass OTC prohormones a few years back.

    To be honest I just about fucked up tonight. Well I mean... I did. I don't report until thursday, and the heroin I get is all fent anyways so I don't even drop dirty for it BUT you know how it is. I can come up with every rationalization for why getting high -should- work... but it never does.

    Point being I called up pooky n ray ray but in typically black drug dealer fashion they bullshitted and I never got any dope. I think I'm going to text my PO tell her I'm struggling. I've been having HARD cravings now that she's been trusting me. She didn't even make me drop last time I reported and she hasn't been showing up at the house as much. If I thought she was suspicious I wouldn't even consider using. I'm sure it'll involve some hassle (extra drops) but it's gotta be worth it. I'm almost off tether and maybe some of this hard work will finally pay off.
  10. cfreetenor

    cfreetenor Member

    You did something that brought you a step closer to messing up but something kept you from relapsing. It’s in the BB that the time will come when mental defense is insufficient to prevent the next one.

    You know the things you need to do. If you’re serious about staying stopped there are a series of “next right things” you can do right now to put it behind you. It’s just scary because it changes you to do that and it feels like you won’t be able to turn back. But there are people with decades who go back out because one day they decide to get high.

    If you have any numbers still from the rooms I suggest you call them until you get into a nice long conversation with someone. Don’t feel any shame for it, newsflash everyone knows the disease exists and comes out in your actions no one’s going to knock you.
  11. Bigboy727

    Bigboy727 Member Supporter

    Hearing these dope stories is intense. Not to judge but I’m just sitting here Concerned about what the repercussions of doing some AAS is going to do for me in the long run, while people are doing them and banging dope. Is the feeling of that shit amazing or what? I love coke and did blow when I was younger but that was only when I drank. The balls it takes me to inject some bathtub brew I buy from the UGL’s on here is Terrifying enough. Not to mention purchasing some dope from some black guys in the hood and inject that shit right into my veins that goes directly to my heart. Y’all some fucker nutters!! My buddy said it best to our best friend as he cut ties with him, “when have you ever heard anyone say dope has made their life better”?? I can honestly AAS has made my life better but now I don’t want to not be on it.

    It’s obviously a very powerful drug and shows no remorse. A kid I played hockey with just died from an OD a month after his brother died from one.
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2018
  12. valuum

    valuum Member

    Totally different things, IMO. AAS is make a conscious decision with known repercussions. Now I believe stuff like body dysmorphia probably causes some to give up some control... but not like dope dude.

    Doing dope is a totally hedonistic "fuck it" activity. With heroin though the main problems are short term (hep c, HIV, is from sharing needles). Actual heroin doesn't fuck you up like you would think. I started doing it so young it totally fucked up the wiring for my reward system. I constantly look for the easy fix, it's REALLY hard for me to think long term.

    as far as injecting shady shit. I think shooting dirty stuff in a vein is actually much less likely to cause an infection than muscling something dirty. Some people just have genetics/immune systems where they don't really suffer those types of consequences. I shot dope for 8 years and never got an infection and don't have track marks. I also look younger than I really am, it didn't make me look aged or cracked out.

    I think the worst drug I saw was crack. I knew crackheads who panhandled and hustled all day to smoke $30~ worth of crack. You're life is in fucking shambles for 30 minutes of being high a day.
    Bigboy727 likes this.
  13. Bigboy727

    Bigboy727 Member Supporter

    So I went to this big country concert and was drinking all day and guy had made some crack from the blow we had. He gave me this car antenna and lit it up. It was a terrible fuckin lonely feeling of schizophrenia I ever felt. Next day my lungs bleed. Nasty ass shit that was. Still mad to this day at my buddy. I freaked the fuck out. That was the end of experimental days. Spitting fresh red blood
  14. valuum

    valuum Member

    Hahaha, crack and concerts DO NOT mix. It really is not a fun drug, I mean some people get super talkative on it, but most just tweak. It's weird how many people in the country smoke crack though.
  15. eje1990

    eje1990 Member Supporter

    Yeah and they're the same people probably going to kava/kratom bars. Lol
  16. Bigboy727

    Bigboy727 Member Supporter

    Reason I wrote this post was my marriage is in jeopardy because I am not using a drug. When I was on cycle everything was great. I was a lot more affectionate, understanding, empathetic, and wanted to do all the nice things because I wanted to get laid 3 times a day. Now it’s like once a week is plenty and I barely even think about it. She does not know my about my steroid use but people have made comments in front of us about my size and shape. When I started a few years ago I was scared the angry asshole who liked to get into bar fights was going to come back. Obviously, it’s a choice if I just go all in and find a trt clinic or hang up the pins. I’ll be 37 in a week and I am struggling with this decision. I would rather keep the candle burning bright but what will it cost me in the end?

    I was ready for the side effects of being an aggressive asshole but had no idea it was going to make a better person! I made more money and was a better husband. Not what I expected when I pinned my shot.

    Not sure what the true definition of sobriety to an addict is. Not sure if you paint a correlation to pain killers and performance enhancing drugs. Opposite ends of the spectrum. Using both at the same time cannot be a good choice. I don’t like to drink or do anything when I am running gear.
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
  17. eje1990

    eje1990 Member Supporter

    Being sober vs being clean is the same thing. The language is different because in alcoholics anonymous their primary purpose is alcohol. In narcotics anonymous they acknowledge that alcohol IS a drug. The reason behind this is because considering sobriety/alcoholism is a limited term. It refers to alcohol and not the disease of addiction as a whole. So in turn alcoholics are addicts (addicted to alcohol). There aren't too many real alcoholics left. Most people that go to AA have drug problems but they perfer that fellowship based on literature and experience. You get guys in AA with 40+ years of recovery. Not saying NA doesn't have experienced members with substantial amount of clean time. It's just more common in AA. I go to NA because the literature in the basic text is on point.

    I don't correlate AAS with mind or mood altering substances. I'm not taking it for an instant gratification or for a euphoric feeling or to escape life and it's problems. It doesn't cause any unmanageability in any area of my life mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. I'm not draining my bank account for my next pin of test. Lol. I'm not trafficking firearms for more dbol.

    And there is no using both at the same time. All resources and thought go into your next shot of dope or blast of crack as soon as you put the drugs in your body. That day I have up 4 years of recovery..... Man. As SOON as I did that shot of dope I regretted it. I wanted to stop immediately that day and literally couldn't.

    So with your situation with TRT I can't help there. Just like in NA I wouldn't make a suggestion because I don't have experience with going to a doctor and getting prescribed test. I do brew my own and cruise though. And the situation with your wife. Thats a decision you have to make. My experience with that was my libido went down and my girl didn't know why. She thought I thought she was unattractive, or not good enough, or I wasn't interested anymore. That was not the case at all. I made the decision to tell her because I wanted her to know that she wasn't the reason.
  18. Bigboy727

    Bigboy727 Member Supporter

    That’s exactly where I am at. She has said that it’s went from all to nothing. It’s actually nice for me though to think about something else besides banging her. She is accusing me of other either cheating on her or thinking her 2lbs she gained over the summer turned me off and now she is fat.. lol. I’ll have to figure it out just didn’t think this was a side affect of using peds.. fml. I would talk people out of it now for this simple reason!
  19. 350lift

    350lift Member

    Is this the same thread where you have like 300 Total t? I forget my memory has gone to shit on superdrol. But just get on TRT ? Keep more gains off cycle, no 30 percent dip of t levels by night time, always feel in a decently happy mood, energy sleep, the list goes on.
  20. 350lift

    350lift Member

    Sounds like this is a matter of low t, not so much being off cycle. What I mean by that is even on low dose t it would fix your situation

    Oh isee now you’re considering trt. I don’t think there’s too many huge risks to it? From everything I’ve read. I’m no doctor but I think low t is just as dangerous as trt if not worse

    I’m on prescribed trt and it keeps me going
    Bigboy727 likes this.