I need some help and I'm not sure where else to turn at this point. This is a long ass read. I'll start with some backstory, please feel free to skip around, I'll try to label things to facilitate that.
Backstory: I am one of the few men with Interstitial Cystitis. This means that my bladder is chronically inflamed, which leads to a great deal of constant and acute pain. I'm not going to wax on about how bad it hurts, but suffice to say it's bad enough that living with it is intolerable. There is no known cure and all known treatments have terrible success rates. I've tried damn near every treatment in the book, with opiates and phenazopyridine being the most effective treatment, until recently.
I have a great deal of inflammation in my bladder. It's visible on a cystoscopy clearly enough for me to see it despite having no experience. I've tried every anti-inflammatory you can think of, however none of them seem to make any difference. I decided that instead of fighting the inflammation, perhaps I should increase my ability to heal. I've never cared much for the medical establishment and their utter inability to treat my condition has only increased that over the years. Anyways, I decided to look into PEDs, peptides, and similar substances.
Other Drug Use:
I also take alpha-blockers (most recently Cardura 1mg) and Cialis (5mg / day) for prostate health. I used Benzodiazepines for a long time, legally, and ceased taking them in December after an 18-month long taper. I took 0.5mg / day for about 11 years before tapering. I have a history of mild and sporatic rec drug use which has waned significantly as I've aged. I consume cannabis and alcohol extremely rarely, on the order of 3-4 times per year. Finally, I take 1-2mg of melatonin every night before bed. Typically I dose 2-4 hours before bed, then again just as I get in bed. That has helped me in the past.
Blood work:
Got my blood work done. Test was just over 400 with free test at 5 ng/dL. My SHBG was 49, so right at the top of the reference range. Got myself on TRT, since I did not understand sourcing at the time. Perhaps I still don't, but that's another thread and I hope to have test results in a month or so. My lipids, BP, electrolytes, everything they tested was good. Creatinine was 1.12 and was the only eyebrow raising number aside from an in-shape 40 year old with low-ish test. My estradiol was undetectable (shit-tier test, not the sensitive one), as was my PSA, etc. I can post my blood work in full if it would be beneficial, but I have not done so at the moment in order to protect my anonymity.
Testosterone use and Symptoms:
First shot was 80mg of Test Cyp compounded in Ethyl Oleate. It was... extremely uneventful. Second shot two days later was 80mg Test Cyp. This one I felt, and immediately noticed significant changes ranging from the gym to a reduction in pain, explained below. I went from 185 to 192 in 5 days, presumably water weight given my thirst, and my bench went back to my old PR within a week. It was quite spectacular.
That night I had a series of strange symptoms: A feeling inside my brain. It's fucking weird and when I describe it I sound insane. It's like light-headedness mixed with a subtle electricity. If you've ever done psychedelics it's similar to that feeling on mushrooms when you start to come up, only it's more constant and not quite so spectacular. It's EXTREMELY unpleasant and unnerving, makes me feel like I'm about to have a goddamn stroke. It's almost like my brain is buzzing or swollen.
This feeling comes in waves and it accompanied by severe insomnia, and eventually a pounding, racing heart. The next day I typically have some anxiety, and I sleep like shit besides.
I have gotten this feeling repeatedly despite reducing my dose. I inject in the morning, and at 40mg EOD I still get the feeling the night of my injection. The day of, however, I typically feel great (roughly 3-4 hours post injection).
Anavar:
I have found that the symptoms rapidly get worse if I take Oxandrolone at low doses, particularly 2.5mg. This leads me to believe it's a free test issue, since I can't imagine that low of a dose of anavar is doing anything but fucking with my SHBG.
Why the fuck am I even doing this?
Because the testosterone completely removes the chronic aspect of my pain. The acute pain still comes and goes, but the constant, day in day out pain is just gone. More interesting, it seems to be lesser when my symptoms are worse. Right now I'm sitting here with a weird, static tingling in my from of my face and a dull pressure in the front of my brain, but no pain in my bladder. I haven't felt this pain-free since I was a teenager, probably 24-25 years ago. It's a fucking miracle. I just need to figure out what the hell is causing these weird head sensations so I can increase my test to where it needs to be.
My suspicions:
I have read everything I can dig up and listened to every lecture, youtube video, podcast, and audiobook I can find. The only time I found any mention of this was an interview with a man named Dave Lee, who said that low Pregnenolone can lead to an inability for individuals to tolerate proper Free Test levels. He said such individuals also report difficulty tolerating some medications such as cannabis, despite having tolerated them before. This is also true for me. I have not found any clinical data or other similar information to back up his assertions and my TRT clinic as well as my doctors do not believe I have a pregnenolone issue. Fuck them, I ordered some and I'm going to try it this weekend. I also ordered bloodwork and a DUTCH test to check my pregnenolone, DHEA, and progesterone levels. I also ordered a sensitive estradiol test and total/free T just to see where I'm at. I should know this next week.
My other theory is that the testosterone has amped my system up, and my long term benzo use has fucked up my GABA-a receptor so much that there is no moderation to counter-act the stimulation caused by the testosterone. This is weak because my test use is so low, particularly when compared with people who are blasting. I wonder if my body will adapt with time or not.
My final theory is that the testosterone has someone kindled my benzo withdrawal. I could probably confirm this by taking a bunch of clonazepam, however I am loath to do so given my recent taper and cessation of use.
Final Thoughts:
I'm posting this here because I don't know what the fuck else to do. My doctors would rather see me live in pain and I'm not willing to accept that. I work my fucking ass off to maintain my health and I get nowhere. If anyone has any ideas, comments, or suggestions, I'm extremely willing to listen to them. Even if you call me an idiot I really don't care, just tell me why I'm an idiot so I can fix the shit.
Thank you for reading, sincerely,
Jack
Backstory: I am one of the few men with Interstitial Cystitis. This means that my bladder is chronically inflamed, which leads to a great deal of constant and acute pain. I'm not going to wax on about how bad it hurts, but suffice to say it's bad enough that living with it is intolerable. There is no known cure and all known treatments have terrible success rates. I've tried damn near every treatment in the book, with opiates and phenazopyridine being the most effective treatment, until recently.
I have a great deal of inflammation in my bladder. It's visible on a cystoscopy clearly enough for me to see it despite having no experience. I've tried every anti-inflammatory you can think of, however none of them seem to make any difference. I decided that instead of fighting the inflammation, perhaps I should increase my ability to heal. I've never cared much for the medical establishment and their utter inability to treat my condition has only increased that over the years. Anyways, I decided to look into PEDs, peptides, and similar substances.
Other Drug Use:
I also take alpha-blockers (most recently Cardura 1mg) and Cialis (5mg / day) for prostate health. I used Benzodiazepines for a long time, legally, and ceased taking them in December after an 18-month long taper. I took 0.5mg / day for about 11 years before tapering. I have a history of mild and sporatic rec drug use which has waned significantly as I've aged. I consume cannabis and alcohol extremely rarely, on the order of 3-4 times per year. Finally, I take 1-2mg of melatonin every night before bed. Typically I dose 2-4 hours before bed, then again just as I get in bed. That has helped me in the past.
Blood work:
Got my blood work done. Test was just over 400 with free test at 5 ng/dL. My SHBG was 49, so right at the top of the reference range. Got myself on TRT, since I did not understand sourcing at the time. Perhaps I still don't, but that's another thread and I hope to have test results in a month or so. My lipids, BP, electrolytes, everything they tested was good. Creatinine was 1.12 and was the only eyebrow raising number aside from an in-shape 40 year old with low-ish test. My estradiol was undetectable (shit-tier test, not the sensitive one), as was my PSA, etc. I can post my blood work in full if it would be beneficial, but I have not done so at the moment in order to protect my anonymity.
Testosterone use and Symptoms:
First shot was 80mg of Test Cyp compounded in Ethyl Oleate. It was... extremely uneventful. Second shot two days later was 80mg Test Cyp. This one I felt, and immediately noticed significant changes ranging from the gym to a reduction in pain, explained below. I went from 185 to 192 in 5 days, presumably water weight given my thirst, and my bench went back to my old PR within a week. It was quite spectacular.
That night I had a series of strange symptoms: A feeling inside my brain. It's fucking weird and when I describe it I sound insane. It's like light-headedness mixed with a subtle electricity. If you've ever done psychedelics it's similar to that feeling on mushrooms when you start to come up, only it's more constant and not quite so spectacular. It's EXTREMELY unpleasant and unnerving, makes me feel like I'm about to have a goddamn stroke. It's almost like my brain is buzzing or swollen.
This feeling comes in waves and it accompanied by severe insomnia, and eventually a pounding, racing heart. The next day I typically have some anxiety, and I sleep like shit besides.
I have gotten this feeling repeatedly despite reducing my dose. I inject in the morning, and at 40mg EOD I still get the feeling the night of my injection. The day of, however, I typically feel great (roughly 3-4 hours post injection).
Anavar:
I have found that the symptoms rapidly get worse if I take Oxandrolone at low doses, particularly 2.5mg. This leads me to believe it's a free test issue, since I can't imagine that low of a dose of anavar is doing anything but fucking with my SHBG.
Why the fuck am I even doing this?
Because the testosterone completely removes the chronic aspect of my pain. The acute pain still comes and goes, but the constant, day in day out pain is just gone. More interesting, it seems to be lesser when my symptoms are worse. Right now I'm sitting here with a weird, static tingling in my from of my face and a dull pressure in the front of my brain, but no pain in my bladder. I haven't felt this pain-free since I was a teenager, probably 24-25 years ago. It's a fucking miracle. I just need to figure out what the hell is causing these weird head sensations so I can increase my test to where it needs to be.
My suspicions:
I have read everything I can dig up and listened to every lecture, youtube video, podcast, and audiobook I can find. The only time I found any mention of this was an interview with a man named Dave Lee, who said that low Pregnenolone can lead to an inability for individuals to tolerate proper Free Test levels. He said such individuals also report difficulty tolerating some medications such as cannabis, despite having tolerated them before. This is also true for me. I have not found any clinical data or other similar information to back up his assertions and my TRT clinic as well as my doctors do not believe I have a pregnenolone issue. Fuck them, I ordered some and I'm going to try it this weekend. I also ordered bloodwork and a DUTCH test to check my pregnenolone, DHEA, and progesterone levels. I also ordered a sensitive estradiol test and total/free T just to see where I'm at. I should know this next week.
My other theory is that the testosterone has amped my system up, and my long term benzo use has fucked up my GABA-a receptor so much that there is no moderation to counter-act the stimulation caused by the testosterone. This is weak because my test use is so low, particularly when compared with people who are blasting. I wonder if my body will adapt with time or not.
My final theory is that the testosterone has someone kindled my benzo withdrawal. I could probably confirm this by taking a bunch of clonazepam, however I am loath to do so given my recent taper and cessation of use.
Final Thoughts:
I'm posting this here because I don't know what the fuck else to do. My doctors would rather see me live in pain and I'm not willing to accept that. I work my fucking ass off to maintain my health and I get nowhere. If anyone has any ideas, comments, or suggestions, I'm extremely willing to listen to them. Even if you call me an idiot I really don't care, just tell me why I'm an idiot so I can fix the shit.
Thank you for reading, sincerely,
Jack
