Advice...

[desertwarrior]

I’ve been feeling a bit down lately. Life has become a bit boring and monotonous. I’ve been with my fiancé going on 6 years; we have a baby that is a year old together and my older children are very attached to her. She is a fantastic women and as far as I can tell I feel the same love for her I always have.

A major issue we’ve had throughout our relationship is my behavior around other women. I am an idiot and a narcissist and admittedly flirt with other women. She is understanding however and gets it’s just a validation thing. Also worth mentioning is that she has a fair amount of knowledge about criminal activity (non steroid related) I’ve been part off.

Here is where I’m needing guidance. A nice young lady I’ve been working with for about a year recently switched departments. I could always tell the mutual attraction was there; but since I’ve not been seeing her quite as much after the move when we do see each other things are different. We decided to get lunch a few weeks ago and have been out a few times since. Things have been getting more serious and we’ve recently started getting physical.

I feel terrible. I’m losing weight and I’m being consumed by guilt. I’ve attempted to leave my fiancé on multiple occasions and she absolutely refused. She says we are working through whatever I’m feeling and isn’t going anywhere. I obviously haven’t been truthful about someone else being in the picture. I told her I just don’t feel the same about her anymore.

What the heck do I do? I love my fiancé my children love her. She does so much for me at home I’d never even be able to have my kids the amount I do without her. However I do love her and I know what I’m doing to her is wrong. That’s why I tried ending things. I also tried calming things down with the new girl but it’s been tough. She is beautiful and young and her father and sister both work in my building. Her father is actually assistant director lol. She has a lot of friends at our job as well. She has told them all she is seriously invested and wants a relationship. The father even approached me about the situation saying he’s heard I’m married with kids and he hopes I’m doing right by his daughter.

Shits a mess, an I’m really at a loss on how to proceed. Please advise meso.

 

[JMpMasterSteve]

I don’t want to give advice because at the end of the day it’s your life and your decision brother. I will however let you know what I would do.......

first off, I understand you say this has been going on for a while and it’s starting to get physical. You need to dig deep inside you and find out three things, is this what you want, are you willing to put your children through this, is it worth it in the end?
I’m not saying you are right or wrong either way, think hard about those questions though. Maybe you just need a good side piece?
Most importantly!!!, you should NEVER sacrifice your health for any woman period. Maybe you are answering your own question?

in the end, and most wont agree, I would ask my fiancé strait up if she’s in agreeable with a somewhat open relationship. Be truthful man, lies always come out at the end

 

[Eman]

in the end, and most wont agree, I would ask my fiancé strait up if she’s in agreeable with a somewhat open relationship.

I agree.

However, you sound like your setting yourself, and the new chick, up for disaster.

It doesn't sound like you're THAT into her other than just enjoying the new relationship energy you get, which is a really fun feeling that just fades away over time.. then you'll be back to where you started. She sounds like she's interested in a serious relationship, and that doesn't seem to be what you're interested in nor in a very good place for. So, that should be made very clear to her. Also, you work together... That's never a great dynamic.

 

[Ratchet]

If you are cheating on your fiancee and mother of your children, you don't love her, period!
I'm in a rut the same as you have been for years, would I cheat on my wife and ruin my kids life's, no! I am working with my wife to sort it out, if it doesn't work, it wasn't meant to be and both of us can move on.

 

[Villain]

I’ve been feeling a bit down lately. Life has become a bit boring and monotonous. I’ve been with my fiancé going on 6 years; we have a baby that is a year old together and my older children are very attached to her. She is a fantastic women and as far as I can tell I feel the same love for her I always have.

A major issue we’ve had throughout our relationship is my behavior around other women. I am an idiot and a narcissist and admittedly flirt with other women. She is understanding however and gets it’s just a validation thing. Also worth mentioning is that she has a fair amount of knowledge about criminal activity (non steroid related) I’ve been part off.

Here is where I’m needing guidance. A nice young lady I’ve been working with for about a year recently switched departments. I could always tell the mutual attraction was there; but since I’ve not been seeing her quite as much after the move when we do see each other things are different. We decided to get lunch a few weeks ago and have been out a few times since. Things have been getting more serious and we’ve recently started getting physical.

I feel terrible. I’m losing weight and I’m being consumed by guilt. I’ve attempted to leave my fiancé on multiple occasions and she absolutely refused. She says we are working through whatever I’m feeling and isn’t going anywhere. I obviously haven’t been truthful about someone else being in the picture. I told her I just don’t feel the same about her anymore.

What the heck do I do? I love my fiancé my children love her. She does so much for me at home I’d never even be able to have my kids the amount I do without her. However I do love her and I know what I’m doing to her is wrong. That’s why I tried ending things. I also tried calming things down with the new girl but it’s been tough. She is beautiful and young and her father and sister both work in my building. Her father is actually assistant director lol. She has a lot of friends at our job as well. She has told them all she is seriously invested and wants a relationship. The father even approached me about the situation saying he’s heard I’m married with kids and he hopes I’m doing right by his daughter.

Shits a mess, an I’m really at a loss on how to proceed. Please advise meso.

If you were a true narcissist you wouldn’t feel any guilt and instead of asking for advice on what to do, you’d actually be bragging about it and devising ways to get away with this. Self absorbed? Maybe, but surely not a narcissist.

Anyway, anytime something new and fresh comes our way, we will always be enamored with it and it will make the old pale in comparison. In time, the new chick will take the place of your fiancé and when a new chick comes into the pic, you’ll be back where you are right now. Break things off with the new chick or both, because no one deserves to be cheated on unless they are cheaters too. Sort out your feelings and get your head on straight.

 

[Gbro]

Let go of the new girl. Fix things with your fiance. You will end up regretting it if you don't. I've been down that road.

 

[Silentlemon1011]

You know exactly what a right or wrong.
You're already feeling the side effects of your guilt.

Cut it out,
You're going to fuck with your kids lives a mess with a woman who loves and accepts you, because a newer younger and hotter girl came along.

Common brother,

Life doesnt work like that.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

I’ve been feeling a bit down lately. Life has become a bit boring and monotonous. I’ve been with my fiancé going on 6 years; we have a baby that is a year old together and my older children are very attached to her. She is a fantastic women and as far as I can tell I feel the same love for her I always have.

A major issue we’ve had throughout our relationship is my behavior around other women. I am an idiot and a narcissist and admittedly flirt with other women. She is understanding however and gets it’s just a validation thing. Also worth mentioning is that she has a fair amount of knowledge about criminal activity (non steroid related) I’ve been part off.

Here is where I’m needing guidance. A nice young lady I’ve been working with for about a year recently switched departments. I could always tell the mutual attraction was there; but since I’ve not been seeing her quite as much after the move when we do see each other things are different. We decided to get lunch a few weeks ago and have been out a few times since. Things have been getting more serious and we’ve recently started getting physical.

I feel terrible. I’m losing weight and I’m being consumed by guilt. I’ve attempted to leave my fiancé on multiple occasions and she absolutely refused. She says we are working through whatever I’m feeling and isn’t going anywhere. I obviously haven’t been truthful about someone else being in the picture. I told her I just don’t feel the same about her anymore.

What the heck do I do? I love my fiancé my children love her. She does so much for me at home I’d never even be able to have my kids the amount I do without her. However I do love her and I know what I’m doing to her is wrong. That’s why I tried ending things. I also tried calming things down with the new girl but it’s been tough. She is beautiful and young and her father and sister both work in my building. Her father is actually assistant director lol. She has a lot of friends at our job as well. She has told them all she is seriously invested and wants a relationship. The father even approached me about the situation saying he’s heard I’m married with kids and he hopes I’m doing right by his daughter.

Shits a mess, an I’m really at a loss on how to proceed. Please advise meso.

Grass always seems greener until you’re the one mowing it.

My .02; figure out what’s monotonous and boring about your life currently and find a way to change it. In the meantime, be a true man and bury this side chick shit for the sake of your children at a minimum. Your fiancé seems like a woman you want to make a life with.

I myself don’t understand the open relationship stuff because it just isn’t in me and i don’t believe in it. But that’s an option.

New is exciting and fun. But consider the odds of it being a fling and you two not being compatible after a while and having possibly thrown out what sounds like a solid woman committed to you and your kids.

 

[flenser]

You already know what the right choice is. Nothing anyone says here will change that. Grow up, be a man and do the right thing.

 

[notdeadYET]

Hey man. One last piece of advice. Wear a damn condom. From the sounds of it, you have multiple children with multiple women. I'm not judging you at all, but you really have nothing to offer this young woman. And for her father to not run you the fuck off is a warning sign in of itself. I wouldn't let some married guy with young kids chase my daughter.

Disclaimer - I am a recovering asshole myself working on my second marriage. Notice I said work because the shit sure ain't easy.

Actually I also need to remind you that the sins of the father are usually always passed on to the children. Remember that. Be the man, father and example to your boys so that they dont repeat your shit. And protect your daughter from ending up with a man that runs around on her and thinks its normal.

 

[desertwarrior]

Thanks for the advice fellas. I’ve truly been at a loss. Reading these comments has helped me come to my senses a bit. I do my best to show my kids right from wrong and to teach them the value of trust and morals. I’ve dropped the ball like a muthafucker in this situation.

I’ve heard this repeatedly and i can tell you with certainty I definitely still love her. This stuff has been eating a hole in me for the better part of a month. I’ve just been a selfish idiot.

If you are cheating on your fiancee and mother of your children, you don't love her, period!
I'm in a rut the same as you have been for years, would I cheat on my wife and ruin my kids life's, no! I am working with my wife to sort it out, if it doesn't work, it wasn't meant to be and both of us can move on.

 

[strongsafety41]

Let’s think about this ... you’re asking is it worth ruining your life, kids life, fiancée life and your career over a new piece of ass! As others have said, you know the answer to your question. The right thing is often hard to do.
If you choose to stay with your fiancée then it would be wise to find the things you two did before the kid, when your relationship was new and exciting. Because one thing is certain, if you leave for this new relationship than one day this relationship will too become an everyday routine. Relationships are work brother. Have to be willing to put in the work.

 

[Villain]

Thanks for the advice fellas. I’ve truly been at a loss. Reading these comments has helped me come to my senses a bit. I do my best to show my kids right from wrong and to teach them the value of trust and morals. I’ve dropped the ball like a muthafucker in this situation.

I’ve heard this repeatedly and i can tell you with certainty I definitely still love her. This stuff has been eating a hole in me for the better part of a month. I’ve just been a selfish idiot.

Now let’s hope that family and their nepotism don’t come against you, granted you break things off with her.

 

[Gbro]

Thanks for the advice fellas. I’ve truly been at a loss. Reading these comments has helped me come to my senses a bit. I do my best to show my kids right from wrong and to teach them the value of trust and morals. I’ve dropped the ball like a muthafucker in this situation.

I’ve heard this repeatedly and i can tell you with certainty I definitely still love her. This stuff has been eating a hole in me for the better part of a month. I’ve just been a selfish idiot.

I'm glad you came around to this. You didn't need us to tell you that cheating on your kids mother was wrong. And blaming it on narcissism or needing to be validated is bs. I'm not saying that with judgement. I've been down that road and made that mistake. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I'd hate for you to do the same.

 

[desertwarrior]

Even if it were judgement I’d understand brother. I’m not proud of any of this. I shouldn’t be making any excuses for my actions other than weakness of mind.

I'm glad you came around to this. You didn't need us to tell you that cheating on your kids mother was wrong. And blaming it on narcissism or needing to be validated is bs. I'm not saying that with judgement. I've been down that road and made that mistake. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I'd hate for you to do the same.

 

[notdeadYET]

Now let’s hope that family and their nepotism don’t come against you, granted you break things off with her.

Even if it does, and it probably will (because you're not supposed to shit where you sleep). It will still be easier to find a new job AND cheaper than alimony and child support. I tell my wife all the time, I'll fuck someone else when she's worth more than $1million dollars (my calculation of 13+ years of child support/alimony for my 3 kids). She laughs but then I also remind her it's a sliding scale as every year that number goes down about 75K.

 

[Villain]

Even if it does, and it probably will (because you're not supposed to shit where you sleep). It will still be easier to find a new job AND cheaper than alimony and child support. I tell my wife all the time, I'll fuck someone else when she's worth more than $1million dollars (my calculation of 13+ years of child support/alimony for my 3 kids). She laughs but then I also remind her it's a sliding scale as every year that number goes down about 75K.

LMFAO

 

[Ratchet]

Thanks for the advice fellas. I’ve truly been at a loss. Reading these comments has helped me come to my senses a bit. I do my best to show my kids right from wrong and to teach them the value of trust and morals. I’ve dropped the ball like a muthafucker in this situation.

I’ve heard this repeatedly and i can tell you with certainty I definitely still love her. This stuff has been eating a hole in me for the better part of a month. I’ve just been a selfish idiot.

Now you have admitted to making a mistake, it's to put in the same commitment as your fiancée as she clearly wants this to work whether this is for you two or the kids, I don't know, hopefully you get it sorted mate, as I said I'm going through a similar situation.

 

[desertwarrior]

I’ll undoubtedly have to quit my job. I’ve been wrestling with this fact since this morning. It’s a damn good job. But the shitstorm thats gonna come from breaking things off with this new girl is gonna be far to ugly to stick around for. The father told me as much. Plus you are correct definitely the cheaper option by far.

Even if it does, and it probably will (because you're not supposed to shit where you sleep). It will still be easier to find a new job AND cheaper than alimony and child support. I tell my wife all the time, I'll fuck someone else when she's worth more than $1million dollars (my calculation of 13+ years of child support/alimony for my 3 kids). She laughs but then I also remind her it's a sliding scale as every year that number goes down about 75K.