Being a parent?

[Uglyrichie]

This is kinda a tough ? I guess. My 16 year old got caught sneaking in last night after going to her friends to get stoned on top of that has failed all her classes this year.Ive told her about my past of drinking and drugging and getting tossed in jail for stupid shit starting at a young age and that I want her to be better than me many of times don't be like your dad. How do you get it through their heads that this is not the road to go. I want more for her and we can give her the opportunities of not worrying about college ect. Honestly if her grades don't get up I will drag her down to one of the halls and get her in a trade. How do do you get it through their heads without them smiling and going okay I'm good. And their right back to it. We figure it's been going on a year now. I'm just at a loss any suggestions.

 

[KingCahoot3627]

I am sorry you are going through this. I dont have a concrete suggestion, but do have some ideas.

I suspect her behaviors are things that make her feel good. She has the attention of her friend(s), feels like she belongs, and it equates to an artificial self esteem boost.

Maybe an idea to start is to dedicate 1 on 1 time with her to build her sense of acceptance. This cant be once a month or once per week. Its gotta be daily. Make it ur mission and complete purpose in life to save her life. It sounds like she's not in a dire situation but your post implies that you have a good idea of where this headed. You are a good dad!

 

[JasonJessie]

Look for a coed military style school, a boarding school, far removed from her current friends.

There is no way to turn someone around when the friends they hang with are screwing up.

You can always homeschool, get rid of your TV, entertainment, distractions, and make her hit the books hard. Take her to the gym with you and let her work out, sometimes hard physical fitness can snap someone out of the daze of doing drugs.

One way or the other she's gonna be pissed, you are not her friend, you owe it to her to turn her around while you can so she doesn't pay for it the rest of her life and in turn make you pay for it later down the road when you have to constantly bail her out. A 16 year old is incapable of realizing the consequences of her actions twenty years down the road.

I used to have a lot of coworkers that had PhD, MD, MS, their kids lived by example. They saw their parents were sharp and had responsibility, no one deep down wants to be a dummy forever.

 

[juicy122]

It's the cycle of these kids generation. They are all fked up. My lil bro was the most innocent kid I knew till he went to grade 9 and then slowly started smoking weed and skipping class. He even vapes now and has tried MDMA hes only fking 15. You would never imagine him doing this stuff. But all the kids are so corrupt these days and they all do the same shit is what he tells me... but I can tell hes smart and knows not to abuse. It's a phase they go through and majority grow out of it by end of highscool. Just keep informing her and she will hopefully realise this isn't the path from trial and error.

 

[flenser]

Get her away from her friends. It may seem cruel, but they have far more influence on her than you do right now, especially with the weed amplifying her emotions and dulling her reason.

Enroll her in a different school if you can. Get her a tutor. Get her school to send you her assignments directly as well, so you can make sure she does them. If she doesn't have them completed the night before, stay up with her - all night - while she does them.

 

[Rule_88]

Sorry to hear about your struggles my man. May want to check out charter schools if you find she has too much free time on her hands and needs more structure. Longer school days/year + dress code eliminates most of the distractions teens face these days. Ended up in the trades myself. A lot has been done in recent years to help young women succeed in the trades.

 

[bambam333]

This may be different because it’s your daughter but I was raised to get a good old ass kickin when I screwed up which was daily and usually didn’t work but made me think twice some of the time before I made some decisions

 

[Uglyrichie]

Sorry crazy week , ya we pretty much micro manage her life now. Got a hold of teachers to see where she is at and what can be done how to salvage this year. She is not going anywhere which is sad I had all the trust in the world now it's I can't trust you. She's not happy but like I tell her you made these decisions there is no one to blame but yourself. I will say once all the electronics have went away she spends more time interacting with her family instead of being holed up in her room. We put it in a timeline of when she reconnected with her friend and you can see it go downhill. Now it's time to set new goals she was supposed to do running start next year. Thanks for ur guys input. School is kinda a bust due to the corona and schools shut down did make sure to show her the security cameras will get her if she decides to have a midnight stroll again.

 

[LeoTC]

Look for a coed military style school, a boarding school, far removed from her current friends.

There is no way to turn someone around when the friends they hang with are screwing up.

You can always homeschool, get rid of your TV, entertainment, distractions, and make her hit the books hard. Take her to the gym with you and let her work out, sometimes hard physical fitness can snap someone out of the daze of doing drugs.

One way or the other she's gonna be pissed, you are not her friend, you owe it to her to turn her around while you can so she doesn't pay for it the rest of her life and in turn make you pay for it later down the road when you have to constantly bail her out. A 16 year old is incapable of realizing the consequences of her actions twenty years down the road.

I used to have a lot of coworkers that had PhD, MD, MS, their kids lived by example. They saw their parents were sharp and had responsibility, no one deep down wants to be a dummy forever.

Bruh.

The kid stayed out late and smoked some weed. She wasn't passed out in the trap house letting a dealer use her for heroin.

Going atomic is just as likely to alienate and effectively kill the relationship.

Be up front with her and set your boundaries. Lay out your expectations of her academically and at home. Write everything out and determine consequences.

Then give her the space to make mistakes, it's part of growing up and being human.

Being accountable for and owning those mistakes is what matters in the long run.

 

[ickyrica]

Going atomic is just as likely to alienate and effectively kill the relationship.

this retards posts are nothing but foolish, over reactionary and all black/white. It's like talking to a stump.

 

[ickyrica]

Sorry crazy week , ya we pretty much micro manage her life now. Got a hold of teachers to see where she is at and what can be done how to salvage this year. She is not going anywhere which is sad I had all the trust in the world now it's I can't trust you. She's not happy but like I tell her you made these decisions there is no one to blame but yourself. I will say once all the electronics have went away she spends more time interacting with her family instead of being holed up in her room. We put it in a timeline of when she reconnected with her friend and you can see it go downhill. Now it's time to set new goals she was supposed to do running start next year. Thanks for ur guys input. School is kinda a bust due to the corona and schools shut down did make sure to show her the security cameras will get her if she decides to have a midnight stroll again.

Admittedly, I've been down the roads you have and I feel for you. I have a young neice that I hold dear and the future scares the hell out of me.

All you can do is be open and honest with her. If you articulate how you feel about her actions at least she knows deep down what's your motivation. At a young age part of my thought process would probably be short sighted and consider my parents actions to be controlling, not out of love. I think being totally open helps bridge that gap. Face to face or through a hand written letter, something.

Outside of that all you can be is supportive. Spend time with her, be her friend as well as a parent, encourage the fun and productive things she likes to do.

I know you're a good dude, shit, you posted this thread. That's says plenty. I'm sure you've tried what I've posted here to some degree. Stay the course, do the right things and show her unconditional love. She'll be fine.

And dude, fwiw, if you knew where I was at 16 and where I am now you'd breath a bit easier about your daughters situation. Life's a long, winding path and some of its going to be tough. This could theoretically be the toughest part of her life, which in that respect makes it seem pretty easy in the big picture.

 

[Uglyrichie]

Ya going to extremes, IMO for sneaking out and smoking weed is a little much. I'm not saying it's all fine and dandy and it has been addressed. Going from straight A to straight F, plus the lying is more of an issue to me. We have let her be independent good grades sports worked never gave us a reason to doubt her. If she needed anything we got it for her. Now it's about getting her back on track. Your AP classes are tough lets get you a tutor talk to us don't hide it and don't lie. As for weed I am very open about my life with my kids straight up don't be like me. Don't take that road be smart like ur mom. If you want to smoke weed or drink wait till you can be more responsible in your decision to embark on that. I'm not against it I'm against you being 16 in my house doing it. She's a good kid but she fucked upped. I want my kids to be better than their parents. And their kids to be better than them. Will it happen who knows but I'm going to try to do my best to see it does. Thanks again for input sorry if this seems scattered brain I'm on my phone and it keeps giving me errors

 

[bambam333]

Ya going to extremes, IMO for sneaking out and smoking weed is a little much. I'm not saying it's all fine and dandy and it has been addressed. Going from straight A to straight F, plus the lying is more of an issue to me. We have let her be independent good grades sports worked never gave us a reason to doubt her. If she needed anything we got it for her. Now it's about getting her back on track. Your AP classes are tough lets get you a tutor talk to us don't hide it and don't lie. As for weed I am very open about my life with my kids straight up don't be like me. Don't take that road be smart like ur mom. If you want to smoke weed or drink wait till you can be more responsible in your decision to embark on that. I'm not against it I'm against you being 16 in my house doing it. She's a good kid but she fucked upped. I want my kids to be better than their parents. And their kids to be better than them. Will it happen who knows but I'm going to try to do my best to see it does. Thanks again for input sorry if this seems scattered brain I'm on my phone and it keeps giving me errors

your right man the bullshit starts with the small shit I don’t think your wrong. I started with little things and weed and became a full blown degenerate not saying that’s going to happen but nip it in the bud now because I’ve seen many people make one wrong decision and try some bad shit and they’re dead. Shits different now they got fentanyl twinge drugs now that I’ve seen many close ones die from the game is different now than it used to be. Everyone has their times when they partied and had fun but not at the expense of fuckin your life up and in that kids position needs a parent to guide her not says it’s ok