Sexual consent

desertwarrior

Member
10+ Year Member
Most generally, when you go to have sex with a women, how do you proceed? Do you actually ask them anything like “are you comfortable?”or “do you want to have sex?” Etc. Or do you let things progress slowly going off the females body language? Leaving things unspoken.

I always thought option two was the correct method. Asking anything just always seemed odd. If we were alone, she was cool getting in the bed and taking her clothes off and we were both equal participants, my thinking has always been it’s obvious they wanted to have sex.

My buddy has been seeing my cousin. From what I can gather they’ve been talking a couple months and been out on more than a handful of dates. I’ve stayed out of it entirely but received a call from them both last night late and I didn’t pick up. Well this morning I’ve got calls from other relatives and I get nervous.

Seems after all this time they’ve only ever kissed and had been at his place watching tv. No discussion about sex had ever taken place so my boy didn’t know my cousin had been raped and I guess was hesitant around sex. So both of them say he kissed her and then started grabbing her thighs n stuff. Laying in bed watching movies. Then he goes to unzip her pants she’s not about it and he stops. That is both of their account.

Now my cousin and my uncle are up in arms wanting this friend physically harmed. Saying he had tried to take advantage of my cousin. I m fucking baffled. It’s a shitty spot to be in. Should I be upset? I don’t exactly feel like he did anything wrong. But I don’t want to piss off the family either.
 
Most generally, when you go to have sex with a women, how do you proceed? Do you actually ask them anything like “are you comfortable?”or “do you want to have sex?” Etc. Or do you let things progress slowly going off the females body language? Leaving things unspoken.

I always thought option two was the correct method. Asking anything just always seemed odd. If we were alone, she was cool getting in the bed and taking her clothes off and we were both equal participants, my thinking has always been it’s obvious they wanted to have sex.

My buddy has been seeing my cousin. From what I can gather they’ve been talking a couple months and been out on more than a handful of dates. I’ve stayed out of it entirely but received a call from them both last night late and I didn’t pick up. Well this morning I’ve got calls from other relatives and I get nervous.

Seems after all this time they’ve only ever kissed and had been at his place watching tv. No discussion about sex had ever taken place so my boy didn’t know my cousin had been raped and I guess was hesitant around sex. So both of them say he kissed her and then started grabbing her thighs n stuff. Laying in bed watching movies. Then he goes to unzip her pants she’s not about it and he stops. That is both of their account.

Now my cousin and my uncle are up in arms wanting this friend physically harmed. Saying he had tried to take advantage of my cousin. I m fucking baffled. It’s a shitty spot to be in. Should I be upset? I don’t exactly feel like he did anything wrong. But I don’t want to piss off the family either.
Sounds to me like the cousin and uncle need to stay the hell out of this for starters. I presume there are actually two cousins in this scenario? Anyway, if the couple stopped because the friend knew the cousin was uncomfortable, then nothing wrong went down. If you’re giving signs and actions, then as adults, that’s your consent. And when the woman was uncomfortable, she let it be made known - consent revoked.
 
I completely agree. He didn’t cross any lines as far as I’m concerned. I guess their train of thinking is that he should have somehow gotten verbal consent? I’m not exactly sure.

Now I got my dad calling me about this and everyone in the family seems to think my friend should be harmed in some manner. It’s fucking nuts. I just keep thinking who the f stops and asks if the girl wants to smash. That’s why I figured I’d ask here. Didn’t want to out my buddy to my other friends about this lol.
 
There was a thread on here a few years ago about this where someone was talking about stopping and getting consent in writing before sex. Like literally having them sign a consent form. Seemed to me like if you could force someone into sex you could surely force them to sign a consent form first.
 
i'm assuming these two people are young adults, both capable of making adult decisions, but you know what happens when you assume.

So i wonder how did anyone else find out about this? She would've had to have told someone about what happened. Is she like 13 years old or something?
 
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