Sdryx
Member
The weight doesn’t get lighter, you just have to get stronger...
For some reason I felt compelled to share with you all today...
A short piece written not long ago...
Maybe you can relate...
“When Life Falls in Love with Death”
I never realized until now just how much energy that vibrates within someone when they are resting peacefully. How much energy and joy that comes from simply being at peace. A dead body, however, is so lifeless. You can see the lack of a soul within.
“Why is he covered in blood!?” I can hear her sister screaming at the police where they blocked off the road... “Why can’t I see my sister!? I want to see my sister right NOW!” She continues screaming. Then finally... “What do you mean she’s deceased!? Did he kill her!?” She was finally dragged away by her husband.
They took my gun, my knife, my car, my phone, my shirt, my pants and even my shoes after they got done photographing me from head to toe, including close up photos of my hands. They even tested each finger for gun powder... I was now suspected of murder as they began the interrogation...
How do you begin to describe the most incredible person that you have ever met? One way to describe them would be to describe the impact that they had on others.
When she walked into a room she would always be social and have great happy conversations with anyone and everyone around her. She had an amazing ability to strike up conversations with those she knew, as well as complete strangers. She could put a smile on just about anyone’s face in an instant.
She was funny and outgoing. Her smart ass nature and quick wit always made for an amusing time anywhere. Always placing family first, she was filled with fun and always wanted to play when she was not working.
She could be a very intense person and it was beautiful to see that intensity in her love towards those that she cared about. It was also incredible to witness the shear strength, diligence and determination that she exhibited towards school and work. It was a great honor to witness her the day that she obtained her doctorate as a pharmacist. The culmination of years of dedication, work and beating the odds. For those that really knew her, she proved that she would not be a statistic coming from a childhood in foster care, being homeless and all on her own since 17 years old.
It sounds cheesy as hell, but she really was my best friend. This fucking girl was amazing let me tell you. I hate to brag but she was kinda epic. We had just started dating when she got her doctorate as a pharmacist. I remember how funny it was the day she begged to be my girlfriend and I told her I did steroids. She’s laughing as she tells me, “No shit, I know, I’m a fucking doctor.”
I’ll never forget her riding my brains out as she got so turned on by me describing the pharmokinetics of cialis demanding I tell her more. We would take ecstasy together and a cocktail of electrolytes and 5-HTP. We would take LSD together and have mind blowing sex for 8 hours. I would throw my bag of gear at her and tell her to hit me with 300mg test, 100mg tren and 75mg mast. She would draw everything out for me and pin my glutes thanking me for the practice. She would manage my blood pressure, medications, we reviewed my blood work together and we discussed medical studies together in our leisure as she helped me plan out my cycles while we smoked dabs together.
She was a crazy yet disciplined girl I tell you. She would take me out on vacations to resorts, take me out to dinner for $100 steaks and we made love ALL_THE_TIME. She was the only girl that can keep up with me on a tren cycle. It was not unusual for us to be in bed making love for 4 hours at a time, every day... We would stop to do dabs. She would sit on me having sex while she took her dab. We were always kinda sad when we got so hungry that we had to stop to eat to survive.
I’ll never forget the tears that we shed when I finally told her I loved her. I refused to reveal my love for her until she earned it. She cried hysterically as I read to her this on the day that she said that she wanted a family with me:
"Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before swine, or they will trample them with their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces.
Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
-Matthew 7:6-8
"Enter through the narrow gate; because the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it. How narrow is the gate and difficult the road that leads to life; and few find it.
Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravaging wolves."
-Matthew 7:13-15
I asked her if she promised to take care of our family and she said yes. I then told her, “I love you” for the first time.
She tattooed “-Matthew 7:6-15” on her chest and my initial on her ring finger. She told me that it was my finger... She was my fiancé. We were to get married and have a daughter together in 2 years. When we were alone I called her my wife. When leaving together from home she would say, "Let's go family!" My son began to call her Mom, and she called him “my son.” My son never knew his real mom.
I can count on one hand the number of nights we spent apart since our first night together. We moved in with each other when we met. How crazy were we!? We were together EVERY night from the beginning... and I cherished every moment of it...
I could smell the blood from outside the window. It has a very strange and unique sensation in your nose, at least this much blood does... She locked me out... So after breaking through the back window of the house, I entered our bedroom and I climbed into our bed. So much blood there was... and I layed in that pool of blood for what seemed like a only a second. As I climbed in I could feel it’s distinct texture. It was thick. It was slimy. And it painted me from head to toe.
I climbed into our bed and held her dead body as I swam in a pool of her blood in the bed that we made love in together. I made love to her that morning and told her that I loved her before leaving for work. I wrapped my arms around her... and I tried to wrap her arms around me... just like she always used to. She had holes in the back and side of her head the blast was so bad. Her face was still so perfect without a single blemish on it though. Such a beautiful, sacred memory and blessing it was as I was able to hug her as tight as I could while I screamed at her until my voice vanished to nothing... I screamed at her how much I loved her as I kissed her and brushed her hair with my fingers. When the police arrived I ignored them as they yelled at me to let her go. They told me there was nothing I could do... They finally yelled at me that they would have to drag me off of her body as I ignored every request they made for me to let her go. I brushed her hair and gave her one last kiss on the cheek and told her, “I love you” for the final time. This is the most sacred memory that I own.
When I get outside, I vomit... I’m still not sure why. I didn't feel sick. I would have stayed in that bed with her till this day if I could.
I dripped a trail of blood and left blood stained hand prints and finger prints all over. I punched the wall outside the front door leaving a fist print that remains there to this day. The officer guides me to calm down before I pass out. The flies began to swarm my body as I remove chunks of blood and hair from me for the next 4 hours.
It stained everything I touched. I didn’t know this, but blood really stains good. I still have it on my hands since Thursday, 6:15pm... 4 days later. It flakes off your arms when it dries, but it stays on your hands... even after washing them 5 times. The funny thing is that I have no desire to scrub hard either or rush to find that mechanics soap and brush I used Friday evening. A part of me wanted that blood on me. It did not bother me in the least. It was special to me...
My voice is still gone 4 days later. Everyone has so many questions, including myself. She had this planned all along. She cleverly hid that pretty pink revolver from me in the closet. The same one she showed me at the store... I recognized it as I removed it from her hands and placed it on our nightstand. I remember her describing these cool hollow points... “One and done” she said.
Her final message was to tell me that she was sorry and that she loved me. To tell our son that she was sorry. She said she tried, but could not live this life any longer... I cry myself to sleep each night as I have her clothes spread out on the bed around me. I can still smell her on them as I begin to black out from the drugs...
For some reason I felt compelled to share with you all today...
A short piece written not long ago...
Maybe you can relate...
“When Life Falls in Love with Death”
I never realized until now just how much energy that vibrates within someone when they are resting peacefully. How much energy and joy that comes from simply being at peace. A dead body, however, is so lifeless. You can see the lack of a soul within.
“Why is he covered in blood!?” I can hear her sister screaming at the police where they blocked off the road... “Why can’t I see my sister!? I want to see my sister right NOW!” She continues screaming. Then finally... “What do you mean she’s deceased!? Did he kill her!?” She was finally dragged away by her husband.
They took my gun, my knife, my car, my phone, my shirt, my pants and even my shoes after they got done photographing me from head to toe, including close up photos of my hands. They even tested each finger for gun powder... I was now suspected of murder as they began the interrogation...
How do you begin to describe the most incredible person that you have ever met? One way to describe them would be to describe the impact that they had on others.
When she walked into a room she would always be social and have great happy conversations with anyone and everyone around her. She had an amazing ability to strike up conversations with those she knew, as well as complete strangers. She could put a smile on just about anyone’s face in an instant.
She was funny and outgoing. Her smart ass nature and quick wit always made for an amusing time anywhere. Always placing family first, she was filled with fun and always wanted to play when she was not working.
She could be a very intense person and it was beautiful to see that intensity in her love towards those that she cared about. It was also incredible to witness the shear strength, diligence and determination that she exhibited towards school and work. It was a great honor to witness her the day that she obtained her doctorate as a pharmacist. The culmination of years of dedication, work and beating the odds. For those that really knew her, she proved that she would not be a statistic coming from a childhood in foster care, being homeless and all on her own since 17 years old.
It sounds cheesy as hell, but she really was my best friend. This fucking girl was amazing let me tell you. I hate to brag but she was kinda epic. We had just started dating when she got her doctorate as a pharmacist. I remember how funny it was the day she begged to be my girlfriend and I told her I did steroids. She’s laughing as she tells me, “No shit, I know, I’m a fucking doctor.”
I’ll never forget her riding my brains out as she got so turned on by me describing the pharmokinetics of cialis demanding I tell her more. We would take ecstasy together and a cocktail of electrolytes and 5-HTP. We would take LSD together and have mind blowing sex for 8 hours. I would throw my bag of gear at her and tell her to hit me with 300mg test, 100mg tren and 75mg mast. She would draw everything out for me and pin my glutes thanking me for the practice. She would manage my blood pressure, medications, we reviewed my blood work together and we discussed medical studies together in our leisure as she helped me plan out my cycles while we smoked dabs together.
She was a crazy yet disciplined girl I tell you. She would take me out on vacations to resorts, take me out to dinner for $100 steaks and we made love ALL_THE_TIME. She was the only girl that can keep up with me on a tren cycle. It was not unusual for us to be in bed making love for 4 hours at a time, every day... We would stop to do dabs. She would sit on me having sex while she took her dab. We were always kinda sad when we got so hungry that we had to stop to eat to survive.
I’ll never forget the tears that we shed when I finally told her I loved her. I refused to reveal my love for her until she earned it. She cried hysterically as I read to her this on the day that she said that she wanted a family with me:
"Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before swine, or they will trample them with their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces.
Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
-Matthew 7:6-8
"Enter through the narrow gate; because the gate is wide and the road is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it. How narrow is the gate and difficult the road that leads to life; and few find it.
Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravaging wolves."
-Matthew 7:13-15
I asked her if she promised to take care of our family and she said yes. I then told her, “I love you” for the first time.
She tattooed “-Matthew 7:6-15” on her chest and my initial on her ring finger. She told me that it was my finger... She was my fiancé. We were to get married and have a daughter together in 2 years. When we were alone I called her my wife. When leaving together from home she would say, "Let's go family!" My son began to call her Mom, and she called him “my son.” My son never knew his real mom.
I can count on one hand the number of nights we spent apart since our first night together. We moved in with each other when we met. How crazy were we!? We were together EVERY night from the beginning... and I cherished every moment of it...
I could smell the blood from outside the window. It has a very strange and unique sensation in your nose, at least this much blood does... She locked me out... So after breaking through the back window of the house, I entered our bedroom and I climbed into our bed. So much blood there was... and I layed in that pool of blood for what seemed like a only a second. As I climbed in I could feel it’s distinct texture. It was thick. It was slimy. And it painted me from head to toe.
I climbed into our bed and held her dead body as I swam in a pool of her blood in the bed that we made love in together. I made love to her that morning and told her that I loved her before leaving for work. I wrapped my arms around her... and I tried to wrap her arms around me... just like she always used to. She had holes in the back and side of her head the blast was so bad. Her face was still so perfect without a single blemish on it though. Such a beautiful, sacred memory and blessing it was as I was able to hug her as tight as I could while I screamed at her until my voice vanished to nothing... I screamed at her how much I loved her as I kissed her and brushed her hair with my fingers. When the police arrived I ignored them as they yelled at me to let her go. They told me there was nothing I could do... They finally yelled at me that they would have to drag me off of her body as I ignored every request they made for me to let her go. I brushed her hair and gave her one last kiss on the cheek and told her, “I love you” for the final time. This is the most sacred memory that I own.
When I get outside, I vomit... I’m still not sure why. I didn't feel sick. I would have stayed in that bed with her till this day if I could.
I dripped a trail of blood and left blood stained hand prints and finger prints all over. I punched the wall outside the front door leaving a fist print that remains there to this day. The officer guides me to calm down before I pass out. The flies began to swarm my body as I remove chunks of blood and hair from me for the next 4 hours.
It stained everything I touched. I didn’t know this, but blood really stains good. I still have it on my hands since Thursday, 6:15pm... 4 days later. It flakes off your arms when it dries, but it stays on your hands... even after washing them 5 times. The funny thing is that I have no desire to scrub hard either or rush to find that mechanics soap and brush I used Friday evening. A part of me wanted that blood on me. It did not bother me in the least. It was special to me...
My voice is still gone 4 days later. Everyone has so many questions, including myself. She had this planned all along. She cleverly hid that pretty pink revolver from me in the closet. The same one she showed me at the store... I recognized it as I removed it from her hands and placed it on our nightstand. I remember her describing these cool hollow points... “One and done” she said.
Her final message was to tell me that she was sorry and that she loved me. To tell our son that she was sorry. She said she tried, but could not live this life any longer... I cry myself to sleep each night as I have her clothes spread out on the bed around me. I can still smell her on them as I begin to black out from the drugs...
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