Giving up Steroids for Life - Long Term Log

[MoneyShot]

Maybe that's part of your problem. What happens when your in pct and acting like a whinny little bitch?

You're using a substance to mask your inadequacies, while making no progress towards actually overcoming them. Steroids are a temporary fix that don't last. I'm pretty sure OPs found this out and is trying to better his life accordingly.

No inadequacies here buddy, just having a little fun. I can tell that went way over your head, good luck

 

[Leancuisine]

Hey OP have you read the 5 love languages? It's another good read, very simple and it's less than 100 pages.

 

[tenpoundsleft]

I do think a casual read through virtually all of these forums indicates a style of writing that very far from calm, cogent, collected, and empathetic in the overwhelming majority of cases. This is consistent with the side effects I mentioned that generally fall under the category of "mania". Suffice it to say, this isn't news. I've heard this first hand from major league baseball players who stopped using in their late 30s for similar reasons, usually as they started to settle down. It's all over PubMed.

I anticipated at least one person would have your response. While I think it is a mistake to believe that you or anyone is immune to the psychological effects of AAS drugs, I'm not here to prove that point.

For me, I am not in the gutter. I have an executive position at a significant firm for my particular line of work in NYC. But, at the same time, I do believe overall my life will be better without them. So, this log is not going to be for someone whose life is a total mess.

But, if you're questioning whether or not this game is worth it, and if there is life after it, whether you can recover, be happy, etc... You might find this log interesting. Cheers!

What un-moderated online forum is there that doesn't go ballistic just about every day?

I'm sure you could have a "gardening for retirees" forum and the old ladies would tell each other to go eat manure and die.

Fuck your gardenias - my roses rule!

(seriously though, good luck, we all respond differently I suppose - maybe you're still too young, revisit once your natural test goes below 200?)

 

[eryximachus]

What un-moderated online forum is there that doesn't go ballistic just about every day?

I'm sure you could have a "gardening for retirees" forum and the old ladies would tell each other to go eat manure and die.

Fuck your gardenias - my roses rule!

(seriously though, good luck, we all respond differently I suppose - maybe you're still too young, revisit once your natural test goes below 200?)

Hah ha, yeah, you're probably right.

Honestly, part of the reason I am quitting while I am ahead is I have ZERO desire to be on TRT for life. I freakin' hate pinning, and I just couldn't imagine doing that forever.

That said, I'm not going to live with 200 test for the rest of my life. If TRT is in my future, so be it.

 

[jJjburton]

I did my first cycle a little over 5 years ago when I was 33. It's been a rough road, and at times an exhilarating one. I just ended a test/primo cycle as I haven't had time to train as life has intruded. I'm in my 2nd week of PCT, and just starting to feel the blues.

I'll just say that, in retrospect, I wish I had never jumped on this train. Ultimately, I just don't believe it was worth it. While my physical health is fine, and I'm certainly in better shape than nearly anyone my age, I can't help but look back on these past 5 years and realize that yes, it is true. AAS drugs make you a real asshole. Manic. Irrational. Angry. Despite running a rather mild cycle since late May, I've found these side effects more pronounced. It's just not worth it to me at my age.

So, I've decided that's it. Time to move on.

I'm going to write weekly status updates. I will get bloodwork done in October, and until then, I will chronicle my perception of my mental and physical health. I'm keeping this log more as a reminder to myself how I want to quit using gear for good than anything, I haven't found much information on people recovering mentally and physically from gear. So, I hope this also provides a testiment that it is possible.

Today, I can say that I've felt pretty depressed, even though I'm doing the old Power PCT protocol and feel pretty good the day of HCG shots. I've come to realize the past 5 years have been something of a roller coaster being on and off. If, in about 2 months, I still feel "down", I am likely going to consider getting a prescription for some antidepressant for the first time in my life.

Thanks for reading!

They don;t make me an asshole. I am niceer then ever.
Flase

 

[eryximachus]

They don;t make me an asshole. I am niceer then ever.
Flase

One of the things that steroids seem to do is instigate antisocial personality Cluster B personality traits. In your case, this would appear to be narcissism. I have no idea who you are, and this isn't about you. A sane reaction would be detachment, not interpreting my writing as a direct attack on your fragile ego. You will find most people interpret this as being an "asshole".

Also, note what I said about a preponderance of incoherent writing on AAS forums. Is it so hard to write one cogent sentence without typos? Even on a phone?

This is not a criticism. But, it is very difficult to see the negative effects of these drugs in some cases as they are subtle. Be careful.

 

[eryximachus]

First Update -

I thought I would write one brief update.

I've got 3 HCG shots left, so at this point I'm feeling quite good. One the one hand, this is good. On the other, we'll see how I feel in a bit over a week when I am off the HCG and I'm just clomid and nolvadex.

I'm feeling better overall since I have been off. My work performance has been better.

Hoping for the best!

 

[tenpoundsleft]

One of the things that steroids seem to do is instigate antisocial personality Cluster B personality traits. In your case, this would appear to be narcissism. I have no idea who you are, and this isn't about you. A sane reaction would be detachment, not interpreting my writing as a direct attack on your fragile ego. You will find most people interpret this as being an "asshole".

Also, note what I said about a preponderance of incoherent writing on AAS forums. Is it so hard to write one cogent sentence without typos? Even on a phone?

This is not a criticism. But, it is very difficult to see the negative effects of these drugs in some cases as they are subtle. Be careful.

Yes, the spelling issues are rife.

BUT, I belong to other utterly non-AAS non-exercise related forums, and, holy hell Batman, people can't spell, can't construct sentences, can't follow logic - can't even comprehend the initial post correctly before getting worked into a lather.

In conclusion, I say the Internet brings together people from various social strata and varied educational backgrounds. It's not the AAS.

PS - are you a real physician? Or just an admirer of one?

 

[jJjburton]

One of the things that steroids seem to do is instigate antisocial personality Cluster B personality traits. In your case, this would appear to be narcissism. I have no idea who you are, and this isn't about you. A sane reaction would be detachment, not interpreting my writing as a direct attack on your fragile ego. You will find most people interpret this as being an "asshole".

Also, note what I said about a preponderance of incoherent writing on AAS forums. Is it so hard to write one cogent sentence without typos? Even on a phone?

This is not a criticism. But, it is very difficult to see the negative effects of these drugs in some cases as they are subtle. Be careful.

Wow chill. People who are upset and read somthing on the internet interpret the same sentence differently when happy. In this case it was as an attack at you when it was not.

That was not the intention of this. You sounded like this was a generalization towrads everyone.

 

[eryximachus]

PS - are you a real physician? Or just an admirer of one?

You're funny. Believe what you like. Steroids have no psychological effects! They make you into superman, which is totally awesome and normal.

Wow chill. People who are upset and read somthing on the internet interpret the same sentence differently when happy. In this case it was as an attack at you when it was not.

That was not the intention of this. You sounded like this was a generalization towrads everyone.

I have given my reasons for quitting, and I rightly anticipated this would cause offense. This is my personal log for those who have, for whatever reason, decided to stop cycling and wonder if they can recover. You should assume upon reading a personal log, that it is personal.

In any event, this is the last time I will discuss it.

 

[eryximachus]

Hey OP have you read the 5 love languages? It's another good read, very simple and it's less than 100 pages.

I will take a look. Thanks!

 

[eryximachus]

Maybe that's part of your problem. What happens when your in pct and acting like a whinny little bitch?

You're using a substance to mask your inadequacies, while making no progress towards actually overcoming them. Steroids are a temporary fix that don't last. I'm pretty sure OPs found this out and is trying to better his life accordingly.

I missed this post - yes. You got it.

 

[Outlier]

You're funny. Believe what you like. Steroids have no psychological effects! They make you into superman, which is totally awesome and normal.



I have given my reasons for quitting, and I rightly anticipated this would cause offense. This is my personal log for those who have, for whatever reason, decided to stop cycling and wonder if they can recover. You should assume upon reading a personal log, that it is personal.

In any event, this is the last time I will discuss it.

What were your dosages like? And you say you're huge, what are your stats? We are about the same age. I took a 10 year hiatus from gear and started back up last year. I intentionally keep my doses on the lower side this time around. Kudos to you for taking inventory and making the necessary changes to get to where you want. Best of luck

 

[tenpoundsleft]

You're funny. Believe what you like. Steroids have no psychological effects! They make you into superman, which is totally awesome and normal.

?

That was in reference to your name - Eryximachus.

 

[eryximachus]

2nd Update - August 23, 2016

I've been off of HCG since Saturday, and the fatigue has started to kick in. This, more than anything, is the reason I just can't deal with cycling anymore. I've got a ton of work to do right now, and it's a struggle to stay focused.

I can't comment on sex drive right now. It was good this weekend because of the HCG, but fortunately my girlfriend is away the next 2 weekends visiting family. So, I probably won't have to do the deed for another 3 weeks.

I am not as depressed as I often time has been in the past, but a few people in the office have asked me "how are you doing?". So, while I don't feel like curling up in my bed away from the world, I guess I don't come across as jovial as I did when I was on.

I'm going to try to start running this week, and see if that helps with the fatigue and sense of well-being.

Dosages this week are 50mg of Clomid per day and 20mg of nolvadex per day.

 

[tenpoundsleft]

2nd Update - August 23, 2016

I've been off of HCG since Saturday, and the fatigue has started to kick in. This, more than anything, is the reason I just can't deal with cycling anymore. I've got a ton of work to do right now, and it's a struggle to stay focused.

I can't comment on sex drive right now. It was good this weekend because of the HCG, but fortunately my girlfriend is away the next 2 weekends visiting family. So, I probably won't have to do the deed for another 3 weeks.

I am not as depressed as I often time has been in the past, but a few people in the office have asked me "how are you doing?". So, while I don't feel like curling up in my bed away from the world, I guess I don't come across as jovial as I did when I was on.

I'm going to try to start running this week, and see if that helps with the fatigue and sense of well-being.

Dosages this week are 50mg of Clomid per day and 20mg of nolvadex per day.

So, to summarize, you're closing in on 40 years old, and you're trying to get natural levels up to a reasonable output. Or, at least, get a natural baseline established in time for the October bloodwork.

Let's say, the bloodwork shows 250-300 test? Then what? Stare it down, and ignore TRT?

Seems like this is the wrong site for that agenda.

Not trying to be an ass, just saying that your goals might have been realistic a decade ago, but you're near four-oh now.

 

[eryximachus]

So, to summarize, you're closing in on 40 years old, and you're trying to get natural levels up to a reasonable output. Or, at least, get a natural baseline established in time for the October bloodwork.

Let's say, the bloodwork shows 250-300 test? Then what? Stare it down, and ignore TRT?

Seems like this is the wrong site for that agenda.

Not trying to be an ass, just saying that your goals might have been realistic a decade ago, but you're near four-oh now.

Thanks for the inspirational post. Really made my day. But thank you for the caveat.

Do you think it is unlikely I will recover? I recovered to 550 or so a year ago. This is what I was at before I ever used steroids. So I think it can be done.

Honestly, I don't care what the numbers are. If I can have a normal sex life, go for a run/bike ride, and work productively - I'm going to be happy. Again, I'm pretty much done with weight lifting and wouldn't care if I lose 20 pounds of muscle.

TRT is for me, a last resort. But I am going to stick it out on this thread for the year I promised. I will get blood work in October, and every 2-3 months over the next year. I will post the results here and we shall see.

 

[grey]

Let's say, the bloodwork shows 250-300 test? Then what? Stare it down, and ignore TRT?

Why not see what his number stabilize at before we present him with Hobson's choice?

No point in navel gazing about it until then.

 

[tenpoundsleft]

Thanks for the inspirational post. Really made my day. But thank you for the caveat.

Do you think it is unlikely I will recover? I recovered to 550 or so a year ago. This is what I was at before I ever used steroids. So I think it can be done.

Honestly, I don't care what the numbers are. If I can have a normal sex life, go for a run/bike ride, and work productively - I'm going to be happy. Again, I'm pretty much done with weight lifting and wouldn't care if I lose 20 pounds of muscle.

TRT is for me, a last resort. But I am going to stick it out on this thread for the year I promised. I will get blood work in October, and every 2-3 months over the next year. I will post the results here and we shall see.

Sorry if I came across as a Debbie Downer, didn't mean to. Just wanted to point out that the clock stops for nobody. I'm 53, and trust me, don't I know it.

My natural level when I was 49 was a mere 190, IIRC, and I wish I would have had myself tested earlier, it's likely that my test levels were pretty low when I was where you are now. At that time I thought testosterone was some evil, really dangerous, drug that no sane person would go near, so who knows if I'd done something about it back then.

In all sincerity, I hope you do get back above the 500 mark - not having to do shots several times a week would be nice.

 

[tenpoundsleft]

Why not see what his number stabilize at before we present him with Hobson's choice?

No point in navel gazing about it until then.

Well, ol' Hobson was trying to prevent a form of Tragedy of the Commons by "guiding" his customers to the right horse. There are only two chestnuts in Eryxi's stable and they're not performing as hoped for.

I had intended to point out the inevitable, that he's aging too, and will he really be satisfied with a natural test level a notch or two above what we think of as the TRT threshold? (let's hope for bloods showing 500+)

No intention of belittling his effort, just tossing another perspective into the ring.