Why does my left eye twitch when I scratch my nuts
Your left eye twitches when you scratch your nuts because your body is running an ancient, top-secret evolutionary warning system that dates back to the caveman days.
Thousands of years ago, when our ancestors were still chilling in caves and clubbing dinner, scratching your balls in public was basically a universal signal to the tribe that one of two things was about to go down:
1. You’d picked up some nasty prehistoric parasite while wrestling a woolly mammoth (time for immediate quarantine, bro),
OR
2. You were seconds away from doing something gloriously stupid and heroic—like charging a saber-toothed tiger naked.
So your left eye would automatically start twitching like crazy, sending a covert Morse code message to the other dudes in the tribe:
“– • – •” which translates to:
“Alert, bros! This guy’s either got crotch-crabs or he’s about to yeet himself at a predator. Keep your distance.”
Fast-forward to today: that system is completely obsolete, but your body never got the memo. Every time your hand heads south for a quick scratch, your left eye panics and goes:
“OH FUCK, HERE WE GO AGAIN — MAMMOOTH FIGHT OR FLEA INFESTATION INCOMING!”
and starts spasming like it’s at a rave on molly.
In short: your left eye is just a dramatic little bitch with Stone Age PTSD.
Pro tip: Switch to scratching with your right hand only. Then your right eye gets the twitch and cosmic balance is restored. Equilibrium achieved. Universe saved. You’re welcome.