another joke

[thick]

>Tech Support,
>Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
>distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower
>and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
>In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
>such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
>undesirable Programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0, and NBA 3.6.
>Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
>the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no
>avail. What can I do?
>
> Signed,
>Desperate
>
>
>Dear Desperate,
>First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment Package,
>while Husband 1.0 is an operating System. Try to enter the command:
>"C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME" to download Tears 6.2, which should
>automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed,
>Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0
>and Flowers 3.5.
>
>Remember, though, that overuse of the above application can cause
>Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or
>Beer6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly
>10.8. Whatever you do: DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall
>another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will
>crash Husband 1.0.
>
>In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
>memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
>buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I
>personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
>
>Good Luck,

 

[dolfe1]

lol creative

 

[Chip Bronson]

cute. kinda gay, but cute....

 

[dolfe1]

cute. kinda gay, but cute....

lol Thick, Chip called your joke cute and gay.

 

[Chip Bronson]

well, in all fairness, it does resemble the kind of joke my wife will forward to me... lol... and everything she forwards is pretty much gay. but she IS a chick... what's your excuse thickie?... lol...

 

[dolfe1]

well, in all fairness, it does resemble the kind of joke my wife will forward to me... lol... and everything she forwards is pretty much gay. but she IS a chick... what's your excuse thickie?... lol...

Chip why does your name have plus next to it in the active users list? I saw some one else has the name Chip the other day.

 

[Chip Bronson]

Chip why does your name have plus next to it in the active users list? I saw some one else has the name Chip the other day.

not sure about the + next to my name as i haven't seen it but i saw the asshole who signed in using my name. i'll pm him and ask him to change names. there is only 1 chip. douchebag shithole fuckwad!!!!

 

[sweettart29]

Goodbye Daddy


One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God
bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."

Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about
it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or two
later the father heard his son saying his prayers again "God
bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."

The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting
more than a little woried about the whole situation. Two weeks
later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God
Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."

This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say
anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss
the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally
after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home
he appologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad
day at work today."

"You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD
DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep
this morning!"

 

[ramboj70]

Goodbye Daddy


One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God
bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."

Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about
it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or two
later the father heard his son saying his prayers again "God
bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."

The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting
more than a little woried about the whole situation. Two weeks
later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God
Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."

This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say
anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss
the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally
after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home
he appologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad
day at work today."

"You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD
DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep
this morning!"

lol cute

 

[thick]

the girl i visited last month sent it to me. I thought i would post it for all you cute gay bastards

well, in all fairness, it does resemble the kind of joke my wife will forward to me... lol... and everything she forwards is pretty much gay. but she IS a chick... what's your excuse thickie?... lol...

 

[sweettart29]

This is long but funny

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He
knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy
sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep
her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking
for something special to please his wife, and started talking to
the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We
have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I
don't know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except..." and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He
opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The
Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the
door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook
wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form
down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo
Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back
to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally
surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he
was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was
unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would
willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.
It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she
became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.

She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could
help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to
drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way,
another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the
road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He
asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to
drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck
in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

 

[thick]

Not bad sweets


The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"[/QUOTE]

 

[sweettart29]

I got lots more where that one came from lol