thick
New Member
couple good lines
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART > > > SYMPTOM > FAULT > ACTION > > Feet cold and wet. > Glass being held at incorrect angle. > Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. > > Feet warm and wet. > Improper bladder control. > Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. > > Beer unusually pale and tasteless. > Glass empty. > Get someone to buy you another beer. > > Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. > You have fallen over backward. > Have yourself lashed to bar. > > Mouth contains cigarette butts. > You have fallen forward. > See above. > > Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. > Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. > Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. > > Floor blurred. > You are looking through bottom of empty glass. > Get someone to buy you another beer. > > Floor moving. > You are being carried out. > Find out if you are being taken to another bar. > > Room seems unusually dark. > Bar has closed. > Confirm home address with bartender. > > Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. > Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. > Cover mouth. > > Everyone looks up to you and smiles. > You are dancing on the table. > Fall on somebody cushy-looking. > > Beer is crystal-clear. > It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. > Punch him. > > Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. > You have been in a fight. > Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. > > Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. > You've wandered into the wrong party. > See if they have free beer. > > Your singing sounds distorted. > The beer is too weak. > Have more beer until your voice improves. > > Don't remember the words to the song. > Beer is just right. > Play air guitar. > > > >
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART > > > SYMPTOM > FAULT > ACTION > > Feet cold and wet. > Glass being held at incorrect angle. > Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. > > Feet warm and wet. > Improper bladder control. > Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. > > Beer unusually pale and tasteless. > Glass empty. > Get someone to buy you another beer. > > Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. > You have fallen over backward. > Have yourself lashed to bar. > > Mouth contains cigarette butts. > You have fallen forward. > See above. > > Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. > Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. > Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. > > Floor blurred. > You are looking through bottom of empty glass. > Get someone to buy you another beer. > > Floor moving. > You are being carried out. > Find out if you are being taken to another bar. > > Room seems unusually dark. > Bar has closed. > Confirm home address with bartender. > > Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. > Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. > Cover mouth. > > Everyone looks up to you and smiles. > You are dancing on the table. > Fall on somebody cushy-looking. > > Beer is crystal-clear. > It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. > Punch him. > > Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. > You have been in a fight. > Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. > > Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. > You've wandered into the wrong party. > See if they have free beer. > > Your singing sounds distorted. > The beer is too weak. > Have more beer until your voice improves. > > Don't remember the words to the song. > Beer is just right. > Play air guitar. > > > >
