Anyone else feel like this?

[bananafeet]

I'm 38 this year. I've achieved a fair bit in my life.

How ever when I meet younger guys or talk with them (like mid 20s) I feel like somehow the energy/drive I once had is gone.

You are probably gonna jump to like "this guy is depressed" but it's deeper than that. It's like I'm tired spiritually.

I realised I spent a lot of my life trying to prove myself or push myself. Now it's like I don't see the point.

It's like I feel like the person who I once was as a younger man, the drive, the ambition and the raw energy is just not there or can't stand the idea of going through all that again.

Any thoughts?

 

[BALLISTIC]

I'm 38 this year. I've achieved a fair bit in my life.

How ever when I meet younger guys or talk with them (like mid 20s) I feel like somehow the energy/drive I once had is gone.

You are probably gonna jump to like "this guy is depressed" but it's deeper than that. It's like I'm tired spiritually.

I realised I spent a lot of my life trying to prove myself or push myself. Now it's like I don't see the point.

It's like I feel like the person who I once was as a younger man, the drive, the ambition and the raw energy is just not there or can't stand the idea of going through all that again.

Any thoughts?

I resonate with this so long read. Plus you and I have had some conversations and I respect the fact we go back and forth intelligently.


I know exactly what you’re describing. And no, this isn’t the lazy “you’re depressed, bro” answer.

When you’re younger, the fuel is eEGO, proving, becoming, conquering, earning your place sometimes based off of your masculine examples. The future version of you pushing and shoving you forward. Every sacrifice feels meaningful because your building building toward something.

By your late 30sespecially if you’ve actually done things that illusion dies. And suddenly… you’re not required to prove any of it anymore. You’re not meant to feel the same fire at 38 that you did at 25. That fire burns stupid. Inefficient. It costs dudes marriages, health, sleep, and peace.

That doesn’t mean weaker, it means choosing where your energy goes. Some guys find it in teaching. Some in building something smaller but meaningful. Some in protecting peace instead of chasing status. Some in fatherhood, mentorship, craft, land, faith, service, or even solitude.

My grandad use to say... "Don't ever disrespect your elders, they've forgotten more than you think you know." This generation has the potential to be the greatest, they have information at pull off their pocket. Literally super computers. So why are they the dumbest, rudest, ignorant, condescending group of people?

 

[bananafeet]

I resonate with this so long read. Plus you and I have had some conversations and I respect the fact we go back and forth intelligently.


I know exactly what you’re describing. And no, this isn’t the lazy “you’re depressed, bro” answer.

When you’re younger, the fuel is eEGO, proving, becoming, conquering, earning your place sometimes based off of your masculine examples. The future version of you pushing and shoving you forward. Every sacrifice feels meaningful because your building building toward something.

By your late 30sespecially if you’ve actually done things that illusion dies. And suddenly… you’re not required to prove any of it anymore. You’re not meant to feel the same fire at 38 that you did at 25. That fire burns stupid. Inefficient. It costs dudes marriages, health, sleep, and peace.

That doesn’t mean weaker, it means choosing where your energy goes. Some guys find it in teaching. Some in building something smaller but meaningful. Some in protecting peace instead of chasing status. Some in fatherhood, mentorship, craft, land, faith, service, or even solitude.

My grandad use to say... "Didn't ever disrespect your elders, they've forgotten more than you think you know." This generation has the potential to be the greatest, they have information at pull off their pocket. Literally super computers. So why are they the dumbest, rudest, ignorant, condescending group of people?

Thanks bro. You articulated a very ephemeral feeling that I have very well.

Yes maybe I could apply myself to teaching or whatever. Maybe someone will listen...

Solitude sounds nice too haha

 

[hellerhiwater]

disclaimer: boo hoo sad story about death and loss blah blah its going to happen to literally everyone no one is special dont be weird

yeah i know what you mean.

i came to type something pretty similar to what balllistic wrote, but i dont stand a chance of being that ellikwint so ill just say

i think it has to do with realizing that nothing actually matters but the things that actually matter to you. and when you're young, what people think of you matters a lot to you, the impact you can have on the world matters to you, making a name for yourself matters to you, leaving "YOUR MARK" matters to you.

then with age or events, the things that matter to you coalesce into something different.

for me it happened in my mid 20s. i got married young. i was 19. had 3 kids by 23. id been married for almost 6 years when my wife and the mother of my 3 children passed away.

before she passed i was working a lot. i have "the gift of gab" and truly care about people. this made me a really good salesperson and i made a decent chunk of money while my wife stayed home.

what mattered to me was financial freedom, showing off my skill, progressing my career(s), with a bunch of little side quests like starting xyz org to do abc thing. full of vim and vigor, i was full throttle toward the future.

then the illusion that ballistic mentioned fucking shattered. more like disintegrated.

it took me a few months bc grief is wild and i got sober 5 days before she passed so i was also fighting that monkey on my back. but once the dust settled, what mattered to me was my kids. id set them up with a certain life and constant attention and round the clock PARENTAL care. i had a choice to make. it seems weird and it might sound like it was difficult, but it wasnt. i stopped working and became a broke stay at home dad with a 4, 3, and 1 year old.

the bright-eyed bushy-tailed professional with ambition was not real. the real thing was my love for my family. that is what was actually driving the car. the career success was for THEM, the orgs were for THEM, the money was for THEM. I realized they'd never asked any of that from me, and i couldnt imagine a world where they actually did. what they wanted was time and proximity.

for me, its exactly like ballistic said. i was "choosing where [my] energy goes"

i did have a short burst of it return a few years later. i went back to school hit it crazy hard, had plans and xyz. then the pandemic had other plans and i again dealt with that same shattering event.

tl;dr i think all that stuff is still there for you, and its likely even stronger or more developed. you just have a different list of stuff that you care about.

 

[BALLISTIC]

Thanks bro. You articulated a very ephemeral feeling that I have very well.

Yes maybe I could apply myself to teaching or whatever. Maybe someone will listen...

Solitude sounds nice too haha

"When you're the smartest person in the room, you stay in that room, and never leave."

I'm gonna venture out and give you some quotes I live by. Watch this thread haters will reply with ignorance and say we're gay, bro love blah blah. Again not caring is what separates you from the youngins. Or they read this and refrain.

"If you keep your eyes and ears open, the world will show you all you're supposed to hear."

"You have no value without providing value."

"The rest of your life is a long time, to have shit sex."

"Good intention wrongly applied is a pardonable mistake."

"You never go to war with a millionaire, who still mows his own lawn."

"Only those that care about you, can hear you when your quiet."

"My poor decision-making skills are therapeutic."

"He was born a warrior, God put him close to his enemies."

I'm gonna go OD on some Adex now. Haha

But seriously dude you're not the only one, and I question any man who can't relate to this. I've done many great things in my life to include saving life, I should know my value and still question each and every day. That's the momentum that keeps the old and wise one step ahead.

 

[BALLISTIC]

disclaimer: boo hoo sad story about death and loss blah blah its going to happen to literally everyone no one is special dont be weird

yeah i know what you mean.

i came to type something pretty similar to what balllistic wrote, but i dont stand a chance of being that ellikwint so ill just say

i think it has to do with realizing that nothing actually matters but the things that actually matter to you. and when you're young, what people think of you matters a lot to you, the impact you can have on the world matters to you, making a name for yourself matters to you, leaving "YOUR MARK" matters to you.

then with age or events, the things that matter to you coalesce into something different.

for me it happened in my mid 20s. i got married young. i was 19. had 3 kids by 23. id been married for almost 6 years when my wife and the mother of my 3 children passed away.

before she passed i was working a lot. i have "the gift of gab" and truly care about people. this made me a really good salesperson and i made a decent chunk of money while my wife stayed home.

what mattered to me was financial freedom, showing off my skill, progressing my career(s), with a bunch of little side quests like starting xyz org to do abc thing. full of vim and vigor, i was full throttle toward the future.

then the illusion that ballistic mentioned fucking shattered. more like disintegrated.

it took me a few months bc grief is wild and i got sober 5 days before she passed so i was also fighting that monkey on my back. but once the dust settled, what mattered to me was my kids. id set them up with a certain life and constant attention and round the clock PARENTAL care. i had a choice to make. it seems weird and it might sound like it was difficult, but it wasnt. i stopped working and became a broke stay at home dad with a 4, 3, and 1 year old.

the bright-eyed bushy-tailed professional with ambition was not real. the real thing was my love for my family. that is what was actually driving the car. the career success was for THEM, the orgs were for THEM, the money was for THEM. I realized they'd never asked any of that from me, and i couldnt imagine a world where they actually did. what they wanted was time and proximity.

for me, its exactly like ballistic said. i was "choosing where [my] energy goes"

i did have a short burst of it return a few years later. i went back to school hit it crazy hard, had plans and xyz. then the pandemic had other plans and i again dealt with that same shattering event.

tl;dr i think all that stuff is still there for you, and its likely even stronger or more developed. you just have a different list of stuff that you care about.

My sincere condolences bro. Well spoken is what you also develope with age. Keep killing it my man.

 

[hellerhiwater]

"The rest of your life is a long time, to have shit sex."

i dont think i understand this one. like get in shape and pop a cialis so you can go wild?

 

[BALLISTIC]

i dont think i understand this one. like get in shape and pop a cialis so you can go wild?

Haha something like that.

More like don't get stuck in a situation that doesn't change. Dudes out here chasing girls with BPD because they're freaks, but not good wives. Find yourself a good girl and empower her with confidence and security. She'll never leave you hanging. Literally.

Maybe some of the ladies in the forum will chime in.

 

[hellerhiwater]

She'll never leave you hanging. Literally.

...about that....

jk jk

 

[Cyp180]

I'm 38 this year. I've achieved a fair bit in my life.

How ever when I meet younger guys or talk with them (like mid 20s) I feel like somehow the energy/drive I once had is gone.

You are probably gonna jump to like "this guy is depressed" but it's deeper than that. It's like I'm tired spiritually.

I realised I spent a lot of my life trying to prove myself or push myself. Now it's like I don't see the point.

It's like I feel like the person who I once was as a younger man, the drive, the ambition and the raw energy is just not there or can't stand the idea of going through all that again.

Any thoughts?

You are getting old mate

 

[Stealth500]

Getting old sucks in some ways. Luckily I can make up for all the shortcomings in my life by living vicariously through my kids.

 

[bananafeet]

You are getting old mate

I'm in my prime damnit! Haha but yeah I guess so.

Reminds me of this joke:
An old bull and a young bull are standing on a hill overlooking a pasture full of heifers.

The young bull says, all excited:
“Hey! Let’s run down there and screw one of those heifers!”

The old bull looks at him calmly and says:
“Nah… let’s walk down there and screw all of them.”

 

[Earthworm Jim]

I'm 38 this year. I've achieved a fair bit in my life.

How ever when I meet younger guys or talk with them (like mid 20s) I feel like somehow the energy/drive I once had is gone.

You are probably gonna jump to like "this guy is depressed" but it's deeper than that. It's like I'm tired spiritually.

I realised I spent a lot of my life trying to prove myself or push myself. Now it's like I don't see the point.

It's like I feel like the person who I once was as a younger man, the drive, the ambition and the raw energy is just not there or can't stand the idea of going through all that again.

Any thoughts?

I can't recommend enough reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. That and a 31 day heart cleanse gave me a new lease on life and now I bring my purpose for being with me everywhere. Before, I only found joy in fleeting spurts of dopamine, hadn't found a calling yet even into my 30's, and even my best hobbies would eventually crumble.

31 Ways To Change Your Heart - Write Them On My Heart

Do you ever wonder why God made our hearts in need of a change? We hunted through heart verses for answers and we found 31 ways to change your heart!

writethemonmyheart.com

 

[Earthworm Jim]

As an alcoholic my sponsor likes to say when we get to feeling "off" inside, find the nearest person we can help. Turn that mirror inside us the other way and focus on our fellows. One other book recommendation.... Not as good as the purpose driven Life but still good.... Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. He talks about the three universal needs men have to feel masculine. I want to say they are a sense of danger, adventure, and romance iirc. But the greater void within you can only ever be filled by a connection to your Creator. This is universal to every human. And who better to ask what your purpose is than the One who created you? It's a whole new way of living where every second is a test, a trust, and an opportunity to demonstrate love.... If you can take it.

 

[BALLISTIC]

As an alcoholic my sponsor likes to say when we get to feeling "off" inside, find the nearest person we can help. Turn that mirror inside us the other way and focus on our fellows. One other book recommendation.... Not as good as the purpose driven Life but still good.... Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. He talks about the three universal needs men have to feel masculine. I want to say they are a sense of danger, adventure, and romance iirc. But the greater void within you can only ever be filled by a connection to your Creator. This is universal to every human. And who better to ask what your purpose is than the One who created you? It's a whole new way of living where every second is a test, a trust, and an opportunity to demonstrate love.... If you can take it.

The purpose driven life is fantastic. Solid recommendation.

I'll add to that with a 3 book series by Jack Donovan. Audible at the gym is perfect for these.

The Way of Men · Becoming a Barbarian · A More Complete Beast.

Each book delivers a solid message. Honestly in some context women would be offended, but it really focuses on primal male instincts, and how we often lose our way because society says it's wrong these days.

 

[LurchingTrim]

I'm gonna go OD on some Adex now. Haha

Lol my wife would love this one. She says since I started blasting I argue like a woman. I love this whole thread, been having a rough few days and it helps to know I'm not the only one. Quite cathartic reading through all your experiences as I am a bit on the younger side (33) it's nice getting other's perspectives though the challenges you face differ wildly.

The year I decided to start juicing, is the year my personal life seemed to fall apart due to external circumstances. Idk what I'm trying to contribute here, just that this has been a welcome read and I wanted to be part of the discussion. Thanks y'all.

 

[BALLISTIC]

Lol my wife would love this one. She says since I started blasting I argue like a woman. I love this whole thread, been having a rough few days and it helps to know I'm not the only one. Quite cathartic reading through all your experiences as I am a bit on the younger side (33) it's nice getting other's perspectives though the challenges you face differ wildly.

The year I decided to start juicing, is the year my personal life seemed to fall apart due to external circumstances. Idk what I'm trying to contribute here, just that this has been a welcome read and I wanted to be part of the discussion. Thanks y'all.

I didn't create the thread but I speak with bananafeet on occasion and guarantee you're welcome here dude.

To relate I had a run with Tren and midway life flipped around 5 times, it was difficult to say the least and I vacated the blast to deal with things clear headed. Your age is gold man, it's where you truly start defining long term goals, kill it dude. Live simple, give up anything that causes unnecessary struggle. But remember struggle defines.

 

[LurchingTrim]

Much appreciated, Ballistic! You're completely right, though. I don't know if it was the gear that made me finally realize that half of the shit I was doing was just an attempt to numb myself and escape from reality because I worked jobs the last 12+ years that were absolutely soul sucking.

I finally landed a big boy job making great $$ after putting in years of work networking and making a name for myself in my neck of the woods. The career change, in combination with the gear, I needed to make some serious personal changes. I'm happy to say I have made quite a lot of personal progress outside of bodybuilding, but some days are harder than others still.
I've made a small list of things I have to do every single day to continue taking baby steps towards who I want to be in 5 years, and it seems to help on the tougher days especially.

 

[BigDadd7]

I'm 57 and you "young" guys aren't alone in this feeling. I felt like I lost my purpose or meaning somewhere in my late 30s early 40s. I spent a decade just coasting through life.

Somethings from above that I agree with-

Service to others. At my lowest, I feel best when helping others. It gives me a purpose bigger than my self.

A Purpose Driven Life. Read it.

One I will add. The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. It completely changed the way I approached relationships. I have never felt more fulfilled by a woman than I have after applying his principles.

 

[Cyp180]

I'm in my prime damnit! Haha but yeah I guess so.

Reminds me of this joke:
An old bull and a young bull are standing on a hill overlooking a pasture full of heifers.

The young bull says, all excited:
“Hey! Let’s run down there and screw one of those heifers!”

The old bull looks at him calmly and says:
“Nah… let’s walk down there and screw all of them.”

My 33 years old son also experiance it buddy. Compared to my young est son of 22