Not sure how to begin....I am 21 year old who's suffering from very stupid/dumb choices ive made in the past using AAS .. When i was a senior in high school (18) (was all state football player the year before) I was very upset that I hadnt recieved a football scholarship or any serious interest as of yet..I was already strong as shit for my size 5'10 185lbs benched 350 squat 475 power clean 320..my mom was a pro bodybuilder and personal trainer and I grew up living a very active and healthy lifestyle began lifting at age of 12 and was way ahead in that department compared to other kids my age...my mother for the last few years while i was in high school began to have serious health problems and was unable to really provide for herself or her 3 kids...me being the oldest brother busted my ass working part time job and in summer to help take care of her.....she was very sick and things financially went to shit and Me being the kid i was made up my mind that i wanted to use football as a way to make it to the next level and pros like any other kid dreams to help his mom...i had a few offers from couple small schools BUT...yet i wanted more i felt dissapointed and ashamed that I still hadn't received any serious looks from any big time schoools and to me football was everything i was willing to give PHs a try if thats what could put me over the hump ...at my high school we were 1 of 2 schools in the state who were drug tested for steroids/drugs..at this time this was when all the hype around the new prohomornes came about and about Half the kids on my football team were taking them...I began taking RAGE V8 was only suposed to take it for a month but took it three months straight before season (I was very dumb and naive and had no knowledge about prohomrones and their side effects.. only thing i knew was all my buddys were taking it and it was legal and marketed and sold as a safe version of steroids and undetetable so i abused the shit outta them) so i went with it...started noticing i was having heart problems(irregular heart beats) just as season was about to begin and just felts all sorts of out of whack..(achy joints, anxiety attacks,sweating all the time etc) first day of practice first tackle i make BOOM dislocate my shoulder and tear my labrum...played thru it for the remainder of the year.. but for as big as i got from the PHs over summer got to 215.my body was completely falling apart ...tweaks aches pulled muscles left n right cramping ..it was a nightmare..my body went thru hell that season..i was never aware of the dangers and wasnt educated on the side effects of PHs and how much it can mess u up espcially me at age of 18 and NOT running a PCT..i ended up getting a scholarship to play ball which I was stoked about but went to get my body checked up after season to see exaclty what extent sevaral of my inujuries were and was told by doctors i had to get surgery on my wrist and my shoulder(which i had disloacted numerous times during season and had completely separeted it last game of the year leading to crazy amounts of scar tissue etc..around this time as soon as football season ended my mom had suddenly passed away and my life was flipped upside down ..needless to say I had hit rock bottom..I had no way of paying for surgery and didnt want to inform the college that i Wouldnt be able to play because of injurys last thing i wanted was not being to go....I began using PHs once again but this time for about 2 months and once again no PCT..something wasnt right tho my sex drive was completely gone out the window during this cycle..had no passion for anything...extremly tired depressed ..no energy for wokring out etc...I began reasarching n talked with doctor and I never mention to him me taking PHs as i was imbaeseed and my dr told me eeveryhting im experiencing is physcological and that i cant get hard (my balls and dick were shrinkage size all the time) because im stressed out..I would have sex with my girlfriend from time to time but it would take 5 minutes everytime to get me up and it would stay half hard almost the whole time..as time went on the sides i was expericning became worse and worse ..Yeah i was stressed out and depressed about losing my mom..of course but it wasnt until one day some guy at the gym was talknig to me about AAS ..ilong story short i told him about my exp with PHs (which now the one i had took was in the news and bening banned) did he tell me how bad PHs could fuck up my naturaly hormones and throw my shit off entirelly espcially how i was abusing them and not using a PCT...it had been months since i finished my last cycle of taking RAGEv8 and jsut from resaerching what little i knew about all this at the time i was told that in time my hormones will most likely go back in order if thats whats causing all my sides and not the stress and not to worry too much about it because PHs arent as potent or dangerous as AAS ..fast foward past my year in college which involved me having sex with 10 different women and 0/10 times did i even come close to achieving an erection...i wasnt even waking up with erections anymore and couldnt even get myself hard if i wanted too..i was completely in the dark . was a broke colegge student and had no idea what to do next and was too imabreesed to tell anyone..and for me not to sound like a pervert or brag or anything but before my exp with PHs and AAS all my life was about was football..food.. and pussy!! I dont know if this is healthy but I had somewhat of a porn/sex addiction..i wouldnt leave my house in the morning unless i had sex or jacked off..i was unable to sleep at night if i didnt bust a nut..hell sometimes i would stay home from school n say im sick just so i could wtach porn and beat my meat 5-10 times in a day or have some skeez come over..going from that to a guy whos dick complete doesnt work and my entire bodys giving out on me i was misarable i hated life and on top of that first scrimmage i had in college I once again disloacte my shoulder but this time completely tearing my rotator cuff..(awesome out for the year and my atheltic scholarship no longer paying my my nexts years tuition in full) I return back home after year at school and almost 12 months and my dick and energy/ sex drive n depression is at an all time high..i begin to start to have a little bit of penis function somewhat once every week or so i get somewhat of some blood flow into my penis but if i dont keep stimulating it it immediately goes down and never fully gets erect. some days randomly i was able to get somehwat of a half chub and somehwat jizz but took forverver and other days but penis was just completely unrespove..i had attempted sex with 5 women first 6 months of the year 2/5 I banged with a half chubb and the others were a no go and one.. (poor girl) was sucknig my willy for an hour straight and it remained baby limp size =/ lol its not funny but goddamn this was just so imabressing on so many levels.i would avoid girls at all costs (at least when it came to anythingsexuall)..i finnnaly muster enough courange and more importantly money to see couple drs and told them all my symptoms n about PHs exp etc n got my labs done
System - 06/12/2012 9:25 PM
TEST RESULT UNITS REF RANGE
Testosterone Total 755 ng/dL 250-1100
Testosterone Free 107.9 pg/mL 35.0-155.0
at this point there were telling me that it indeed was all physcological and that im just stressed or nervous..which i know me and my own body its bullshit.if my dick remains shrinkage size permanatly and My dick is unresponsive no morning wood no nothing than somethings gotta be wrong..i leave the drs with them having done a penile dopler on me which concluded my blood flow is fine THANK GOD and the drs wanting to prescibe me viagra...SCREW THAT!! IM 19 years old theres no way this should be happening n refsed the pills.. there course of action was to just continue monitoring my TEST n hopefully my body "if" its internal will sort itself out..i got back a month later to get blood work again ....
System - 07/05/2012 11:34 PM
TEST RESULT UNITS REF RANGE
Testosterone Total 552 ng/dL 250-1100
Testosterone Free 72.9 pg/mL 35.0-155.0
Test performed by: Quest Diagnostics, Inc
Now im no dr but with these results im relieved to know that something with my TEST is not right...But once again drs claim theres no clear course of action because those levels are "within normal range" FAST FOWARD a YEAR my dick is still somewhat unuasable..gets halfhard or when it does get "erect"its half its normal size of what it use to be fully erect..at this point i had given up on drs completely ..My two buddys from work/gym partners who were juicing were always trying to get me to start a cycle with them and would always tell me how great it was (they both looked ridiculously buff) but i never had or want a desire to be that big im still 5'10 190 but completely shredded ..4% body fat..fast foward to a night when were out on the town and were all drunk and i tell them all the troubles ive been having with mini me and how miserable im about things in my life not being able to live like i use to or as a normal kid my age...they convince me after weeks and weeks of telling me how if my test is low and my dick doesnt work how AAS will skyrocket my sex drive n ill be back to normal and better than ever..so here i am first cycle just running sustanon 350 for 12 weeks and sure enough BOOM within a month or two my penis is back to its glory days and better than ever ..i didnt take AAS to get big it was purely to prove to myslef tht it was indeed hormone issues/TEST I only gained an extra 10 lbs but was on a very strict diet and ws cutting..I was so happy to be back to myself ..i was having sex with girls left n right..skinny cute fat i didn give a shit i was just soo happy and for the first time in years i felt like my old self...my two buddys one moved to cali during this time and the other one i had a fallout with because i had fronted him money to buy PCT and more GEAR for my next cycle in advance ( at this point i have gained a decnt amount on knowledge on GEAR and PCT but NOWHERE near as much as i needed and i was only 20 years old taking AAS..my buddy who i had a fallout with was supposed to help me thru my cycle and help me get the gear and pcts and he completly screwed me over ...on week 12 i had no PCT ready to go .. 3 weeks pass and i finnaly am able to find a guy with connections with gear but is unable to get me the pct for 2 weeks at this time im freaking out having bad sides from coming off the sust nipples getting tender feeling lethargic sex drive not as strong etc..i decided to just re up on the SUST ..my sex drive was somewhat okay but not quite as good as before...i started taking sust 500mg and tren e 400mg weekly ..i started them togteher on week 8 but had started the sust from day 1 ..continued them together for 2 months and stopped the tren e as it was getting too much for m to handle i was litterly going crazy n my dick n sex became completly absent once again..i continued the sust for another 2 months hoping my sex drive would kik back into gear but NOTHING..i ask my source for PCt as im about to finsih and he keeps teling me to take aromasin for PCT i did reasarch n found that clomid/NOLVA was best way to go unfortunately i finsh my cycle and im asking around like a mad man trying to find a way to get some PCT so that i for once can try to give my body a chance to balnce out my hormones and hopefully after completing an intense PCT my body will NATURALLY be back to its old self..i was done annd fed up with the AAS as a way to artifccially bring back my sex drive n energy..it was good while it lasted but the side effects annd all the money and damage i was doing to my body was only making things worse and it wasnt a route i wanted to go down..unfortunately in life sometimes being young we make dumb decisions and for someone who was as desperate as me i allowed me to naively and stupidly let others and my misery with my health and manhood get in the way of me thinking clearly ...my cycle ended and it took me 28 days before i was finnaly able to get clmd n nolv from ruuii website..i began taking both together 20mg each daily for about 3-4 weeksbeofre i had my blood tests..
test total was 511
test free 59.2
ALT SGPT 87 (9-46 ref range =0)
tsh 2.22
estradiol 20
LH 4.8
FSH 4.5
DHEA SULFATE 108 (110-510 ref range)
free t4 1.0
dr once again looked ovr my reuslts n said theres really no course of action to to on...had concerns about my liver but when i told them about my use of steroids and eveyrhing they really had no clue about anything i was telling them..i was telling the dr that i am currently taking clmid n nolva in the mean time as pct hoping i can bounce back and the drs freaked out and started telling me how clmid will give me man boobs n how im going to go blind etc etc ..it was litterally pointless and a waste of money going to all these "speciallists" they have knowledge in textbook medicine but for AAS use and with the treatment i need they are about as useful as a poopy flavored lollllippop -patches o hoolihan lol im glad i have the blood work done tho from sevral diffrent time periods althouhgt not exaclty a very well planned out times for testing at least i have an idea...I have been taking the clmid n nolv for about 6 weeks now and i have to admit i am begining to reclaim so penis power back i can achieve full erections 70% of the time (however i do not wake up with morning wood or have a crazy sex drive ) my dick works but my energy n general desire for sex isnt up to par...my dick isnt in baby form like it permantley was before and sometimes it gets to okay flacccid state but still nott what it use to be ..i know this is beyond a story and i thank u for hanging in there (that is if anyone is reading this lol) 1) I have concerns if the clomid and nolv will actually permanetely fix me ?? i have read that with clomid it slowly brings up your test but that after discontinuing it your test will plummet back to where it began.. 2) my DHEA was crazy low my dr wouldnt prescribe me a precsciption for it so i ordered a dhea bioidentical creme to begin apply as it says the syptoms of low dhea is depression, low sex drive etc etc so i been using it for the past feew weeks apllying it to my stomach as direccted n ive noticed tht my stomach is starting to accumlate fat at an alamring rate..litereally withing 3 weeks ive devoloped two small liltte rolls which is freaking me the hell out ive been eating nothing but talpia chicken brownn rice etc n have ALWAYS had a very flat stomach and have been known for having a really chizzled waistline..i was doing resarch trying to find if dhea creme would be the cause of this and i read this article which wwas VERY VERY interesting as almost the enitre thing applys to my case in many ways www.drdebe.com/dhea-the-real-story.html? 3) let me know what you think of that and any advice and siggestions 4) i live in las vegas im not sure if that helps but if anyone has a dr or someone out here who KNOWS how to treat me and can help me and show me tests and labs showing my progress or reccomend the right treatments plzz let me know..my sex isreliable now.like i said tho im extremely lacking passion for sex and normaly energy levels and yeah to this very day my mothers death has and contunues to eat at me and probably will forever but theres no reason why i should be so damn depressed..i have a good paying job..i am going to school...i live a fun adventurous lifestyle yet my health issues and this black cloud that haunts me from past mitakes abusing AAS and PHs has had more of an effect than i would of ever thought imanigable..i just want to be normal again..I hope anyone reading this (as idiotic as some of my decisions were) that you can learn from my mistakes and prevent yourself or friends from even taking the same road as i have..im sure theres been worse cases out there and if theres anyone out there whos shared some of this simalirties i have in my struggle you know exaclty how misareable it can be...ANY ADIVCE INFO TIPS SUGGESTIONS ..LItteraly any usefull information would mean the world to me as i am trying to right my ship and take control of my life and health. Thanks
System - 06/12/2012 9:25 PM
TEST RESULT UNITS REF RANGE
Testosterone Total 755 ng/dL 250-1100
Testosterone Free 107.9 pg/mL 35.0-155.0
at this point there were telling me that it indeed was all physcological and that im just stressed or nervous..which i know me and my own body its bullshit.if my dick remains shrinkage size permanatly and My dick is unresponsive no morning wood no nothing than somethings gotta be wrong..i leave the drs with them having done a penile dopler on me which concluded my blood flow is fine THANK GOD and the drs wanting to prescibe me viagra...SCREW THAT!! IM 19 years old theres no way this should be happening n refsed the pills.. there course of action was to just continue monitoring my TEST n hopefully my body "if" its internal will sort itself out..i got back a month later to get blood work again ....
System - 07/05/2012 11:34 PM
TEST RESULT UNITS REF RANGE
Testosterone Total 552 ng/dL 250-1100
Testosterone Free 72.9 pg/mL 35.0-155.0
Test performed by: Quest Diagnostics, Inc
Now im no dr but with these results im relieved to know that something with my TEST is not right...But once again drs claim theres no clear course of action because those levels are "within normal range" FAST FOWARD a YEAR my dick is still somewhat unuasable..gets halfhard or when it does get "erect"its half its normal size of what it use to be fully erect..at this point i had given up on drs completely ..My two buddys from work/gym partners who were juicing were always trying to get me to start a cycle with them and would always tell me how great it was (they both looked ridiculously buff) but i never had or want a desire to be that big im still 5'10 190 but completely shredded ..4% body fat..fast foward to a night when were out on the town and were all drunk and i tell them all the troubles ive been having with mini me and how miserable im about things in my life not being able to live like i use to or as a normal kid my age...they convince me after weeks and weeks of telling me how if my test is low and my dick doesnt work how AAS will skyrocket my sex drive n ill be back to normal and better than ever..so here i am first cycle just running sustanon 350 for 12 weeks and sure enough BOOM within a month or two my penis is back to its glory days and better than ever ..i didnt take AAS to get big it was purely to prove to myslef tht it was indeed hormone issues/TEST I only gained an extra 10 lbs but was on a very strict diet and ws cutting..I was so happy to be back to myself ..i was having sex with girls left n right..skinny cute fat i didn give a shit i was just soo happy and for the first time in years i felt like my old self...my two buddys one moved to cali during this time and the other one i had a fallout with because i had fronted him money to buy PCT and more GEAR for my next cycle in advance ( at this point i have gained a decnt amount on knowledge on GEAR and PCT but NOWHERE near as much as i needed and i was only 20 years old taking AAS..my buddy who i had a fallout with was supposed to help me thru my cycle and help me get the gear and pcts and he completly screwed me over ...on week 12 i had no PCT ready to go .. 3 weeks pass and i finnaly am able to find a guy with connections with gear but is unable to get me the pct for 2 weeks at this time im freaking out having bad sides from coming off the sust nipples getting tender feeling lethargic sex drive not as strong etc..i decided to just re up on the SUST ..my sex drive was somewhat okay but not quite as good as before...i started taking sust 500mg and tren e 400mg weekly ..i started them togteher on week 8 but had started the sust from day 1 ..continued them together for 2 months and stopped the tren e as it was getting too much for m to handle i was litterly going crazy n my dick n sex became completly absent once again..i continued the sust for another 2 months hoping my sex drive would kik back into gear but NOTHING..i ask my source for PCt as im about to finsih and he keeps teling me to take aromasin for PCT i did reasarch n found that clomid/NOLVA was best way to go unfortunately i finsh my cycle and im asking around like a mad man trying to find a way to get some PCT so that i for once can try to give my body a chance to balnce out my hormones and hopefully after completing an intense PCT my body will NATURALLY be back to its old self..i was done annd fed up with the AAS as a way to artifccially bring back my sex drive n energy..it was good while it lasted but the side effects annd all the money and damage i was doing to my body was only making things worse and it wasnt a route i wanted to go down..unfortunately in life sometimes being young we make dumb decisions and for someone who was as desperate as me i allowed me to naively and stupidly let others and my misery with my health and manhood get in the way of me thinking clearly ...my cycle ended and it took me 28 days before i was finnaly able to get clmd n nolv from ruuii website..i began taking both together 20mg each daily for about 3-4 weeksbeofre i had my blood tests..
test total was 511
test free 59.2
ALT SGPT 87 (9-46 ref range =0)
tsh 2.22
estradiol 20
LH 4.8
FSH 4.5
DHEA SULFATE 108 (110-510 ref range)
free t4 1.0
dr once again looked ovr my reuslts n said theres really no course of action to to on...had concerns about my liver but when i told them about my use of steroids and eveyrhing they really had no clue about anything i was telling them..i was telling the dr that i am currently taking clmid n nolva in the mean time as pct hoping i can bounce back and the drs freaked out and started telling me how clmid will give me man boobs n how im going to go blind etc etc ..it was litterally pointless and a waste of money going to all these "speciallists" they have knowledge in textbook medicine but for AAS use and with the treatment i need they are about as useful as a poopy flavored lollllippop -patches o hoolihan lol im glad i have the blood work done tho from sevral diffrent time periods althouhgt not exaclty a very well planned out times for testing at least i have an idea...I have been taking the clmid n nolv for about 6 weeks now and i have to admit i am begining to reclaim so penis power back i can achieve full erections 70% of the time (however i do not wake up with morning wood or have a crazy sex drive ) my dick works but my energy n general desire for sex isnt up to par...my dick isnt in baby form like it permantley was before and sometimes it gets to okay flacccid state but still nott what it use to be ..i know this is beyond a story and i thank u for hanging in there (that is if anyone is reading this lol) 1) I have concerns if the clomid and nolv will actually permanetely fix me ?? i have read that with clomid it slowly brings up your test but that after discontinuing it your test will plummet back to where it began.. 2) my DHEA was crazy low my dr wouldnt prescribe me a precsciption for it so i ordered a dhea bioidentical creme to begin apply as it says the syptoms of low dhea is depression, low sex drive etc etc so i been using it for the past feew weeks apllying it to my stomach as direccted n ive noticed tht my stomach is starting to accumlate fat at an alamring rate..litereally withing 3 weeks ive devoloped two small liltte rolls which is freaking me the hell out ive been eating nothing but talpia chicken brownn rice etc n have ALWAYS had a very flat stomach and have been known for having a really chizzled waistline..i was doing resarch trying to find if dhea creme would be the cause of this and i read this article which wwas VERY VERY interesting as almost the enitre thing applys to my case in many ways www.drdebe.com/dhea-the-real-story.html? 3) let me know what you think of that and any advice and siggestions 4) i live in las vegas im not sure if that helps but if anyone has a dr or someone out here who KNOWS how to treat me and can help me and show me tests and labs showing my progress or reccomend the right treatments plzz let me know..my sex isreliable now.like i said tho im extremely lacking passion for sex and normaly energy levels and yeah to this very day my mothers death has and contunues to eat at me and probably will forever but theres no reason why i should be so damn depressed..i have a good paying job..i am going to school...i live a fun adventurous lifestyle yet my health issues and this black cloud that haunts me from past mitakes abusing AAS and PHs has had more of an effect than i would of ever thought imanigable..i just want to be normal again..I hope anyone reading this (as idiotic as some of my decisions were) that you can learn from my mistakes and prevent yourself or friends from even taking the same road as i have..im sure theres been worse cases out there and if theres anyone out there whos shared some of this simalirties i have in my struggle you know exaclty how misareable it can be...ANY ADIVCE INFO TIPS SUGGESTIONS ..LItteraly any usefull information would mean the world to me as i am trying to right my ship and take control of my life and health. Thanks
