Giving up Steroids for Life - Long Term Log

[eryximachus]

I did my first cycle a little over 5 years ago when I was 33. It's been a rough road, and at times an exhilarating one. I just ended a test/primo cycle as I haven't had time to train as life has intruded. I'm in my 2nd week of PCT, and just starting to feel the blues.

I'll just say that, in retrospect, I wish I had never jumped on this train. Ultimately, I just don't believe it was worth it. While my physical health is fine, and I'm certainly in better shape than nearly anyone my age, I can't help but look back on these past 5 years and realize that yes, it is true. AAS drugs make you a real asshole. Manic. Irrational. Angry. Despite running a rather mild cycle since late May, I've found these side effects more pronounced. It's just not worth it to me at my age.

So, I've decided that's it. Time to move on.

I'm going to write weekly status updates. I will get bloodwork done in October, and until then, I will chronicle my perception of my mental and physical health. I'm keeping this log more as a reminder to myself how I want to quit using gear for good than anything, I haven't found much information on people recovering mentally and physically from gear. So, I hope this also provides a testiment that it is possible.

Today, I can say that I've felt pretty depressed, even though I'm doing the old Power PCT protocol and feel pretty good the day of HCG shots. I've come to realize the past 5 years have been something of a roller coaster being on and off. If, in about 2 months, I still feel "down", I am likely going to consider getting a prescription for some antidepressant for the first time in my life.

Thanks for reading!

 

[Spooby]

let me introduce you to my friend, marijuana.

 

[DonQKong]

Way to go OP, wish you the best of luck. Look forward to your reflections on mental / physical health after gear use.

DQ

 

[Nat2Syn]

"AAS drugs make you a real asshole. Manic. Irrational. Angry."

Glad to hear you're coming off because AAS was obviously not for you if it made you this way.

 

[eryximachus]

"AAS drugs make you a real asshole. Manic. Irrational. Angry."

Glad to hear you're coming off because AAS was obviously not for you if it made you this way.

I do think a casual read through virtually all of these forums indicates a style of writing that very far from calm, cogent, collected, and empathetic in the overwhelming majority of cases. This is consistent with the side effects I mentioned that generally fall under the category of "mania". Suffice it to say, this isn't news. I've heard this first hand from major league baseball players who stopped using in their late 30s for similar reasons, usually as they started to settle down. It's all over PubMed.

I anticipated at least one person would have your response. While I think it is a mistake to believe that you or anyone is immune to the psychological effects of AAS drugs, I'm not here to prove that point.

For me, I am not in the gutter. I have an executive position at a significant firm for my particular line of work in NYC. But, at the same time, I do believe overall my life will be better without them. So, this log is not going to be for someone whose life is a total mess.

But, if you're questioning whether or not this game is worth it, and if there is life after it, whether you can recover, be happy, etc... You might find this log interesting. Cheers!

 

[DoUEvenCardio]

I'm very interested in your log and wish you the best. I have some questions, if you are interested in answering any of them, that would be great.

1. What made you want to try steroids at your age?
2. Did you cycle on and off or cruise in-between?
3. What was your epiphany moment that made you second guess using?
4. How much cardio were you doing if any besides lifting weights?

 

[eryximachus]

I'm very interested in your log and wish you the best. I have some questions, if you are interested in answering any of them, that would be great.

1. What made you want to try steroids at your age?
2. Did you cycle on and off or cruise in-between?
3. What was your epiphany moment that made you second guess using?
4. How much cardio were you doing if any besides lifting weights?

Thank you for the positive encouragement.

1) Life was difficult. It was 2011, just starting to climb out of the recession, and it was increasingly difficult to hit the gym at 33. I perhaps erroneously used to believe this was essential to my productivity in life. Gear helped with recovery, for sure. But in retrospect, I'm not sure my life is any better, really.

2) I cycled on and off. I've never been crazy enough to blast and cruise. However, my 2nd year, I did not take off enough time between cycles and used tren. Had a serious crash at one point. The past 3 years it's been light cycles.

3) I've found myself socializing more this past summer, skipping the gym, and I just decided to end my cycle as there was no point. It made me realize I've lost a lot of friends over the years by spending my time in the gym versus other activities.

Looking forward, I just don't think it enhances my life anymore, if it ever did. You combine this with the risks and side effects, and I just don't think it is worth it for me. Moreover, I have come to ask myself where do I want to be in 10 years? Do I really care about being in great shape in my 40s? Or do I care about having good friends and a rich social life? I can only do both if I drop the serious training.

4) Not a lot, due to time constraints. The thing with cardio is it can be fun and social. I kept it to 30 minutes maybe 3 days a week just to keep my weight in check. I'm hoping now I can get into cycling, swimming, etc.

 

[theprodgicalson]

More power to you brother. ive seen this first hand with a friend that is trying to get his Pro Card. he has alienated pretty much everyone in the last 2 years and that has been his obsessive focus in life. he graduated college during that time i believe and since then that has been his sole focus.

while i understand where you are coming from, you can do cycling, swimming, socializing and all of those things while using AAS. yes, i understand for YOU you can not, and i respect that and your opinion, and beliefs. But for some it is possible. i play in a volleyball league in the summer. in the fall i play softball and flag football weekly. and i do all of this while lifting seriously 4 times a week, working 50 hours a week, attending 3-4 AA meetings a week, facilitating a group at a treatment center and spending time with family and friends.

that isnt meant to sound like i am better than you, at all. but what ive come to realize as i get older in life, time management is essential to living a successful, happy life. but your comment about being in great shape in your 40's or having a rich social life is lightweight cockamamie. maybe im misunderstanding you, but i very much care about being in great shape and in good health long into, and after my 40's. what is your family health history like? i know for mine, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and depression run rampant in my family. and i plan on keeping in great shape, and eating as healthy as i can to prevent those things.

as i said earlier, more power to you. but stay active and stay healthy. i know what the NYC social life is like. and for the most part, its none of those things. just my 2 cents if you care.

 

[Cleant1]

Good luck to you - Any life decision made in the attempts to better yourself can never be looked negatively on. I can't argue one way or the other for the effects it had on you, or others, outside of TRT dosages. I can tell you from my experiences first getting put on TRT, that it was a godsend. It really made me feel great and be happy, not cry over spilt milk, and not flip my lid on the small things. I was coming from a natural T level of 127 when I was around 20 years old. Having normal T levels made me feel normal, and my wife loved it.

I can't wait to get back on honestly, as I see qualities in myself that reflect who I was before I was on TRT, since I've stopped.

 

[DoUEvenCardio]

Thank you for the positive encouragement.

1) Life was difficult. It was 2011, just starting to climb out of the recession, and it was increasingly difficult to hit the gym at 33. I perhaps erroneously used to believe this was essential to my productivity in life. Gear helped with recovery, for sure. But in retrospect, I'm not sure my life is any better, really.

2) I cycled on and off. I've never been crazy enough to blast and cruise. However, my 2nd year, I did not take off enough time between cycles and used tren. Had a serious crash at one point. The past 3 years it's been light cycles.

3) I've found myself socializing more this past summer, skipping the gym, and I just decided to end my cycle as there was no point. It made me realize I've lost a lot of friends over the years by spending my time in the gym versus other activities.

Looking forward, I just don't think it enhances my life anymore, if it ever did. You combine this with the risks and side effects, and I just don't think it is worth it for me. Moreover, I have come to ask myself where do I want to be in 10 years? Do I really care about being in great shape in my 40s? Or do I care about having good friends and a rich social life? I can only do both if I drop the serious training.

4) Not a lot, due to time constraints. The thing with cardio is it can be fun and social. I kept it to 30 minutes maybe 3 days a week just to keep my weight in check. I'm hoping now I can get into cycling, swimming, etc.

I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my questions. Like you, I just started my first cycle at the age of 32.
I am on TRT now and figured I may as well try an actual cycle. I'm not an aggressive person by nature and having this much test in my system definitely makes things a little different. I don't have these issues while taking my replacement dosages only on cycle it seems.

I completely agree with what you want to do with cardio, whenever I am playing sports, swimming or doing cardio, my since of well being and attitude is much higher/better. You don't see many people on here talking about cardio, but it has many benefits including decreasing depression, reducing hostility, improving social behavior, long-term memory and so much more.

 

[eryximachus]

but your comment about being in great shape in your 40's or having a rich social life is lightweight cockamamie. maybe im misunderstanding you, but i very much care about being in great shape and in good health long into, and after my 40's. what is your family health history like? i know for mine, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and depression run rampant in my family. and i plan on keeping in great shape, and eating as healthy as i can to prevent those things.

I don't mean I'm going to stop training. But, I'm not going to keep forcing myself to maintain my huge physique. The hardest part, in terms of time, is the huge amount of food I have to eat to stay huge.

As for health - my family health history is not great, but so far I've been pretty healthy. It's probably just best not to push it. But, I plan on light (for me) weight lifting and a lot more cardio. It's impossible to become a lazy fat ass in New York. By "looking great" I meant looking like a Greek God. I'm probably just going to look like a typical New Yorker, but maybe a bit more muscular.

 

[grey]

I'm probably just going to look like a typical New Yorker, but maybe a bit more muscular.

Nothing wrong with that.

 

[eryximachus]

Just read this:

Weak economy is responsible for rampant swoleness: study

 

[Docd187123]

I don't mean I'm going to stop training. But, I'm not going to keep forcing myself to maintain my huge physique. The hardest part, in terms of time, is the huge amount of food I have to eat to stay huge.

As for health - my family health history is not great, but so far I've been pretty healthy. It's probably just best not to push it. But, I plan on light (for me) weight lifting and a lot more cardio. It's impossible to become a lazy fat ass in New York. By "looking great" I meant looking like a Greek God. I'm probably just going to look like a typical New Yorker, but maybe a bit more muscular.

Are we talking about the same NYC?!?!?!?!?! There are plenty of fat lazy asses here hahahaha

 

[eryximachus]

Are we talking about the same NYC?!?!?!?!?! There are plenty of fat lazy asses here hahahaha

There are, but usually in the less urban areas. If you're walking everywhere, keep busy, and mostly eat in restaurants, it's pretty hard to get fat. And by restaurants, I don't mean McDonald's.

There are tons of little dudes in Manhattan and Brooklyn who barely break 150!

 

[Leancuisine]

People argue. It's the internet. There's no repercussions for someone here, so the amount of stupidity that is flung back and forth at people is... well, lame.
If it were a face to face engagement, everyone would be a little more level headed. At least I would hope.

I definitely see where you are coming from though. I'm just a guy from the outside looking in, but it looks like you've got your priorities lined up according to what's best for you.
Stay safe and stay healthy.

 

[MoneyShot]

It's kind of funny because you're stopping AAS use because it was/potentially was decreasing your social life.

I'm doing it partly in hopes that it will increase my social life.

And I want to fuck hotter bitches

 

[eryximachus]

It's kind of funny because you're stopping AAS use because it was/potentially was decreasing your social life.

I'm doing it partly in hopes that it will increase my social life.

And I want to fuck hotter bitches

I can tell you that here, in New York City, being too huge is detriment. The quality of women I've slept with before and after AAS use hasn't varied considerably, but I'm naturally more attractive than most. But certainly, your desire while "on", is at least initially, strong.

When I say social life, I mean lasting relationships - whether romantic or fraternal. This is not easy to do when your life revolves around work, the gym, eating, and having gear turn you into a dick.

I would recommend reading a book like "The Mating Mind". Quality women are not attracted to excessive musculature. They don't want fatass effete pussies, but women of quality are attracted to intelligence first and foremost.

If you want to be able to slam 5s to 7s easily, you'll achieve your goal. But this gets old pretty fast. You won't likely have any improved chances at 10s.

 

[biggerben69]

Nobody likes a quitter............

 

[Aksfinest]

It's kind of funny because you're stopping AAS use because it was/potentially was decreasing your social life.

I'm doing it partly in hopes that it will increase my social life.

And I want to fuck hotter bitches

Maybe that's part of your problem. What happens when your in pct and acting like a whinny little bitch?

You're using a substance to mask your inadequacies, while making no progress towards actually overcoming them. Steroids are a temporary fix that don't last. I'm pretty sure OPs found this out and is trying to better his life accordingly.