Hayes88
Member
Hello brothers, long time no see!
I am not sure what to make of this post as I am in a fearful place, but I would love if someone who
has been in similar dark place could tell me what they held on to when all fell apart?
I haven't been here long as I've isolated myself somewhat.
I do apologize for ranting in a long post.
To recap a little:
- I have always struggled in life, but I finally managed to get life in order 2020 to 2023. Future looked brighter,
even if some hiccups here and there.
Tho since 2023 life drastically changed. Started with running from the police because my to be wife was accused of a crime she hasn't commited.
Cost a fortune to keep her safe. Then I lost my business and therefor my safety net. My investment in a gym overseas scammed me out of most savings.
The lawyers didn't do their job properly and my girl was sent to prison with her mom. Paid another fortune for
lawyers to fight it. Got a promise from judge for a low sentence if we plead guilty, he lied and used that to give my girl and
her mom 18 years each despite no proof against them. They had general proof, not individual proof. Others were to blame in real.
Been to prison supporting her every single day since which cost a lot of time, energy and money, but I don't want to give up on them.
Opened a second business that failed due to me not having the power to be around enough. Met some friends who have their loved ones
inside and gained connections. Paid everything I had left. Sold car, bike, home, investments and even borrowed to afford a bribe with
verbal promises of them getting out (was either that or give up on them).
Now I am to get answers next week if I am again scammed and I loose everything or if there was some truth in the bribe.
I am literally freaking out about the "what if" scenario which I know I shouldn't think. But I am drained, I don't have money to
eat, pay rent, and daily issues keep coming all the time (friends dying, bills from past, health issues etc).
Haven't been able to see friends or family in ages, just occasional calls.
I start to recognize myself in the commercials where the smiling guy is the one to leave earth and no one saw it coming.
I am talking to people, I am taking support from family, I occasionally eat xanax and clorazepam. I stopped the hormones
a while ago now to prepare for the hope of a baby (had zero sperm). I cannot afford a gym membership.
I went from financially fortunate and in love planing family to now a shell of a man desperately clinging to hope with
no control. If it falls, I am in debt, alone and mentally drained with my to be wife getting 18 years.
The stress has given me health issues and I am paying for pills as insurance doesn't cover it here.
Some of you here have been amazing support before and struggled more than I am now (@Dirthand being one), which inspire me to do the same.
I just cannot see what has worth if it falls apart more.
Thank you guys!
I am not sure what to make of this post as I am in a fearful place, but I would love if someone who
has been in similar dark place could tell me what they held on to when all fell apart?
I haven't been here long as I've isolated myself somewhat.
I do apologize for ranting in a long post.
To recap a little:
- I have always struggled in life, but I finally managed to get life in order 2020 to 2023. Future looked brighter,
even if some hiccups here and there.
Tho since 2023 life drastically changed. Started with running from the police because my to be wife was accused of a crime she hasn't commited.
Cost a fortune to keep her safe. Then I lost my business and therefor my safety net. My investment in a gym overseas scammed me out of most savings.
The lawyers didn't do their job properly and my girl was sent to prison with her mom. Paid another fortune for
lawyers to fight it. Got a promise from judge for a low sentence if we plead guilty, he lied and used that to give my girl and
her mom 18 years each despite no proof against them. They had general proof, not individual proof. Others were to blame in real.
Been to prison supporting her every single day since which cost a lot of time, energy and money, but I don't want to give up on them.
Opened a second business that failed due to me not having the power to be around enough. Met some friends who have their loved ones
inside and gained connections. Paid everything I had left. Sold car, bike, home, investments and even borrowed to afford a bribe with
verbal promises of them getting out (was either that or give up on them).
Now I am to get answers next week if I am again scammed and I loose everything or if there was some truth in the bribe.
I am literally freaking out about the "what if" scenario which I know I shouldn't think. But I am drained, I don't have money to
eat, pay rent, and daily issues keep coming all the time (friends dying, bills from past, health issues etc).
Haven't been able to see friends or family in ages, just occasional calls.
I start to recognize myself in the commercials where the smiling guy is the one to leave earth and no one saw it coming.
I am talking to people, I am taking support from family, I occasionally eat xanax and clorazepam. I stopped the hormones
a while ago now to prepare for the hope of a baby (had zero sperm). I cannot afford a gym membership.
I went from financially fortunate and in love planing family to now a shell of a man desperately clinging to hope with
no control. If it falls, I am in debt, alone and mentally drained with my to be wife getting 18 years.
The stress has given me health issues and I am paying for pills as insurance doesn't cover it here.
Some of you here have been amazing support before and struggled more than I am now (@Dirthand being one), which inspire me to do the same.
I just cannot see what has worth if it falls apart more.
Thank you guys!
