How do I help someone who is deptessed/suicidal?

[Luke391]

Weird yo ask this on a steroid forum I know but I feel like everywhere else online is a cesspool of shitty bs advice that only works for women. A really close friend of mine is depressed and at times suicidal. He has been in and out of hospitals a few times. He has a phychiatrist and is on a ton of medication which barely seem to help. We talk when we're togheter but I don't really know how to help him. We're both young so we don't have much money, he gets down a lot for situations with women. I feel like he is too influenced by this stuff and I tried to tell him that it's not worth to suffer this much over some dumb broad with daddy issues (obviously I said it in a nicer way). I think he lacks some greater drive or passion for something which leads him to feel like "he has no purpose" (his words). We planned a trip for next year to travel a few countries and that seemed to give him some motivation to do stuff but not much. He says he feels stuck since he isn't doing much but when I try to offer sone initiative he puts it off, either because he thinks it's not for him or he delays it, but then doesn't start it.
Any advice is appreciated. Sorry for the ackward post but I feel like this is the only place where "real talk" still exists

 

[pewex]

I know you care and want to help. Just be there, listen, and encourage him to get professional help.

 

[Ghoul]

You can't pull anyone out of depression. Let him know you're there for him whenever he wants to talk. Invite him out if you want. If he mentions suicide more than once call the cops and let them know you're concerned.

This may seem extreme, but when someone lays that on you, and ends up offing themselves, they're actually fucking you over with guilt you'll be burdened with for the rest of your life.

You may not think they're serious, and they may not be, but you can't know for sure.

I've seen this play out multiple times. The authorities do a "wellness" check, get a psych professional involved, the friend gets pissed at the "reporter", but the whole situation often ends with the anger breaking them out of their depression, acts as a wake up call, the guy often gets some much needed professional help, and comes out the other side being much better for it.

Otherwise, you are at serious risk of being the "friend of the guy that killed himself" feeling guilty and trying to figure out what you should've done differently for the rest of your life.

 

[Luke391]

You can't pull anyone out of depression. Let him know you're there for him whenever he wants to talk. Invite him out if you want. If he mentions suicide more than once call the cops and let them know you're concerned.

This may seem extreme, but when someone lays that on you, and ends up offing themselves, they're actually fucking you over with guilt you'll be burdened with for the rest of your life.

You may not think they're serious, and they may not be, but you can't know for sure.

I've seen this play out multiple times. The authorities do a "wellness" check, get a psych professional involved, the friend gets pissed at the "reporter", but the whole situation often ends with the anger breaking them out of their depression, acts as a wake up call, the guy often gets some much needed professional help, and comes out the other side being much better for it.

Otherwise, you are at serious risk of being the "friend of the guy that killed himself" feeling guilty and trying to figure out what you should've done differently for the rest of your life.

Thanks you for the reply. I understand there is only so much I can do but I feel like I need to do something different. He has been in therapy for about a year and has been to a in-patient care facility twice. I feel like his therapist and phychiatrist are just patching the issue with meds and the standard bullshit therapy methods for women, like "love yourself" and all that shit. I understand that his depression comes from vety real issues, not some "chemical imbalance" or other crap. Tho I feel like the way he goes about dealing with his problems isn't helpfull. He has struggles with dating and self esteem, I do as well but in some way I am lucky that I have a somewhat anti-social personality so I am not very bothered by those things. I feel like I should find a way to help him with dating and socializing but don't know how since I myself don't really date or socialize much because I have a very withdrawn personality and prefer to be by myself. On the other hand he would like to socialize but has trouble doing so

 

[bob357sig]

Serious question… does he lift or train at all? For many people, myself included; working out and hardcore training is what helps me the most. Im 55 years old but still struggle with depression issues, the gym is what motivates me to keep pushing and keep improving. Without it and you would never know my name, I would be long dead by now. I hope this helps some.

 

[Luke391]

Serious question… does he lift or train at all? For many people, myself included; working out and hardcore training is what helps me the most. Im 55 years old but still struggle with depression issues, the gym is what motivates me to keep pushing and keep improving. Without it and you would never know my name, I would be long dead by now. I hope this helps some.

no, last year when I found out he was struggling so deeply I tried to get him to come to the gym with me, because hard excercise helps with mood and also it could have helped him sociale. We lifted togheter for about a month but he didn't like it so he quit.
Tho he has really good genetics. He has big calves, thick neck and traps (for someone who doesn't lift) and abs even tho he eats whatever and doesn't really train

 

[Bandern]

“Do a backflip”

 

[bob357sig]

I would give it another try, even if he only agrees to go just to look at ass. If anything it gets him out of the house and doing something besides sitting alone in depression.

 

[BigDadd7]

From experience-

Don't offer advice on how to make it better.
Don't suggest working out or exercising.
Don't tell him it will all be OK, or it will get better.
Don't share a story about someone who has it worse.
Don't guilt him or tell him people are counting on him.

All of those things will cause him to isolate and push you away.

Just be there. Spend time with him. Listen when he wants to talk. Empathize. Be a friend. Let your actions show him that you care.

 

[Luke391]

From experience-

Don't offer advice on how to make it better.
Don't suggest working out or exercising.
Don't tell him it will all be OK, or it will get better.
Don't share a story about someone who has it worse.
Don't guilt him or tell him people are counting on him.

All of those things will cause him to isolate and push you away.

Just be there. Spend time with him. Listen when he wants to talk. Empathize. Be a friend. Let your actions show him that you care.

Thanks, I will note. I have told him that it will get better and tried to give him advice but might have been to a detriment. I'll just keep on spending time with him as normal. Thank you guys for the comments

 

[HUGE McBIGLARGE]

I think of myself as suicidal, and have done for nearly 20 years. I don’t think there’s been a single day in the last decade where I haven’t thought I’m likely to die by suicide. Obviously I can’t be that suicidal if I’m still alive, however.

I’ve talked to a lot of people, professionally and personally, and everyone I’ve spoken to seemed very interested in helping me for five minutes, then they get sick of listening to me whinge. Which I totally understand. Running through the depths of someone’s suicide ideation takes a long time, and is emotionally taxing for everyone.

But at the same time it feels quite lonely to tell my mum “I’m miserable today, like I was yesterday, last year, and last decade. Things won’t get better. I really do feel miserable and that I’m only perpetuating my own suffering by not killing myself”, only for her to say “well, you need to sort yourself out”, and she then shifts the conversation to the gossip at her Zumba class last night.

I wonder if the reason people don’t want to listen to me is because I actually have some pretty solid reasons to kill myself, and it makes people uncomfortable to have that conversation with me. I’ve even managed to get ChatGPT to tell me on multiple occasions that I’d probably be better off dead. I’m not an unlikeable person; I don’t rub people the wrong way. I’m very extroverted and I keep up a convincing facade of happiness most of the time. It’s just a conversation people don’t like beyond its initial novelty. And because of that, I have no one to talk to besides crisis hotlines, and although they listen, they’re also dead from the neck up.

It’s unironically a lot to ask for, but I wish I had someone who’s got some amount of empathy in them, who’s also willing to talk to me for an hour at a time. But I don’t have that. So the only conversation I get that lasts longer than a minute is with myself; and I’m not exactly giving myself impartial advice!!

In conclusion, my advice to anyone dealing with someone who’s suicidal is to ask them “do you want to tell me what’s bothering you? You have my full attention. And if you like I can offer advice”.

 

[Luke391]

I think of myself as suicidal, and have done for nearly 20 years. I don’t think there’s been a single day in the last decade where I haven’t thought I’m likely to die by suicide. Obviously I can’t be that suicidal if I’m still alive, however.

I’ve talked to a lot of people, professionally and personally, and everyone I’ve spoken to seemed very interested in helping me for five minutes, then they get sick of listening to me whinge. Which I totally understand. Running through the depths of someone’s suicide ideation takes a long time, and is emotionally taxing for everyone.

But at the same time it feels quite lonely to tell my mum “I’m miserable today, like I was yesterday, last year, and last decade. Things won’t get better. I really do feel miserable and that I’m only perpetuating my own suffering by not killing myself”, only for her to say “well, you need to sort yourself out”, and she then shifts the conversation to the gossip at her Zumba class last night.

I wonder if the reason people don’t want to listen to me is because I actually have some pretty solid reasons to kill myself, and it makes people uncomfortable to have that conversation with me. I’ve even managed to get ChatGPT to tell me on multiple occasions that I’d probably be better off dead. I’m not an unlikeable person; I don’t rub people the wrong way. I’m very extroverted and I keep up a convincing facade of happiness most of the time. It’s just a conversation people don’t like beyond its initial novelty. And because of that, I have no one to talk to besides crisis hotlines, and although they listen, they’re also dead from the neck up.

It’s unironically a lot to ask for, but I wish I had someone who’s got some amount of empathy in them, who’s also willing to talk to me for an hour at a time. But I don’t have that. So the only conversation I get that lasts longer than a minute is with myself; and I’m not exactly giving myself impartial advice!!

In conclusion, my advice to anyone dealing with someone who’s suicidal is to ask them “do you want to tell me what’s bothering you? You have my full attention. And if you like I can offer advice”.

Thank you. I usually never know what to say when he talks to me about what's really troubling him. I don't know if I should just listed to him or try to give him advice, and tbh I don't even really know what advice to him. When I just listed to him I feel like I come off as not caring about it, when I give him advice I think I come off as insensitive.

I have a pretty shitty personality tbh, I get tired of social interaction extremely quickly so after 20-30mins of being with people I'm pretty much "faking it" and I think people can see trough it when I am tired. Like even it I am happy of spending time with people my social battery is zero. So I don't really know if I should just be nornal and pretty quiet/low energy even when he talks to me about serous things or try to "fake" being more engaged in the conversation. Not because I don't care about him, I'd prefer he'd talk to me more because I always feel like there's something that is trobling him so deeply he never told me.

I understand the feeling of depression and suicidal toughts as I also had them on and off since my early teens but the way I deal with it in my head is that I am fine with it because I belive that death should not be tabuu, and either way I don't think I'd really be able to ever kill myself. Obviously I'm not going to give him the advice of just accepting it and he had tried to kill himself once before, so I feel like I'm the blind leading the blind

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

I know you care and want to help. Just be there, listen, and encourage him to get professional help.

This. 100% agree. Make yourself accessible but it's a hard path to have someone fully use you as a crutch.

Btw you can't call the cops just cause someone says they want to kill themselves. They need to meet criteria.