jessepinkman
New Member
Something very sad happened. I don't want to talk about it openly. Man I feel so terrible now. Now my fears are even worse than before. I'm so scared of life. 
MESO-Rx
Anabolic Steroids
-
ATTENTION New Members: Please take a few moments to introduce yourself, show your commitment to harm reduction, and chat with the community in the "New Member Introduction" subforum. This will help unlock access to additional forum features and privileges.
I'm in a lot of pain
- Thread starter jessepinkman
- Start date
Something very sad happened. I don't want to talk about it openly. Man I feel so terrible now. Now my fears are even worse than before. I'm so scared of life.
have we met before.
if you dont want to talk about it openly, no one will know why you feel so terrible, let alone what to do about it.
what are your fears. life isnt so scary. sometimes it is, but most things you get over. the alternative is ...
and everyone does. live.
i know its not that simple. great movie though. great scene. it did said something to me.
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tkzc983aE0]Shawshank Redemption - "Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying." - YouTube[/ame]
even if i dont do it all the time. work in progress i am.
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tkzc983aE0]Shawshank Redemption - "Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying." - YouTube[/ame]
even if i dont do it all the time. work in progress i am.
jessepinkman
New Member
I'm pinkman didnt remember my old password.
My grandmother died today. Even though she suffered the last weeks and it was clear that she would die sooner or later it totally hit me. I already had fear of loss before and now it's worse. My family is getting smaller now I have 1 less person who loved me. I feel so crappy. I don't even understand why this hits me so hard cause it was clear that sooner or later she'd die and she also didn't want to live anymore and it's still so painful. Now I worry even more about my parents. Life has lost all its innocence. All the fun is gone. As a teenager you don't think about dead you don't think you'll ever die. And now all I think about is loss and death. It's so absurd. In life you struggle and worry about so many things which are all meaningless in comparison to death and still you cannot rid yourself of all your worries and fear while you live.
My grandmother worried about me and often said that I need to get finished studying and get a job and now she's gone and I'm still not finished and this is a really bad time for her to die cause I need to work on my diploma thesis and usually at night when I'm working I get this feeling of fear and oppression this fear of failing and losing everything. And now where she died this fear will probably only get worse. I have had times when I was under lot of stress where I woke up in the middle of the night and felt like losing my mind. I'm totally scared now. I really don't understand how anyone can actually be happy and not worry about losing other people all the time. I can't do this. Every christmas I was depressed when we came together cause all I could think about is how fragile everything is. I don't know how other people can be happy but I can't. I can't enjoy those family moments I totally hate them cause they drag me down so much. No psychologist can fix this and no antidepressant can cure this or mask this. This cannot be cured. It's simply too deep.
My grandmother died today. Even though she suffered the last weeks and it was clear that she would die sooner or later it totally hit me. I already had fear of loss before and now it's worse. My family is getting smaller now I have 1 less person who loved me. I feel so crappy. I don't even understand why this hits me so hard cause it was clear that sooner or later she'd die and she also didn't want to live anymore and it's still so painful. Now I worry even more about my parents. Life has lost all its innocence. All the fun is gone. As a teenager you don't think about dead you don't think you'll ever die. And now all I think about is loss and death. It's so absurd. In life you struggle and worry about so many things which are all meaningless in comparison to death and still you cannot rid yourself of all your worries and fear while you live.
My grandmother worried about me and often said that I need to get finished studying and get a job and now she's gone and I'm still not finished and this is a really bad time for her to die cause I need to work on my diploma thesis and usually at night when I'm working I get this feeling of fear and oppression this fear of failing and losing everything. And now where she died this fear will probably only get worse. I have had times when I was under lot of stress where I woke up in the middle of the night and felt like losing my mind. I'm totally scared now. I really don't understand how anyone can actually be happy and not worry about losing other people all the time. I can't do this. Every christmas I was depressed when we came together cause all I could think about is how fragile everything is. I don't know how other people can be happy but I can't. I can't enjoy those family moments I totally hate them cause they drag me down so much. No psychologist can fix this and no antidepressant can cure this or mask this. This cannot be cured. It's simply too deep.
Last edited:
ill admit im totally unqualified to even begin to try to help you. so are most people on this board. on top of that i dont really think i understand depression, but not unsympathetic. theres no real diagnosis or test. its not like most diseases. treatment seems to be throwing every drug there is at it. i have alternatives , and i do sincerely wonder. with someone who knows, in the right setting. not me though. more on that somewhere else maybe. and i am dead serious. a lot of antidepressants seem to be garbage. depression and drugs to cure are big business and they just keep coming. new forms of depression and reasons why.
but depression seems to revolve around and feed itself. ive been down, had more than one dark day, but for the most part im kind of happy go lucky. i try not to take most things too seriously. but for some with depression everything seems to exacerbate the situation. my father suffers from depression, and almost everything that could possibly be has an effect on his depression. its almost an entity in and of itself. depression is his life and i dont get it. thats no life at all.
life is fragile but everyone dies. big deal. i try not to think about it and instead try to live. my real fear is not living. ive got a lot of things id like to do before the inevitable.
thats all i got i think.
, and i do sincerely wonder. with someone who knows, in the right setting. not me though. more on that somewhere else maybe. and i am dead serious. a lot of antidepressants seem to be garbage. depression and drugs to cure are big business and they just keep coming. new forms of depression and reasons why.but depression seems to revolve around and feed itself. ive been down, had more than one dark day, but for the most part im kind of happy go lucky. i try not to take most things too seriously. but for some with depression everything seems to exacerbate the situation. my father suffers from depression, and almost everything that could possibly be has an effect on his depression. its almost an entity in and of itself. depression is his life and i dont get it. thats no life at all.
life is fragile but everyone dies. big deal. i try not to think about it and instead try to live. my real fear is not living. ive got a lot of things id like to do before the inevitable.
thats all i got i think.
jessepinkman
New Member
I'd also rather not be depressed but you can't just flip a switch and then you're totally different. I have always been depressed and the circumstances do the rest.
I also don't know if antidepressants do much at all.
I also don't know if antidepressants do much at all.
mac111
New Member
grow a set and learn to deal with life instead of wallowing in your own self pity, we all face death and tragedy, you are no different.....
jessepinkman
New Member
You cold asshole stay out of my thread with your shit.
mac111
New Member
Your a whingeing twat pinkman, everyone is wise to your attention seeking crap, even sadder that you need to pick forums for it. Your a joke
MANWHORE
Subscriber
If I didn't know what you did for a living, I
would have definitely guessed, you were
a mental health counselor, by your posts.
A suicide hotline operator LOL
Hello, suicide hotline Mac speaking.
Hi, my name is Pink and I am going to kill myself.
AH FOR FOOK SAKE! GET A LIFE YA POOF! [
)]What the hell section am I in anyway
mac111
New Member
You correct manwhore, here's the fucking rope now go find a tree. But seriously, p man is just a trolling idiot, I'm not the only one to have twigged onto him
benchingover500
New Member
Go see a psychiatrist. Especially if you use forums to get attention or you are really as sad as you state.
MANWHORE
Subscriber
Or at least go to a mental health forum
jessepinkman
New Member
You're a real peasant, mac. Where did you get these ugly tats? In prison?
Or did you get them from your dad who used a rusty nail to carve them into you?
Or did you get them from your dad who used a rusty nail to carve them into you?
MANWHORE
Subscriber
You need to get yourself on a Tren cycle.
mac111
New Member
Hehe manwhore. Na p man, your mum did them for payment in kind. Oh fuck, what age are you? Never been to prison, whats it like?
