I don't think you're crazy, and no your not the only one who has ran crazy doses. For instance, everyone (usually) on the internet says oral only cycles are trash. I have run a couple oral only cycles over the years, it's the reason I fell in love with Dbol, and I had good results on a few of them (save for a Genza run I did, which was trash). I like orals, sometimes I even front load, and end a cycle with them! But I've also learned to do less of them, if I want my liver to survive, and I also don't drink now, except for 1-4 weeks a year, and very small amounts. So I can save my liver for the important stuff...
And you are right, gains are dose dependent (as well as length of time), but high amounts of test (or any other anabolic steroid) are shown to gain less (muscle mass) over a threshold, and using more is counterproductive (due to increase of sides).
The only thing I wish you did, was take a year to get used to AAS, you have before this cycle 0 experience with them, except for what you keyboard warrior'd. The internet is a blessing and a curse in this regard. It conveys a sense of false knowledge, while giving you access to a huge amount of information (some of it true, some of it 1/2 true, and some of it garbage).
I was lucky and had a coach who knew a lot about AAS (he still answers questions I have to this day, and if I need help designing a cycle for myself, this is who I turn to). When I was first starting he unequivocally recommended running smaller doses to start, this is the "beginning phase" of AAS use. Most people don't need 3g's a week to see results, and haven't hit the plateaus that larger doses are used to break (or complex cycle stacking). I've been at it for a while now, and I still don't use his complex cycles. I consider myself an intermediate user, and I see great results following his advice and my now accumulated knowledge.
I just hope for your sake, you find a good coach on your journey to being a power lifter, and one that can help you reach your goals. I know AAS is a part of the journey, it is in a lot of sports (along with HGH, and various other drugs); AAS has also done a lot for me personally, so I don't advocate not using them, you have many years to compete, make the best of them. Your life is decided by you, no-one else.
I enjoy reading your no-nonsense attitude. Hopefully you can pick up some humility along the way of life's journey; and benefit from the wisdom of others.
you shouldn't lift at your max all the time. I'm sure there is nothing bad going to happen to you if you keep your ego at the door. enjoy the ride 
