Jokes

[fatboy]

anybody have any good ones. I'll start off
Q;What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

A;Full

 

[Phreezer]

What is 20 feet long and smells like urine?














A line dance at a nursing home

 

[Chip Bronson]

rotflmfao phreezer. that's just bad bro. and that's exactly what makes it so good. you can bet i'll be sharing this joke with my friends at dinner this evening.

 

[Chip Bronson]

little johnny is in class and the teacher asks the class what the best thing that ever happened to them was. little johnny raises his hand and says,

'well, my brother was in desert storm and got shot in the ass! that was cool.'

the teacher says, 'little johnny, don't say ass, say rectum.'

little johnny says, 'recked 'im shit. it killed him and i got his room.'

 

[fatboy]

A blonde walks up to an airport ticket counter and asks to buy a round-trip ticket. The ticket agent asked, "where to?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said , " duuuuh, back here."

 

[stretchmarks]

whats your most sensitive body part when your jacking off?


your ears!

 

[fatboy]

What did the agnostic, dislexic, insomniac do?












stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

 

[Bob Smith]

Former Presidents Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon, and Jack Kennedy were on a boat sailing around Cape Cod, when all of a sudden the boat springs a leak and water starts pouring in. Jimmy Carter cries, "Women and children first, women and children first!"

Nixon scowls and says, "Fuck the women and children."

Jack Kennedy says, "Is there time?"

 

[fatboy]

that's classic.

 

[big rob]

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist go into a bar.....






And thats just the first guy........

 

[Bob Smith]

lol

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The wheelchair.

 

[fatboy]

What does 85yr. old pussy smell like?








Depends.

 

[Bob Smith]

eeewwwwwwwww

 

[Bob Smith]

Why is it called PMS?








Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken

 

[thick]

hope jewel doesnt read this thread j/k. there r some good ones posted

Why is it called PMS?








Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken

 

[Chip Bronson]

a chinese couple gets married.

on the wedding night they begin to consumate the wedding.

as the passions build, she beings to yell out:

"69! 69! 69!"

he stops, looks at her and says...

"no time fo' beef an broccori now!"

 

[Bob Smith]

hope jewel doesnt read this thread j/k. there r some good ones posted

Oh, you cant bet that she will.

We were out at a local event yesterday that had a guy who trained two bears. Someone in the audience asked if it was easier to train males or females. The audience person thinking a female bear would be easier. The trainer responds with "No, actually females are much more difficult, probably due to mood swings, hormones" and a few other things. Every guy there was like "I know EXACTLY what thats like!" I only commented "You dont need to train bears to know that!"

 

[hardcore210]

What has two thumbs and likes blowjobs?






(Pointing to yourself w/both thumbs)

THIS GUY RIGHT HERE!......managed to get me slapped Friday night!! Booyaaahh!!!

HC210

 

[thick]

lol in the meantime you get an elbow to the rib cage

Oh, you cant bet that she will.

We were out at a local event yesterday that had a guy who trained two bears. Someone in the audience asked if it was easier to train males or females. The audience person thinking a female bear would be easier. The trainer responds with "No, actually females are much more difficult, probably due to mood swings, hormones" and a few other things. Every guy there was like "I know EXACTLY what thats like!" I only commented "You dont need to train bears to know that!"

 

[thick]

I wont try that one next time i am out lol.

What has two thumbs and likes blowjobs?






(Pointing to yourself w/both thumbs)

THIS GUY RIGHT HERE!......managed to get me slapped Friday night!! Booyaaahh!!!

HC210