Slick Arrado
New Member
FTW said:
ROTFLMFAO
MESO-Rx
Anabolic Steroids
Jokes
- Thread starter fatboy
- Start date
ROTFLMFAO
Two Saudi Arabians migrate to the U.S. Upon there arrival they decide to make a bet as to who will become more assimilated in the culture by the end of one year. They shake hands and off they go on their seperate ways to make their lives in America. One year passes and they meet again. Sieed says to Aqnod, "I think I've become the most assimilated. I just went to a yankee game with my blonde haired blue eyed wife. We live in a big house in the suburbs, and I belong to a country club." To which Aqnod replies, "Fuck you towel-head."
CyniQ
New Member
A naive and soon to be married daughter is talking to her mom about what her sex life with her new husband will be like.
Mom says, "Well , honey at first you'll both want to do it all the time. That will probably go on for several months. Then after a while you'll want it a little less, maybe a couple of times a week. Your sexual appetite will continue to decrease from there until when you've been married as long as your father and I have... Well, you only have oral sex."
Daughter: "Oral sex? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."
Mom: Oh, it's easy honey. I pass your father in the hall and I say, "Fuck You!" and he says "Fuck You too!"
Mom says, "Well , honey at first you'll both want to do it all the time. That will probably go on for several months. Then after a while you'll want it a little less, maybe a couple of times a week. Your sexual appetite will continue to decrease from there until when you've been married as long as your father and I have... Well, you only have oral sex."
Daughter: "Oral sex? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."
Mom: Oh, it's easy honey. I pass your father in the hall and I say, "Fuck You!" and he says "Fuck You too!"
FTW
New Member
Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?
Because it is full of Arab seman.
Because it is full of Arab seman.
FTW
New Member
What do you call a girl from Kentucky that dont inbreed?
A only child.
A only child.
Whoaimskinny
New Member
FTW said:
What do you say to a girl with no arms?
Nice tits!!
eleven11
New Member
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He went over to her and noticed she was watching two spiders mating.
Daddy, what are they doing?
They're mating, father replied
What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?
Thats a Daddy longlegs.
So the other one is Mommy longlegs right? the little girl asked
No the Father replied. Both of them are Daddy longlegs.
The little girl thought for a moment, got up and stomped the spiders flat.
" Well, that might be OK in California and Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that shit in my garden.........11
Daddy, what are they doing?
They're mating, father replied
What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?
Thats a Daddy longlegs.
So the other one is Mommy longlegs right? the little girl asked
No the Father replied. Both of them are Daddy longlegs.
The little girl thought for a moment, got up and stomped the spiders flat.
" Well, that might be OK in California and Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that shit in my garden.........11
ha ha! I like that oneeleven11 said:
eleven11
New Member
A buddy of mine in NC sent to me. I knew a few of you guys would like it....11
Last edited:
spound
New Member
There was a 1st grader named johnny who never got called on by his teacher because he always said something perverted for an answer. So everyday johnny would raise his hand but never get called on until one day the teacher asked the class to say a word that began with each letter of the alphabet and she soon came to the letter "R" and thought, well he couldnt have anything perverted to say for this, so she called on johnny and he said RAT and she goes good job johnny thats not perverted at all and johnny replies.......
With a 10 inch dick!!!!!!!!!
With a 10 inch dick!!!!!!!!!
dolfe1
Banned
A train hits a busload of Essex Schoolgirls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter.
St Peter asks the first girl (from Southend), "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger"
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl (from Chelmsford) the same question, "Joanne have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and the girl from Romford is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Tracy! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies.."If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water...I want to do it before Lorraine sticks her arse in it!!"
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter.
St Peter asks the first girl (from Southend), "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger"
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl (from Chelmsford) the same question, "Joanne have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and the girl from Romford is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Tracy! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies.."If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water...I want to do it before Lorraine sticks her arse in it!!"
dolfe1
Banned
Gotta through this one in.
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,
especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The guy says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,
especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The guy says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
thick
New Member
LMAO
BioAS said:Q: Whats pink and goes 100 miles an hour when a fat woman is near?
A: Grizzlys tongue.
LOL sorry Grizz haven't seen any jokes on you lately. just checking in
CyniQ
New Member
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doc, you gotta help me!"
The doctor asks, "What's your problem?"
The guy says every morning I wake up with my "morning flagpole"... I give the missus a quick one, and then go to work.
On the way to work, I carpool with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work.
Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls.
At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good boinking.
For afternoon tea, I give the boss's wife a good servicing.
Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches.
Then at night, I give the missus another screw......
"So...????" asked the doctor. "What's your problem???"
The guy says "Well, it hurts when I masturbate!"
The doctor asks, "What's your problem?"
The guy says every morning I wake up with my "morning flagpole"... I give the missus a quick one, and then go to work.
On the way to work, I carpool with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work.
Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls.
At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good boinking.
For afternoon tea, I give the boss's wife a good servicing.
Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches.
Then at night, I give the missus another screw......
"So...????" asked the doctor. "What's your problem???"
The guy says "Well, it hurts when I masturbate!"
spound
New Member
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,
> only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying
> a vacuum cleaner.
>
> "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a
> couple of minutes of your time, I would like to
> demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum
> cleaners."
>
> "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
> and she proceeded to close the door.
>
> Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door
> and pushed it wide open.
> "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least
> seen my demonstration."
>
> And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her
> hallway carpet.
> "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this
> horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally
> eat the remainder."
>
> The old lady stepped back and said,
> "Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut
> off my electricity this morning."
>
>
> only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying
> a vacuum cleaner.
>
> "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a
> couple of minutes of your time, I would like to
> demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum
> cleaners."
>
> "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
> and she proceeded to close the door.
>
> Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door
> and pushed it wide open.
> "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least
> seen my demonstration."
>
> And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her
> hallway carpet.
> "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this
> horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally
> eat the remainder."
>
> The old lady stepped back and said,
> "Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut
> off my electricity this morning."
>
>
FTW
New Member
How do you turn a small fox into a fat cow?
Marry her.
Marry her.
FTW
New Member
Whats the difference between a woman and a toilet?
A toilet doesnt wana cuddle after you drop a load in it.
A toilet doesnt wana cuddle after you drop a load in it.
FTW
New Member
What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
Without a hole in the middle they arent good for shit.
Without a hole in the middle they arent good for shit.
FTW
New Member
Why is the African-American network named B.E.T.?
Because TNN was already taken.
Because TNN was already taken.
