MESO-Rx
Anabolic Steroids
Life/body recomp cycle.
- Thread starter naturalkon
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naturalkon
New Member
I'm pretty sure they said gay parade. I guess Blackhawks fans would fit in just fine. It's exasperated by the recent Supreme Court ruling. I was planning on going into the city. Fuck that.The Black Hawks must be having a parade for their Stanley Cup win. @Voltrader or @bickel29 , can you shed some light on this?
naturalkon
New Member
At least you realize your struggling. Generally my ego has built up so much at that point I lie to myself that I'm doing fine. I look to the world like I have my shit together. But like many, when something bad enough happens I'm all alone and can't handle life on life's terms. For me it was when me and my lady split up. I hadn't been to a meeting in over a year and at that point she had been my higher power. I have been trying to get my shit back together for the last sixs months. But I have been trying on my own. I'm just not strong enough to do it alone. I'm looking forward to this new journey. Im at a turning point. Either I go back to being a scumbag like I was for years before. Or I put my ego aside and ask for help. Im happy everyone is getting in on this thread and offering support. I'm sure we all have a lot in common.
The Black Hawks must be having a parade for their Stanley Cup win. @Voltrader or @bickel29 , can you shed some light on this?
Well, the Hawks had their celebration parade already last Thursday. Haha
But, I did attend a Ted Nugent concert about 6 or 7 years ago that took place the day after the LGBT parade, and uncle Ted ripped the city of Chicago for having a celebration for them. I remember about 20 people stomping out of the House of Blues in protest of Nugent's comments that night.
I guess tolerance only works in one direction for some people, and when it is someone with a viewpoint different than their own, well, then, they are not so tolerant of others beliefs?
No one is as intolerant as the so-called 'tolerant' left.
FuriousWO
New Member
I feel you, I did the same for years when I was drinking and using. A functioning addict and alcoholic but really wasn't, my wife was holding everything together for me. It's funny this thread came up because I was just talking to a buddy of mine last week about recovery and how I thought I was maybe starting to slip. For me if I start drinking again I'll slip back into everything fast. So that's what I look out for. I have good days and bad days. The bad days are generally when I'm bored. I have no local "friends" anymore since I cleaned up, so when I get bored I start thinking about all the good times hanging out in bars shooting the shit. Next the dreams start. It's always the same dreams I'm out drinking or just about to take that first drink then realize holy hell I just threw away all my sober time wtf am I doing?!? I get freaked out in my dream that I have to start over, how did this happen .. All the usual shit we think about when we relapse. In the dreams, up until the time I realize oh shit it all seems so very natural and like nothing is wrong. Drink in hand having a great time.
Here's how I came to read your post and figure out I need to go to a meeting... I was at a baseball game the other day with my wife and her friend. Her friend doesn't know I'm an alcoholic and we were having a great time and they went to get food. They came back with hotdogs and a beer. Wife's friend says to me "I have a beer do you want some" and for some reason I caught myself reaching for the beer, it was so VERY NATURAL, I wasn't thinking at all. I stopped myself and put my hand down saying no I don't drink, but it scared me and was just like in my dreams just so very natural. I let my guard down for just a second.
My ex-sponsor used to tell a story of how he threw away two and half years of sobriety because he wasn't thinking and got complacent in his sobriety. He was on a hiking trip with his girlfriend and found some acid in his backpack from years ago. Without thinking he just took it. That lead to him being back out for three to four years.
Anyway sorry for the wall o text, but I wanted to share how my warning signs were there and what I see. I think I need a refresher now in AA. A reminder of where I come from and most importantly how far I've come but that I'm never cured. That we can't let our guard down for even a second. We're addicts and alcoholics our sobriety needs to be our number one priority, even over iron, family or money. Without it were fucking useless to ourselves or anyone else.
Hang in there brother, I know it's tough to live life on life's terms but it's what we have to do.
In!
naturalkon
New Member
Leg day. Fuckin la fitness charging me 15$ for a day pass. Not bad looking bitches up in here though. Weighed in for the first time in a while. 196lb. Not bad for me. I'm 5'7 and lean for a normal person. Not lean in bb terms though. Maybe 12% bf
naturalkon
New Member
Ok so here is my review of pharmacom Tren a. It's real but it's some of the weaker Tren I have used. I was running it at 100 mgs a day and started to get night sweats so I backed it down to 75mgs and they went away. First and last order with them. I am lucky frank accidently doubled my order by sending it twice. Gonna have to run twice as much.
naturalkon
New Member
Ok I'm at Lou malnatis. Just ordered a small deep dish and a salad. Should be adequate calories for a post leg work out.
naturalkon
New Member
Well I absolutely destroyed my legs today. Well as much as i could without doing squats. Im dealing with an injury right now. Fucked my back up doing squats almost 2 months ago. Still is messed up. Its a nerve thing. So I am limited to leg presses and and other isolation leg exercises. Oh and the pizza was really good, not great for the waistline, but delicious nonetheless. Had been doing pretty well emotionally, however kind of feeling a little down right now. Im gonna give my old sponsor a call. I have just put too much of my happiness in my ex girlfriends hands. I need to just get some space from her. She has been fuckin with my head lately.
naturalkon
New Member
Had a good talk with my old sponsor tonight. Looks like I'll be working with him again. Time to give God a chance again. I just struggle with faith so much. It's my biggest hang up with AA. I'm not sure how it is where everyone else is from but I live in the Bible Belt and everyone is really religious down there. It seems to come so easy to them. I'm almost jealous of their ability to have faith. Anyone else struggle with faith in AA.
FuriousWO
New Member
Yep, I try to focus on the higher power part, not God. Anything could be my higher power except myself as I see it. Completely with you on this.
A little with the faith part. I have always struggled with the talking part. My communication skill are pathetic.
naturalkon
New Member
So what does everyone think is a realistic amount of muscle to gain per year. I'm thinking if you can put on 10-12 lbs a year after you maxed you're genetic potential is about what you can expect. Of course it will keep slowing down the bigger you get. And I'm not talking about water weight.
naturalkon
New Member
Was tempted last night. The guy I am travelling with wanted to go into a strip club. There was on right across the street from the hotel we were staying at. Was able to refrain and hit the gym instead. Today was a day off from the gym. I drove like 10 hrs today and am in the middle of no where Nebraska. This whole state smells like cow shit. Looking forward to going home for the holiday weekend.
FuriousWO
New Member
Nice job not giving in bud
naturalkon
New Member
Yeah I have never worked or travelled with this guy before so he didn't really understand my situation. He was trying to get me to go to the bar today. And I finally told him that even if I only have one beer tonight I'll be banging pills soon after. I think he got the point. Most people I work/travel with don't drink much or at least understand my situation.
If my memory serves me right from our PM conversation over the weekend, I believe you were in the dairy state the last couple of days correct? Trust me brother, you didn't miss out skipping a titty bar up there!
naturalkon
New Member
Probably not. I was actually in Rockford, Il. Probably not missing much either some place called tiger tails. I'm sure is be dissapointed anyhow the last time I was at a strip club was vegas and them girls will do anything for a buck.If my memory serves me right from our PM conversation over the weekend, I believe you were in the dairy state the last couple of days correct? Trust me brother, you didn't miss out skipping a titty bar up there!
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