marriage is outdated

[moralanimal]

I just go finished writing up another court ordered psychological evaluation for child custody. It occurred to me that the reason I get so many of these is, maybe, marriage is outdated. Things change. Depending on who you read the divorce rate is somewhere near 54% (more then half get a divorce). This is slightly overstated b/c those who get a divorce are more likely to get a second divorce and they are put back into the statistic.
Marriage began as a way to ensure our survival as a species. It was a norm to only share food with kin in our caveman days and it also made sure we didnt out strip the land and only took what we needed. In simple and advanced agricultural societies they served to band 2 villages together to again ensure they both had enough food and didnt slaughter each other in war. In industrial societies, due to technology people spread out and no longer needed to worry about food or warring villages. So marriage allowed for financial stability. Oddly enough, money is the biggest reason why couples argue.
It is outdated in my mind. If you love someone why is there a need to enter a religious and legal agreement? We love choices as a society and marriage limits choice and serves to frustrate. I am not saying that you should never enter a committed relationship but why complicate it with laws. Of course 2 parent homes are better for children but not when the 2 parents cant get along. I propose a new way. Every 5 years the marriage needs to be renewed. If the 2 people decide they dont want to renew they both walk away. This would make it like any other legal contract. The only part I have not figured out is how assets will be split up. Maybe people would be willing to keep there money separate b/c it could end in 5 years and anything obtained after the original contract would be split 50-50. I think it would also make people try harder to keep the person they are with happy and not take them for granted b/c it is less perminate. What do you think?

 

[thick]

I think that is an excellent idea. That would keep the heffers from gaining 50 pounds once they get that piece of shit diamond on their fingers and it would make each party appreciate the other I believe. There is nothing I like seeing more than a happily married couple. Unfortunately I bet it exists in less than 10% of cases. W/o kids, the divorce rate would probably be 80-90%.
It is outdated in my mind. If you love someone why is there a need to enter a religious and legal agreement? We love choices as a society and marriage limits choice and serves to frustrate. I am not saying that you should never enter a committed relationship but why complicate it with laws. Of course 2 parent homes are better for children but not when the 2 parents cant get along. I propose a new way. Every 5 years the marriage needs to be renewed. If the 2 people decide they dont want to renew they both walk away. This would make it like any other legal contract. The only part I have not figured out is how assets will be split up. Maybe people would be willing to keep there money separate b/c it could end in 5 years and anything obtained after the original contract would be split 50-50. I think it would also make people try harder to keep the person they are with happy and not take them for granted b/c it is less perminate. What do you think?[/QUOTE]

 

[dolfe1]

Seems like some sort of underlying threat there,,,"hey honey if you don't get your shit together the five year mark is coming up and you know what that means" "Hey kids, your mom didn't meet the requirements by the five year mark, me and your mommy are splitting up". Sounds fucked up to me and completely defeats the purpose of marriage. Hey I know people make mistakes and this is easy for me to say because I've never been married but if your not 100 percent sure then don't get married!!!! And if you have the attitude that you have moralanimal, then why even get married at all? You don't have to get married you know, nobody is forcing anyone here.

 

[thick]

A ton of people get married for the wrong reasons. Nobody gets married and thinks it wont last forever. Whether it be for kids, or lust, or desperation, people get married for the wrong reasons. I think manimal's idea is a good one. At least in my own situation and several friends it would be great. Than maybe the wife would act like the gf that you loved. Coolest gf's ever can become a bitch overnight with a 1karat rock on their finger, or even with nothing at all

Seems like some sort of underlying threat there,,,"hey honey if you don't get your shit together the five year mark is coming up and you know what that means" "Hey kids, your mom didn't meet the requirements by the five year mark, me and your mommy are splitting up". Sounds fucked up to me and completely defeats the purpose of marriage. Hey I know people make mistakes and this is easy for me to say because I've never been married but if your not 100 percent sure then don't get married!!!! And if you have the attitude that you have moralanimal, then why even get married at all? You don't have to get married you know, nobody is forcing anyone here.

 

[dolfe1]

A ton of people get married for the wrong reasons. Nobody gets married and thinks it wont last forever. Whether it be for kids, or lust, or desperation, people get married for the wrong reasons. I think manimal's idea is a good one. At least in my own situation and several friends it would be great. Than maybe the wife would act like the gf that you loved. Coolest gf's ever can become a bitch overnight with a 1karat rock on their finger, or even with nothing at all

Yes I agree a ton of people do get married for the wrong reasons, and I also know for the vast majority these people have doubts before they get married. If you are unsure then don't do it. I also agree with your last sentence, because people can change and that sucks but for the most part it is poor decision making, and I am not flaming anyone who has had a divorce but these people made mistakes, most likely knew the consequences(some might not have been able to fathom) and they made the decision, the decision turned out wrong and now they are paying, seems like the simplicity of life to me, you make a mistake you pay. Now I know a lot of times men can get screwed in the divorce, but once again that's just life. In my opinion if you want to have some sort of constant renewal, then marriage is not that sacred to you so don't get married in the first place.

 

[thick]

I will say that I am one of those who is very against divorce and would do anything to prevent a divorce. After my journey, marriage is no longer sacred to me so I think I need to not ever get married again lol.


In my opinion if you want to have some sort of constant renewal, then marriage is not that sacred to you so don't get married in the first place.[/QUOTE]

 

[Bob Smith]

I was reading something the other day that basically said the "50% of marriages end in divorce" mantra that we all spout is so far from accurate that its diplorable. The actual number was closer to about 20%.

How manymarriages are happy? Some, but certainly not all. I am continually encouraged when I see Jewel's parents, my ex's parents and my pastor and his wife. They are all right around 28-32 years, very happily married, are considerate of the other person. Its awesome to see these couples.

IMO, marriage is FAR from outdated. We need more committed marriages and less cohabitation, less single-parent homes, less out of wedlock kids. We need laws that make it much more difficult to get married instead of the very weak ones we have now. Divorces are so easy to get. Why try to solve problems when you can just divorce the person and start the same garbage over again with a new one? Its total crap.

 

[TheTruth]

Marriage is abused these days by many. People are giving themselves an out and taking the easier road and divorcing, which turns out to not be so easy after all.

Anyway I won't get into a blown out debate about this but I would like to add that marriage does and can work for people who are mature and grounded enough to make it work. Marriage can be really cool and it can and does last a lifetime. I have only been married 11 years, but I can tell you it is what you make it and I really have had a good time being married. It is a close relationship unlike any other. Just my opinion....and that's THETRUTH

 

[garyzilla]

You all knew that I would comment on this. I am going to use the Bible as the standard (What a suprize, right?) If you treat your wife and family the way that the Bible says to , and follow what the Bible has to say about marriage, and take it seriously you will not have a divorce. When a disagreement comes you can work it out. Marriage is only for the mature.

-Pastor Garyzilla

 

[thick]

The problem is how easy divorce is and how easy it is to get married. You guys that have been married a long time are lucky. I am telling you my wife was the coolest gf in the world. Once we got married she became the biggest bitch almost overnight. How do you pick through them? I obviously dont have that talent. I have been married 8 years. Process of divorce the last couple of years. Sometimes i think it is the right thing and sometimes I dont. I have made many sacrifices to try and make it work. Changed things about me that didnt bother her at all while we were dating. Get fucking married and all of a sudden she hates some of those things. Oh well i am getting pissed off now so i have to stop

 

[TheTruth]

You all knew that I would comment on this. I am going to use the Bible as the standard (What a suprize, right?) If you treat your wife and family the way that the Bible says to , and follow what the Bible as to say about marriage, and take it seriously you will not have a divorce. When a disagreement comes you can work it out. Marriage is only for the mature.

-Pastor Garyzilla

A bro with his head on straight. Well said bro.

 

[Bob Smith]

I think a strong pre-marital counseling program for EVERY couple looking to get married should be a requirement. And not these half hour sessions right before a wedding. Im talking 6-12 sessions at 1-2 hours each. Some personality profile work, conflict resolution discussions, long talks with a couple happily married for 25+ years and so on.

 

[TheTruth]

The problem is how easy divorce is and how easy it is to get married. You guys that have been married a long time are lucky. I am telling you my wife was the coolest gf in the world. Once we got married she became the biggest bitch almost overnight. How do you pick through them? I obviously dont have that talent. I have been married 8 years. Process of divorce the last couple of years. Sometimes i think it is the right thing and sometimes I dont. I have made many sacrifices to try and make it work. Changed things about me that didnt bother her at all while we were dating. Get fucking married and all of a sudden she hates some of those things. Oh well i am getting pissed off now so i have to stop

Divorce sucks and can really mess with your life. I have a few family members and friends that went through it with kids involved and I feel for you bro.

You asked how to pick them. Well that is a multi facited type question so I'll just say this: Invite someone into your marriage. Invite Christ and make him the center of your life.

 

[garyzilla]

I think a strong pre-marital counseling program for EVERY couple looking to get married should be a requirement. And not these half hour sessions right before a wedding. Im talking 6-12 sessions at 1-2 hours each. Some personality profile work, conflict resolution discussions, long talks with a couple happily married for 25+ years and so on.

Amen, Bob! You are going about it the right way. You will see if there are any problems right up front, and also seeing if you are Jewel are ready for marriage. Excellent!

-Pastor

 

[Bob Smith]

Jewel and I will most likely start the counseling at our church over the summer. IIRC, its 10 sessions. They do the profiling and all that stuff. I think it will be a good experience for us and point out some potential conflicts. I think Jewel is the one for me (and me for her), but sometimes love clouds judgement. If the results came back strongly negative, then we would have to really consider accepting that and parting ways. I dont think that will happen at all, but the counseling will be important and we can both learn from it.

 

[hardcore210]

IMO, marriage is still sacred, and the 2nd most important relationship to consider. However; too many people rush into marriage without truly knowing the other person, then give up when things get difficult. Several of my friends are in bad situations b/c they chose to settle on less than what would make them complete, or they turned a "ho" into a housewife by knocking them up. Others just weren't honorable enough to do the right thing in respect to fidelity. Marriage these days is taken way too lightly. I do believe that it will be a fulfilling and positively life-changing experience for me, which is why I'm taking my time to find the right person.

 

[thick]

I will reiterate that there is nothing I like seeing more than a happily married couple. I have several patients that are in their 70's and 80's that are truely each others best friends.

 

[jarz]

I am on my third marriage. Why? Becuase I was foolish the first time, made a VERY bad choice the second time, and finally came to my senses and decided to:

Not have sex before marriage.
Get to know my partner without sex messing things up.
Learn from my mistakes.
Choose someone who was genuinely interested in me.
Choose someone who had common interests, political views and religious ideas.
Chose someone who did not judge others, as I try not to do.
Not let inmature, trifling women in my space.
Let her be her and she in turn lets me be me.

Its not perfect, but its damn close.

 

[Grizzly]

I think a strong pre-marital counseling program for EVERY couple looking to get married should be a requirement. And not these half hour sessions right before a wedding. Im talking 6-12 sessions at 1-2 hours each. Some personality profile work, conflict resolution discussions, long talks with a couple happily married for 25+ years and so on.

You or "they" or whomever would try and implement that as law could kiss my ass. I don't know that I'm all too keen on the marriage idea as it is. If those were the qualifications, I wouldn't even consider it.

If the gov't implemented it, you know there'd be a 500 dollar fee for all that shit. Fuck that! I'm busy enough as it is. I'm sure as fuck not about to piss away another 30hrs that could be better spent doing something productive like lifting, eating, punching people in the face or watchin Law&Order. LOL

 

[eleven11]

another problem is people meet then date for 2 months and they think they're in love and get married 1 or 2 years later they get a divorce, whata shock. I dated my wife for 6 years before we got married, I was one of those that thought I wouldn't get married but once I realised what i had I still wanted to make damn sure we knew each other before we go married. It will be 18 yrs this summer but it still a work in progess and always will be...........11