MESO-Rx

Anabolic Steroids

Quitting bodybuilding due to suicidal thoughts

Arkangel1200

Arkangel1200

New Member
Hey guys I really need help with this as it has become such a big issue, it's legitimently life threatening. I've been lifting since I was about 13, I remember using 20lb dumbell I got at Walmart and doing a million dips and push-ups on a folding metal chair in my room when I was around that age. From then when I was 16 I started Bodybuilding to the fullest extent. I did an insulin and prohormone cycle, and got up to 205lbs at 17yrs old (5'11") where the year before I was 140lbs and 16yrs old.
Now I am 20 and Im considering quitting, mainly due to what it's bringing in my life. Last year on may 9 I tried to overdose on codeine in order to kill myself, as I hated my life. Unfortunately it didn't work and I'm still here lol now about a year later I'm still struggling heavily with suicide and depression to the fullest extent.
Currently I'm on 500mg of test E, 300mg tren ace, 600mg mastron prop. That's it. And according to plan I start DNP on the 27th and then after the DNP I will run winstrol.
I find myself over obsessing about everything. How much water I drink, how many meals I get in, how much protein I eat in a day and if it has casin protein for nighttime, etc. Just bullshit.
I'm no noob to anything related to Bodybuilding. I've been blasting and cruising since I was around 17, I Homebrew everything, I have had over 10 personal training clients In the past and am currently in the process of a NASM certification.
However, I hate my life. I have an amazing girlfriend that loves me and a decent family. I'm currently getting on my feet financially, living in a hotel. The issue is, is that I don't know why I'm depressed. I hate my life, I see no goals, I simply want to end it. Yet I look great, I have a decent job at $14hr which is great for 20yrs old in Texas lol I don't know what to do. Of course AAS 101 tells us that steroids will make us more emotional but this much? Idk. It seems like not too many guys have had issues with this.
I'm scared to death to quit Bodybuilding though, as it's all I've ever known. I'm a Bodybuilder. Everyone knows I do steroids and everyone knows Im a Bodybuilder. I'm open about my steroid use to everyone as well as my marajuana use for the insomia (usually due to tren).
A part of me want to quit everything all together, another part of me says to just keep going and fuck it. But we risk so much for nothing is my issue as well. Simply just in steroids that's a huge risk, and for myself Homebrew is 10yrs minimum in jail.
All these side effects just to look good, when in reality, no one gives a single solid fuck about who we are or our lives. We may get a 'wow bro your pretty big" or 'damn bro you got huge arms' but is that worth all the money on food and choking down tasteless food, over obsessing over nutrition and money and training and compounds.
When I look at it, it's pointless. If you look at all the great Bodybuilders, their all normal looking after. Which is fine cuz no one cares anyways. But I've been using steroids for about three years straight now and...Honestly I can't remember what it's like to be 'sober'. I feel sometimes that I'm missing a lot of my life. And then sometimes I think...Well what the fuck else would I do haha
I mean I know everything about training and nutrition and drugs related to Bodybuilding, how would I even be able to quit. What would be my career, cuz from here I was planning on being a trainer but if I quit I probably won't be a trainer.
I feel so lost, someone please point me in the right direction. If you need clarification or more info about the situation just ask.
 
Arkangel1200 said:
Hey guys I really need help with this as it has become such a big issue, it's legitimently life threatening. I've been lifting since I was about 13, I remember using 20lb dumbell I got at Walmart and doing a million dips and push-ups on a folding metal chair in my room when I was around that age. From then when I was 16 I started Bodybuilding to the fullest extent. I did an insulin and prohormone cycle, and got up to 205lbs at 17yrs old (5'11") where the year before I was 140lbs and 16yrs old.
Now I am 20 and Im considering quitting, mainly due to what it's bringing in my life. Last year on may 9 I tried to overdose on codeine in order to kill myself, as I hated my life. Unfortunately it didn't work and I'm still here lol now about a year later I'm still struggling heavily with suicide and depression to the fullest extent.
Currently I'm on 500mg of test E, 300mg tren ace, 600mg mastron prop. That's it. And according to plan I start DNP on the 27th and then after the DNP I will run winstrol.
I find myself over obsessing about everything. How much water I drink, how many meals I get in, how much protein I eat in a day and if it has casin protein for nighttime, etc. Just bullshit.
I'm no noob to anything related to Bodybuilding. I've been blasting and cruising since I was around 17, I Homebrew everything, I have had over 10 personal training clients In the past and am currently in the process of a NASM certification.
However, I hate my life. I have an amazing girlfriend that loves me and a decent family. I'm currently getting on my feet financially, living in a hotel. The issue is, is that I don't know why I'm depressed. I hate my life, I see no goals, I simply want to end it. Yet I look great, I have a decent job at $14hr which is great for 20yrs old in Texas lol I don't know what to do. Of course AAS 101 tells us that steroids will make us more emotional but this much? Idk. It seems like not too many guys have had issues with this.
I'm scared to death to quit Bodybuilding though, as it's all I've ever known. I'm a Bodybuilder. Everyone knows I do steroids and everyone knows Im a Bodybuilder. I'm open about my steroid use to everyone as well as my marajuana use for the insomia (usually due to tren).
A part of me want to quit everything all together, another part of me says to just keep going and fuck it. But we risk so much for nothing is my issue as well. Simply just in steroids that's a huge risk, and for myself Homebrew is 10yrs minimum in jail.
All these side effects just to look good, when in reality, no one gives a single solid fuck about who we are or our lives. We may get a 'wow bro your pretty big" or 'damn bro you got huge arms' but is that worth all the money on food and choking down tasteless food, over obsessing over nutrition and money and training and compounds.
When I look at it, it's pointless. If you look at all the great Bodybuilders, their all normal looking after. Which is fine cuz no one cares anyways. But I've been using steroids for about three years straight now and...Honestly I can't remember what it's like to be 'sober'. I feel sometimes that I'm missing a lot of my life. And then sometimes I think...Well what the fuck else would I do haha
I mean I know everything about training and nutrition and drugs related to Bodybuilding, how would I even be able to quit. What would be my career, cuz from here I was planning on being a trainer but if I quit I probably won't be a trainer.
I feel so lost, someone please point me in the right direction. If you need clarification or more info about the situation just ask.
Click to expand...


If you dont find meaning in all your doing then your ready for a long cruise or absence . Then see if you still miss it , cant live without it. You"ll know...;)
 
Arkangel1200 said:
Hey guys I really need help with this as it has become such a big issue, it's legitimently life threatening. I've been lifting since I was about 13, I remember using 20lb dumbell I got at Walmart and doing a million dips and push-ups on a folding metal chair in my room when I was around that age. From then when I was 16 I started Bodybuilding to the fullest extent. I did an insulin and prohormone cycle, and got up to 205lbs at 17yrs old (5'11") where the year before I was 140lbs and 16yrs old.
Now I am 20 and Im considering quitting, mainly due to what it's bringing in my life. Last year on may 9 I tried to overdose on codeine in order to kill myself, as I hated my life. Unfortunately it didn't work and I'm still here lol now about a year later I'm still struggling heavily with suicide and depression to the fullest extent.
Currently I'm on 500mg of test E, 300mg tren ace, 600mg mastron prop. That's it. And according to plan I start DNP on the 27th and then after the DNP I will run winstrol.
I find myself over obsessing about everything. How much water I drink, how many meals I get in, how much protein I eat in a day and if it has casin protein for nighttime, etc. Just bullshit.
I'm no noob to anything related to Bodybuilding. I've been blasting and cruising since I was around 17, I Homebrew everything, I have had over 10 personal training clients In the past and am currently in the process of a NASM certification.
However, I hate my life. I have an amazing girlfriend that loves me and a decent family. I'm currently getting on my feet financially, living in a hotel. The issue is, is that I don't know why I'm depressed. I hate my life, I see no goals, I simply want to end it. Yet I look great, I have a decent job at $14hr which is great for 20yrs old in Texas lol I don't know what to do. Of course AAS 101 tells us that steroids will make us more emotional but this much? Idk. It seems like not too many guys have had issues with this.
I'm scared to death to quit Bodybuilding though, as it's all I've ever known. I'm a Bodybuilder. Everyone knows I do steroids and everyone knows Im a Bodybuilder. I'm open about my steroid use to everyone as well as my marajuana use for the insomia (usually due to tren).
A part of me want to quit everything all together, another part of me says to just keep going and fuck it. But we risk so much for nothing is my issue as well. Simply just in steroids that's a huge risk, and for myself Homebrew is 10yrs minimum in jail.
All these side effects just to look good, when in reality, no one gives a single solid fuck about who we are or our lives. We may get a 'wow bro your pretty big" or 'damn bro you got huge arms' but is that worth all the money on food and choking down tasteless food, over obsessing over nutrition and money and training and compounds.
When I look at it, it's pointless. If you look at all the great Bodybuilders, their all normal looking after. Which is fine cuz no one cares anyways. But I've been using steroids for about three years straight now and...Honestly I can't remember what it's like to be 'sober'. I feel sometimes that I'm missing a lot of my life. And then sometimes I think...Well what the fuck else would I do haha
I mean I know everything about training and nutrition and drugs related to Bodybuilding, how would I even be able to quit. What would be my career, cuz from here I was planning on being a trainer but if I quit I probably won't be a trainer.
I feel so lost, someone please point me in the right direction. If you need clarification or more info about the situation just ask.
Click to expand...
Try gay sex
Worked for Michael Sam
 
Geez... You even suck at killing yourself....

Just kidding... Sounds like you need some help though....

And so what if you don't end up being a trainer as a career. Do you know how many people change careers or don't even work on the fields they graduate in?

Life is about accepting change and moving on with it
 
Arkangel1200 said:
Hey guys I really need help with this as it has become such a big issue, it's legitimently life threatening. I've been lifting since I was about 13, I remember using 20lb dumbell I got at Walmart and doing a million dips and push-ups on a folding metal chair in my room when I was around that age. From then when I was 16 I started Bodybuilding to the fullest extent. I did an insulin and prohormone cycle, and got up to 205lbs at 17yrs old (5'11") where the year before I was 140lbs and 16yrs old.
Now I am 20 and Im considering quitting, mainly due to what it's bringing in my life. Last year on may 9 I tried to overdose on codeine in order to kill myself, as I hated my life. Unfortunately it didn't work and I'm still here lol now about a year later I'm still struggling heavily with suicide and depression to the fullest extent.
Currently I'm on 500mg of test E, 300mg tren ace, 600mg mastron prop. That's it. And according to plan I start DNP on the 27th and then after the DNP I will run winstrol.
I find myself over obsessing about everything. How much water I drink, how many meals I get in, how much protein I eat in a day and if it has casin protein for nighttime, etc. Just bullshit.
I'm no noob to anything related to Bodybuilding. I've been blasting and cruising since I was around 17, I Homebrew everything, I have had over 10 personal training clients In the past and am currently in the process of a NASM certification.
However, I hate my life. I have an amazing girlfriend that loves me and a decent family. I'm currently getting on my feet financially, living in a hotel. The issue is, is that I don't know why I'm depressed. I hate my life, I see no goals, I simply want to end it. Yet I look great, I have a decent job at $14hr which is great for 20yrs old in Texas lol I don't know what to do. Of course AAS 101 tells us that steroids will make us more emotional but this much? Idk. It seems like not too many guys have had issues with this.
I'm scared to death to quit Bodybuilding though, as it's all I've ever known. I'm a Bodybuilder. Everyone knows I do steroids and everyone knows Im a Bodybuilder. I'm open about my steroid use to everyone as well as my marajuana use for the insomia (usually due to tren).
A part of me want to quit everything all together, another part of me says to just keep going and fuck it. But we risk so much for nothing is my issue as well. Simply just in steroids that's a huge risk, and for myself Homebrew is 10yrs minimum in jail.
All these side effects just to look good, when in reality, no one gives a single solid fuck about who we are or our lives. We may get a 'wow bro your pretty big" or 'damn bro you got huge arms' but is that worth all the money on food and choking down tasteless food, over obsessing over nutrition and money and training and compounds.
When I look at it, it's pointless. If you look at all the great Bodybuilders, their all normal looking after. Which is fine cuz no one cares anyways. But I've been using steroids for about three years straight now and...Honestly I can't remember what it's like to be 'sober'. I feel sometimes that I'm missing a lot of my life. And then sometimes I think...Well what the fuck else would I do haha
I mean I know everything about training and nutrition and drugs related to Bodybuilding, how would I even be able to quit. What would be my career, cuz from here I was planning on being a trainer but if I quit I probably won't be a trainer.
I feel so lost, someone please point me in the right direction. If you need clarification or more info about the situation just ask.
Click to expand...
Do you have any close friends you can talk to about this or someone close to you? You need to let someone close to you try and help you thru this.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk
 
You need to get on some antidepressants asap. They should help your mental state until your body and mind are balanced out naturally. This suicidal thing will go away but you need to seek help. Go to an endo and tell all and a pcp and probably some counseling. Who knows, maybe someday you can help someone else out who feels the way you do now
 
+1 Get on antidepressants and get off gear for a while. Take a break and if you want to keep lifting go about it naturally for a while. Things will get better, life is an epic up and down ride, you have to be able to ride out the lows to experience the highs.

DedLift said:
You need to get on some antidepressants asap. They should help your mental state until your body and mind are balanced out naturally. This suicidal thing will go away but you need to seek help. Go to an endo and tell all and a pcp and probably some counseling. Who knows, maybe someday you can help someone else out who feels the way you do now
Click to expand...
 
All jokes aside if you're feeling suicidal you need to speak to a doctor. Go to your local hospital and tell them how you've been feeling and they'll get you help. Asking a bunch of strangers on a forum will do you nothing.
 
Sounds like you need a holiday!, abit of time away!...alone time, no training!, serious pct, talk with your doctor.

From what you be saying you should be listening to your body, that is crying out for a break
 
Quit being so fuckin selfish. Codeine ain't no cry for help. How many street drugs you abusing from your hotel room? Tell family, get help, they love you. Have children? Think of them. 20 years old huh? Your life hasn't even started. Don't get ssri's from your source, go see a real doc. All else fails, lay down in front of a train. Your life might not mean much too you, however I'm sure it really does to someone. I don't give a fuck.
 
Gbro said:
You need professional help.
Click to expand...

This x a million, dude.

You fucked with your hormones way too early and, in return, it has fucked your brain chemistry. You need to start with a doctor and/or psychiatrist to regulate hormones which will eventually regulate your mood. Then therapy.

My best friend killed himself. I've battled depression since childhood, so I know the feeling all too well. But I'll never forgive my friend for what he did. He emotionally wrecked me and his family with his decision. Help is out there. Get off the fucking internet and go find it. Now.
 
Internet steroid forums... best place to reach out for help.
If you go the ssri route, it's a lifelong trip. Have fun trying to handle withdrawal from that shit.
Go join the fucking army you pussy.
 
Arkangel1200 said:
Hey guys I really need help with this as it has become such a big issue, it's legitimently life threatening. I've been lifting since I was about 13, I remember using 20lb dumbell I got at Walmart and doing a million dips and push-ups on a folding metal chair in my room when I was around that age. From then when I was 16 I started Bodybuilding to the fullest extent. I did an insulin and prohormone cycle, and got up to 205lbs at 17yrs old (5'11") where the year before I was 140lbs and 16yrs old.
Now I am 20 and Im considering quitting, mainly due to what it's bringing in my life. Last year on may 9 I tried to overdose on codeine in order to kill myself, as I hated my life. Unfortunately it didn't work and I'm still here lol now about a year later I'm still struggling heavily with suicide and depression to the fullest extent.
Currently I'm on 500mg of test E, 300mg tren ace, 600mg mastron prop. That's it. And according to plan I start DNP on the 27th and then after the DNP I will run winstrol.
I find myself over obsessing about everything. How much water I drink, how many meals I get in, how much protein I eat in a day and if it has casin protein for nighttime, etc. Just bullshit.
I'm no noob to anything related to Bodybuilding. I've been blasting and cruising since I was around 17, I Homebrew everything, I have had over 10 personal training clients In the past and am currently in the process of a NASM certification.
However, I hate my life. I have an amazing girlfriend that loves me and a decent family. I'm currently getting on my feet financially, living in a hotel. The issue is, is that I don't know why I'm depressed. I hate my life, I see no goals, I simply want to end it. Yet I look great, I have a decent job at $14hr which is great for 20yrs old in Texas lol I don't know what to do. Of course AAS 101 tells us that steroids will make us more emotional but this much? Idk. It seems like not too many guys have had issues with this.
I'm scared to death to quit Bodybuilding though, as it's all I've ever known. I'm a Bodybuilder. Everyone knows I do steroids and everyone knows Im a Bodybuilder. I'm open about my steroid use to everyone as well as my marajuana use for the insomia (usually due to tren).
A part of me want to quit everything all together, another part of me says to just keep going and fuck it. But we risk so much for nothing is my issue as well. Simply just in steroids that's a huge risk, and for myself Homebrew is 10yrs minimum in jail.
All these side effects just to look good, when in reality, no one gives a single solid fuck about who we are or our lives. We may get a 'wow bro your pretty big" or 'damn bro you got huge arms' but is that worth all the money on food and choking down tasteless food, over obsessing over nutrition and money and training and compounds.
When I look at it, it's pointless. If you look at all the great Bodybuilders, their all normal looking after. Which is fine cuz no one cares anyways. But I've been using steroids for about three years straight now and...Honestly I can't remember what it's like to be 'sober'. I feel sometimes that I'm missing a lot of my life. And then sometimes I think...Well what the fuck else would I do haha
I mean I know everything about training and nutrition and drugs related to Bodybuilding, how would I even be able to quit. What would be my career, cuz from here I was planning on being a trainer but if I quit I probably won't be a trainer.
I feel so lost, someone please point me in the right direction. If you need clarification or more info about the situation just ask.
Click to expand...

Hey man I think u should see a doc and tell them about your depression.
I belive anti-depresants like ssri and maybe anti-anxiety meds would do really good for u.

Man don't quit bodybuilding it's your passion!

You need to let go about caring so much about stuff though, the ssri will help with that!

But try to just focus on having fun, go out with friends and see girls and stuff.

Go to school, enjoy life bro.

Your too hard on yourself bro, u r probably just depressed and need the medication.

You'll be fine bro. Just see the doctor.

Best of luck!!!

And don't kill yourself, trust me see the doctor and your life will greatly improve. You've got alot of fun and great fucking times ahead of u bro, u just don't know it yet I guess.
 
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