chip douglas
New Member
Over the last 10 years, I've been complaining of total absence of any sex drive, In addition to this I have woken up to no morning woods for 9 years. It's possible that I experienced them to some extent, but what I know is that when I'd wake up, there was no erection to speak of. Now, over the last year, there's been a tiny bit of improvement, in that I wake up to morning woods roughly 3 out of 5 days of the week. I've experienced random short-lived spikes in sex drive.
Getting a hard-on is not much of a problem when I feel like having sex, but the thing is when there's no sex drive to speak of, it's very hard for me to get it up, and when I manage to do it, erections aren't sustained and as hard as they should be by definition. I've also complained of lack of focus and poor attention span as well as short term memory deficit. I've been in a relationship for the last 13 years, so obviously, this lack of libido has been tough on both of us, but, althougm my better half didn't seem to suffer too much. Although it may be that she knew I had enough pressure bearing on my shoulders already and simply didn't want to add additional stress to a situation that already had far too much. However, I kept beating off 1-2 times a day watching internet porn, although the pleasure experienced down there from viewing sexual intercourse I'd have to rate as being 1.5 to 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. Despite very little pleasure, I kept doing it for the last 10 years. I think, although I do not pretend to know it all, that my OCD personality may have caused this compulsion to persist despite experiencing no to very low sex drive. However, it's occured to me that in anyone complaining of no sex drive, there should not be any urge to masturbate whatsoever, but then, I can't ignore my OCD personality.
I'm known to drive or push myself hard. I'm known to go to extremes, and to be a perfectionist. However, fortunately, not every single thing I do is taken to excess, but rather things I take to heart or enjoy spending time doing or documenting about. My ultimate purpose in this life (I'm not implying that we live more than once
though ) is to achieve the best possible overall health, implying that all aspects of cognition have to be mainained and/or improved. Maintenance is preferred here. Being aware of my OCD personality, I must be very careful not to go over the top, which is so easy for me. At age 16, I was already trying to get my inner unrest/stress/anxiety under control through the use of herbal remedies, so this inner unrest and tendency to make mountain out of a molehill isn't new to me. I'll often get overwhelmed, which clearly indicate inability to handle stress. Nonetheless, what must not be forgotten is that I aim very high, and at age 36, while this isn't ripe old age, is old enough for me to really start working at achieving a % bodyfat of 12%, better cognition, clearer mind, self-control, and most especially read all of the books that I've purchased over the last few years and have failed to read cover to cover. However great those books may be, information they contain isn't going to get into my brain through osmosis
Fortunately, I have a good sense of humor, and very often laugh at myself, yet not in a derogative way. I've found that I tend to spend lots of time thinking about doing something as opposed to just do it--this is an obvious waste of my own time. Before my father passed away 4 years ago (time sure flies), I had been weight lifting for years, but my knowledge of weight lifting then was poor and each session was overly lenghty, which was counterproductive. I resumed working out 6 months ago, and this time added much cardio in the form of interva trainingl and steady state cardio. When I started lifting again, I went by increments in order not to tax my body too much, since I was not going for world records. I experienced the usual lactic acid build related pain days after a workout, but there was more : I found that way beyond recovery days, I had aches and pains mostly in my shoulders, and elbows, so much so that it really impaired my ability to perform some exercises. There was also transient pain in either knee, but pain was clearly localized in the elbow and shoulder area. Not long ago, I stopped working out for 3 weeks over the holiday season to see whether it'd get better, and it didn't.
I'm also attending college full time doing BSN degree (bachelor of science in nursing degree, for those who don't know what B stands for). This isn't med school, but information is consistently being crammed into our heads. I'd have preferred to attend med school, there's no doubt about this, but I've taken account of my age and the consequences of going ot med school regarding social life, and the amount of work it'd be, and the fact that I'd have had to move lock stock and barrel to the next city, while my better half holds a decent local job that she enjoys. Should I was a bachelor, things might have been different, but I'm not, so I acted accordingly. I comfort myself in the fact that after I graduate, I'll be allowed to work higher functions ; making out drug prescriptions, at least some drugs, carrying out invasive procedures, and as a nurse practitioner I'll allowed to do some of the things MD holders do, so overall, it's not so bad at all.
However, given my propensity to being a high acheiver, I've worked myself into the ground trying for the best possible grades, and I have to say I've managed to do well, while not being 100% of what I could or used to be. I used to have a very sharp memory ; I could recall dictionary entries by heart, and this would have people go wow. I have recovered some of my former cognitive abilities, it's still far from what it should be for me to be at my best in college, and that annoys the heck out of me, and causes my self-esteem to take a nasty beating. However, what's good about me, is that I highly positive thinking, and remain confident that through dedication, help and knowledge, I'll make it to full recovery.
I think that the above provides a good summary of what I do, and who I am to those who don't know me, cause obviously, it's hardly possible to get to know anyone through a discussion board, unless someone is being truthful and doesn't withhold important information.
Now, getting to the core of this posting :
Over the last 3 years, I've met with a good many health practitioners in order to find out what's been wrong with me, that causes my libido to be non-existent. First I saw my local primary care physician, who said I had dysthymia. I wasn't satisfied and wanted more, so I paid big money and saw Dr. Eric Braverman 3 years ago. He found me to have : moderate ADHD and dysthymia, and prescribed rHGH, DHEA (although serum DHEA was mid range--I'm sure he had his reasons), and a slew of dietary supplements. I didn't go on rHGH, but went on DHEA, but it caused my anxiety to skyrocket, so I had to stop. Mind you, perhaps it'd have been transient anxiety, and thus not really as a result of DHEA itself. I didn't like his shotgun approach, or at least should he had explained to me in some details why he prescribed the things he did, it'd have been far different, since I'm the type to seek understanding how most things work, most especially when it comes to health. Not only out of curiosity but because I like it very much.
Then I saw an endo, who after running lab tests, found nothing to be pathologically wrong with me. Then I asked to see a psychiatrist (although, owing to the social stigma associated with seeing a psychiatrist, I found it to be humiliating to some extent), but clearly, I didn't want to miss out on what he'd had to say. He found me to have GAD and ADHD--ADHD was pretty obvious to him, because my talk kept branching off. He wanted me to go on stims, but changed his mind after I brought up having supraventicular ectopy. He wanted me to first undergo a full cardiac testing, which I did. There's no such thing as a percect Holter test, and both 48-hour Holter I had were perfectly within normal, which means that over a 48-hour period, I had only a few supraventricular and ventricular ectopy. I showed my report to a cardiologist acquaintance of mine, and he said that it's was perfectly normal, with no runs nor salvos. The occurence when it happens causes more fear than actually harm. They're also referred to as extrasystole IIRC, and the extra blood during the systole is what causes the weird sensation. Cardio training has decreased their occurence to an extent. So I haven't taken any drugs over the last 3 years, except for occasional Klonopin. I then saw a few more local MDs, but the best they could help me with, was in finding help in a psychologist as they all suggested. I humored them, knowing far too well that there wouldn't lie the answer (mind you, It can't do any harm either). I saw a neuropsychologist last fall before college began, and after sharing my medical history, and the above mentioned issues, he said he couldn't be of any help towards the resolution of these problems. It was more money out of my pocket, but, I enjoyed discussing with him, as he's quite a gentleman, so I got the positive out of our meetings. I handed the report over to my primary care physician, and never heard from her ever since.
I apologize for this very lenghty emails (this is unreasonable of me once more, yet felt it was needed to get an overview).
Now, I've been under the care of a doctor in the U.S.. There's no doctor-patient relationship established between him and I, but he's coaching me over the phone once a week. I first sent him details I posted above, after which he said I had Adrenal Fatigue. He put me on high dose Vitamin C in both morning and mid-afternoon. He has me eat a few handful of nuts in the PM to prevent the usual late PM reactive hypoglycemia. Most of the time, when I measure BG at the time of symptoms (slight dizziness, weakness, feeling faint, shaky, and hungry, and slightly disoriented, anxiety), BG is not reflective of low blood sugar. Here's a WIKI link about reactive hypoglycemia and adrenergic postprandial syndrome : [ame="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_hypoglycemia"]Reactive hypoglycemia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/ame]
So now, I'm at 2000 mg vitamin C in the morning and 4000 mg at 2 PM. This caused me to get more relax, but then not much difference so far as sex drive is concerned. Then he added 1/2 tsp sea salt in an 8 ounce glass of water at breakfast. This for about 4 days caused my libido to go up noticeably, but then since you can only trick the body for so long, it went back down. Then he added pantethine at 200 mg in AM and 200 in PM--this caused me to get quite sleepy/drowsy while attending class--this was almost unbearable, as my attention span was next to zero, which obviously isn't the best when attending a class on thyroid physiology for instance. last week he took me off pantethine cause it was causing me to get what feels like reactive hypo in the late morning, whereas I would only get this in late PM over the last few years. After I was taken off pantethine, things returned to normal shortly thereafter. Now i'm still on high dose C + salt in AM, and that's it. I have a handful of raw nuts at 2 PM to prevent the 3 PM crash. He said that my case was challenging when we last spoke last week. He had me order : thyroplex, adrenalplex and C support from this site : Supplement Clinic - Quality Trusted Clinicians but said not to start immediately on them when I get them.
Last week though he said that he's convinced I have AF, cause why would vitamin C calm me down he said ? Plus the benefits I got from salted drink at breaskfast further reinforced the premise that I have had AF according to him. He also asked me : what do you think it is, beside AF ? It'd make sense to me that being detail and performance oriented has driven my adrenals into the ground over the years. Always racking my brains about this and that--never ending inner unrest, consistently driving myself.
Yesterday, while attending a physical examation class, the teacher ran an iridoscope before some of the student's eyes, and it occured to me that I had done this at home a while ago, and found my pupil normally constrict when light was shinning in my eye, but then it'd dilate again despite for the fact that light was still shinning in my eye. So I stepped forward, ask the teacher to do this test on me, and she did, and went : everything's fine since your pupil constricsts normally, but then I went : now, keep the iridoscope in place and watch what happens. She was stunned, and had never seen this happen before. I tried explaining what it's purported to be from, but she lost total interest, as there's no ICD code for this. It's funny that when you tell people about chronic stress, they're not surprised to learn that it can bring about health issues, but when the notion of adrenals is introduced, people lose complete interest, as though it's some bogus theory.
Aches and pains have decreased since on high dose vit.C so I take it to mean that it could be AF. Also taking account of the eye test, although I imagine there exist at least another reason for one's pupil to dilate back to unlighted condition. At this point, I don't know what to do. Of course, I'll keep following what the doctor who's coaching advises, but what could it be if not AF ? What's left that can cause my sex drive to be that low all of the time ? I could be with the most gorgeous women out there, chiseled, suntanned, you name it, and I could't ever attempt to have sex with any of them since, sex drive (spark) isn't there. Mind you, there's been some modest boost in libido over the last week, but very modest. If the initial effect provided by the sea salt drink had persisted, then I'd have been encouraged though, as it was significant, and it's not something I expected at all. The neuropsycho raised the possibility that there could be something burried in my sub-conscious mind regarding my ongoing relationship, which is indeed possible, since we had a hard time when we went steady. This last caused me to experience tremendous tension for a year, and then it's where I collapsed (that is, became physically weak, short term memory was shot, was passing lots of clear urine, yet no polydispia was present, libido went from through the roof to through the floor). After I somewhat recovered from that collapse, I felt as though my SNS was stuck at ''on''.
You see, at this point I'm attempting to make sense of it all.
On the topic of adrenal fatigue, with regards to pantethine : can we take for granted that when one's libido goes up on pantethine, that it's cause it's boosting adrenal hormones output ? Doesn't pantethine also partake in the biosynthesis of Ach, and hasn't Ach a role to play in erection through NO ? What I'm driving at here is : can one assume that if B5 is improving his erections, that it can be explained by increased adrenal output and not Ach ?
Same goes for vitamin C, should one assume that vitamin C is boosting adrenal output if one's sex drive goes up while on it ? I recall this study on high dose C : Vitamin C, mood and sex no links is made that has to do with AF, although if Vitamin C, however it achieves this, decrease perception of stress, can indeed spare the adrenals to an extent.
My vision of AF is that chronic stress has depleted needed nutrients and biochemicals that afford one's a buffer from stress, leading to out of control cortisol release which over time makes sense would cause the adrenals to falter--is my understanding right on ? The more stress one experiences the more a healthy diet rich in vitamins (cofactors), minerals, amino acids (neurotransmitter precursors) is needed in order to maintain homeostasis and avoid taxing the adaptive system (adrenals).
Thanks for reading.
Getting a hard-on is not much of a problem when I feel like having sex, but the thing is when there's no sex drive to speak of, it's very hard for me to get it up, and when I manage to do it, erections aren't sustained and as hard as they should be by definition. I've also complained of lack of focus and poor attention span as well as short term memory deficit. I've been in a relationship for the last 13 years, so obviously, this lack of libido has been tough on both of us, but, althougm my better half didn't seem to suffer too much. Although it may be that she knew I had enough pressure bearing on my shoulders already and simply didn't want to add additional stress to a situation that already had far too much. However, I kept beating off 1-2 times a day watching internet porn, although the pleasure experienced down there from viewing sexual intercourse I'd have to rate as being 1.5 to 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. Despite very little pleasure, I kept doing it for the last 10 years. I think, although I do not pretend to know it all, that my OCD personality may have caused this compulsion to persist despite experiencing no to very low sex drive. However, it's occured to me that in anyone complaining of no sex drive, there should not be any urge to masturbate whatsoever, but then, I can't ignore my OCD personality.
I'm known to drive or push myself hard. I'm known to go to extremes, and to be a perfectionist. However, fortunately, not every single thing I do is taken to excess, but rather things I take to heart or enjoy spending time doing or documenting about. My ultimate purpose in this life (I'm not implying that we live more than once
though ) is to achieve the best possible overall health, implying that all aspects of cognition have to be mainained and/or improved. Maintenance is preferred here. Being aware of my OCD personality, I must be very careful not to go over the top, which is so easy for me. At age 16, I was already trying to get my inner unrest/stress/anxiety under control through the use of herbal remedies, so this inner unrest and tendency to make mountain out of a molehill isn't new to me. I'll often get overwhelmed, which clearly indicate inability to handle stress. Nonetheless, what must not be forgotten is that I aim very high, and at age 36, while this isn't ripe old age, is old enough for me to really start working at achieving a % bodyfat of 12%, better cognition, clearer mind, self-control, and most especially read all of the books that I've purchased over the last few years and have failed to read cover to cover. However great those books may be, information they contain isn't going to get into my brain through osmosis
Fortunately, I have a good sense of humor, and very often laugh at myself, yet not in a derogative way. I've found that I tend to spend lots of time thinking about doing something as opposed to just do it--this is an obvious waste of my own time. Before my father passed away 4 years ago (time sure flies), I had been weight lifting for years, but my knowledge of weight lifting then was poor and each session was overly lenghty, which was counterproductive. I resumed working out 6 months ago, and this time added much cardio in the form of interva trainingl and steady state cardio. When I started lifting again, I went by increments in order not to tax my body too much, since I was not going for world records. I experienced the usual lactic acid build related pain days after a workout, but there was more : I found that way beyond recovery days, I had aches and pains mostly in my shoulders, and elbows, so much so that it really impaired my ability to perform some exercises. There was also transient pain in either knee, but pain was clearly localized in the elbow and shoulder area. Not long ago, I stopped working out for 3 weeks over the holiday season to see whether it'd get better, and it didn't. I'm also attending college full time doing BSN degree (bachelor of science in nursing degree, for those who don't know what B stands for). This isn't med school, but information is consistently being crammed into our heads. I'd have preferred to attend med school, there's no doubt about this, but I've taken account of my age and the consequences of going ot med school regarding social life, and the amount of work it'd be, and the fact that I'd have had to move lock stock and barrel to the next city, while my better half holds a decent local job that she enjoys. Should I was a bachelor, things might have been different, but I'm not, so I acted accordingly. I comfort myself in the fact that after I graduate, I'll be allowed to work higher functions ; making out drug prescriptions, at least some drugs, carrying out invasive procedures, and as a nurse practitioner I'll allowed to do some of the things MD holders do, so overall, it's not so bad at all.
However, given my propensity to being a high acheiver, I've worked myself into the ground trying for the best possible grades, and I have to say I've managed to do well, while not being 100% of what I could or used to be. I used to have a very sharp memory ; I could recall dictionary entries by heart, and this would have people go wow. I have recovered some of my former cognitive abilities, it's still far from what it should be for me to be at my best in college, and that annoys the heck out of me, and causes my self-esteem to take a nasty beating. However, what's good about me, is that I highly positive thinking, and remain confident that through dedication, help and knowledge, I'll make it to full recovery.
I think that the above provides a good summary of what I do, and who I am to those who don't know me, cause obviously, it's hardly possible to get to know anyone through a discussion board, unless someone is being truthful and doesn't withhold important information.
Now, getting to the core of this posting :
Over the last 3 years, I've met with a good many health practitioners in order to find out what's been wrong with me, that causes my libido to be non-existent. First I saw my local primary care physician, who said I had dysthymia. I wasn't satisfied and wanted more, so I paid big money and saw Dr. Eric Braverman 3 years ago. He found me to have : moderate ADHD and dysthymia, and prescribed rHGH, DHEA (although serum DHEA was mid range--I'm sure he had his reasons), and a slew of dietary supplements. I didn't go on rHGH, but went on DHEA, but it caused my anxiety to skyrocket, so I had to stop. Mind you, perhaps it'd have been transient anxiety, and thus not really as a result of DHEA itself. I didn't like his shotgun approach, or at least should he had explained to me in some details why he prescribed the things he did, it'd have been far different, since I'm the type to seek understanding how most things work, most especially when it comes to health. Not only out of curiosity but because I like it very much.
Then I saw an endo, who after running lab tests, found nothing to be pathologically wrong with me. Then I asked to see a psychiatrist (although, owing to the social stigma associated with seeing a psychiatrist, I found it to be humiliating to some extent), but clearly, I didn't want to miss out on what he'd had to say. He found me to have GAD and ADHD--ADHD was pretty obvious to him, because my talk kept branching off. He wanted me to go on stims, but changed his mind after I brought up having supraventicular ectopy. He wanted me to first undergo a full cardiac testing, which I did. There's no such thing as a percect Holter test, and both 48-hour Holter I had were perfectly within normal, which means that over a 48-hour period, I had only a few supraventricular and ventricular ectopy. I showed my report to a cardiologist acquaintance of mine, and he said that it's was perfectly normal, with no runs nor salvos. The occurence when it happens causes more fear than actually harm. They're also referred to as extrasystole IIRC, and the extra blood during the systole is what causes the weird sensation. Cardio training has decreased their occurence to an extent. So I haven't taken any drugs over the last 3 years, except for occasional Klonopin. I then saw a few more local MDs, but the best they could help me with, was in finding help in a psychologist as they all suggested. I humored them, knowing far too well that there wouldn't lie the answer (mind you, It can't do any harm either). I saw a neuropsychologist last fall before college began, and after sharing my medical history, and the above mentioned issues, he said he couldn't be of any help towards the resolution of these problems. It was more money out of my pocket, but, I enjoyed discussing with him, as he's quite a gentleman, so I got the positive out of our meetings. I handed the report over to my primary care physician, and never heard from her ever since.
I apologize for this very lenghty emails (this is unreasonable of me once more, yet felt it was needed to get an overview).
Now, I've been under the care of a doctor in the U.S.. There's no doctor-patient relationship established between him and I, but he's coaching me over the phone once a week. I first sent him details I posted above, after which he said I had Adrenal Fatigue. He put me on high dose Vitamin C in both morning and mid-afternoon. He has me eat a few handful of nuts in the PM to prevent the usual late PM reactive hypoglycemia. Most of the time, when I measure BG at the time of symptoms (slight dizziness, weakness, feeling faint, shaky, and hungry, and slightly disoriented, anxiety), BG is not reflective of low blood sugar. Here's a WIKI link about reactive hypoglycemia and adrenergic postprandial syndrome : [ame="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_hypoglycemia"]Reactive hypoglycemia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/ame]
So now, I'm at 2000 mg vitamin C in the morning and 4000 mg at 2 PM. This caused me to get more relax, but then not much difference so far as sex drive is concerned. Then he added 1/2 tsp sea salt in an 8 ounce glass of water at breakfast. This for about 4 days caused my libido to go up noticeably, but then since you can only trick the body for so long, it went back down. Then he added pantethine at 200 mg in AM and 200 in PM--this caused me to get quite sleepy/drowsy while attending class--this was almost unbearable, as my attention span was next to zero, which obviously isn't the best when attending a class on thyroid physiology for instance. last week he took me off pantethine cause it was causing me to get what feels like reactive hypo in the late morning, whereas I would only get this in late PM over the last few years. After I was taken off pantethine, things returned to normal shortly thereafter. Now i'm still on high dose C + salt in AM, and that's it. I have a handful of raw nuts at 2 PM to prevent the 3 PM crash. He said that my case was challenging when we last spoke last week. He had me order : thyroplex, adrenalplex and C support from this site : Supplement Clinic - Quality Trusted Clinicians but said not to start immediately on them when I get them.
Last week though he said that he's convinced I have AF, cause why would vitamin C calm me down he said ? Plus the benefits I got from salted drink at breaskfast further reinforced the premise that I have had AF according to him. He also asked me : what do you think it is, beside AF ? It'd make sense to me that being detail and performance oriented has driven my adrenals into the ground over the years. Always racking my brains about this and that--never ending inner unrest, consistently driving myself.
Yesterday, while attending a physical examation class, the teacher ran an iridoscope before some of the student's eyes, and it occured to me that I had done this at home a while ago, and found my pupil normally constrict when light was shinning in my eye, but then it'd dilate again despite for the fact that light was still shinning in my eye. So I stepped forward, ask the teacher to do this test on me, and she did, and went : everything's fine since your pupil constricsts normally, but then I went : now, keep the iridoscope in place and watch what happens. She was stunned, and had never seen this happen before. I tried explaining what it's purported to be from, but she lost total interest, as there's no ICD code for this. It's funny that when you tell people about chronic stress, they're not surprised to learn that it can bring about health issues, but when the notion of adrenals is introduced, people lose complete interest, as though it's some bogus theory.
Aches and pains have decreased since on high dose vit.C so I take it to mean that it could be AF. Also taking account of the eye test, although I imagine there exist at least another reason for one's pupil to dilate back to unlighted condition. At this point, I don't know what to do. Of course, I'll keep following what the doctor who's coaching advises, but what could it be if not AF ? What's left that can cause my sex drive to be that low all of the time ? I could be with the most gorgeous women out there, chiseled, suntanned, you name it, and I could't ever attempt to have sex with any of them since, sex drive (spark) isn't there. Mind you, there's been some modest boost in libido over the last week, but very modest. If the initial effect provided by the sea salt drink had persisted, then I'd have been encouraged though, as it was significant, and it's not something I expected at all. The neuropsycho raised the possibility that there could be something burried in my sub-conscious mind regarding my ongoing relationship, which is indeed possible, since we had a hard time when we went steady. This last caused me to experience tremendous tension for a year, and then it's where I collapsed (that is, became physically weak, short term memory was shot, was passing lots of clear urine, yet no polydispia was present, libido went from through the roof to through the floor). After I somewhat recovered from that collapse, I felt as though my SNS was stuck at ''on''.
You see, at this point I'm attempting to make sense of it all.
On the topic of adrenal fatigue, with regards to pantethine : can we take for granted that when one's libido goes up on pantethine, that it's cause it's boosting adrenal hormones output ? Doesn't pantethine also partake in the biosynthesis of Ach, and hasn't Ach a role to play in erection through NO ? What I'm driving at here is : can one assume that if B5 is improving his erections, that it can be explained by increased adrenal output and not Ach ?
Same goes for vitamin C, should one assume that vitamin C is boosting adrenal output if one's sex drive goes up while on it ? I recall this study on high dose C : Vitamin C, mood and sex no links is made that has to do with AF, although if Vitamin C, however it achieves this, decrease perception of stress, can indeed spare the adrenals to an extent.
My vision of AF is that chronic stress has depleted needed nutrients and biochemicals that afford one's a buffer from stress, leading to out of control cortisol release which over time makes sense would cause the adrenals to falter--is my understanding right on ? The more stress one experiences the more a healthy diet rich in vitamins (cofactors), minerals, amino acids (neurotransmitter precursors) is needed in order to maintain homeostasis and avoid taxing the adaptive system (adrenals).
Thanks for reading.
