dreyganborn
New Member
It's obvious I'm a new member so I'll cut to some personal stuff, I am 23 years old and have had a long journey to get where I am- I can't say it's much, but it's turning around.
Backstory- I was overweight almost the entirety of my childhood, and obese at age 11, 4'11 and weighing in at around 175lbs- then by age 12 I was 5'2 and 224lbs, and I promise you none of it was muscle besides my legs. I was isolating myself most of my life, an even longer story I won't get into- but I found solace in video games and food. It was an escape from reality that nothing could compare to even though I was aware, I thought I felt better alone.
--Summer in between 6th and 7th grade I lost approx. 80lbs, simultaneously growing to 5'7, and the weight loss was not due to a hit of puberty. My body ached and I would constantly injure my knees and back. I began innocently, excited to finally workout and count calories when MyFitnessPal was introduced to me by my newly diabetic aunt, and when she fell off of her health goal I continued on my own as I found joy in seeing the scale go down every single day.
Of course it turned into something dark and consuming, and I found every distraction and discipline not to eat. To keep pushing with up to 8 hours on the elliptical we had in our basement. I wanted to show everyone at school when I got back. The first 20lbs my family was proud of me, then it got out of hand, but I grew more and more prideful.
--I was then diagnosed with Anorexia at an eating disorder specialist, but was still factually overweight- so I pushed harder. It got harder and harder to lose weight and I basically went insane, obsessing over food but not allowing myself to eat it.
--At some point I convinced the specialist that I was better, after one day of telling her I ate some oreos at a camping trip with my friend? Bam, cured. These specialists only cared about money I'd assume- although, I was very stubborn- I'll admit I was a tricky one to convince.
--At 13 going on 14 I wanted to become a Vegan but my grandmother was worried that would make the eating disorder worse, so I researched how to get every single nutrient I'd need and described the benefits- I basically wrote her an essay to prove that I wanted to improve my health. It became my passion and I was so hardcore about it, THOUGH I never wanted to make anyone feel uncomfortable about their own food choices, I just had it drilled into me that everyone I loved was going to die of a heart attack if they didn't switch to Veganism.
I started lifting weights around this time much more, pushing myself to failure constantly. at 15 I began following actual programs. Then writing my own frequently.
--Age 16 I got to the point where many Vegans have, the vitamins weren't doing it and no matter how much I ate I never felt satisfied. I tried MANY diets under that "Vegan umbrella"- and the desire to know what it would be like to have access to the foods most bodybuilders ate, I folded. It took a lot of thought, but I got some salmon. I remember that morning I stayed up all night anticipating it.
Then I went to f**kin Dairy Queen and ordered everything I hadn't had since I was 12.
Then I ate EVERYTHING I hadn't had.
It was binge, fast, binge, fast- I was still lifting weights at this point but I knew my body was going to suffer in some way.
--Throughout this I had tried every diet under the sun, every workout plan, every combination. Even resorting to substances for short stints to ward off hunger.
From that point to now I have acquired a wide array of information, enough to know what's BS and what isn't- enough to know that there is no such thing as perfection, and dedication is the winning factor. Yes, there are staple principles. But wanting to know and do everything at once, from varying sources, was my detriment.
But it got better. It was never perfect, no- even if I wanted to be. But along the way I had made so much progress. Random people began to comment on and compliment my body, which I was not used to as you can imagine. And I worked a variety of labor jobs on top of training.
---> Fast forward to now, I had the craziest, most co-dependent relationship yet last winter. I was a lone overnight manager at a gym, I worked out on-shift every day and biked to work and back, and my diet was pretty great. I had built a solid amount of muscle since the beginning of my journey considering the erratic eating habits and exercise routines. I met this woman while working- we became friends, invited to drink with her buddy- long story short it was a thrill until the thrills ran dry and she wanted more. -We all know love and drugs don't mix. Needless to say, I left the gym job unexpectedly and the gym entirely, I tried to hang onto it but it was always an "inconvenience", the passion was always there but the action was stagnant, I gained 20lbs from all the drinking- then lost muscle from the substances. This was all within a couple months, what the hell have I been doing? It broke me when she disappeared and I learned more than I can say here. It was terrible, but I am so thankful. I was burnt out and struggled to get back up but soon I had HAD IT, I am not giving up on something that I have worked so hard and dedicated the majority of my time and thought to.
------>I've got my CPR/AED certificate and am 7 out of 10 weeks away from completing my Personal Trainer certification which I've gotten done at 2x speed. I am being affirmed of the solid, logical evidence I was aware of regarding nutrition and training and I was enthralled to see I can advance my education after I complete this. I don't care about the money for once, this is what I've wanted. I am coaching sessions at a small local gym, and will be on my way to an interview today at a bigger gym to be a personal trainer. I have been working on personal growth in every aspect as well and will continue to do so.
------> What has brought me here is to educate myself further on anabolics, I can't say I'm completely uneducated on the topic- but I align with the goals and values of this site and want to take everything into consideration. I care about my health, yet I also have many goals that I would definitely consider taking it to the next level- and I want to find the balance in that.
If you took the time to read this I greatly appreciate it, maybe I'm venting- but I put it all out there because I'd want someone to do the same. I look forward to chatting and interacting with you all.
Backstory- I was overweight almost the entirety of my childhood, and obese at age 11, 4'11 and weighing in at around 175lbs- then by age 12 I was 5'2 and 224lbs, and I promise you none of it was muscle besides my legs. I was isolating myself most of my life, an even longer story I won't get into- but I found solace in video games and food. It was an escape from reality that nothing could compare to even though I was aware, I thought I felt better alone.
--Summer in between 6th and 7th grade I lost approx. 80lbs, simultaneously growing to 5'7, and the weight loss was not due to a hit of puberty. My body ached and I would constantly injure my knees and back. I began innocently, excited to finally workout and count calories when MyFitnessPal was introduced to me by my newly diabetic aunt, and when she fell off of her health goal I continued on my own as I found joy in seeing the scale go down every single day.
Of course it turned into something dark and consuming, and I found every distraction and discipline not to eat. To keep pushing with up to 8 hours on the elliptical we had in our basement. I wanted to show everyone at school when I got back. The first 20lbs my family was proud of me, then it got out of hand, but I grew more and more prideful.
--I was then diagnosed with Anorexia at an eating disorder specialist, but was still factually overweight- so I pushed harder. It got harder and harder to lose weight and I basically went insane, obsessing over food but not allowing myself to eat it.
--At some point I convinced the specialist that I was better, after one day of telling her I ate some oreos at a camping trip with my friend? Bam, cured. These specialists only cared about money I'd assume- although, I was very stubborn- I'll admit I was a tricky one to convince.
--At 13 going on 14 I wanted to become a Vegan but my grandmother was worried that would make the eating disorder worse, so I researched how to get every single nutrient I'd need and described the benefits- I basically wrote her an essay to prove that I wanted to improve my health. It became my passion and I was so hardcore about it, THOUGH I never wanted to make anyone feel uncomfortable about their own food choices, I just had it drilled into me that everyone I loved was going to die of a heart attack if they didn't switch to Veganism.
I started lifting weights around this time much more, pushing myself to failure constantly. at 15 I began following actual programs. Then writing my own frequently.
--Age 16 I got to the point where many Vegans have, the vitamins weren't doing it and no matter how much I ate I never felt satisfied. I tried MANY diets under that "Vegan umbrella"- and the desire to know what it would be like to have access to the foods most bodybuilders ate, I folded. It took a lot of thought, but I got some salmon. I remember that morning I stayed up all night anticipating it.
Then I went to f**kin Dairy Queen and ordered everything I hadn't had since I was 12.
Then I ate EVERYTHING I hadn't had.
It was binge, fast, binge, fast- I was still lifting weights at this point but I knew my body was going to suffer in some way.
--Throughout this I had tried every diet under the sun, every workout plan, every combination. Even resorting to substances for short stints to ward off hunger.
From that point to now I have acquired a wide array of information, enough to know what's BS and what isn't- enough to know that there is no such thing as perfection, and dedication is the winning factor. Yes, there are staple principles. But wanting to know and do everything at once, from varying sources, was my detriment.
But it got better. It was never perfect, no- even if I wanted to be. But along the way I had made so much progress. Random people began to comment on and compliment my body, which I was not used to as you can imagine. And I worked a variety of labor jobs on top of training.
---> Fast forward to now, I had the craziest, most co-dependent relationship yet last winter. I was a lone overnight manager at a gym, I worked out on-shift every day and biked to work and back, and my diet was pretty great. I had built a solid amount of muscle since the beginning of my journey considering the erratic eating habits and exercise routines. I met this woman while working- we became friends, invited to drink with her buddy- long story short it was a thrill until the thrills ran dry and she wanted more. -We all know love and drugs don't mix. Needless to say, I left the gym job unexpectedly and the gym entirely, I tried to hang onto it but it was always an "inconvenience", the passion was always there but the action was stagnant, I gained 20lbs from all the drinking- then lost muscle from the substances. This was all within a couple months, what the hell have I been doing? It broke me when she disappeared and I learned more than I can say here. It was terrible, but I am so thankful. I was burnt out and struggled to get back up but soon I had HAD IT, I am not giving up on something that I have worked so hard and dedicated the majority of my time and thought to.
------>I've got my CPR/AED certificate and am 7 out of 10 weeks away from completing my Personal Trainer certification which I've gotten done at 2x speed. I am being affirmed of the solid, logical evidence I was aware of regarding nutrition and training and I was enthralled to see I can advance my education after I complete this. I don't care about the money for once, this is what I've wanted. I am coaching sessions at a small local gym, and will be on my way to an interview today at a bigger gym to be a personal trainer. I have been working on personal growth in every aspect as well and will continue to do so.
------> What has brought me here is to educate myself further on anabolics, I can't say I'm completely uneducated on the topic- but I align with the goals and values of this site and want to take everything into consideration. I care about my health, yet I also have many goals that I would definitely consider taking it to the next level- and I want to find the balance in that.
If you took the time to read this I greatly appreciate it, maybe I'm venting- but I put it all out there because I'd want someone to do the same. I look forward to chatting and interacting with you all.
. But i also have been isolated for roughly 3 years now and i have put myself here with the gym. but remember out of all this man the only constant is you and thats the only thing you can control. also women cheat lol especially ones that drink and do drugs its the truth
