Meso drug addicts

[Chickenlifts]

Similar to the op I started partying more and more until it became an everyday/every weekend thing. I didn't realize it at the time but I was making a fairly permenant lifestyle choice and any sense of normalcy went out the window. It really isn't normal to sit down and blow through balls of coke, k, and 20 ecstasy pills on the weekend or drink 3000 calories of beer in a week night. Fast forward 10 years finally gave up drinking for good in favor of gym. Trade one addiction for another but this one isn't as bad. I've found with my addiction it's always been about having to choose the lesser of two or more evils.

Yea and like someone here said, AA and NA just isn't for me. I've been to a few and its just depressing.

 

[redrum720]

Cocaine was my drug of choice also alcohol and vikes
Since I was a slinging I would sniff while bagging up
Drank to try to keep that coke head jaw moving from side to side vikes to chill out vicious circle
I would sniff the reup money steal from or BE (breaking n entering) Rob car stereos for my habits
Had my son and still didn't learn still drank and sniffed
Cocaine is a Hella of a drug
It took God it took God went to to church with my wife gave my life to him been years since I touch anything don't even feel the erge
I go back to the good and see the same ppl doing the same shit it's sad there eyes have no hope
I pray to God for them

 

[KPK]

For about 10 years I was pretty deep in the X game. Supplying the club scene in a major city. I was approached by the Asian mafia to work for them. But shit went south quick ,they got greedy and threatened to "harm" me and my gf.That was a wild time in my life.Thank God I survived it.

 

[Mike Oxbig]

When it comes up im subd

I have spent years on ever substance known to man.. addicted to crack, coke, benzos, opiates (pills), pcp, heroin, the list goes on and on. I always just traded one addiction for another and thought I was doing good because I was avoiding my drug of choice. Unfortunately my choice was always drugs.

My point? Alcohol is a subtle foe. It is, by far and away, the hardest thing to quit. I always felt entitled to a drink. There was never an alcohol drought. I never bought fake alcohol in the projects. It was legal to buy, everywhere and cheap enough that I could get drunk whenever I wanted without committing crimes to do so. I had to get started on drugs again to even consider getting clean again, because although I drank every single day I didn't even start to think there might be a problem with it- until my third day sober I had an alcoholic seizure. It terrified me that I had lied to myself and bought it hook, line and sinker. I had never fully been able to convince myself there was no problem on any drug. On some level it was always obvious to me.

You are in very dangerous territory my friend- try not drinking for a week and see if you can. I bet you can't. It is deceptive like nothing else.

I unfortunately find myself following the same logic. I'm trying to convince myself that because it's cheap and it isn't something that would end my career in the event of an unexpected piss test that it's somehow an appropriate means to control my vice(s.)

It fucking isn't, and despite the fact that I saw your post earlier in the day and am shitfaced as I type this I will attempt to remain sober for a week, and if I by some chance relapse I will document it in my log I just created. https://thinksteroids.com/community/threads/tren-test-log.134367855/#post-1377201

#knightriderout

 

[redrum720]

I unfortunately find myself following the same logic. I'm trying to convince myself that because it's cheap and it isn't something that would end my career in the event of an unexpected piss test that it's somehow an appropriate means to control my vice(s.)

It fucking isn't, and despite the fact that I saw your post earlier in the day and am shitfaced as I type this I will attempt to remain sober for a week, and if I by some chance relapse I will document it in my log I just created. https://thinksteroids.com/community/threads/tren-test-log.134367855/#post-1377201

#knightriderout

Hang in there bro we are here for you that what cool.about meso we all over the world at any time of day we are here to help out hope all is well

 

[trying to get big]

I'll be short, I didn't stop embarrassing my family and my self until I woke up on a ventilator and four ivs my arm. Overdose on heroin. I was pathetic and a looser then I found a new love and self respect and now I'm hear. By the way I truly respect meso and it's members it's a good place to find worth and liked minded people

 

[Big_paul]

I was on opiates and amphetamines daily. Heroin, meth, adderall, opana Ritalin, oxycodone, exc. as much of it as I could get, breakfast lunch and dinner. Hard liquor all night, every night. Oh and I was probably the biggest stoner you could ever know. Worked 60 hours a week plus sold stuff on the side and ever dollar I made went to getting higher. Fast forward to now and I haven't don't hard drugs in 8 months, haven't smoked weed in about 5 months. I still have a couple beers sometimes but it's very rare, only on holidays or special occasions. The last time I drank was the 4th of July.

Sounds familiar. Bad dreams for me.

 

[Secret of Steel]

Glad to see some people know what's up and have been involved with AA long enough to get it. I always roll my eyes when someone writes "exercise got rid of my addiction." Right. And then the whole business of just a few drinks, or only a little pot, or just once a year....that's great to know you either don't have a problem or else don't realize it. And I saw God put into some posts. That's key. If you're like me and have trouble believing, you ought to try and not have so much trouble with it.

But I was going to mention bath salts. Anyone know about some truly evil shit called Ivory Wave? I'm thinking of the stuff that was available before the first ban here in the US that got rid of mephedrone, not what was available in stores for the next year after. Well, be so glad if you never tried it. I know a lot of people did some stuff called Charge or Vanilla Sky, but if you never had .25 grams of Ivory Wave all to yourself each day for months, it's a whole other animal. I believed people were constantly hiding in my closet and waiting to beat or kill me, that I was being filmed everywhere I went for a reality show that everyone in the world watched, that every single person in my city was involved in the drug trade, and that my family was marked for death and being slowly tortured and killed in the psychiatric hospital where the cops dropped me off - this led to what is now a 5 inch scar on my forearm, running longways, which used to have 17 stitches. Because I knew they were about to hang me with a rope outside the window before dumping me into the river.

That is what Ivory Wave did to me. Besides bringing me to 127 lbs at 5'8" because I would ride my bike as fast as possible all over the city for hours, being chased of course. So I thought I would share that. This is from someone who has done meth, crack, lsd, can drink vodka like water, and can take 50 mg of Adderall XR at one time and still feel a little tired.

 

[KPK]

Secret of Steel,damn brother glad you're still with us.

 

[Chickenlifts]

Psychosis

 

[ChuckSipes]

i always roll my eyes when someone writes "exercise got rid of my addiction." Right.

what is it that makes you roll your eyes about that?! gym is a HUGE factor for myself and many others to stay clean

 

[Rackin45s]

what is it that makes you roll your eyes about that?! gym is a HUGE factor for myself and many others to stay clean

Addiction isn't just about drugs. It's about actions and our behaviour. An addict never stops being an addict, they just learn a new way to live........without drugs. It takes a lot of inner work and soul searching from my experience. Not too many people can trade 1 addiction for another and stay away from the drugs for very long. I see it all the time, guys are 2 weeks clean and they think the gym alone will keep them clean forever. They may get a couple months or a couple years even, than they relapse. Unless you work on what's inside you have no chance imo

 

[KPK]

Getting to know God better has helped me more than anything. I also moved to a new city away from my old friends and changed my ph #.

 

[Chickenlifts]

Addiction isn't just about drugs. It's about actions and our behaviour. An addict never stops being an addict, they just learn a new way to live........without drugs. It takes a lot of inner work and soul searching from my experience. Not too many people can trade 1 addiction for another and stay away from the drugs for very long. I see it all the time, guys are 2 weeks clean and they think the gym alone will keep them clean for ever. They may get a couple months or a couple years even but unless you work on what's inside you have no chance imo

This right here. I used to bury myself in exercise, gym, biking, boxing, but one can run from the problem only for so long

 

[Rackin45s]

This right here. I used to bury myself in exercise, gym, biking, boxing, but one can run from the problem only for so long

I also tried running but no matter how far I ran, there I was lol

 

[slashlove]

I got my crazy days ( years maybe) back then, but luckly never got addict...
Ive been clean for years now....


"Pain is temporary, Pride is forever»

 

[Secret of Steel]

what is it that makes you roll your eyes about that?! gym is a HUGE factor for myself and many others to stay clean

Rackin45s beat me to a response. Basically, what he says below:

Addiction isn't just about drugs. It's about actions and our behaviour. An addict never stops being an addict, they just learn a new way to live........without drugs. It takes a lot of inner work and soul searching from my experience. Not too many people can trade 1 addiction for another and stay away from the drugs for very long. I see it all the time, guys are 2 weeks clean and they think the gym alone will keep them clean forever. They may get a couple months or a couple years even, than they relapse. Unless you work on what's inside you have no chance imo

@Rackin45s I really like how you worded this, by the way. You said it better than I would have.

 

[Wiltedrose]

Addiction isn't just about drugs. It's about actions and our behaviour. An addict never stops being an addict, they just learn a new way to live........without drugs. It takes a lot of inner work and soul searching from my experience. Not too many people can trade 1 addiction for another and stay away from the drugs for very long. I see it all the time, guys are 2 weeks clean and they think the gym alone will keep them clean forever. They may get a couple months or a couple years even, than they relapse. Unless you work on what's inside you have no chance imo

“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”
― Edgar Allan Poe

 

[Notits]

i love that theres a lot of fellow addicts here..

i won't give the whole story but i used to trash my body so much, i had so much fun in those days but after a while the parting every weekend turned into everyday which led to uppers to combat the lows and vice versa..then using rohypnol and any other heavy benzo when i couldn't get any opiates to combat withdrawals etc it was a fucked up vicious cycle. after 2 rehab stints i actually reached a point where i no longer wanted to use any opiates any more.

i am on bupe (subutex) - which i really wish to get off and since it was mentioned in a thread a couple weeks ago I've cut back from 32mg to 4mg.. i have an appointment with my DNA dr next week to talk to him about ridding myself of this ball and chain once and for all.


one thing that i do miss is smoking a spliff every now and then, and even more so i miss the partying.. i don't feel the urge to drink to try and drown sorrows or anything like that, but i do miss random nights having some drinks or having some molly/coke and having a loose night/next day.

i don't touch anything any more apart from the odd valium to help with sleep; all prescribed by my DNA dr... once upon a time you give me a bottle of valium and the next day they'd be gone. now i only ever use them when i have to and have 0 desire to abuse them..
my question is for all my fellow addicts.. have you guys gone completely 100% clean and sober? some people in recovery i know have rules where they let themselves have a night out once a year, or if they are overseas as long as they avoid their main poison they think they're okay. hows it worked for you ?

Graduated from child's play to Heroin addict at 14, intravenous by 15. Buried several friends and enemies alike before i turned 18. Saw everything in my life as that what lay between a bundle of dope and a casket. Countless rehab visits and hospitalizations. I traded a little piece of my soul everyday for another day alive in addiction until it was all gone.
In a little more than two months if I'm still alive and continued what i am doing now I will recognize 16 years free of drug use. Still recovering everyday.

 

[big boi]

I'll try to keep this short. Childhood sucked dad rode with red n gold so drugs were alwAys around and so was his temper. The physical,emotional was so bad my mom stays locked in her house all day even now. I started smoking weed n following my old man's path until I was busted with a handgun n coke about 11 years ago. GOT 10 years deferred, but I also picked up a bad habit because I couldn't smoke. OPIATES. I've done just about every kind of opiate known to man n would mix some meth in there to keep things going. The next 4 years I insanely beat the system detoxing every month to report then right back at it. They caught me with a random after a snitch informed whoever I was still using n selling. Signed for a state rehab n got clean. I just finished my probation n I'm doing great. U know I cry sometimes when I look back n c the damage I caused to my wife n my oldest boy(he is 11 now). My dad still lives the life but is considered retired, don't know why because he hasn't changed. My mom is was diagnosed with PTSD, she's a mess u can't even hold a conversation with her, it breaks my fuckin heart. That's why I choose to break the cycle now be a man n make sure my beautiful wife n 4 babies have the man they deserve. THANK YOU BROTHERS FOR LISTENING N SHARING. WE R SURVIVORS.