Discussion with my Wife

[Mac11wildcat]

I looked at your cycle pictures(no homo) and you are a big dude without a bout but not ridiculous big. I’m willing to bet you’re wife doesn’t want you to become awkward looking. I bet she cares about you and is trying to not hurt your feelings by not coming out and say she doesn’t like it.

I need to do better with multi quote....

But yeah, absolutely. I’ll never be Ronnie. That isn’t my game or my physique’s strength. If I’m in open I’ll be one of the more aesthetic guys (probably at the expense of size). If I go classic physique maybe she’d be happier since I wont really ever have a bulk again. Duno.

 

[Xlgx]

28, 5’7 216 mid day. Goal is 198 on stage.

I’ll never be a mass monster. Bodybuilders are big. We are. But I’ll never be a giant with a blown out waist, 24” arms, 60” chest, etc. I could never play that game, nor do I want to.

Those are not outrageous stats for someone your height. Obviously being closer to 200lbs is healthier long term for longevity.

If you were 230+ I’d agree with your wife.

 

[Rockclimber]

I asked my wife to read it and give her input since she's been dealing with my bodybuilding for a while now. She said maybe the chemicals are affecting the way that you act IE more aggressive less compassionate Etc. Maybe the sex is getting more difficult because you weigh more, she said that is one of the things she doesn't like about me being so heavy. She said maybe her idea of quality time and your idea of quality time are different. In the end you need to ask her specifically what it is about your size it is that she doesn't like, for her to be more specific and open up to you.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Those are not outrageous stats for someone your height. Obviously being closer to 200lbs is healthier long term for longevity.

If you were 230+ I’d agree with your wife.

If I do get my card and stay in bodybuilding 212 is the division and 230 is possible. But that’s down the road. I’ve been clear we’ll have that conversation down the road. That’s a big step on my life I wouldn’t not plan with her.

Also consider that 216 is at 8% or so bodyfat. Could easily be 230 with another 5% bodyfat. And look worse lol.

 

[Xlgx]

If I do get my card and stay in bodybuilding 212 is the division and 230 is possible. But that’s down the road. I’ve been clear we’ll have that conversation down the road. That’s a big step on my life I wouldn’t not plan with her.

Also consider that 216 is at 8% or so bodyfat. Could easily be 230 with another 5% bodyfat. And look worse lol.

Agreed. Plus your age is on your side. If you were 40+ it would be a different story.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

I asked my wife to read it and give her input since she's been dealing with my bodybuilding for a while now. She said maybe the chemicals are affecting the way that you act IE more aggressive less compassionate Etc. Maybe the sex is getting more difficult because you weigh more, she said that is one of the things she doesn't like about me being so heavy. She said maybe her idea of quality time and your idea of quality time are different. In the end you need to ask her specifically what it is about your size it is that she doesn't like, for her to be more specific and open up to you.

Agreed. Put sex off the table though; still winding each other up like teenagers in bed and I’m still capable of pound town lol.

The aggression/anger side of it is also possible. But she leans the opposite in to emotional/depression so maybe that’s a poor mismatch we need to work on.

But when I’m not at the gym I don’t discuss it. I don’t drag her in. I don’t watch gym vids. Don’t make life about it. Don’t flex in family photos lol.

Do sincerely appreciate your wife’s input.

 

[tengtren]

Let me start this by saying i don’t know what I expect by posting this. Or even what I want. I just don’t have any other resources to discuss this.

My wife asked me to sit down today and proceeded to ask me to stop “getting bigger.” After discussion, it seems she couldn’t decide whether she doesn’t like the drugs, doesn’t like me being big, or both.

I’m struggling with this in a huge way. Two actually.

1. I’ve done everything possible to keep bodybuilding from impacting my family. I make good money. I bought us a house. She drives a Range. My son doesn’t want for anything. I spend time at home. I go out with them, my family, her family, whenever asked. I’m not that cunt toting a meal bag to restaurants all year. My health is in check. Etc.

2. I’ve been an athlete all my life. The other endeavors fell by the wayside. Bodybuilding has become the replacement and by the candid conversations i have with people more accomplished than me, it is a definite possibility that I can go pro. It’s more than just a hobby. It’s practically become my identity once you subtract my son and my wife.

I don’t know how to feel. Angry. Betrayed. Upset. Saddened. Guilty. All I know is I’ve never placed arbitrary constraints on her or asked her to stop being her or doing what she enjoys.

I got a little animated during the discussion. Did my best to back down and try and communicate my belief that this is kind of my calling.

Just scattered. I understand most guys here won’t truly understand bodybuilding. I know we all juice, but this lifestyle isn’t easily understood if you haven’t been in it. I understand that.

Maybe I’ll be able to better formulate my thoughts as this drags on...I don’t know. Just know this would’ve been like being asked to quit chasing a state title in higschool, quit chasing my engineering degree in college, etc.

i went through similar situation recently, I had to ask myself what was more important this relationship or bodybuilding, well she gone now lol. That's the question mac

It is more complicated there's a kid involved and rings though

 

[Mac11wildcat]

i went through similar situation recently, I had to ask myself what was more important this relationship or bodybuilding, well she gone now lol. That's the question mac

It is more complicated there's a kid involved and rings though

Right you are. And we’re both also semi-rational. Don’t think it’d ever get there.

 

[porky]

If it’s important to you, follow thru. Your in your prime, you don’t want to look back and think what you could’ve been. Make a time window deal with her.

 

[tengtren]

Right you are. And we’re both also semi-rational. Don’t think it’d ever get there.

hope thing work out for you

 

[porky]

Maybe she doesn’t like the attention she knows you will get if you succeed? Women are territorial. Once upon a time,, 20 years ago , my 1st wife was a gem ...on board completely, helped me prep, etc .... but resented the attention. Wouldn’t fess up to it but it was there. I wasn’t a flashy guy either, real low key.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Maybe she doesn’t like the attention she knows you will get if you succeed? Women are territorial. Once upon a time,, 20 years ago , my 1st wife was a gem ...on board completely, helped me prep, etc .... but resented the attention. Wouldn’t fess up to it but it was there. I wasn’t a flashy guy either, real low key.

Could be. Although she hasn’t yet seen me get any attention. She is jealous despite me never giving her a reason to be (I don’t particularly mind my wife’s being this way). My best friend in this bodybuilding industry is a female IFBB pro. I guess I just don’t think it’s a problem because I understand this life. And she clearly doesn’t. But at the same time, REAL attention as a pro means travel, compensation, etc. which she would love...

 

[Burrr]

On the bright side, you can tell her you probably wont be getting much bigger.. Hopefully a little leaner.

 

[ForeverSmall]

Tough spot man. Went thru something similar with my ex. She liked it at first but when shit got real her support was just allowing me to do it. I definitely made bodybuilding my life at the end of our relationship which was my fault. The end of our relationship was entirely my fault and wasnt about AAS.

I think this isn't as big of a situation as it sounds. At least not right now. This is something you need to deal with before it become a bigger issue. Once you start resenting each other, it's all over. If you can step back and look at the bigger picture, this might not be something you can solve with the help of strangers on a forum.

You're a successful guy and obviously a very driven individual. If this is your hobby it's wrong for her to say you have to stop. How supportive of a husband are you? Are you critical of her pot smoking? Theres more layers than her just not wanting you to get bigger.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Tough spot man. Went thru something similar with my ex. She liked it at first but when shit got real her support was just allowing me to do it. I definitely made bodybuilding my life at the end of our relationship which was my fault. The end of our relationship was entirely my fault and wasnt about AAS.

I think this isn't as big of a situation as it sounds. At least not right now. This is something you need to deal with before it become a bigger issue. Once you start resenting each other, it's all over. If you can step back and look at the bigger picture, this might not be something you can solve with the help of strangers on a forum.

You're a successful guy and obviously a very driven individual. If this is your hobby it's wrong for her to say you have to stop. How supportive of a husband are you? Are you critical of her pot smoking? Theres more layers than her just not wanting you to get bigger.

True, not at all expecting to solve this with forum responses. Just making sure I’m seeing angles I don’t normally.

She smokes as she wants, no words from me. I didn’t get on her when she gained weight and lost her way staying fit.

 

[T-Bagger]

She smokes as she wants, no words from me. I didn’t get on her when she gained weight and lost her way staying fit.

And you may have just hit the nail on the head right there.

 

[Brandaddy]

Unfortunately I see myself getting stuck in this same situation eventually. So far she is okay with it, but i can tell she doesn't like potential long term health effects.

In your situation it is especially unfair to you. It seems like you guys started a family with her kmowing what you do. I'm guessing you as a person haven't changed a significant amount so to tell you years down the road that now you cant be you is pretty shitty. So you're definitely in the right thinking that.

Another unfortunate thing is it doesn't matter if you're technically in the right. If you piss her off she could turn your life upside down. Best thing i could think of is just sit down and have a heart to heart and find out exactly what it is that is upsetting her so you can find some common ground that makes you both happy. It could even just be a phase she is going through and a few weeks she'll go back to not caring. Just make sure to control your anger through everything and pretend to kiss her ass. It's actually an old school sales technique. You need to make them feel like they're winning in order for you to win. A lot of times women get upset just simply because the man always gets his way.

 

[Senorman]

My best friend in this bodybuilding industry is a female IFBB pro.

I think you nailed it here. My wife and I do nearly all the same hobbies/activities except I train jiu jitsu and she doesn’t. If my “best friend” at jiu jitsu was a female, my wife would be FUCKING PISSED.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

I think you nailed it here. My wife and I do nearly all the same hobbies/activities except I train jiu jitsu and she doesn’t. If my “best friend” at jiu jitsu was a female, my wife would be FUCKING PISSED.

Definite possibility. But I don’t even train with her. She’s 1200mi away lol. She just helps monitor my progress and is my only outlet truly in bodybuilding.

 

[Senorman]

Definite possibility. But I don’t even train with her. She’s 1200mi away lol. She just helps monitor my progress and is my only outlet truly in bodybuilding.

Well, probably not the issue. Call me old (42), but I forgot best friends can be internet pals .