Opinion on something the wife said

GrindcoreJoe

New Member
So shortly prior to my wife and I am getting married she made a comment to me about how she admired a certain bodybuilder for his work ethic and so forth while I come to find out later on that prior to her and I getting together she was trying to sleep with him and after I found this out she brought up how great of a work ethic he has in the gym and how he’s inspirational when it comes to training and so forth and my response to her was why the fuck do I care about somebody’s work ethic or whatever considering you were trying to bang him.

Does that make me an asshole for responding like that?
 
Sounds like you felt threatened and instead of just talking to her about it you decided to be passive aggressive.

I would not say you are an asshole. I would say that you are not helping yourself. You had a feeling, instead of valuing resolution you acted in anger. Most likely this did not play well and has not done anything to increase your or her happiness.

I would sit down and think about what your goals are. You got the girl, he did not... What is the goal?
 
It’s just a test dude. Ignore it, or say something funny like “You didn’t sleep with him? Even I almost fucked him.” Something ridiculous.

Better to deal with your fears and insecurities first though. You shouldn’t give a shit about this.
Alright pretend I’m really dumb, what do you mean by just a test?
 
So shortly prior to my wife and I am getting married she made a comment to me about how she admired a certain bodybuilder for his work ethic and so forth while I come to find out later on that prior to her and I getting together she was trying to sleep with him and after I found this out she brought up how great of a work ethic he has in the gym and how he’s inspirational when it comes to training and so forth and my response to her was why the fuck do I care about somebody’s work ethic or whatever considering you were trying to bang him.

Does that make me an asshole for responding like that?
No. Thats what my ex wife did before she got "only emotionally" involved with some dick head. She kept gushing over him...thats a red flag for me, bud
 
Alright pretend I’m really dumb, what do you mean by just a test?

Women sort of have a way of testing us, to see what we’re made of. Are we really the big bad wolf or are we soft and mushy on the inside? Are we the real deal or are we just pretenders? It’s not a conscious thing, it’s not though out ahead of time or anything. It’s a natural feature of the subconscious.

You failed, because it hurt your feelings, and reacted emotionally (making things worse). Which means you have some softness inside, some weakness, some fear, some insecurities.

If my ex wife or girlfriend or whatever said those things I wouldn’t give two shits. She could tell me they fucked and I wouldn’t care, because Ive been around the block enough to not get emotionally invested in a relationship with a woman. Either I like spending time with them, which case I do spend time with them, or I don’t, which case I don’t.

I don’t pay attention to how they feel, or what they say, I don’t trust but verify, I don’t care if they cheat. Because I don’t care. I don’t mind being the bad guy or the asshole. I know who I am and who I am not, and I don’t mind being alone if they start behaving badly. There’s no shortage of women out there.

Just brush it off, get a good night sleep, get up tomorrow and get bigger. Flirt with some pretty girls. Get your blood pumping again. Why do you care about this trivial thing? You don’t. Your ego does. Your weakness does.

Get bigger and get stronger. Get your head back in the game.
 
I really don't get why you'd be annoyed by this or feel threatened by this?

Don't kill the messenger but, he's definitely not the only guy she ever wanted to have sex with, much less the only guy she ever actually did have sex with I would assume. She had a sex life before she met you... At least I'd hope she did, sex is fun.

Clearly she's dedicated to you if you're getting married... Why be bothered about some dude she had a crush on before you were even together when she's ready to sign up for a lifetime of just you? I don't get it. Not to mention, she's not going to stop being attracted to other guys and imagining sex with them every so often just because you're married anymore then you're going to stop imagining sex with other girls. We're animals, it's in our nature... Humans think about sex frequently.

I feel like the tables could be turned here and she could have found out you wanted to nail a hot gym chick that you also admired for whatever reason and you'd be just as confused as I am as to why it bothered her when she found out?

Let it slide off your shoulder, dude. If she's banging other guys behind your back while you're together/married, then be annoyed. For this? Tease her a little for it and laugh it off together... It'll be better in the long term and you'll simultaneously put a kill shot into this guy in her mind. Being genuinely unbothered by it will light a sex fire in her for you.
 
Women sort of have a way of testing us, to see what we’re made of. Are we really the big bad wolf or are we soft and mushy on the inside? Are we the real deal or are we just pretenders? It’s not a conscious thing, it’s not though out ahead of time or anything. It’s a natural feature of the subconscious.

You failed, because it hurt your feelings, and reacted emotionally (making things worse). Which means you have some softness inside, some weakness, some fear, some insecurities.

If my ex wife or girlfriend or whatever said those things I wouldn’t give two shits. She could tell me they fucked and I wouldn’t care, because Ive been around the block enough to not get emotionally invested in a relationship with a woman. Either I like spending time with them, which case I do spend time with them, or I don’t, which case I don’t.

I don’t pay attention to how they feel, or what they say, I don’t trust but verify, I don’t care if they cheat. Because I don’t care. I don’t mind being the bad guy or the asshole. I know who I am and who I am not, and I don’t mind being alone if they start behaving badly. There’s no shortage of women out there.

Just brush it off, get a good night sleep, get up tomorrow and get bigger. Flirt with some pretty girls. Get your blood pumping again. Why do you care about this trivial thing? You don’t. Your ego does. Your weakness does.

Get bigger and get stronger. Get your head back in the game.
Yea i think its the opposite. They do things like that to see if you care and if they think you dont they take liberties. Cant really play the whole cool guy dont give a shit with your wife either.
 
Yea i think its the opposite. They do things like that to see if you care and if they think you dont they take liberties. Cant really play the whole cool guy dont give a shit with your wife either.
I’m certainly would not apply that response in every situation. If she sounded nervous, anxious etc, looking for validation and comfort, obviously not the way to go.

This sounds more like a bitchy wife who is too comfortable in the relationship and is trying to make trouble, to see what the guy is made of.

Yes it can be done while married, and with children. This game is as old as time itself. It’s not easy but that’s life.
 
So shortly prior to my wife and I am getting married she made a comment to me about how she admired a certain bodybuilder for his work ethic and so forth while I come to find out later on that prior to her and I getting together she was trying to sleep with him and after I found this out she brought up how great of a work ethic he has in the gym and how he’s inspirational when it comes to training and so forth and my response to her was why the fuck do I care about somebody’s work ethic or whatever considering you were trying to bang him.

Does that make me an asshole for responding like that?
Maybe she was testing the relationship to see if she could be open and honest about her sexual fantasies involving other people. She has her answer. She probably won't do it again.
 
I would say it is quite possible she did bang the bro. Unless she was beneath his standards.
Who gives a fuck though. It's the past and before you. Live in the present and for the future.
 
I would say it is quite possible she did bang the bro. Unless she was beneath his standards.
Who gives a fuck though. It's the past and before you. Live in the present and for the future.
Agree with this .If it was before you got married who cares.She is with you now .Dont sweat it bro,brush it off and focus on the now
 
So shortly prior to my wife and I am getting married she made a comment to me about how she admired a certain bodybuilder for his work ethic and so forth while I come to find out later on that prior to her and I getting together she was trying to sleep with him and after I found this out she brought up how great of a work ethic he has in the gym and how he’s inspirational when it comes to training and so forth and my response to her was why the fuck do I care about somebody’s work ethic or whatever considering you were trying to bang him.

Does that make me an asshole for responding like that?
No you are not an asshole. I see her history with said bodybuilder as a red flag.
 
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