ramboj70
New Member
......
MESO-Rx
Anabolic Steroids
another joke thread
- Thread starter thick
- Start date
fatboy
New Member
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fatboy
New Member
.......
tcso1506
New Member
Everyone knows what a 69 is but whats a 6.9?
its a good thing ruined by a period..................
its a good thing ruined by a period..................
tcso1506
New Member
Did you hear about the michael Jackson sale at wal-mart?
they have little boy's pants half off.............................
they have little boy's pants half off.............................
arthur
New Member
Scientists have confirmed that at some point 98% of women do actually have intelligent DNA ... unfortunately most of them choose to spit it out.
jefft77
New Member
A Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange."
The second little boy says"Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks "Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK. Then I DEFINITELY shit my pants."
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange."
The second little boy says"Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks "Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK. Then I DEFINITELY shit my pants."
jefft77
New Member
On their honeymoon, Harriet says to her new husband, "Eddie, how many women have you slept with?"
He says, "If I tell you, you'll freak out."
She says, "No, I won't."
He says, "Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...you...nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...."
He says, "If I tell you, you'll freak out."
She says, "No, I won't."
He says, "Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...you...nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...."
jefft77
New Member
A guy says, "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."
The next day, the guy shows up with his wife.
The doctor says to the wife, "Take off your clothes and lie on the table."
She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down.
He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a boner, either."
The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."
The next day, the guy shows up with his wife.
The doctor says to the wife, "Take off your clothes and lie on the table."
She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down.
He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a boner, either."
dolfe1
Banned
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout hooker catches his eye.
He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, " How much?"
The Hooker replies, " It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
Guy says, " $500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, " Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" " Yes." " Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" " Yes." " And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" " Yes." " Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, " I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
Guy says, " What the hell? I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.
He is so amazed, he says, " I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, " $1,500."
" $1,500? No blow-job could be worth that."
The hooker replies, " Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, " Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can't believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks the hooker, " How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, " Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
" Damn!" the guy says, in awe, " You own the whole city?"
" No," the hooker replies, " but I would if I had a pussy."
He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, " How much?"
The Hooker replies, " It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
Guy says, " $500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, " Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" " Yes." " Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" " Yes." " And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" " Yes." " Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, " I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
Guy says, " What the hell? I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.
He is so amazed, he says, " I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, " $1,500."
" $1,500? No blow-job could be worth that."
The hooker replies, " Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, " Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can't believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks the hooker, " How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, " Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
" Damn!" the guy says, in awe, " You own the whole city?"
" No," the hooker replies, " but I would if I had a pussy."
dolfe1
Banned
Two Arabs boarded a flight out of New York. One sat in the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an American got on and took the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, I think I'll get up and get a beer" No problem," said the American, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the American obligingly went to get it and while he was gone, the other Arab picked up the other shoe and spat in it. When the American returned to his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
He looked at the two Arabs and asked, "Why does it have to be this way?"
How long must this go on?
This fighting between our Nations?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in beers?"
After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, I think I'll get up and get a beer" No problem," said the American, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the American obligingly went to get it and while he was gone, the other Arab picked up the other shoe and spat in it. When the American returned to his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
He looked at the two Arabs and asked, "Why does it have to be this way?"
How long must this go on?
This fighting between our Nations?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in beers?"
dolfe1
Banned
An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup.
The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.
"So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest."
"That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said.
"Exactly," replies the Doc.
The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.
"So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest."
"That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said.
"Exactly," replies the Doc.
Dowstrategy
New Member
Lawyer Jocke
What do you have when you have 10 lawyers buried up to their neck in sand?
1. A very good start
2. Not Enough sand.
What do you have when you have 10 lawyers buried up to their neck in sand?
1. A very good start
2. Not Enough sand.
jefft77
New Member
A hillbilly kid walks into a Nashville whorehouse and says, "I want a woman, but I've always been scared, because my momma told me a woman has teeth between her legs."
The whore says, "Don't be silly. I'll take care of you."
She brings him up to a room, gets undressed, lies on the bed, and spreads her legs.
She says, "See? There's no teeth between my legs."
The kid says, "You couldn't have teeth down there. Look at the shape your gums are in."."
The whore says, "Don't be silly. I'll take care of you."
She brings him up to a room, gets undressed, lies on the bed, and spreads her legs.
She says, "See? There's no teeth between my legs."
The kid says, "You couldn't have teeth down there. Look at the shape your gums are in."."
jefft77
New Member
A man goes into a lawyer's office and says:
" I heard people have sued the tobacco companies for giving them lung cancer and McDonald's for making them fat."
"Yes, that's true."
"Well, I'm interested in suing too."
"Okay. McDonald's or the tobacco companies?"
"Neither, I'm suing Labbatt's for all the ugly people I've slept with."
" I heard people have sued the tobacco companies for giving them lung cancer and McDonald's for making them fat."
"Yes, that's true."
"Well, I'm interested in suing too."
"Okay. McDonald's or the tobacco companies?"
"Neither, I'm suing Labbatt's for all the ugly people I've slept with."
fatboy
New Member
I just happened to notice that a couple of jokes were deleted. Interesting how only jokes pertaining to african americans offend. Apparently, "jews", mexicans, and the scottish have a better sense of humor.
vegas
New Member
Also note that the editing mod did not post their name or reason.....but we know who it is.......in stealth mode again, no less......fatboy said:
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