another joke ...

[esco]

THE CARDIOLOGIST'S FUNERAL
>
> A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
> covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
> Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
> The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
> forever.
>
> At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
> stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
> funeral....
>
> I'm a gynecologist."
>
> That's when the proctologist fainted

 

[dolfe1]

lol funny, I should have posted this one in the religion thread

After two thousand or so years, Jesus returns to Earth and finds it much changed. All confused, he goes off to Jerusalem to seek out the chief rabbi not being aware that there's this Christianity thing that kind of gathered some steam since he was last here).

He goes to the chief rabbi and shouts "What am I going to do rabbi?"

"Excuse me" says the rabbi, "but do I know you?"

"Of course, it's me, Jesus Christ," he says, getting a little panicked.

"I'm sorry, I just don't recognise you.... vait, you are vaguely familiar..."

"Yes, yes..." says Jesus, getting excited.

"Could you maybe just raise your arms, kind of perpendicular to your body... and lean against that bookcase, maybe that will spark my memory." says the rabbi.

"Sure" says Jesus "then you'll remember"

No sooner does Jesus assume the position, but the rabbi grabs a hammer and nails from his desk drawer and starts to hammer vigorously, "You von't get away this time, damn you!!"

 

[thick]

good one esco, dolfes needs some work

 

[dolfe1]

good one esco, dolfes needs some work

Haha, now you force me to find a better joke.

 

[thick]

works everytime

Haha, now you force me to find a better joke.

 

[dolfe1]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

 

[thick]

lol, much better. still could use some work though

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

 

[dolfe1]

lol, much better. still could use some work though

lol I did a serch and that was supposed to be the funniest joke ever, this was nationaly accepted.

 

[esco]

two good ol boys was driving home drunk in their beat up pick-up. when all of a sudden flashing lights pull up behind them. they both have a bottle of beer in their hands and are freakin out. the older brother, looks over at he other brother and says do what i do. so he takes the label off his beer and sticks it to his forhead. they now pull over and the cop walks about to the window and the smell of beer reek everywhere ... the cop asks them have you been drinking and the driver points to his forehead and says ... " NO! We're on the patch!"