Had a re-lapse

[desertwarrior]

I always thought i would escape addiction one day, but everytime i think its gone there it is knocking. Things are actually going well and at this time i cant explain these urges to use. I actually gave into the urges this week. I injected heroin for the first time. It was only smoking before. Damn steroid needles. Been talking with some bros via pm and its been helpful talking it out. Trying to be strong for my family nd hopefully this wont get worse before it gets better. Anyone ever have these issues of just wanting to use without a real reason?

 

[MisterSuperGod]

I always thought i would escape addiction one day, but everytime i think its gone there it is knocking. Things are actually going well and at this time i cant explain these urges to use. I actually gave into the urges this week. I injected heroin for the first time. It was only smoking before. Damn steroid needles. Been talking with some bros via pm and its been helpful talking it out. Trying to be strong for my family nd hopefully this wont get worse before it gets better. Anyone ever have these issues of just wanting to use without a real reason?

i've had the same thing happen with pills.
Would be clean for a couple months, mentally strong and ready to move on.

Then one day, all that mental strength would disappear and i'd be back popping pills.

It's a game of mental tug of war sometimes.
But you can't allow yourself to wallow in making a mistake, it will only lead to more.

Don't beat yourself up for this, it happens, we're human and temptation gets the best of us sometimes.

Learn from this mistake, get back to your senses and carry on with your sobriety.

That lifestyle is miserable and will only serve to ruin all the good things you have in life, you're better than that shit and you know it.

Edit: Calling in the gents who fight the good fight.
@Marcus
@wedorecover
@TorroXL

 

[Cyrix]

I've been clean from dope for 15+ years but when my girl died in January the craving and urges crept back in. I was able to hold out this time but holy shit was it difficult.

 

[MindlessWork]

I've been clean from dope for 15+ years but when my girl died in January the craving and urges crept back in. I was able to hold out this time but holy shit was it difficult.

Something major like that will do it and sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[Cyrix]

Something major like that will do it and sorry to hear of your loss.

She relapsed and overdosed I think is what triggered those thoughts. My son found her while I was at work. Needing to be there for him is what kept me from using again.

 

[MindlessWork]

She relapsed and overdosed I think is what triggered those thoughts. My son found her while I was at work. Needing to be there for him is what kept me from using again.

Ouch that is a rough way to go. You and your son do need the moral support and props for not backsliding.

Bet the gym has to be your place of solace.

 

[Cyrix]

Ouch that is a rough way to go. You and your son do need the moral support and props for not backsliding.

Bet the gym has to be your place of solace.

It definitely has been for both my son and myself.

 

[TRT]

She relapsed and overdosed I think is what triggered those thoughts. My son found her while I was at work. Needing to be there for him is what kept me from using again.

Holy shit. I'm sorry to hear that, brother. I lost a lot family members to drugs and it's never pretty and almost always abrupt but for your son to find her...fuck. [emoji20] ya, he needs you for sure.

 

[TRT]

I always thought i would escape addiction one day, but everytime i think its gone there it is knocking. Things are actually going well and at this time i cant explain these urges to use. I actually gave into the urges this week. I injected heroin for the first time. It was only smoking before. Damn steroid needles. Been talking with some bros via pm and its been helpful talking it out. Trying to be strong for my family nd hopefully this wont get worse before it gets better. Anyone ever have these issues of just wanting to use without a real reason?

I've inherited an addictive personality from my parents like the rest of my family and I'm so lucky I never even tried anything besides weed. I know if I even tried coke or H I'd be hooked for good. I'll also be the first to admit that I'm weak and it would probably kill me.
I'm rooting for you brother. Stay with it. It was one slip up but I know from experience that if you beat yourself up over it that all that positivity will go right out the window and you'll start all over again with building yourself up. You can do it.

 

[desertwarrior]

Im always thankful for this place and you guys. The strength i receive from talking with guys here is something i dont know where id be without. Much love fellas.

I've been clean from dope for 15+ years but when my girl died in January the craving and urges crept back in. I was able to hold out this time but holy shit was it difficult.

Im glad to hear you were able to make it threw such a tough situation without using brother. That would be awful to deal with, your a strong guy toughing it out. Keep fighting the good fight bro.

 

[hurricane]

I always thought i would escape addiction one day, but everytime i think its gone there it is knocking. Things are actually going well and at this time i cant explain these urges to use. I actually gave into the urges this week. I injected heroin for the first time. It was only smoking before. Damn steroid needles. Been talking with some bros via pm and its been helpful talking it out. Trying to be strong for my family nd hopefully this wont get worse before it gets better. Anyone ever have these issues of just wanting to use without a real reason?

Hang in there bro. If nothing else stay clean for your family. I'm sure they need you around. Pulling for you.

 

[Cyrix]

Im always thankful for this place and you guys. The strength i receive from talking with guys here is something i dont know where id be without. Much love fellas.



Im glad to hear you were able to make it threw such a tough situation without using brother. That would be awful to deal with, your a strong guy toughing it out. Keep fighting the good fight bro.

If you need an ear that can relate there's a few of us here. Send a pm if you need some extra support.

 

[German]

Head up shoulders back man. We all have demons to fight every fucking day. Its a set back not the end of the war

 

[Just Fish]

I always thought i would escape addiction one day, but everytime i think its gone there it is knocking. Things are actually going well and at this time i cant explain these urges to use. I actually gave into the urges this week. I injected heroin for the first time. It was only smoking before. Damn steroid needles. Been talking with some bros via pm and its been helpful talking it out. Trying to be strong for my family nd hopefully this wont get worse before it gets better. Anyone ever have these issues of just wanting to use without a real reason?

You will get those urges for the rest of your life. You have to learn to laugh it off. Do you remember how bad you felt and how long you were fucked up for when you quit? Stop now and don't look back. You fucked up, it happens move on before you have to go through hell again

 

[Just Fish]

I always thought i would escape addiction one day, but everytime i think its gone there it is knocking. Things are actually going well and at this time i cant explain these urges to use. I actually gave into the urges this week. I injected heroin for the first time. It was only smoking before. Damn steroid needles. Been talking with some bros via pm and its been helpful talking it out. Trying to be strong for my family nd hopefully this wont get worse before it gets better. Anyone ever have these issues of just wanting to use without a real reason?

Last time I fucked up I let it eat me up and ended up taking 240mg of oxy per day for a month. Instead of just realizing it was a minor setback I let it consume me and had to go through hell all over again. Did you forget how bad the restless legs are? That's usually enough to stop me from fucking up again. That shit took 8 months to go away the first time I quit

 

[TESTjunkie]

Hey brother, I have been dealing with it for 5 years with oxymorphone. I say the shit is from the devil and makes false happiness. It's in your mind as it has been said. Taper, take a sub if you must but I just sweat the shit out of me for a week. Made sure I couldn't access any. You can rehab on your own. Just do it alone because you will be tempted and probably relapse. Trust me on this.

 

[Throwback]

I always thought i would escape addiction one day, but everytime i think its gone there it is knocking. Things are actually going well and at this time i cant explain these urges to use. I actually gave into the urges this week. I injected heroin for the first time. It was only smoking before. Damn steroid needles. Been talking with some bros via pm and its been helpful talking it out. Trying to be strong for my family nd hopefully this wont get worse before it gets better. Anyone ever have these issues of just wanting to use without a real reason?

Yep...all the time.
It happens when Im fatigued or if i let my mind wander.
It took a few years to realize the ideal conditions that seemed to bring it on.
Once realized i avoid those situations as much as possible.
The only ones I have never been even remotely tempted to do again since i kicked it are opiates.
I have had tons of 5he shit around me...in my hands etc and not even once was i tempted.
Other shit is a different story...
I think the experience of trying to kick opiates was so terrible that it left me with no desire to ever use them again.
Falling down happens brother....shake it off...mark it up to what it was....a poor decision to use again. File it in fuck ups and keep moving forward.
It happens to everyone.

 

[Super Charge]

I was just thinking that it's been along time since I fucked up. I used to reason with myself to use "one more time, last time sucked cause i felt so shitty comin down and the guilt was killing me, this time will be better". Then i came to the realization that every time sucks, every time. I lost everything due to addiction. Thanks to people around me I somehow got most of it back.

Use your friends and family for support, NOT your drug friends. STAY AWAY FROM ANYONE WHO WOULD LET YOU GET HIGH AROUND THEM OR WITH THEM..... Fuck those people. Let them work there own shit out. Don't accept that path bro, it's is the road to hell. Never use it again and never think one more time is okay.. You can stay clean if you choose to. Clearly you have support here from people that walked a similar path. Stay clean bro, its better on this side.

 

[Logan44551]

Sorry to hear about your slip up. I was strung out bad in my early 20's, got locked up and went through rehab. It's been almost 15 yrs since i did H. Look at it as a learning experiance, and count your blessings tou didn't od. I've had a lot of friends die from a relapse. Anyway, get back on track, hit a meeting or whatever. I know complacency is a killer.

 

[Super Charge]

@Cyrix

I was reading your cycle thread months ago and read that you lost your girl.. I couldn't imagine what I would do in your shoes. Good job on staying strong. Sincerely sorry for your loss.
I've lost several close friends to overdose. I remember one time my girl was outta the country and I thought I'd use one more time. Bad idea.. I vaguely remember having a seizure on the living room floor after standing up when done taking a hit. I was almost another normal guy that had a drug problem and overdosed. It can happen to any addict. Stay strong