how marriage works-a warning to men!(joke)

[esco]

> > > > > > A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out
> >and
> > > > > party
> > > > > > with his old buddies...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "Where are you going, coochy coo?" asked the wife...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "I'm going to the bar, pretty face... I'm going to have a beer."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
> >different
> > > > > kinds
> > > > > of
> > > > > > beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan,
> > > > > India,
> > > > > > Etc...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he
> >could
> > > > > think
> > > > > > of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop... but at the bar... you know...
> >they
> > > > > have
> > > > > > frozen mugs..."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted
> >him
> > > > > by
> > > > > > saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she
> >was
> > > > > getting
> > > > > > chills just holding it...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie wootsie, but
> >at
> > > > > the
> > > > > bar
> > > > > > they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious..... I
> >won't
> > > > > be
> > > > > > long I'll be right back... I promise. OK?"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and
> >took
> > > > > out 5
> > > > > > dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in
> >blankets,
> > > > > > mushroom caps, pork strips,etc...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing,
> > > > > dirty
> > > > > > words and all that stuff..."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "LISTEN UP YOU DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F*##* BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN
> >MUG
> > > > > AND
> > > > > > EAT YOUR MOTHERF*#*#*# SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!
> >GOT
> > > > > IT,
> > > > > > ASSHOLE?"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > ........and, they lived unhappily ever after..

 

[RUBBERNECK]

sounds like my EX-BITCHIE WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[thick]

that dude shouldve just chilled out at home. What a wife

 

[Meat Train]

Now replace the beer with food and a wife that cooks and that's no joke- it's a fantasy of mine!

 

[BoogerSnax]

HERE'S ONE THE WIFE GAVE ME:

MEN ARE LIKE:

Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like.....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest.
Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like.....Blenders. You need one, but you're not sure why.
Men are like.....Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes are always half off.
Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like.....Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like.....Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like.....Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.