That's a bit of an assumption... he's on roids, it's possible she's the one who is suffering. You can't assume anything specific like that.
The secret to relationships is intimacy.
Most people have no idea what intimacy is.
I say that because at 44, I just found out, and most people I know are in the same boat I was.
You can rely on intelligence, techniques, and common interests only for so long, but those things don't satisfy the heart.
A woman is more sensitive to these things than a man is, generally. She can't say it, but it's always underneath, and the cause of the petty arguments.
It's insidious in that things can look good on the outside, but where there is no intimacy, it's a horrible vacuum that will destroy the relationship.
Most people think a relationship is 50/50, but that is bullshit. THAT is just a business relationship between two people. You scratch mine, I'll scratch yours. Big deal... mutualistic parasitism is all that is.
If you want the relationship to work, you must seek her heart, and she must seek yours. There must be no judgment in what you find, only the desire to get deeper.
Time is a factor. This doesn't happen when you work and never see each other.
Ask each other seriously if you want this to work, or if you are just using each other as comfort. Do your hearts yearn for one another, or are you just eating something to satisfy you partially until the main course comes along?
What do your hearts say about the relationship, about each other. If you both want it, it's simple.
Petty arguments happen when 'things' and 'life' are being put first, when someone does not have the other person in reverence, or in first place. If my wife puts the toilet paper on wrong, I could choose to see it as her being beligerant and disrespectful to me, or I could put her first in my heart, and think "She is so cute, always messing that up... what a sweetheart, she must be in a hurry and have a lot on her mind. I think I'll go kiss her and play with her a bit."
See, the universe is made for one reason, that we may have relationships. That is all that is important. Nothing else matters. Most people get upset though, because they see the other person as not co-operating in how they believe life should go on. They want it their way, for surely that must be the right way.
But it's not. Life can be any way you want it to be, but no in a partnership. THERE, it cannot be 50/50, but 100/100. Each person is who they are, accepting the other person for who 'they' are, and becoming intimate (not sex, though obviously that plays a part in that when you get intimate, sex usually happens a lot).
As you become intimate, things fall into place naturally. Each of you is so interested in this intimacy, knowing each other, being with each other, that you naturally try to please one another, for pleasing the other brings you more pleasure than pleasing yourself.
But this only works if you are truly intimate. Going through the motions of trying to please each other is a horrible mistake that will lead to judgment and disaster. You must simply be intimate and fall in love with each other.
I've been married 3 times, and only now is it so fucking good I don't know what to do with myself. The first two were disasters. I did not know the things I know now.
Neither will a forum post fix things, but it can make you aware of intimacy, and cause you to examine your heart and desires. It might help you get some hope.
All of this assumes the other person is one of good will, character, and integrity (not perfect, just good hearted). There is no living with a bitch or an asshole, and you should leave that situation.
When I look at my wife for too long, I can weep for joy at the love I have for her. It goes all the way down to the bottom of my soul.
Bottom line, if you want this woman, go for her heart. Get to know her. Always believe the best about her and her intentions. Talk to her about everything, but always aim for knowing her, not doing things.
No fake compliments, no techniques, not even any thought... just be you, and seek her. You will feel something pulling you back when you get talking, telling you not to give away too much, not to spill the beans, not to let her know 'this or that'.
That is your worst enemy.
Go for intimacy, honesty, and transparency. You be you, let her be her, and if the magic is supposed to happen, it will... as you seek intimacy.
Keep that first in your life. It will tend to be pushed aside at times. You will need times of renewal.
Good luck
poantrex said:
Trust me, one month down the road you won't even care about her. Been there, done that....you deserve better than that bro.
