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I don't know what to do about my girl situation. Advice very much appreciated

ruckin

ruckin

Member
I've only been with this girl for a couple months (we met probably 5 months ago) and I've been thinking the last few days about breaking it off with her, and I'd really appreciate advice from you guys. I know a lot of you have been around the block a few times and hopefully can share some wisdom. I hate to sound like a pussy for asking for advice about this, but I've never been in an exclusive relationship before so this is all new to me, and I really don't know how to handle a situation like this.

She's a really good girl but I'm just not crazy about her. I was asking my buddies what they think about this and when they asked if I'm really into her/super happy with her, my response was along the lines of "ehh..." She's very pretty, she cooks, she's really cool and laid back, down to earth, her family loves me, her friends are all cool and fun to be around..

My problem is that I've been noticing that she's very immature. Now honestly, for her age (20), she's probably just as mature/immature as any other girl her age, so I feel bad for holding that against her, but regardless it does bother me a little. She also has a very poor attitude when it comes to handling controversy/problems. I don't know if this is related to her lack of maturity, or if that's just how most girls are and I should just accept it, or what. But either way it also bothers me.

For example: she's been having problems with her roommates lately, because her dog barks uncontrollably when she's not home and puts him in his crate. Understandably, her roommates have been getting very upset with her for not doing anything about this dog. And I don't blame them for a second. If one of my roommates got a dog and it wouldn't stfu when I was trying to sleep or do work or whatever, I would absolutely lose my shit. But my girl doesn't know what to do abut the dog, so instead of trying to fix the problem, she goes to her friend's place and drinks to forget about the situation, which really bothered me... I couldn't imagine personally having a problem that was negatively affecting my friends, and just not actively try to fix the problem.

My last issue isn't THAT big of a deal, but it's enough to be worth mentioning. I'm a very goal-oriented person, as I know you all are, hence being on meso in the first place, but she literally has zero goals or ambition to accomplish anything out of the ordinary. Just go to school, graduate, get a job, work/get married/whatever, retire, etc. I mean I guess she does have goal-job, so that's something, but that's about it. Is that just normal for women? I really don't know the answer. I'm only in my early 20s. Most of you are older and know a hell of a lot more than I do.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just worried of ending it and ending up regretting it later, for letting a good girl like her get away, but at the same time I'm just not crazy about her. We're together in the first place because she was really into me and I figured I'd give her a chance cause of all the positive qualities I mentioned earlier, so idk if I'm just not giving enough time for her to grow on me enough.

Thanks to anyone who actually read all this.
 
ruckin said:
I've only been with this girl for a couple months (we met probably 5 months ago) and I've been thinking the last few days about breaking it off with her, and I'd really appreciate advice from you guys. I know a lot of you have been around the block a few times and hopefully can share some wisdom. I hate to sound like a pussy for asking for advice about this, but I've never been in an exclusive relationship before so this is all new to me, and I really don't know how to handle a situation like this.

She's a really good girl but I'm just not crazy about her. I was asking my buddies what they think about this and when they asked if I'm really into her/super happy with her, my response was along the lines of "ehh..." She's very pretty, she cooks, she's really cool and laid back, down to earth, her family loves me, her friends are all cool and fun to be around..

My problem is that I've been noticing that she's very immature. Now honestly, for her age (20), she's probably just as mature/immature as any other girl her age, so I feel bad for holding that against her, but regardless it does bother me a little. She also has a very poor attitude when it comes to handling controversy/problems. I don't know if this is related to her lack of maturity, or if that's just how most girls are and I should just accept it, or what. But either way it also bothers me.

For example: she's been having problems with her roommates lately, because her dog barks uncontrollably when she's not home and puts him in his crate. Understandably, her roommates have been getting very upset with her for not doing anything about this dog. And I don't blame them for a second. If one of my roommates got a dog and it wouldn't stfu when I was trying to sleep or do work or whatever, I would absolutely lose my shit. But my girl doesn't know what to do abut the dog, so instead of trying to fix the problem, she goes to her friend's place and drinks to forget about the situation, which really bothered me... I couldn't imagine personally having a problem that was negatively affecting my friends, and just not actively try to fix the problem.

My last issue isn't THAT big of a deal, but it's enough to be worth mentioning. I'm a very goal-oriented person, as I know you all are, hence being on meso in the first place, but she literally has zero goals or ambition to accomplish anything out of the ordinary. Just go to school, graduate, get a job, work/get married/whatever, retire, etc. I mean I guess she does have goal-job, so that's something, but that's about it. Is that just normal for women? I really don't know the answer. I'm only in my early 20s. Most of you are older and know a hell of a lot more than I do.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just worried of ending it and ending up regretting it later, for letting a good girl like her get away, but at the same time I'm just not crazy about her. We're together in the first place because she was really into me and I figured I'd give her a chance cause of all the positive qualities I mentioned earlier, so idk if I'm just not giving enough time for her to grow on me enough.

Thanks to anyone who actually read all this.
Click to expand...
If you are with the right person you will know. There is a reason why you are having these feelings and doubts. Trust your gut and instincts. She isn't the one for you and prolonging won't make it better. Life is too short to waste your time and hers. If its meant to be you will meet again later and maybe then her.maturity and goals may have changed. Then again you may have already found someone else that has what you are looking for. I would let her go and find what you want.
 
You're overthinking this bro. When it's right, there's not a soul on earth that could talk you out of it.

This is a situation where your gut is never wrong. There aren't that many of those, but this is the big one. Trust it.
 
Thank you for the advice guys. I'm definitely leaning in that direction more now.. I just don't want to regret it down the road and not be able to get her back ya know?

I know i'm not perfect and i just don't know if maybe i'm not thinking about this properly. I certainly still have plenty of growing to do myself.

Edit: i know i'm overthinking it but i can't help it. I mean i DO like her. Idk lol
 
You'll regret leaving when it turns out you can't get her back. We want what we can't have. Fortunately for you those feelings should be temporary as this does not sound like the girl for you. A lot of the issues can be worked through and whatever but it just sounds like you're using her as a placeholder until a better one comes along I. Which case cut both your suffering short and end it sooner rather than later
 
That's kind of the point though. Long road to walk, lots of pussy to be had on the way.

Believe me. When you find the right one, you'll move mountains and part seas to be with her, not to mention leaving the heads rolling of any punk motherfucker who tells you different or stands in your way. And even then, it still might not work.

But if you're questioning yourself now, then it's either time to end it to continue the search, or recognize what it is, and enjoy it while it lasts. Nothing wrong with either option. But it's nothing to agonize over, or miss workouts because of. ;)
 
Docd187123 said:
You'll regret leaving when it turns out you can't get her back. We want what we can't have. Fortunately for you those feelings should be temporary as this does not sound like the girl for you. A lot of the issues can be worked through and whatever but it just sounds like you're using her as a placeholder until a better one comes along I. Which case cut both your suffering short and end it sooner rather than later
Click to expand...
Even the ones you don't particularly like hurt. And there's always that doubt. But that doubt needs to be tempered with your self respect and trust.
 
ruckin said:
I've only been with this girl for a couple months (we met probably 5 months ago) and I've been thinking the last few days about breaking it off with her, and I'd really appreciate advice from you guys. I know a lot of you have been around the block a few times and hopefully can share some wisdom. I hate to sound like a pussy for asking for advice about this, but I've never been in an exclusive relationship before so this is all new to me, and I really don't know how to handle a situation like this.

She's a really good girl but I'm just not crazy about her. I was asking my buddies what they think about this and when they asked if I'm really into her/super happy with her, my response was along the lines of "ehh..." She's very pretty, she cooks, she's really cool and laid back, down to earth, her family loves me, her friends are all cool and fun to be around..

My problem is that I've been noticing that she's very immature. Now honestly, for her age (20), she's probably just as mature/immature as any other girl her age, so I feel bad for holding that against her, but regardless it does bother me a little. She also has a very poor attitude when it comes to handling controversy/problems. I don't know if this is related to her lack of maturity, or if that's just how most girls are and I should just accept it, or what. But either way it also bothers me.

For example: she's been having problems with her roommates lately, because her dog barks uncontrollably when she's not home and puts him in his crate. Understandably, her roommates have been getting very upset with her for not doing anything about this dog. And I don't blame them for a second. If one of my roommates got a dog and it wouldn't stfu when I was trying to sleep or do work or whatever, I would absolutely lose my shit. But my girl doesn't know what to do abut the dog, so instead of trying to fix the problem, she goes to her friend's place and drinks to forget about the situation, which really bothered me... I couldn't imagine personally having a problem that was negatively affecting my friends, and just not actively try to fix the problem.

My last issue isn't THAT big of a deal, but it's enough to be worth mentioning. I'm a very goal-oriented person, as I know you all are, hence being on meso in the first place, but she literally has zero goals or ambition to accomplish anything out of the ordinary. Just go to school, graduate, get a job, work/get married/whatever, retire, etc. I mean I guess she does have goal-job, so that's something, but that's about it. Is that just normal for women? I really don't know the answer. I'm only in my early 20s. Most of you are older and know a hell of a lot more than I do.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just worried of ending it and ending up regretting it later, for letting a good girl like her get away, but at the same time I'm just not crazy about her. We're together in the first place because she was really into me and I figured I'd give her a chance cause of all the positive qualities I mentioned earlier, so idk if I'm just not giving enough time for her to grow on me enough.

Thanks to anyone who actually read all this.
Click to expand...

This seems like a one sided relationship. Don't fool yourself man. Just in your wording "she's cool, she cooks, she cleans, she's pretty etc.." It's not really a full relationship. It's more so of what she can do for you = not a reciprocated relationship. There's nothing wrong as long as it's not misleading to her. Trust me, when it's real you will not give two fucks of what your friends think about her. It'll be all about you two.

It's big of you to recognize this and ask older / seasoned guys for opinions. Just don't lead her on brother. It only makes things worst.
 
ruckin said:
I just know that it would devastate her. I feel terrible :/
Click to expand...
It'll hurt a lot more the longer it goes.

Honesty with one's self would save a lot of heartache in the world bro.

Imagine all the poor bastards that keep lying to themselves over and over due to insecurity and lack of self esteem. It's a lot more pain when there's a ring on that finger, and kids in the equation. Happens every day, because people get lazy and fearful, and decide to settle on what's easy and available at the time.

You know what's right, and you sound like you're in a better position than most.

Know yourself. Trust yourself.
 
ruckin said:
It's done... That was one of the hardest things I've ever done. This girl's heart is broken right now :(
Click to expand...

I know it's tough man. Just remember that time heals, for both sides. Cliche? Hell yes but guess what it is so damn true.

You're both still very young, and it's best that you both learn that sometimes things just don't work out. As you get older and date older women you will find that while it never gets easier, people usually are more understanding.. Because we are adults and that's just how life is.

You both have your whole lives ahead of you. After fucking around for all my of my 20s i have finally found the one that I truly can see myself spending the rest of my life with, and let me tell you it feels amazing and was worth the wait. I wish you and her the best, drive on brother!!
 
I remember simular situations with young women. They are hot. Their intentions are well. But their nieveness drove me nuts. You will regret it because we are men and we think about our hot women conquests.. But that may only be a physical regret. People grow through reflection. If she reflects and grows, then you have done well by her and she will remember that.

You didnt leave as an asshole in a big fight over some petty thing she did. You didnt cheat and move on that way. You left the opportunity there.

I left a few good ones out there myself... And my wife hates that. Haha
 
I will answer this in a very short form love is how a person make you fell about your self? Do they bring you up? or do they bring you down? also honesty,respect, and truth are the most important. just like women have to mold us to be a good man the same can be done with a women if there worth it. Hope this helps brother.
 
Late to the party but sometimes " the one " isn't the one you're crazy in love with. Sometimes the girl you'd die for really isn't the one you should be with, crazy love can be toxic brother. Sometimes " the one" is wifey material 100% and they're someone you care about and can spend large amounts of time with, have kids, settle down etc. That kind of bond, while different, becomes the kind of long grown love, that you truly would do anything for.
 
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