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Just need to talk

HIGHRISK

HIGHRISK

Member
I just lost my dad tonight. I don't know where else to turn to let my feelings out. It's pretty rough right now for me. This is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. I honestly don't know what to do. All I know is it hurts bad. I probably shouldn't be airing my business. But I have nowhere else to go. Our relationship wasn't the best. But you only get one parent. The worst part is I never got to tell him I loved him and I wasn't mad at him because we hadn't spoke in years even though he lived just miles down the road. The lack of closure is killing me. I literally just made plans with my brother to go see him next month to try and make amends. I feel like I failed by not acting sooner. This is some rough shit. My fellow brothers here. As they say life is short and you don't know what you had until it's gone. Through all the BS he's still my dad and I forgive him for everything and love him with all my heart.

If your at odds with someone over some bullshit please forgive and forget. You never know when someone's time will come. I tell you right now the feeling of not having closure is something that hurts unbelievable. This guilt I will live with forever. Sorry for the long personal post. There's literally no one to talk to right now.
 
I hadn’t talk to my father in years and he wrote me for months until his untimely departure, and I threw every letter away and never thought twice the anger inside me wouldn’t let me feel or hear what he had to say, I literally threw every letter away never reading one or thinking about anything, but my anger for all the lost years, And when he died suddenly I was left hopeless realizing honestly there would never be a relationship and he would never be there for me or understand my anger and hatred toward him for the years lost but in the end. I wish I could have at least been his friend.
 
I'm sorry for your loss big man. I can fully relate as well. I even had the opportunity to mend things because I spent the last month of with him in the hospital while he was dying of copd. We may have problems that our unresolved with our fathers when they pass but deep down they and we know we loved them and they loved us. Always remember he did love you and he knows you loved him as well regardless of what lied between you guys.
 
HIGHRISK said:
I just lost my dad tonight. I don't know where else to turn to let my feelings out. It's pretty rough right now for me. This is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. I honestly don't know what to do. All I know is it hurts bad. I probably shouldn't be airing my business. But I have nowhere else to go. Our relationship wasn't the best. But you only get one parent. The worst part is I never got to tell him I loved him and I wasn't mad at him because we hadn't spoke in years even though he lived just miles down the road. The lack of closure is killing me. I literally just made plans with my brother to go see him next month to try and make amends. I feel like I failed by not acting sooner. This is some rough shit. My fellow brothers here. As they say life is short and you don't know what you had until it's gone. Through all the BS he's still my dad and I forgive him for everything and love him with all my heart.

If your at odds with someone over some bullshit please forgive and forget. You never know when someone's time will come. I tell you right now the feeling of not having closure is something that hurts unbelievable. This guilt I will live with forever. Sorry for the long personal post. There's literally no one to talk to right now.
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Sorry to hear about your loss bro
 
I'm sorry for your loss @HIGHRISK.

Keep your head up. The pain may seem inescapable right now, and it shouldn't be escaped, but time will eventually heal. I can't tell you how tough it is for me to hear about this though... I'm fortunate to still have my dad, and I dread the day I have to experience this, but even if I do everything I can... I think I'll still feel a lack of closure too. Luckily, I really believe my dad would never even think of that lack of closure in his final minutes... I think most parents would forget it too and focus on the positive aspects of being a father/mother.

Let time do it's thing... Keep talking in the interim.
 
Dude.... I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Your post doeant need an apology or explanation. We are all here for you bro.

I haven't spoken to my bat shit crazy mother in over a decade, and will not speak with her again. There is a snowballs chance in hell I go to her funeral. Those 2 statements haunt me currently and I'm sure these feelings will not do anything but increase in strength when the time comes. Your words make me want to try again but I know the end result.

In my own way I already understand : (

Not sure what I could ever do to help but if there's anything, even lending an ear, let me know. It's sad when this type of stuff happens, but it's also when you find the best that Meso has to offer. Head up my man.
 
Sorry to hear of your loss and I lost my own dad in 2005 to brain and pancreatic cancer due to heavy smoking and drinking. I never had closure after a falling out 25 years prior and that pained me. Losing a parent or close relative is the roughest thing to experience.
 
DrinkFlintWater said:
My advice to you is spend a few moments with him and tell him everything you wanted to say. Yes, hes gone but it will help you in some way with closure...not entirely but a little helps.
Click to expand...
x2 on this. I did this when my dad's father passed, we didn't spend enough time together and I let it out behind closed doors at the church when it was just the wife, him and myself. It does help.
 
HIGHRISK said:
I just lost my dad tonight. I don't know where else to turn to let my feelings out. It's pretty rough right now for me. This is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. I honestly don't know what to do. All I know is it hurts bad. I probably shouldn't be airing my business. But I have nowhere else to go. Our relationship wasn't the best. But you only get one parent. The worst part is I never got to tell him I loved him and I wasn't mad at him because we hadn't spoke in years even though he lived just miles down the road. The lack of closure is killing me. I literally just made plans with my brother to go see him next month to try and make amends. I feel like I failed by not acting sooner. This is some rough shit. My fellow brothers here. As they say life is short and you don't know what you had until it's gone. Through all the BS he's still my dad and I forgive him for everything and love him with all my heart.

If your at odds with someone over some bullshit please forgive and forget. You never know when someone's time will come. I tell you right now the feeling of not having closure is something that hurts unbelievable. This guilt I will live with forever. Sorry for the long personal post. There's literally no one to talk to right now.
Click to expand...
Sorry for your lost. I have plenty of un finished buisness with the deceased over the years. I feel even under perfect circumstancies, there will always be some regret. I hope it gets better for you soon.
 
KillaBig said:
I hadn’t talk to my father in years and he wrote me for months until his untimely departure, and I threw every letter away and never thought twice the anger inside me wouldn’t let me feel or hear what he had to say, I literally threw every letter away never reading one or thinking about anything, but my anger for all the lost years, And when he died suddenly I was left hopeless realizing honestly there would never be a relationship and he would never be there for me or understand my anger and hatred toward him for the years lost but in the end. I wish I could have at least been his friend.
Click to expand...

Im sorry for your loss my friend! I lost my dad when I was 17 (cancer). He was under Hospice care at our house. I was lucky because I told him I loved him and hugged him 5min before he passed. My sister and I were in the living room watching the tv show 21 jump street starring Johnny Depp. I remember it like it was yesterday. Everytime I see Johnny Depp it reminds me of that day. You just have to remember the good times and that even though you were estranged, you had love for each other. People are stubborn but stubborness doesnt mean you don't love each other. Again, my condolences.
 
You're in good company here brother. It's not fun losing a father after being estranged for years. Right now you have a lot of mixed feelings with grief. Over time (I know....) your thoughts will clear. You'll always miss the relationship that could have been, but you'll come to realize you were the child and not the parent. Make sure to stay close to your own kids. Apologize when you need to, and forgive as often as it takes.

If you were here, I'd give you a big ghey hug.
 
HIGHRISK said:
I just lost my dad tonight. I don't know where else to turn to let my feelings out. It's pretty rough right now for me. This is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. I honestly don't know what to do. All I know is it hurts bad. I probably shouldn't be airing my business. But I have nowhere else to go. Our relationship wasn't the best. But you only get one parent. The worst part is I never got to tell him I loved him and I wasn't mad at him because we hadn't spoke in years even though he lived just miles down the road. The lack of closure is killing me. I literally just made plans with my brother to go see him next month to try and make amends. I feel like I failed by not acting sooner. This is some rough shit. My fellow brothers here. As they say life is short and you don't know what you had until it's gone. Through all the BS he's still my dad and I forgive him for everything and love him with all my heart.

If your at odds with someone over some bullshit please forgive and forget. You never know when someone's time will come. I tell you right now the feeling of not having closure is something that hurts unbelievable. This guilt I will live with forever. Sorry for the long personal post. There's literally no one to talk to right now.
Click to expand...
Say some thing nice at the funeral. Maybe talk to mom about how you feel. I get it. But a tombstone is a hell of a 1 way conversation to have with a loved one. Even when two ppl were alive they couldnt stand the site of each other. Yet when their time is up its all regrets. Odd isnt it?

I hope to avoid this situation. Made amends with my dad a few yrs back. Really tried to make it work but after the last blow up over xmas dinner i decided it would be best if i didnt have him in my or my families company any more. The damn fool he is. I thought for a moment and many years leading up to that reconciliation period maybe id just wire his jaw fuckin shut for him. Or maybe id beat him unconscious so badly that it would permanently scar everyone present. Dont know if that would of made me feel any better. An old man in his fifties is out of his prime. And im built to break assholes like him. Been trained too. Im over it now and i dont hate him any more. Im settled mentally. And thats where i made my peace with it. He will die a fool the same as he has lived. But i will not be riddled with guilt.
 
@HIGHRISK please also accept my condolences for your loss.

After my Dad died I too realized I had unfinished business with him. I needed to ask his forgiveness for my failures as his son, forgive him for the ways I felt wounded by him over the years and forgive myself for not having been the man I thought I was and knew I wanted to be. It probably sounds new age/wonky but meditation helped me with all this stuff.

He's been beyond my sight for 3 years now and from time to time something still will come up that points out yet another layer l need to work through. It takes way less effort and energy now though than in the beginning.

Wish you peace of mind and strength of spirit bud. It does get better.
 
HIGHRISK said:
I just lost my dad tonight. I don't know where else to turn to let my feelings out. It's pretty rough right now for me. This is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. I honestly don't know what to do. All I know is it hurts bad. I probably shouldn't be airing my business. But I have nowhere else to go. Our relationship wasn't the best. But you only get one parent. The worst part is I never got to tell him I loved him and I wasn't mad at him because we hadn't spoke in years even though he lived just miles down the road. The lack of closure is killing me. I literally just made plans with my brother to go see him next month to try and make amends. I feel like I failed by not acting sooner. This is some rough shit. My fellow brothers here. As they say life is short and you don't know what you had until it's gone. Through all the BS he's still my dad and I forgive him for everything and love him with all my heart.

If your at odds with someone over some bullshit please forgive and forget. You never know when someone's time will come. I tell you right now the feeling of not having closure is something that hurts unbelievable. This guilt I will live with forever. Sorry for the long personal post. There's literally no one to talk to right now.
Click to expand...

It’s painful to hear all this, but From what it sounds yi believe your father would have known very well that you loved him. Parents just know. Maybe words just undermine what you felt, maybe you were the type to show and not speak..you sounded like a good son, you should not feel any guilty. In certain cultures there is believe that it takes the sole a few days before it complexity leaves this earth. It’s beleived that during a that time the recently deceased can see and hear and can feel his loved ones. I think your father knows how you feel. He at peace now. Be happy for his life that you were a part of.
 
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