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Just need to talk

Thanks for all the kind words. Some of your words or stories hit home unbelievably. I'm a fucking mess right now. I'll figure it out eventually. I know the type of person I am and the worst thing I can do is keep it in. Again thanks to everyone for the support you have really helped me through the first 24.
 
HIGHRISK said:
I'm sorry to hear that my friend. That's why is killing me right now. I just wanted him to know I wasn't mad at him. I feel selfish for having that fuck him attitude. Thanks for replying it means a lot right now
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I figured, I would share that with you because, I truly understand how you feel and it’s something that may haunt you for a long time. It’s never to late to forgive even after death.
 
Sorry for your loss.I watched my father go thru this with his old man, shits rough. It gets better over time. Take all that energy and emotion and pour it into your kids you'll get thru it.
 
My condolences @HIGHRISK

I've lost a few great people in my life that I never got to amend the relationship with before their time was up. For me, it was a difficult thing to live with for some time(although my circumstances were a bit different than yours cause at the time I was addicted to drugs and booze).

Time, along with doing what you're doing by talking about it, really did help me a ton. What helped me a ton was writing letters to those people. And every year on the anniversary of their deaths, I write then a letter. It really is therapeutic.
 
Im very sorry to hear about this @HIGHRISK ....Makes my situation seem like nothing. Now you got me thinking about my own father who was badly hurt in a motorcycle accident when i was 7. I hardly ever talk or go see him cuz it hurts so bad to see him in the state hes in. They recently moved him a few towns over, about an hour away. In the current situation im in, i have no license, no car, no real way to go an see him smh. Wish i could be there for ya big guy. I really dont have many friends irl either. Gave up all the druggies an trashy ass people when i became a dad a decade ago. We may not be their in person, but believe me brother, we are all right here for you. Vent all you want my friend, we will listen cuz we care. We might all be juice heads that are obsessed with the gym an this lifestyle but were always here for one of our own an thats jus what you are.
 
So very sorry to hear about your dad, I can't imagine what you're going through [emoji17][emoji17]

I do wish you and your family the best through this difficult time...Keep your head up, stay strong, and be there for your family...I didn't know your dad, but I bet he would want you to be the rock for your family [emoji5]

Godspeed, sir

Sending our thoughts,

4 J's Family
 
@HIGHRISK I'm sorry you lost your pops and are holding this regret. This kinda shit happens, brother. We do not like to think about the fragility of life, as it often brings our own mortality into our awareness. I'm sorry that you did not get the reconciliation and/or closure you would like. We live an increasingly cerebral existence and taking time-out from that existence to be present in a way that vulnerability can be achieved is requiring more and more effort. Now the closure you seek must be found internally. Though you were not able to offer the forgiveness to your father, you should offer forgiveness to yourself. Your intent was righteous. I'm sure he would not want you carrying guilt over something that was beyond your control.

Take care of yourself.
 
Maybe the OP brings a message to us here.

is there anyone in our lives we are estranged from, fix it now.

Contact someone you have fallen away from and make the peace.

I think I am going to try find my father, if he is alive he must be so old in a home somewhere. His life without seeing his own kids.
 
My condolences as well @HIGHRISK

Take time for yourself to grieve and mourn man. It’s natural to mourn a loss and let out your feelings and emotions. I think it helps with the healing process.
Let everything out anyway you chose to. Whether it’s on here, in private, or with another loved one.
Try remembering the good times you spent with him and focus on that.
 
HIGHRISK said:
I just lost my dad tonight. I don't know where else to turn to let my feelings out. It's pretty rough right now for me. This is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. I honestly don't know what to do. All I know is it hurts bad. I probably shouldn't be airing my business. But I have nowhere else to go. Our relationship wasn't the best. But you only get one parent. The worst part is I never got to tell him I loved him and I wasn't mad at him because we hadn't spoke in years even though he lived just miles down the road. The lack of closure is killing me. I literally just made plans with my brother to go see him next month to try and make amends. I feel like I failed by not acting sooner. This is some rough shit. My fellow brothers here. As they say life is short and you don't know what you had until it's gone. Through all the BS he's still my dad and I forgive him for everything and love him with all my heart.

If your at odds with someone over some bullshit please forgive and forget. You never know when someone's time will come. I tell you right now the feeling of not having closure is something that hurts unbelievable. This guilt I will live with forever. Sorry for the long personal post. There's literally no one to talk to right now.
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Look man. Keep your head up this ahit is hard. I just lost my older bro 2 months ago. It was real fkd up not going into details let’s just say it was way before his time. It really fkd ya all up me n my pops the most man. He was my super hero growing up so if you can imagine the impact it had on me. We fell away from each other the last couple months n really fkn hurts me because I didn’t even get a chance to catch up with him or anything man he was just gone. Crushed my world brother. Every fkn day still to today I wake up n think about him in sadness anger sometime even just remembering happy moment. The only thing you can do man is moving forward. The only way is up don’t let it bring you down no matter what. I stopped using drugs n fkn chnged my game up man. When most people would of fell in a hole. I had support from my girl n family. Just stay close with your loved ones. And be there for them because they need you more then ever now. I’m real sorry for you loss man. But know your not he only one shitty shit like this happens to. Personally have just used the gym to cope with this. Stress and anger man. I hope you pull through n do right.
 
Well this will be my last post in this thread. We laid him to rest today in a national cemetery. He's no longer sick and is pain free. I pray he's with the lord now and hope to meet again one day. Thanks again to all my
Meso brothers who gave me words of encouragement. I can't tell you how much it has helped me. Wether you believe or not. I hope you and all your families the best.


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
image.jpeg
 
HIGHRISK said:
Well this will be my last post in this thread. We laid him to rest today in a national cemetery. He's no longer sick and is pain free. I pray he's with the lord now and hope to meet again one day. Thanks again to all my
Meso brothers who gave me words of encouragement. I can't tell you how much it has helped me. Wether you believe or not. I hope you and all your families the best.


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
View attachment 90623
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We know what it might have meant to you because we know we all have to face this at some point too. Some already have and some maybe be going through it now. In turn, you have taught us something valuable, that Meso, for all it’s rough and toughness, we are a family. May you old man Rest In Peace and eternal tranquility.
 
I'm sorry for your loss and empathize for your situation. You can't go back so make your piece at the funeral when you speak and know he'll hear and forgive you. Time heals all and he's in a better place now wanting you to be happy and to let go of your pain.
 
sorry to hear that man. i dont know really what to say except keep going. i lost my mother at 11. im still trying to figure it out. i dont have much "advice" for lack of a better word except keep going. but i want to say that this is an opportunity for growth. and dont dwell on what you cant change becasue it will consume you. hopefully i worded this right
 
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