Mental health after stopping aas

[desertwarrior]

So I have been blasting on hard for about two years now. A few weeks back I had some blood clots travel through my body and other complications with my health. Fearing the worst i foolishly dropped all anabolics on advice from the doc I'm seeing. I have not had any in a few weeks only nolva.
Anyways I feel like a total nut case. I have been fighting urges to use some h or commit suicide daily. I keep reflecting on all my mistakes lately, not putting my family first. Mainly just feeling like a huge piece of shit. Gear and bodybuilding have been my life. Thinking of going in the opposite direction has me feeling lost and without purpose.
After a lengthy drive into the country with my side arm this evening and grappling with suicide in a way I never have I decided to make a post here. I'm terrible ashamed of these emotions and thoughts and have had some very close friends go this way and just couldn't understand their pain at that time.
I'm considering very low dose test to help because I can't continue this way. I was wondering if hormones perhaps have a withdrawal period? Have others experienced something simular when giving up juice after a few years on? I've been reading that test is a central nervous system stimulant, could not having that effect after so long be causing this?

 

[MisterSuperGod]

So I have been blasting on hard for about two years now. A few weeks back I had some blood clots travel through my body and other complications with my health. Fearing the worst i foolishly dropped all anabolics on advice from the doc I'm seeing. I have not had any in a few weeks only nolva.
Anyways I feel like a total nut case. I have been fighting urges to use some h or commit suicide daily. I keep reflecting on all my mistakes lately, not putting my family first. Mainly just feeling like a huge piece of shit. Gear and bodybuilding have been my life. Thinking of going in the opposite direction has me feeling lost and without purpose.
After a lengthy drive into the country with my side arm this evening and grappling with suicide in a way I never have I decided to make a post here. I'm terrible ashamed of these emotions and thoughts and have had some very close friends go this way and just couldn't understand their pain at that time.
I'm considering very low dose test to help because I can't continue this way. I was wondering if hormones perhaps have a withdrawal period? Have others experienced something simular when giving up juice after a few years on? I've been reading that test is a central nervous system stimulant, could not having that effect after so long be causing this?

If it's been a few weeks, your Test levels have likely bottomed out, so feeling like shit and being depressed is par for the course at this point.

You could start a TRT dose, i'm all but positive it would pull you out of this hormonal funk that you're in, but at the same time, it may not be such a bad idea to let your body recover. How long that will take, no one could really say with certainty.

The blood clots you mentioned, gave me a little shudder as i read it. What did you experience with them?

 

[Eman]

Go see a doctor. You need to talk to someone, other than people on a steroid forum.

Here's some more food for thought:

You had health issues that very much warranted stopping all AAS usage from the sound of it. I don't know why you'd think it's foolish to stop, what was foolish was blasting hard for two years. What's done is done, so now is the time to get your shit together and get healthy... If you love bodybuilding, then it's time to get healthy and focus on longevity so bodybuilding in the future can be a reality.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem that your family, not you, have to live with the rest of their lives... Right at Christmas time. I understand you can't necessarily control your urges but you need to get your mind focused.

Time to come up with a game plan for moving forward. Where does your health stand now? Bloodwork, get some or post some.

 

[MisterSuperGod]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem that your family, not you, have to live with the rest of their lives.

Absolutely love the way you put that.
Very powerful and very true words.

 

[DrinkFlintWater]

@desertwarrior
Ive been through this before. Keep in mind this is temporary...for how long, idk. When i was at my absolute lowest point in my life, when the heroin couldnt numb me anymore, i wanted to end it more than anything. The only thing that kept me going was putting my kids in my mind first. The thought of not being there for them scared me straight essentially. If i recall, you have kids. Stay focused on them in the meantime until you can get the necessary help brother. Thats all i can add because thats the only thing that has worked for me when times were at the absolute worst. And whatever you do, dont touch that fucking dope.

 

[Big_paul]

So I have been blasting on hard for about two years now. A few weeks back I had some blood clots travel through my body and other complications with my health. Fearing the worst i foolishly dropped all anabolics on advice from the doc I'm seeing. I have not had any in a few weeks only nolva.
Anyways I feel like a total nut case. I have been fighting urges to use some h or commit suicide daily. I keep reflecting on all my mistakes lately, not putting my family first. Mainly just feeling like a huge piece of shit. Gear and bodybuilding have been my life. Thinking of going in the opposite direction has me feeling lost and without purpose.
After a lengthy drive into the country with my side arm this evening and grappling with suicide in a way I never have I decided to make a post here. I'm terrible ashamed of these emotions and thoughts and have had some very close friends go this way and just couldn't understand their pain at that time.
I'm considering very low dose test to help because I can't continue this way. I was wondering if hormones perhaps have a withdrawal period? Have others experienced something simular when giving up juice after a few years on? I've been reading that test is a central nervous system stimulant, could not having that effect after so long be causing this?

H or suicide are out. Trt is in. A low dose will preserve a lot of gains and will be emotionally helpful. 150mg of test would be about right. This is a lesson learned brother. Steroids can be deadly serious.

 

[Sdryx]

H or suicide are out. Trt is in. A low dose will preserve a lot of gains and will be emotionally helpful. 150mg of test would be about right. This is a lesson learned brother. Steroids can be deadly serious.

I wouldn’t advise going against doctor’s advice. He’s got serious health issues.

@desertwarrior just remember this is temporary and you know it’s hormonal and not who you are. It will pass.

And if absolute strangers on the internet care enough to talk to you, imagine how much your family cares about you, and needs you.

If you feel depressed, talk to someone, anyone, until this phase passes. A lonely mind tends to wander into dark places.

Anti depressants may help temporarily as well or counseling. You know this is not who you are. Talk to your doc.

Good luck man.

 

[Dr JIM]

H or suicide are out. Trt is in. A low dose will preserve a lot of gains and will be emotionally helpful. 150mg of test would be about right. This is a lesson learned brother. Steroids can be deadly serious.

Ive dealt with a number of "recovering" users and suicidal thoughts strongly suggest much more is involved here.

Nonetheless I agree with @Big_paul bc in some instances AAS recovery can become an emotional bitch and a "TRT bridge" can be viable interim option. However before you even consider that path LABS are a MUST!

To that end you coordinate with your HCP, less you risk adding more, and more, and another or some other etc

Oh and much like an alcoholic should avoid "a bar" you should stay OUT OF THE GYM, at least for a while, and begin a new life of aerobic fitness.

Heck you may be surprised how proportional reductions in TBF and LBM can look!


JIM

 

[desertwarrior]

Thank you all for the responses guys. This situation is just tough. I have never had these type of mental problems and have really felt like I'm losing it (Not myself, mental fog, etc.)

My family is the glue holding things together at this point. I have my kids this week and have been putting my game face on for them. I would never want them seeing anything was wrong.

I think mainly I just was not ready to stop aas. Even after I almost died from a pe I heavily considered blasting on. Better to live 30 years as a lion then 70 as a lamb I thought...forgot who said that. I thought I would be living this life for a long time and I just feel like I'm going back to being a "regular" guy now. Which is a life I never wanted. I almost feel as though I don't belong here at meso now that I won't be on the sauce. But I guess that never stopped mindless lol.

Anyways thanks again for the posts. Means a lot.

 

[desertwarrior]

The blood clots you mentioned, gave me a little shudder as i read it. What did you experience with them?

The scary part is it didn't seem like much happened. I felt some shortness of breath and what kinda felt like chest pain or bad indigestion. Guess these things can kill some people. I'm just lucky it didn't travel to the heart or brain.

 

[MisterSuperGod]

The scary part is it didn't seem like much happened. I felt some shortness of breath and what kinda felt like chest pain or bad indigestion. Guess these things can kill some people. I'm just lucky it didn't travel to the heart or brain.

Sometimes we need a frightening experience (a metaphorical kick in the ass, of sorts) to bring us back to reality and get our heads back to where they should be. You got lucky (all things considered) and i'm glad you did. Time to slow down and take a step back.

 

[indyfitguy]

Blessings my friend! Fight the good fight! Life is a gift. Be strong and be there for your family. They need you as much as you need them. You really don’t want to die you just want the pain to stop.

 

[Big_paul]

Thank you all for the responses guys. This situation is just tough. I have never had these type of mental problems and have really felt like I'm losing it (Not myself, mental fog, etc.)

My family is the glue holding things together at this point. I have my kids this week and have been putting my game face on for them. I would never want them seeing anything was wrong.

I think mainly I just was not ready to stop aas. Even after I almost died from a pe I heavily considered blasting on. Better to live 30 years as a lion then 70 as a lamb I thought...forgot who said that. I thought I would be living this life for a long time and I just feel like I'm going back to being a "regular" guy now. Which is a life I never wanted. I almost feel as though I don't belong here at meso now that I won't be on the sauce. But I guess that never stopped mindless lol.

Anyways thanks again for the posts. Means a lot.

You have the right attitude brother. You live for your wife and your kids they come first.