Hi everyone, longtime lurker - appreciate many of the discussions - and first time poster.
Quick case history:
-33, M
-Emotionally difficult childhood. Diagnosed with depression at 19, went on SSRIs.
-Started lifting at 23, greatly improving my mental health; stopped antidepressants at 25.
-Started 10-16 week AAS cycles at ~28.
-(IMO) nothing crazy: up to 1g/week- always test + tren/primo/mast. Always used AI on cycle and (IMO) good PCT protocol after, taking at least 1x off between cycles.
-Started using HCG from ~week 5 onwards in 4 most recent cycles.
-Total 9 cycles over ~5 years.
Trouble started after the end of cycle 5: post cycle I can reliably get hormone bloods back in reference ranges (stupidly never did bloods before starting so no baseline) — but I’m unable to recover energy/mood and general feeling of wellbeing. It gets so bad, I have to jump back on just to feel ‘normal’.
Between cycles, post-PCT I have extreme fatigue, low motivation (including for lifting weights), brain fog, and various low level physical symptoms (skin rashes, dry eyes and lots of floaters, more joint aches, more colds). I generally feel shit and like a shadow of myself - like low T symptoms, but that’s not backed up by the bloods.
Clearly there could be a ton of variables, and I knew the risks before I embarked on this.
I guess I’m curious if anyone has experienced something similar - where hormone profile seems ‘normal’ but symptoms that you could associate with disrupted hormones are present, with a strong impact on quality of life.
I’m currently at 1.5x time off since my last cycle and jumping back on seems like the only option to get a good quality of life back.
But I’d prefer not to continue this pattern forever. At 33 I find myself caring less about how I look and perform in the gym and more about a sustainable healthy, happier life.
Thinking:
-Unresolved mental health issues still, that AAS help to control (so when I’m off AAS they become more noticeable/are effectively ‘untreated’).
-AAS (especially combined with my mental health history and use of SSRIs) have disrupted my brain/neurotransmitters - have seen some studies suggesting this happens
(wouldn’t know where to start for resolving).
-Am dealing with psychological addiction withdrawal symptoms, separate from AAS’ effect on hormones.
-Hormones are to blame - being within reference ranges is meaningless without knowing pre-AAS baseline?
-Simply need to go cold turkey for longer than 1.5x length of last cycle given I’ve been on/off for ~5yrs total (relationships, career, etc. likely to suffer)
Thanks in advance for any thoughts/perspectives.
Quick case history:
-33, M
-Emotionally difficult childhood. Diagnosed with depression at 19, went on SSRIs.
-Started lifting at 23, greatly improving my mental health; stopped antidepressants at 25.
-Started 10-16 week AAS cycles at ~28.
-(IMO) nothing crazy: up to 1g/week- always test + tren/primo/mast. Always used AI on cycle and (IMO) good PCT protocol after, taking at least 1x off between cycles.
-Started using HCG from ~week 5 onwards in 4 most recent cycles.
-Total 9 cycles over ~5 years.
Trouble started after the end of cycle 5: post cycle I can reliably get hormone bloods back in reference ranges (stupidly never did bloods before starting so no baseline) — but I’m unable to recover energy/mood and general feeling of wellbeing. It gets so bad, I have to jump back on just to feel ‘normal’.
Between cycles, post-PCT I have extreme fatigue, low motivation (including for lifting weights), brain fog, and various low level physical symptoms (skin rashes, dry eyes and lots of floaters, more joint aches, more colds). I generally feel shit and like a shadow of myself - like low T symptoms, but that’s not backed up by the bloods.
Clearly there could be a ton of variables, and I knew the risks before I embarked on this.
I guess I’m curious if anyone has experienced something similar - where hormone profile seems ‘normal’ but symptoms that you could associate with disrupted hormones are present, with a strong impact on quality of life.
I’m currently at 1.5x time off since my last cycle and jumping back on seems like the only option to get a good quality of life back.
But I’d prefer not to continue this pattern forever. At 33 I find myself caring less about how I look and perform in the gym and more about a sustainable healthy, happier life.
Thinking:
-Unresolved mental health issues still, that AAS help to control (so when I’m off AAS they become more noticeable/are effectively ‘untreated’).
-AAS (especially combined with my mental health history and use of SSRIs) have disrupted my brain/neurotransmitters - have seen some studies suggesting this happens
(wouldn’t know where to start for resolving).
-Am dealing with psychological addiction withdrawal symptoms, separate from AAS’ effect on hormones.
-Hormones are to blame - being within reference ranges is meaningless without knowing pre-AAS baseline?
-Simply need to go cold turkey for longer than 1.5x length of last cycle given I’ve been on/off for ~5yrs total (relationships, career, etc. likely to suffer)
Thanks in advance for any thoughts/perspectives.
