Gay, a MynameIsJeff memoir:
MyNameIsJeff was a nobody on MESO, lurking in the shadows, always ready with a biting remark or a crude joke. To most, he was just the loud, abrasive guy, taking shots at anyone he thought looked weak. But beneath the bravado, Jeff carried a secret—a part of himself he didn’t dare share, a truth he kept hidden in a dark corner of his mind. He was gay, and he was terrified of what that meant.
Unable to accept himself, Jeff lashed out on the forum. He mocked others, projecting his insecurities onto them, hoping that by doing so, he’d silence the voices inside himself. He thought that by tearing down others, he’d somehow feel stronger, less vulnerable, less… different. But each post only left him feeling emptier, and each argument made him retreat further into himself.
In the stillness of his bedroom, when the screen had gone dark, Jeff was left with the truth he couldn’t deny. His closet was filled not just with the things he hid from the world—dildos, vibrators, symbols of the life he wanted but was too afraid to embrace—but also the weight of loneliness and shame. He had built his own prison, one made of denial and self-loathing, and now he was trapped in it.
In the end, MyNameIsJeff remained as he had always been: in the shadows, in a dark, damp closet of his own making. The anger he’d flung at others hadn’t freed him. It had only tightened the chains around him, leaving him alone with the secret he was too afraid to face and a life he felt he could never truly live.