Tim Lambesis discusses his steroid use in detailed interview with AltPress.com:
http://www.altpress.com/features/entry/tim_lambesis_world_exclusive_interview_as_i_lay_dying_singer_breaks_silence
http://www.altpress.com/features/entry/tim_lambesis_world_exclusive_interview_as_i_lay_dying_singer_breaks_silence
When did you start taking steroids?
It’s a stupid justification, looking back, but I had hit a natural plateau. My body didn’t want to change beyond a certain point. I thought, “Well, everyone takes these supplements that are as close to steroids as you can get. Why not cut the crap?” I thought it would be more sincere to just take steroids instead of taking the closest thing. Every fitness magazine you look at—not just the bodybuilding ones, but the ones with regular people in decent shape on the covers—people in the fitness industry told me that even the fitness models who just want to look lean and natural are all taking steroids! Even bikini models are taking some type of [performance enhancement].
I remember thinking of Brad Pitt in Fight Club as the fitness ideal. And I remember learning that even Brad Pitt was never actually “Brad Pitt in Fight Club.”
Yes, the super-thin but super-shredded Brad Pitt type guys, a lot of those types of guys are taking steroids. It’s just a different type that makes you shredded. So even if you just want to be lean and shredded, not even bulked up, steroids are standard. I realized that no matter what direction I took it, if I wanted to have a magazine level of fitness, I would have to do whatever everybody [privately] acknowledges to be the standard.
We hear a lot about “roid rage.”
For the most part, I think that’s kind of a myth. When I was arrested, I had come off testosterone-based steroids. My hormone levels were really unbalanced. Your body naturally produces a decent level of testosterone and keeps your estrogen levels under that, if you’re a guy. When you take testosterone, it elevates your level to 10 times what your body is normally doing. Your estrogen levels raise to compensate. When you stop taking it, your testosterone levels fall to the floor. But because you're not generating any of the normal testosterone your body used to produce, your body goes from the highest it has ever had to way below the lowest. But your estrogen is still high.
Is that where so-called “bitch tits” come from?
Yes, that’s where “bitch tits” come from; it’s called gynecomastia. Before my arrest, I had stopped the testosterone-based stuff. My hormone levels were super-out of whack. The blood test I had right before I left for Asia, right before my arrest, showed my testosterone level was significantly lower than that of a 90-year-old man.
But you looked like the Incredible Hulk!
I came off the testosterone-based steroids in order to pass some tests I needed to take in order to get more custody of the kids. Obviously, taking steroids wasn’t as important to me as getting more time with my kids. I needed to pass these tests. I was still taking the non-testosterone stuff, the stuff that’s for looks, that helps you get shredded. There’s one called Trenbolone, which they give to cattle to maintain muscle mass when they are in transit and can’t eat for long periods of time. It makes it so you can have the most muscle possible on the least amount of food. It’s not made for humans. It was super- crazy to think, “Oh, this is the best way to balance out my body.” My body was in the worst state of balance it could have possibly been in.
Plenty of people take steroids. But most of them don’t end up in prison.
Well, for the vast majority of people, there's no adverse reaction to anabolic steroids. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that take anabolic steroids where their personalities may be a bit more obnoxious, or they may have acne, but I’ve learned that only 10 to 20 percent, depending on the type of substance, have an adverse reaction. I figured, “Well, I guess I’m not in that 10 percent!” At first, I felt good.
Where’d this info come from?
I talked to an undisputed expert on the topic, Dr. Harrison Pope. He’s a Ph.D in his 60s who has been actively researching anabolic steroids for years. He said there are only minor changes for the majority of people who take this stuff. And even in that 10 percent or so who have an adverse reaction, those reactions are different. I don't present that information as any form of excuse. I’m presenting it just to say that I was convinced, at the time, that I had no adverse reactions to steroids. It’s an “upper,” so to speak, so I felt great. You have all this extra testosterone in your body. I was blind to a lot of the things that I see now. Even when I started talking to Dr. Pope, I was skeptical. But then he started asking me questions, like, “Hey, prior to 2012, did you ever do this or that type of thing?” He listed a few things, and I said I had never done them before 2012. Then he asked whether I had done them since. I had to pause. He blew my mind with some simple questions. There were lots of things I did after 2012 I would never picture myself doing now. The way I acted, the way I reacted, my priorities. When a person’s priorities change and all their meaningful interactions in life change… Just those two things alone, you have to admit something happened. Those are some pretty big deals.
Put a frog in a pot of boiling water and he’ll jump out. But stick him in cold water and gradually raise the temperature and he won’t even realize what’s up till it’s too late.
Eventually, you cross a certain line and then other factors come into it. I’m not saying I only cheated on Meggan because I was taking steroids. There were many other factors.
Some anti-depressants cause weight gain, but so does eating more while on them.
Exactly. Perfect example. “Did he cheat on his wife because he was taking steroids? Or did he cheat on his wife and let his lustful mentality get the best of him and allowed his insecurities to drive him from there?” They are all factors. It was a perfect storm. In the past, those things hadn’t [caused me to cheat]. But they had planted a seed. Now, when it all comes down to it, I’m the one who decided to take steroids. I’m the one who didn’t address certain issues in my marriage. I can’t blame my insecurities, because that was only one part of it. I can’t blame steroids for the same reason. I can’t blame Meggan. She was certainly willing to address some of those issues. I’m still the one who made all of those smaller choices that added up to one bigger, much more hurtful choice.
“Gym culture” has come up with your case. Educate me on that transition.
I was going to the gym five or six times a week and really working hard. Everyone at the gym has seen the guy working hard, watched him grow, then saw him hit a plateau. You don’t have to go seeking [steroid dealers]—they find you. A handful of people came up to me saying, “I can tell you want to get to the next level.” They weren’t winking at me when they said it, but they might as well of been. I knew what they meant. They don’t say, “Hey, I’m a steroid dealer!” The first time a guy said I should consider steroids, I said, “Well I’m just going to change my routine and shock my body with some new exercises.” He had way more gym experience than me. He said, “Yeah, that’ll help a little bit, but it’s not going to get you what you’re looking for,” and then comes the sales pitch. I found out a lot of guys I had always looked up to—who I assumed didn’t take steroids—were taking them. Even some guys who claimed to be straight-edge! “Yeah he’s super-jacked, but he’s straight-edge, so I mean, of course he doesn’t take steroids!” Right? When I found out that every single person I thought looked awesome was taking steroids, I adopted the mentality that I had to take them to achieve what I wanted. I was convinced that if I didn’t achieve that type of look, I had failed [in my fitness goals and in my career].
People who aren’t into fitness will think that sounds bonkers, dude.
But even the average person can relate, as far as the “standard.” When you’re in the checkout at the grocery, if you’re a girl, it’s the girl in the bikini on the cover of the magazine. That’s the standard. If you want to be a public figure or someone admired by others, you have to look like those magazine covers. If you accept that and go beyond, the next level opens you up to all of these insane ideas. It's just crossing that first line.
The campaign against drugs is always super-extreme. Someone smokes weed for the first time and realize they didn’t go insane, so they figure it’s all bullshit.
None of the guys I knew taking steroids seemed like psychos. They weren’t doing anything like what I was arrested for. Everyone was debunking the myths for me. There is no “’roid rage.” I still had a full head of hair. I started thinking all these things about steroids are false. The government tells me a lot of things I don’t agree with. I had all of these “good” reasons to take steroids and saw no reason not to. Little did I know, if you’re in the pool of people with adverse effects, you won’t know until it’s too late. It’s exactly the frog in boiling water like you said. It’s embarrassing to look back and realize how many of the stereotypes now apply to me. The first thing I learned in talking with a doctor was that I wasn’t a big tough guy trying to get to the “next level.” I was insecure. I was weak-minded. I realized the things that made me want to become a perfectly, physically fit specimen. Even if I had achieved that, the brokenness would still be there. It’s empty. In a way, I’m thankful I fell on my face. I fell flat on my face. The whole world knows. I had to lose everything, sit in isolation and reevaluate the type of person I was. For that I'll always be thankful. For the pain of it all? Not so much.
