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WASHINGTON—Blasting the complete lack of empathy, campaign attorneys for President Donald Trump filed a lawsuit in Pennsylvania Thursday alleging state election officials were totally disregarding his feelings.

“A lot of these ballots clearly contain information that makes me sad and scared, and it’s just not right,” said Trump, who cautioned the media to refrain from issuing any results that would hurt him.

“I’m angry and confused, and I demand that election officials cease being mean immediately. All this vote counting completely flies in the face of my emotions, and I won’t stand for it. We won’t let the Democrats make me cry.”

At press time, an angry mob of Trump supporters had surrounded a vote counting facility to demand election officials make the president smile.
 




The day after Steve Bannon mused about beheading FBI Director Christopher Wray and Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Trump loyalist’s powerhouse lawyers asked a federal judge on Friday to postpone a hearing scheduled for Monday because they intend to withdraw from his criminal case.

“Mr. Bannon is in the process of retaining new counsel, and Quinn Emanuel intends to move to withdraw. As a result, Mr. Bannon respectfully requests that the status conference in this matter be adjourned for three weeks so that he may formally retain new counsel,” Bannon’s current counsel William Burck wrote in a one-page letter.
 
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