Am I being an asshole here?

[Demondosage]

Ok, I want some input from you guys. My stepdaughter is 17 years old, almost 18. She's been dating this kid for 2 years now. He never speaks and I dont even know him. I've tried to talk to this kid, I've taken him on trips with us, I can't get 2 sentences out of him.

Now, my issue is this; 2 yrs in I feel like I should somewhat know him. When I was dating in high school I knew the girls dad and spoke with him. So I guess I just think it's a little ridiculous that after 2 yrs I know nothing about this kid. Would you guys start to kind of not like him by this point? Would you be thinking "WTF?"

I understand that maybe my presence is intimidating to a teenage boy, but come on, after 2 years? I dont like the kid because he doesn't speak to me and acts like a pussy. When I try talking to him he's often lost in his phone or juat responding with 2 word answers. What would you guys think?

 

[franchise24]

Ok, I want some input from you guys. My stepdaughter is 17 years old, almost 18. She's been dating this kid for 2 years now. He never speaks and I dont even know him. I've tried to talk to this kid, I've taken him on trips with us, I can't get 2 sentences out of him.

Now, my issue is this; 2 yrs in I feel like I should somewhat know him. When I was dating in high school I knew the girls dad and spoke with him. So I guess I just think it's a little ridiculous that after 2 yrs I know nothing about this kid. Would you guys start to kind of not like him by this point? Would you be thinking "WTF?"

I understand that maybe my presence is intimidating to a teenage boy, but come on, after 2 years? I dont like the kid because he doesn't speak to me and acts like a pussy. When I try talking to him he's often lost in his phone or juat responding with 2 word answers. What would you guys think?

My .2 cents if the boy dating my daughter can't engage in conversation with my wife or I. We both would strongly advise/tell our daughter that we find that as a form of disrespect and she should find another boyfriend.

 

[Demondosage]

My .2 cents if the boy dating my daughter can't engage in conversation with my wife or I. We both would strongly advise/tell our daughter that we find that as a form of disrespect and she should find another boyfriend.

Exactly my thoughts. It comes off as disrespectful. Thanks

 

[franchise24]

Anytime.

 

[biggerben69]

What does your daughter say is the reason for his silence?

 

[Demondosage]

What does your daughter say is the reason for his silence?

She never has an answer. I hope when she goes off to college the dude is out of the picture

 

[Rockclimber]

She will find a new guy in college. I have a feeling that this guy is just intimidated by you and is afraid to have an opinion around you.
No you are not being an asshole either. I would be furious if my kid was dating someone like that. It's good that you care

 

[Leancuisine]

I agree with @Rockclimber its good that this bothers you. That would bother the hell out of me. By the third time I meet me kids bf/gf he/she better be speaking to me. At least my wife.
Two years?? I would start to get skeptical about why he's so timid. The phone thing would piss me off too. I'm never on my phone when talking with someone, and I expect the same courtesy.
I 100% understand him being intimidated. When I was 15-16 I would be timid around my gf's dad if he looked like you. But 17-18? The kid just needs to learn some confidence. 2 years is a LONG time to be dating, especially at that young of an age, so clearly you are having some good passed down to your stepdaughter in regards to that. That type of commitment seems rare nowadays.

Shit, maybe just put him on the spot next time you see him. Ask him what the deal is.

Definitely not being an asshole in the situation. Hell, if anything you're being the complete opposite. 2 years is a long time to be patient. I would have lost my shit by the first few months if my daughters BF couldn't look me in the eyes.


Edit: this is something I just thought of just now, but does the kid have a dad? Idk I just can't think of why anyone would still be shy after 2 years.

 

[SmallWoody]

Yeah. Intimidated or shy. I used to be like that younger. I was a skinny dork back in highschool and never really spoke. Not that I didn't want to. But never knew what to say or bring upon a conversation. Now I speak all the time people tell me to shut up

 

[VaginaShark]

Could always take him out fishing or something, just the two of you. I know some people that are shy in groups but when you get them alone for awhile they open up and start talking. I used to be like that myself when I was younger.
Who knows maybe the kid has something going on in his home life or childhood experiences that you don't know about. There's usually always a reason why people act the way they do.
Just an idea though.

 

[Mr.B66]

I would feel the same way you do, its very disrespectful not to engage you or your wife in a conversation, it not normal.
I mean would you be friends with someone that wont talk to you? I wouldnt!!

 

[Jeremiahflex]

Ok, I want some input from you guys. My stepdaughter is 17 years old, almost 18. She's been dating this kid for 2 years now. He never speaks and I dont even know him. I've tried to talk to this kid, I've taken him on trips with us, I can't get 2 sentences out of him.

Now, my issue is this; 2 yrs in I feel like I should somewhat know him. When I was dating in high school I knew the girls dad and spoke with him. So I guess I just think it's a little ridiculous that after 2 yrs I know nothing about this kid. Would you guys start to kind of not like him by this point? Would you be thinking "WTF?"

I understand that maybe my presence is intimidating to a teenage boy, but come on, after 2 years? I dont like the kid because he doesn't speak to me and acts like a pussy. When I try talking to him he's often lost in his phone or juat responding with 2 word answers. What would you guys think?

I would take it as being shy if he didn't get "lost in his phone" as you say when you try to talk to him. Seems like a punk. Does he even lift? Guy like that seems like he wouldn't defend her if need be.

 

[Leancuisine]

Does he even lift?

Haha! The important stuff!

 

[Brolloks]

Invite him for a private chat and offer him a beer or a puff. Might break the ice. But I agree...if he hasn't loosened up after 2 years, it's probably not going to happen.

 

[tandd6]

Kids now don't talk , they barely talk to one another , my daughter who is 19 she has a hard time carrying on a conversation with her mother and I , but get her texting or on FB and there's no stopping her.

 

[movingiron88]

Have you tried being the one talking to him? Probably have, but why not just talk to him about it. In a calm non confrontational way ask him him why he doesn't talk to you, or if you intimidate him? Ask him if you are doing something to make him standoffish. Tell him your daughter likes him and you want to like him as well, but you just don't know him yet. Be inviting to him and give him every reason to talk to you. Find common ground or interests. If this doesn't work at all then fuck him you tried atleast. Gotta admit as a young kid trying date your daughter you gotta be an intimidating figure.

 

[Jeremiahflex]

Have you tried being the one talking to him? Probably have, but why not just talk to him about it. In a calm non confrontational way ask him him why he doesn't talk to you, or if you intimidate him? Ask him if you are doing something to make him standoffish. Tell him your daughter likes him and you want to like him as well, but you just don't know him yet. Be inviting to him and give him every reason to talk to you. Find common ground or interests. If this doesn't work at all then fuck him you tried atleast. Gotta admit as a young kid trying date your daughter you gotta be an intimidating figure.

I get where you're coming from but after 2 years fuck this kid. You come into someone's house you gotta show top level respect

 

[Sp2.0]

He may just be a shy awkward kid or he may like your daughter but not you. The only real way to know is sit him down and talk to him like an adult. They've been together 2 years so he may not be going anywhere.

 

[miketee]

Kids are different nowadays bro. I’m in the same situation except that my kids boyfriend comes from a poor family so I have to pay for EVERYTHING. My wife even has to go pick this peckerwood up and he lives a half hour away. This kid sits around and doesn’t speak a word. It’s not because he is scared to talk. He just doesn’t feel it a necessity to get on older people’s good side. I can’t wait for my kid to dump his lame ass. I have enough mouths to feed without some charity case mooching off my kid. When I was that age I did whatever I could to stand out in front of my girlfriends father.

 

[Jeremiahflex]

Kids are different nowadays bro. I’m in the same situation except that my kids boyfriend comes from a poor family so I have to pay for EVERYTHING. My wife even has to go pick this peckerwood up and he lives a half hour away. This kid sits around and doesn’t speak a word. It’s not because he is scared to talk. He just doesn’t feel it a necessity to get on older people’s good side. I can’t wait for my kid to dump his lame ass. I have enough mouths to feed without some charity case mooching off my kid. When I was that age I did whatever I could to stand out in front of my girlfriends father.

I don't so much mind a charity case but they better show appreciation and ask if they can mow the lawn or chop fire wood or some shit, I swear I couldn't stand most of the dads of women I've dated but always greeted them properly and asked how they were. We didn't have these damn phones tho when I was younger.