Got a friend, who is also a long time member here, who is probably nearing the point in his relationship with this thing that he is going to have to start making some decisions for himself or others are going to start making them for him.
I use the word "relationship" because though I never had the urge to use narcotics, I have been in some relationships with women that are all-encompassing. Nothing else seemed to matter and the relationship seemingly had complete control over me and my life.
I had never heard of this stuff either. Last time we spoke he was just getting his feet wet with Oxy. It was manageable, still, and probably even fun at times.
He is not the same guy I met several years ago. I don't see how things are going to end well. There are websites he orders the stuff from. Its still legal. He's playing the rationing game trying to figure how much he can use if he gets payment in on time in order for the place to ship next day and for his pkg to actually get to him "Next Day".
The people who own the sites obviously know exactly what they're doing. They are right there ready to process his payment and hustle his order out the door to ship.
I can sense the anxiety in his voice when he's not sure if the pkg is gonna get to him on time. He has a wife and a baby under a year old that he's entrusted to care for as his wife works and he's a stay at home dad/addict.
He injured his back and then had another medical issue that caused him to need a couple of surgeries. He said he found this drug at that time. To help manage his pain.
It seems to be a drug that was designed to ruin lives. He says he can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time because he starts having wd's.
He says when he takes the last dose its as if that final dose is bunk? He doesn't feel it and swears he can feel WD's starting when its not physically possible. Its the anxiety...his mind fucking with him.
I've exchanged texts with him when he's out and his next pkg isn't coming til Monday. He's done it a few times....he waits for his wife, who is exhausted from working a double, to fall asleep. He then rolls the car out of the driveway and makes the trip into the shadiest parts of Downtown Houston, TX.
The first time he did this I guess we could say he was fortunate? He found someone who didn't just take his money. He's a white guy. He found a black guy who took him someplace to buy way over priced Heroin. The guy is on speed dial last I spoke with him.
He's tried kratom and Suboxone. Kraton may work some after the first couple of weeks he says...but it won't keep him well. Suboxone he says isn't doing it.
Oxycodone at high doses is good but way to expensive to switch over.
The days he has nothing he has to play sick. Like the flu has him. I wish I had an answer for him. Unfortunately I find myself ducking his msg's. I won't lie to him.
Its just a matter of time before his wife leaves. He's not fit to care for an infant who is 100% dependent on him when mom is working...which is more often than not.
We used to talk about the upcoming fitness expos and the booth he manned at the Olympia a couple of years ago. He used to spend his $$ on Serostim and gear. I sent him a vial of test cyp and some pins so he can run some version of trt.
His life is a fucking mess. I really liked the guy....but he's not the same guy. Its a shitty feeling.
If he reads this....please know and try to understand...its nothing personal my not returning your msg's. There's only so much I can do and only so much time in the day for me to spend with friends. When you turn the corner I'll be here. The last few times we exchanged texts I looked up and a few hours had gone by. I don't have that kind of time and energy. I don't want to be part of the insanity that your life is at this point. I'm sorry. I am.
Please get yourself together. Watching you throw your life away isn't something I'm willing to do. I need some space. I don't have what you need to get better and I'm not going to be a willing participant in helping you get what you think you need to get through that moment in time.
You're fortunate to have your parents active in your life. Ask for their help. Tell them you don't want their granddaughter to grow up without a dad. Tell them you don't want to die.
You have to know its a distinct possibility, correct? Your dying? Your behavior is beyond risky and not that of what a new loving father should be.
If you die your daughter, though she won't remember you, will resent you. Be more than just an angry and hurtful emotion that your daughter associates with the word "Dad". I miss you, partner. Good luck...you can do it. You have to.
