Break-up help

The most important and difficult thing to do is accept the relationship is over without any exceptions. If you hold on to the possibility of reconciliation, you will only prolong your hurt and agony.

I am sure your ex had many great attributes and was a great person. However, in the state of mind you are currently in, you will begin ruminating and fixating only on her good qualities while ignoring the negative ones. If left unchecked, you will a create an image of a woman that did not and does not exist. You will begin longing for a caricature of sorts.

Do not look her up online, do not try to figure out who she is now dating. Do not listen to any music or watch any programs, which force you to think of her.
DO NOT go anywhere near recreational drugs or alcohol.

Whether it is through reading, more cardio, martial arts, etc...keep moving, keep busy.

Sit down, write out a 5 year plan. Where do you want to be, what do you want to be doing and begin to create that life. Begin visualizing the life you want.

Take note of your shortcomings, your flaws and try to improve in those areas. Take note of your strengths and be grateful for them.

Cry if you have to

Remember, life is a collection of seasons, beginnings and endings.

This was awesome man thanks
 
It was a combination of

- me not getting along with her family
(They would ask to borrow money, for rides places, babysitting etc and would never do anything for anyone else)

- us not seeing eye to eye emotionally on certain issues (she has more liberal views then me)

- me not being approachable on certain issues (I tried really hard to be though)

- me being focused too focused on money

Ultimately it was an emotional outburst decision on her part, and I know with her family in her ear they probably didn’t help my case lol
So let me get this straight…..you’re upset over a breakup with a liberal and her freeloading family? Best thing that could ever happen to a man!!!
 
A big mistake I made with the relationship that I realize now :

I cut off most of the world when I was with her

I made her my best friend and my lover. I stopped hanging out with friends and gave up on trying to make new friends. All of my family live on the east coast on the other side of the country making this a really lonely time for me tbh.

It’s a lot harder when you lose your best (and only?) friend, and your lover. Point taken to not let this happen again.
 
I was reading the list and wondering where most of this nonsense came from. Then saw Buddha...

You don't tell someone hurting from a serious relationship separation to not be saddened by one. Most of that list is trash imo.
I thought so for most of my life. But it is not. I’ve been exactly where OP is. Only I probably went a lot further than him.

You don’t tell someone hurting the truth? That’s what you mean.

Everything we do is a form of brainwashing we impose on ourselves. All the social media, the memes, the marketing, and the way we interact with the world around us. When you become obsessed with the gym you have brainwashed yourself to believe that it is important, when in reality it holds only superficial value at most. But it is still better than any multitude of things you could convince yourself or be taken in by. This is not Buddhism and I won’t say “it really works”. It is Bushido and I will only say what you decide works will work

Read closer because these are only the same principles that every man should bear in one form or another. Whether hyperbolic or relatable is up to the person.
 
A big mistake I made with the relationship that I realize now :

I cut off most of the world when I was with her

I made her my best friend and my lover. I stopped hanging out with friends and gave up on trying to make new friends. All of my family live on the east coast on the other side of the country making this a really lonely time for me tbh.

It’s a lot harder when you lose your best (and only?) friend, and your lover. Point taken to not let this happen again.
I don’t believe that you made a mistake. It may increase the intensity of pain you feel but to truly be in any real relationship in this current society you must cut off the world. It will try to divide you and tell each of you that the other is “toxic” or “narcissistic”.

I don’t give a fuck what anyone says. In all my life and all I have done I have never felt true happiness except through love. I’ve never had a real friend. No amount of money was ever enough, no material possession ever satisfied me. The only thing that ever could matter in this world is LOVE AND PURPOSE. Nothing else is real. And even the purpose is just a curtain you pull over your face to hide from the bare reality of this world. But love and purpose are also the only real cure for depression.
I am probably not the one to listen to, I am considered severely mentally ill by a sick world. The farthest thing from the accepted norm of what is healthy. But I know what life is about and I know what I am about.
 
I don’t believe that you made a mistake. It may increase the intensity of pain you feel but to truly be in any real relationship in this current society you must cut off the world. It will try to divide you and tell each of you that the other is “toxic” or “narcissistic”.

I don’t give a fuck what anyone says. In all my life and all I have done I have never felt true happiness except through love. I’ve never had a real friend. No amount of money was ever enough, no material possession ever satisfied me. The only thing that ever could matter in this world is LOVE AND PURPOSE. Nothing else is real. And even the purpose is just a curtain you pull over your face to hide from the bare reality of this world. But love and purpose are also the only real cure for depression.
I am probably not the one to listen to, I am considered severely mentally ill by a sick world. The farthest thing from the accepted norm of what is healthy. But I know what life is about and I know what I am about.

It’s funny you say that, I think she honestly viewed me as toxic sometimes because of how attached i was to her .. I was never overly clingy (if she went out for a drink with friends, I would never text her once). I just liked having “my person” ya know.
 
It’s funny you say that, I think she honestly viewed me as toxic sometimes because of how attached i was to her .. I was never overly clingy (if she went out for a drink with friends, I would never text her once). I just liked having “my person” ya know.
A needy man isn’t an attractive trait, it doesn’t show confidence. Every guy I ever knew that was needy either got treated like shit, cheated on, or never had anything for himself in a relationship, because he threw every part of himself away for a woman.

It sounds to me like you threw away just abt everything but the gym, so at least you have that still. If I was with a woman who viewed what I did as toxic that shit would be over really fast. You have to break it down to the basics nowadays, once the basics are covered everything else can be worked through. I’d put money on it that the next guy is the total opposite of a gym guy and she runs the relationship. That’ll be the guy drunk every night in absolute misery realizing how bad he fucked up
 
A needy man isn’t an attractive trait, it doesn’t show confidence. Every guy I ever knew that was needy either got treated like shit, cheated on, or never had anything for himself in a relationship, because he threw every part of himself away for a woman.

It sounds to me like you threw away just abt everything but the gym, so at least you have that still. If I was with a woman who viewed what I did as toxic that shit would be over really fast. You have to break it down to the basics nowadays, once the basics are covered everything else can be worked through. I’d put money on it that the next guy is the total opposite of a gym guy and she runs the relationship. That’ll be the guy drunk every night in absolute misery realizing how bad he fucked up

I totally see what you’re saying and yeah. She’s a wanna-be influencer and someone told me in her tik tok she made a video about how she got ghosted recently. She makes videos telling people about how she gets hit on in different places as if it makes her special. Guys will fuck anything lol. She’s a piece of work and I’m realizing that maybe she did me a huge favor
 
It was a combination of

- me not getting along with her family
(They would ask to borrow money, for rides places, babysitting etc and would never do anything for anyone else)

- us not seeing eye to eye emotionally on certain issues (she has more liberal views then me)

- me not being approachable on certain issues (I tried really hard to be though)

- me being focused too focused on money

Ultimately it was an emotional outburst decision on her part, and I know with her family in her ear they probably didn’t help my case lol
Dude, you dodged a bullet. If the family presents annoying problems already, especially selfishness, it's best to walk away. And any liberal views that persist after you initially make your more conservative views known to her, is a deal breaker, because it shows she doesn't have the ability to be educated or to think logically.
 
I totally see what you’re saying and yeah. She’s a wanna-be influencer and someone told me in her tik tok she made a video about how she got ghosted recently. She makes videos telling people about how she gets hit on in different places as if it makes her special. Guys will fuck anything lol. She’s a piece of work and I’m realizing that maybe she did me a huge favor
Oh my........you are so lucky. She sounds like a total lunatic. You don't want a girl like this. Only bad things will come.
 
I am really happy about you man, it's a new phase in your life, a new car. I'm 100% sure you will find the real one. Keep yourself busy, and it will all be just memories in a matter of time.
Rejoin with your family and friends most importantly.
 
I thought so for most of my life. But it is not. I’ve been exactly where OP is. Only I probably went a lot further than him.

You don’t tell someone hurting the truth? That’s what you mean.

Everything we do is a form of brainwashing we impose on ourselves. All the social media, the memes, the marketing, and the way we interact with the world around us. When you become obsessed with the gym you have brainwashed yourself to believe that it is important, when in reality it holds only superficial value at most. But it is still better than any multitude of things you could convince yourself or be taken in by. This is not Buddhism and I won’t say “it really works”. It is Bushido and I will only say what you decide works will work

Read closer because these are only the same principles that every man should bear in one form or another. Whether hyperbolic or relatable is up to the person.
But the gym/exercise actually chemically makes people feel better.
 

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