Depression and Low Self Esteem

[1tank1]

Youtube Wes Watson when you get to the point of needing motivational speaking. It's been a minute since I've listened to him but he was pretty solid.

Cheers bro. I'll have a listen to a seminar and see if he's someone I can connect with/relate to.

I've listened to some aspirational podcasts from friends on other self-help groups but a lot of them were just bullshit to me coz they were more about being successful in life and winning/making money/making friends. That might be a good philosophy for younger people with time on their side but that's not the type of advice that would help someone like me.

 

[Canknucklehead]

Hi bro and thanks for showing an interest. I did a 4 week booze detox under medical supervision and thankfully didn't get too many bad side effects other than the shakes, sweats, nightmares, confusion, sleep issues, and vomiting/gastro issues.

I've got a personal adviser now that I can talk to anytime about personal issues in life instead of going to group therapy and chatting to strangers and that's very helpful so far. I haven't totally quit drinking yet but I've cut it down by a whopping 75% and been consitent with that for a few weeks now so I'm happy with my progress so far and I feel a lot better about myself lately.

Tren has been dropped and I'm not gonna touch it again this year so I'm only on Test now and nothing else.

I'm heading in the right direction but it's gonna be a long road dealing with my personal agendas and facing them instead of running away or using booze/steroids to escape reality.

Cheers for the support bro. Really appreciated !

Awesome to hear brother! Stay strong and good luck with your journey!

Great job so far!

 

[BawlsDeep]

I've got a personal adviser

Court appointed? I had a "personal adviser" once, he called himself a sponsor. Best advice he gave was to not touch a drop. Cutting back 75% as you say, while good, leaves that 25% to grow easily into a nasty mess. Best of luck if you can keep to it, but maybe 100% might be best.

 

[TrenTrenTren]

I'm really sorry to hear this. Depression is never a good thing, but you seem to be aware that there's a problem and you've taken positive steps to deal with the issues - which is absolutely the right call. Talking about it is always a release and I'm here to talk to if it helps. Goodluck.

Do you see what these women do Jayne? Women by far mentally fuck with men way more than men do to women. Women can just turn their emotions off toward a man instantly. Men don't do that, because men are the more romantic of the sexes. Men actually believe the fairy tale bullshit of a woman loving them and them only their entire life.

For the OP, here's my advice: Women are not to be trusted. Women are not your friends. Women are not your partners. Women are constantly monkey branching to the next bigger better deal. If they aren't doing it physically yet, they are doing it in their minds now.

Just like men who are in relationships think about the other women they'd like to fuck, women in relationships dream about the other men they want to saddle up with and spend their life with. You can see the difference in the destruction that these mindsets cause. Men might dream about fucking a girl at the office, but then going home to their family and still loving their wife forever. Women dream about who they are going to latch on to when they leave your ass. There's the difference.

Don't let yourself fall for a woman's bullshit. A woman can't love a man in the way he thinks she should. It's not in their nature. Just focus on your life, and fuck these skanks when you need to get laid. That is all a woman is a good for...a slippery hole. Don't trust them.

 

[1tank1]

Court appointed? I had a "personal adviser" once, he called himself a sponsor. Best advice he gave was to not touch a drop. Cutting back 75% as you say, while good, leaves that 25% to grow easily into a nasty mess. Best of luck if you can keep to it, but maybe 100% might be best.

I know the 25% puts me in the danger zone of things escalating again but (due to my own personal issues) I've been advised to continue drinking in moderation and only in the evenings (5 nights) with no more than a 35cl bottle of spirit.

I'm not physically addicted to alcohol like some people. It's a mental dependency in my situation but the end goal, of course, is to totally quit and not drink at all.

Small steps

 

[God&Gainz]

When quitting, mental dependency is worse than physical IME

 

[Megadick3000]

I know the 25% puts me in the danger zone of things escalating again but (due to my own personal issues) I've been advised to continue drinking in moderation and only in the evenings (5 nights) with no more than a 35cl bottle of spirit.

I'm not physically addicted to alcohol like some people. It's a mental dependency in my situation but the end goal, of course, is to totally quit and not drink at all.

Small steps

The best way to get off alcohol is using cocaine.

The best way to get off cocaine is to use alcohol.

When i was an opiate addict i quit cold turkey for 2 weeks by binging coke. Worked beautifully, only then i was addicted to cocaine which was way more destructive to my life so i quit cocaine cold turkey by binging opiates, worked beautifully only then i was addicted to opiates again which was actually the lesser of two evils so it worked out for the best.

Disclaimer: bad advice given

 

[1tank1]

When quitting, mental dependency is worse than physical IME

This is very true. You can fix broken bones and torn muscles easily within a few weeks but it's very difficult to fix a broken mind/heart.

There are no drugs or surgical procedures that can treat/repair emotional damage.

 

[Dr JIM]

I'm drug free apart from alcohol and test/tren cycles.

Based on your post ETOH must be avoided as it rarely if ever improves outcome in those w mental health disorders.

 

[1tank1]

Based on your post ETOH must be avoided as it rarely if ever improves outcome in those w mental health disorders.

For sure, I know it.
Making changes and taking positive action is the hardest part of the repair program though.

 

[BBC3]

"There ain't no OPEN SEASON on them. Cause there wouldn't be none of em left..." - BBC3

To ANYONE in this scenario. Do yourself a favor and NEVER speak of or think about her rotten ass again. She will keep you around at an arms length forEVER if you let her. Turn you right into a beta-cuck-monkey-simp.. And simply for her pleasure..

She loves knowing you THINK you can't live without her..


View: https://youtu.be/pAd2X8wWsgU

 

[Joseph Plunkett]

This is going to be a bit of a sob story tbh but it's a conversation I think I need to have and hopefully I might get some good advice on here instead of being mocked and ridiculed by silly jacked-up kids like I was the last time I reached out for "personal" help on a bbing forum..

About me:
I've battled with different degrees of depression for a long time now (approx 15 years) that it has almost become a normal way of life for me now to be unhappy and miserable 90% of the time but I want to make changes this year and at least try to be positive and see some beauty in being alive. (P.S I've never had suicidal thoughts.....I'm just mentally and emotionally numb most of the time and day to day life is just a boring grind for me with no pleasure at all coz I really don't care about anyone or anything anymore).

I'm early 50s now and I have remained single since the end of a really long and deep relationship with a woman who was my true soul mate in life and I know I could never find anyone as special as her ever again so I've detached myself from forming real relationships and trust with women coz I never wanna feel that type of pain again. It's a self destructive way to think, I know, but I just can't shake it off. I've been through some tough experiences in my life and always bounced back but the end of that relationship broke my soul and my spirit beyond repair and turned me into a totally different (negative) character.

Being honest, I drink more than I should (booze) and I hate it coz it does nothing good for me but on the other hand it helps coz it keeps me emotionally numb and uncaring and in a "neutral" state of mind. I don't wanna spend what's left of my life thinking this way though so changes are on the horizon no matter how hard they might be.

I cycle gear regularly (low doses) and I always eat a reasonably healthy diet. I train consistently too but being honest I don't give it the required effort that I should.

I've set a date in my mind of May 1st for the start of a new direction in my life and I'll be spending the weeks prior preparing myself mentally and reducing my alcohol consumption and listening to "positive thinking" seminars online.

Any helpful advice and support from MESO members would be much appreciated.

It takes guts to come out and say it, whether it being with your family members at the dinner table or as anonymous online. It takes significant courage.

I also suffer from it since I was a child, I had a very sick mother and I let’s say I didn’t take it lightly, it’s very damaging for a child’s mind to be held with that burden.

I honestly think that I’ve been robbed of my life…. A truly debilitating and sickening disease that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

It truly is a cruel illness, something I can’t imagine god would have created for this earth.

Although that being said I’ve never given up and I’ve always kept the chin up and looking for answers…..

I’ve tried countless antidepressants and psychiatristric medications and unfortunately IME I can say that none of them have worked.

The antidepressants just seem to dull all emotions and carry a lot of unwanted side effects, it’s not a very pleasant feeling and I would rather be crippled with sadness than feel absolutely nothing at all…. After all it’s emotions that make us human.

Antipsychotics…… are what can say….. vaguely the shit is poison and the fact they prescribe it to people is a violation of human rights.

As for rec drugs I’ve done a lot of lsd and other shit but lsd stands out because I had a complete mental breakdown on it…. A life changing experience both good and bad.

Now I’m currently trying alternative methods, Russian pharmaceuticals which I’ve seen mentioned time and time again on meso and in a good light.

I’m on my first week of bromantane and semax and I must say I feel much more emotional…. Which is a good thing because I go through this horrible phase where I feel absolutely nothing and it’s the most disguisting and horrible feeling I’ve ever felt.

So far so good, I’ll keep you updated.

I’m also going to try a course of Cerebrolysin in the next few weeks.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

No one deserves to be miserable mate and I know exactly how you feel.

We’ll work this out together. There’s always an answer.

 

[Hightower]

This is going to be a bit of a sob story tbh but it's a conversation I think I need to have and hopefully I might get some good advice on here instead of being mocked and ridiculed by silly jacked-up kids like I was the last time I reached out for "personal" help on a bbing forum..

About me:
I've battled with different degrees of depression for a long time now (approx 15 years) that it has almost become a normal way of life for me now to be unhappy and miserable 90% of the time but I want to make changes this year and at least try to be positive and see some beauty in being alive. (P.S I've never had suicidal thoughts.....I'm just mentally and emotionally numb most of the time and day to day life is just a boring grind for me with no pleasure at all coz I really don't care about anyone or anything anymore).

I'm early 50s now and I have remained single since the end of a really long and deep relationship with a woman who was my true soul mate in life and I know I could never find anyone as special as her ever again so I've detached myself from forming real relationships and trust with women coz I never wanna feel that type of pain again. It's a self destructive way to think, I know, but I just can't shake it off. I've been through some tough experiences in my life and always bounced back but the end of that relationship broke my soul and my spirit beyond repair and turned me into a totally different (negative) character.

Being honest, I drink more than I should (booze) and I hate it coz it does nothing good for me but on the other hand it helps coz it keeps me emotionally numb and uncaring and in a "neutral" state of mind. I don't wanna spend what's left of my life thinking this way though so changes are on the horizon no matter how hard they might be.

I cycle gear regularly (low doses) and I always eat a reasonably healthy diet. I train consistently too but being honest I don't give it the required effort that I should.

I've set a date in my mind of May 1st for the start of a new direction in my life and I'll be spending the weeks prior preparing myself mentally and reducing my alcohol consumption and listening to "positive thinking" seminars online.

Any helpful advice and support from MESO members would be much appreciated.

First of all, thank you for choosing to share. I went through depression and a state when the whole world collapsed. You have to start focusing on the little things that bring you joy, from the smallest to the largest. Find activities that bring you pleasure. I never thought that fishing could bring me peace and tranquility. Good for me was a godsend, I first started collecting LEGO models. And I started to go to an animal shelter, as a result I became a volunteer and began to help and care.

 

[theotherguy]

He's probably depressed because he realized he's a fucking twat

 

[BBC3]

The best way to get off alcohol is using cocaine.

The best way to get off cocaine is to use alcohol.

When i was an opiate addict i quit cold turkey for 2 weeks by binging coke. Worked beautifully, only then i was addicted to cocaine which was way more destructive to my life so i quit cocaine cold turkey by binging opiates, worked beautifully only then i was addicted to opiates again which was actually the lesser of two evils so it worked out for the best.

Disclaimer: bad advice given

You left out the CRACK form administration. That one will make you forget about all the others and I MEAN FAST...

What's the difference in Opioids and Crack..? The first of which you NEED once accustomed to stronger forms. The latter of the two you only THINK you need... Its more of a want. But it will leave you with a void you can never fill....

Off topic.. has anyone ever noticed that nicotine does not work anymore once you quit Adderall...

 

[BawlsDeep]

You left out the CRACK form administration. That one will make you forget about all the others and I MEAN FAST...

What's the difference in Opioids and Crack..? The first of which you NEED once accustomed to stronger forms. The latter of the two you only THINK you need... Its more of a want. But it will leave you with a void you can never fill....

Off topic.. has anyone ever noticed that nicotine does not work anymore once you quit Adderall...

Whyd u quit? Adderall is amazing

 

[Joseph Plunkett]

You left out the CRACK form administration. That one will make you forget about all the others and I MEAN FAST...

What's the difference in Opioids and Crack..? The first of which you NEED once accustomed to stronger forms. The latter of the two you only THINK you need... Its more of a want. But it will leave you with a void you can never fill....

Off topic.. has anyone ever noticed that nicotine does not work anymore once you quit Adderall...

Nope

 

[Megadick3000]

You left out the CRACK form administration. That one will make you forget about all the others and I MEAN FAST...

What's the difference in Opioids and Crack..? The first of which you NEED once accustomed to stronger forms. The latter of the two you only THINK you need... Its more of a want. But it will leave you with a void you can never fill....

Off topic.. has anyone ever noticed that nicotine does not work anymore once you quit Adderall...

i smoked crack once out of curiosity. I had a veteran user cook it up for me from powder. I didnot find it anywhere near as pleasureable as coke. Which is very strange to me as im pretty knowledgeable on pharmacology and couldnt understand why the freebase form would feel significantly less pleasureable than the hydrochloride form yet still give me the same heavy stimulant effects.

Maybe it was the route of administration (inhalation vs insufflation) that had something to do with it. Anyways it was probably for the best.

 

[BBC3]

i smoked crack once out of curiosity. I had a veteran user cook it up for me from powder. I didnot find it anywhere near as pleasureable as coke. Which is very strange to me as im pretty knowledgeable on pharmacology and couldnt understand why the freebase form would feel significantly less pleasureable than the hydrochloride form yet still give me the same heavy stimulant effects.

Maybe it was the route of administration (inhalation vs insufflation) that had something to do with it. Anyways it was probably for the best.

You gotta blow it out yer noze.... I only know this because some asshole I used to hang out with lived with a bunch of jerkoff thieving idiots.... Technically they are referred to as "CrackHeadz"...

And it was most definitely for the best. Consider it a blessing you didn't get it. However fucked blow has got you already just factor that to a magnitude of at least 3 and you will be getting close.. Although I never liked blow and it was easy to forget the few times I tried it. I also cant stand snortin shit up yer noze as a method of ingestion as it is non-precise and makes for horrible overdose management... All that shit stuck up in yer nose and shit no telling when its coming down the pipe. Snorting things is about effective for one hit... Then you almost might as well eat it..

Unless you knew that "Veteran crackhead" real well, he probably also pulled the old switcharoo on ya and served ya up some watered down to nothing.. Crackheadz and the biggest pieces of shit on the planet...

 

[BBC3]

Whyd u quit? Adderall is amazing

I got tired of it. Actually, I got to the point that I could not turn it off and found myself "Stuck" like that for at least a year after. All the hyper-thought processing all that shit. I becomes a curse. Then you hit 50 and Blood Pressure becomes an issue... Hell I have a chance to start Provigil now which is supposed to be quite the thinking mans drug. But I just don't have the heart.. And once you have lost your tolerance for amphetamines its a different game. I really wonder if I could ever get used to that again. But it always affected me like that seems like I could stretch 20mgs of that stuff out for 2 days straight with no sleep back in late my 20's when I started using it for work...

And yea, had I known I needed Adderall when back in school my life would have turned out way different...