I’m so fucking sorry, hating myself would be an understatement.
I wish that would be sufficient to express how I felt about my disappearance, the debacle of 2021, the damage I did to myself, and the apparent distrust I caused in MESO.
However, that’s obviously not enough as an explanation... Nor would it bring anyone/or at least most members, the satisfactory response that would be warranted from my actions or lack thereof.
I am a source here for those who don’t know me who provided domestic raws for a reasonable time. If I may say so myself, I am extremely good with comms, shipping, and customer service in general. I’m not trying to state all these good qualities. Still, I believe that it's essential to understand what transpired throughout this past almost precisely one year of constant failure and loss.
As a person, I believe most people that were, or even weren’t customers knew me as a very generous, kind, and caring guy (sorry, this sounds like a Tinder profile) - not just as a source. I developed various relationships with people on different levels, primarily friendships because I genuinely care/d about the people here. I won’t list all the stuff I did. Still, the point of this above paragraph is to just underline that I am not, nor would ever be, a scammer - or do something malicious.
From the end of 2020 until the first few months of 2021, I had a few life-changing procedures that would ultimately spiral me out of control because of what happened after the procedures. I’ve always been transparent with my health, and most of my profit goes towards seeing doctors & such. However, I chose to do something that I never thought I would do as a human, and I don’t wish to elaborate on it. Still, it took me to the depths of hell, where I felt like I couldn’t escape. I kept trying to come back every few weeks for those that remember - business was going fine.
Still, I slowly lost all life motivation to continue doing anything because of… Throughout 2021, I only made a handful of sales; it got to the point where I wouldn’t even check my email or my Wickr. You guys probably will point this out as a highly negative and a “how could we know that this wouldn’t happen again”? Regardless, I don’t want to omit these details because they are essential and hopefully will allow me to gain some trust back. It got to a point where I just stopped caring, even when a significant SST friend/source owed me 6000 USD. I didn’t bother to try to collect the debt. I would reply very late to customers, stop taking orders, and be slow at everything. I stopped my business even when I still have and had stock domestically. Something was just corroding my mind, and I’m glad I finally am free of it - albeit the health issues remain.
I tried to keep people updated, making promises I couldn’t keep at the time - things kept just falling apart every time it felt like I might’ve got better. Always asked my rep to post and tell people to give me 2 weeks or so, and I would be back as I was trying to recover - but recovery was not easy and did not happen during that time as planned.
When I felt like I could come back, suddenly, another three personal tragedies hit during the summer of last year. I was already at that mental stage, so I could not process them well. I stated that I would be back in 2 weeks, but I couldn’t make the deadline.
Now I’ll get a little specific because it is essential to address this in public so everyone can hold me accountable. I sent an order out to
@Liska, who made a few orders off me - one of the orders did not make it through, and I still owe him. I was very transparent with
@Liska and let him know that I would refund him when the source/friend that owed me a front paid me back. That friend hasn’t paid me back to this day either, and I could not send Liska a monetary refund (instead of sending him the items owed). I still will make it my mission to pay
@Liska back, regardless of his opinion of me now (which is probably on the negative side).
However, I appreciate his patience because he was very patient and understanding. After all, we shared many things in common regarding health, morals, and values.
Skipping forward, I tried to make a restock in November. I put down most of my savings into the restock (of all the “rare items” that stopped production at the time). Suddenly, my freight forwarder disappeared - I sent it to another freight forwarder, and boom... She disappeared with my goods, essentially ghosting me. On top of everything else, I believe you could say that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I felt like life was stacked against me, and I couldn't keep it up going through that deep depression and anhedonia. I did things that were very unlike myself and out of character and landed me in the hospital for a while - things that I am ashamed of to this day.
During that time frame, I received a payment for an order for around 1500 USD. I still owe that customer his items, and I also owe a good friend
@Mustang_18 another item.
I also promised EveryC to help him with many freebies that I sent him before (when he was scammed by another source). Still, that package was sent back because the postal service in his country was useless, to say the least. However, I was not on my feet, and I couldn’t send another freebie at that time - but I wanted to let you know I always keep up with my word, and I will still help where I can.
Again, I’m so sorry to those that I really disappointed and left in the dark. I am sorry. Really sorry. I just was not myself.
I will refund everyone where and when I can; it may take some time, but I will do it. I will need to get rid of some of my domestic stock and pay off what I can pay off domestically (to one of the customers). Perhaps some people will never do business with me again, or a good amount of people, but maybe my luck will change. I am in a better place now, and I wish to get back to how I treated and did my business in 2019-beginning of 2021. I ask for forgiveness and patience, and I also wanted to thank the few people who have always reached out and checked on me. I don’t know if they wish to be named publicly, but I don’t think I would have been able to get myself out of this hole without them. As a human, I think we all have a fear of failure. That fear hit me extremely hard; I think these past few years have been very hard for many of us, but many people came out on top while many were stuck in a rut. I just ask for what would be my 2nd chance, and I promise I will not fall back again. I know it may sound redundant due to the constant back and forth in 2021, but I was not myself.
I feel like I haven’t covered everything. There will definitely be significant backlash and attacks on my character, which are warranted. I just ask you to please not be too jarring, haha.
Also, regarding my pricing, I read that someone posted that I was charging 70%-150% over market price - I understand that there are one or two sources selling raws very cheaply right now. Still, I was just matching prices with other sources during that time frame, and the market price for raws was high, at least for me. I also always sent freebies and did discounts on every item with lab tests to back every one of my raw’s quality. My shipping domestically has always been 2-4 days instead of 3-8 weeks.
Also, I provide domestic shipping - yes, perhaps internationally, I should lower my prices, but my primary audience is domestic. I also will provide lab reports as always and ensure the quality of my raws.
I don’t know how the response will be, but I hope there will be some understanding. To those, I have reached out to privately in the past week, thank you for reaching back out and understanding. Thank you for supporting me and those I didn’t reach out to who still always kept a good word for me; I owe you more than anything. I really wish to name you guys, but I feel like it would be a disservice, but again I appreciate everyone so much. Without this support, I don’t think I would’ve been able to write this today these few people.
Much love as always,
Dyna
P.S: I tried to separate the wall of text - sorry. it may be an eyesore to read.
