Epic True Story Thread

[bhog]

I am literally the lightest skinned black dude on earth. By far in my family. Never cared much about race at all (unless its racism). I grew up in California on a Military base. Half the people were biracial, but everyone was cool with everyone.

Plus I like whatever color this is personally

View attachment 69301

Kinda in between, so anyone else can have all the others

Was going to say-
Hmm no surprise "the black guy likes light skinned chicks "
But that might be racist [emoji23].
I was born in Killa Kali but grew up north from there. I'm an equal opportunity lover also but prefer a fat bottom girl.

My brother in law is one of the funniest fuckers on the planet- loves racial humor. One Thanksgiving ( huge for us) were in Chi Town saying grace and we're all standing around the dinner table holding hands ( 20+Pepe's) and as we're going around saying what we're thankful for he says " I'm thankful for everything, I just wanna know who let Whitey in". I thought it was hilarious but everyone waited to laugh till I did. I looked at every single person before I couldn't hold back any longer. His Grandfather ( A Bad Ass Military Man they should make a movie about)was pretty pissed.

 

[gr8whitetrukker]

ok 2 quick stories:

first: when I was 18, just graduated high school. as many people do, I was partying all summer. So I end up meeting this chick that was a year behind me. As a man and a woman are bound to do, we had intercourse, the sexual kind. We did this a few times over the next few weeks. So one day she pages me (yes I had a pager, it was 99) and tells me to come over, which I did, so we could have more sexual intercourse. 30 seconds later (hey, I was 18) I get up and go to the bathroom. First of all, Im COVERED in blood. I guess she thought I wouldn't come if she told me. Second, I hear a noise in the house that's not her. Come to find out her parents were home and she neglected telling me. They were in their room when I showed up, now they weren't and I'm stuck in the bathroom covered in vag blood I just wiped on someones towel. After about 20 minutes I finally work up the courage to get out and run to her room, quite furious. Then she tells me the next nugget of information, her dad is highly racist. Even has a black cat named n*gg*r. So now I'm stuck in a racist Air Force dudes house, stinking of bloody puss, with no way out. What did I do? After weighing the options of jumping out a high window I did the only rational thing...ran thru her house, past her parents, out the front door and took off, didn't even take my car.

Epilogue: Chick calls me 36 weeks later to say she's pregnant by me.

That was pretty epic. Read it a few times

Numero Deux:

In Iraq my unit ran the staging yard for convoys. They were mostly military convoys, with some TCN's mixed in (TCN = Third Country National). Every once in awhile our FOB got incoming mortars, but since it was so small, they never really got close. One night that all changed. Incoming fire is coming in and hitting all the important spots. Most people are in bunkers be we had to go out and get the TCNs. almost all were driving fuel trucks that would explode if hit. they usually slept in their cabs, so we're banging on doors while running and ducking and our interpreter is telling them what to do. luckily no trucks get hit, but I see this private security dude running covered in blood, half an arm missing. eventually the firing stopped that night. But the next day it came back even worse. Not only that, but somehow whoever was firing knew all the procedures we had during incoming fire. Once again, a few casualties. Come to find out my units interpreter had a relative who was a sheik. the interpreter was walking around and sending geotagged locations to the other dude. he didn't know we knew, but shoed up one day and got the black hood put on him.

Cant trust em. U know that

I am literally the lightest skinned black dude on earth. By far in my family. Never cared much about race at all (unless its racism). I grew up in California on a Military base. Half the people were biracial, but everyone was cool with everyone.

Plus I like whatever color this is personally

View attachment 69301

Kinda in between, so anyone else can have all the others

Jason Kidd

 

[bhog]

Just revoked my nephews man card for deleting my comment on a pic he recently posted on Instagram with a chick he's known for a few years. Comment was " Did you Smash?"

 

[jaymaximus]

Just revoked my nephews man card for deleting my comment on a pic he recently posted on Instagram with a chick he's known for a few years. Comment was " Did you Smash?"

You sound like my whole family. I had to block em on FB because everytime a girl would post something they'd come in acting crazy. Except the weren't acting.

 

[Kakarot]

You sound like my whole family. I had to block em on FB because everytime a girl would post something they'd come in acting crazy. Except the weren't acting.

Make you miss the old MySpace days? I don't think anyone outside their 20s ever figured out MySpace. Now your 90+ year old great aunt Tessy who sits at the nursing home with dementia has figured out the bookface and is shaming bitches for showing too much ankle and asking you daily when she's going to get more great great nephews and neices

 

[jaymaximus]

Make you miss the old MySpace days? I don't think anyone outside their 20s ever figured out MySpace. Now your 90+ year old great aunt Tessy who sits at the nursing home with dementia has figured out the bookface and is shaming bitches for showing too much ankle and asking you daily when she's going to get more great great nephews and neices

I don't miss pages taking 30 minutes to load because it has sparkling glitter, a Trey Songz song, and dancing elves on it? Or having girls get mad because theyre not in my Top 8. But fun fact, while I was in Iraq me and my girl made a private myspace page where me posted our nudes since it was easier than emailing them.

 

[Leancuisine]

ok 2 quick stories:

first: when I was 18, just graduated high school. as many people do, I was partying all summer. So I end up meeting this chick that was a year behind me. As a man and a woman are bound to do, we had intercourse, the sexual kind. We did this a few times over the next few weeks. So one day she pages me (yes I had a pager, it was 99) and tells me to come over, which I did, so we could have more sexual intercourse. 30 seconds later (hey, I was 18) I get up and go to the bathroom. First of all, Im COVERED in blood. I guess she thought I wouldn't come if she told me. Second, I hear a noise in the house that's not her. Come to find out her parents were home and she neglected telling me. They were in their room when I showed up, now they weren't and I'm stuck in the bathroom covered in vag blood I just wiped on someones towel. After about 20 minutes I finally work up the courage to get out and run to her room, quite furious. Then she tells me the next nugget of information, her dad is highly racist. Even has a black cat named n*gg*r. So now I'm stuck in a racist Air Force dudes house, stinking of bloody puss, with no way out. What did I do? After weighing the options of jumping out a high window I did the only rational thing...ran thru her house, past her parents, out the front door and took off, didn't even take my car.

Epilogue: Chick calls me 36 weeks later to say she's pregnant by me.

Women....

I remember going over to this chicks house in high school to bang her, and as we are walking up the stairs I notice there's one of those chairs that drives up and down stairs for handicaps.
I had tunnel vision, so all I could see was the chicks ass in front of me as she lead me into her bedroom.
Anyways after making her scream and having her head board pounding against the wall for a while, we finish up and I get dressed, and start leaving.

As I head to the stairs I see that the chair isn't at the top of the stairs anymore. I get about halfway down the stairs and I see pop pop seated at the base of the stairs. One hand on his wheelchairs remote control, the other hand on his oxygen tank. He didn't say anything, just stared at me.
At least he was kind enough to let me finish instead of rolling into her room while I'm balls deep in his daughter.

Oddly enough, I kept banging that chick through sophomore and junior year.

 

[Leancuisine]

I'm just like you I could give two shits what any civy has to say, when they haven't served or walked a mile in our shoes.

When I was a freshman in high school, my first class was a 730 biology class or something.
The teacher was on old LRRP Vietnam vet.
anyways one morning he's just writing shit on the board for class, the bell rings, the class kept talking for a few seconds after the bell rang.
He turns around, just stares at the back wall, and when the class shuts up he goes "if I wasn't medicated, you all would be dead."

Never understood those words until I ETS and moved into an apartment complex.

 

[johntt44]

When I was 19 I had an 18yo girlfriend named Angie. She worked the jewelry counter at Sears. I used to hang out at her house after work and watch movies/tv on the couch. She lived in a huge house with her mom and stepdad. Anyway, we were making out on the couch and she wanted me to fuck her.It was about 2am and her parents were sleeping. I had my pants at my ankles and was pounding her over the arm of the couch. I look up and her stepdad is shuffling by in his PJs heading towards the kitchen. He makes death stare eye contact with me! He didn't say a word! I jumped up and could barely get my dick in my pants cause it did not want to bend. My girlfriend said that he didn't even tell her mom.

 

[Leancuisine]

Hahahaha too funny man.
I once had this chicks grandma beating me with her purse all the while I'm trying to get my sweatpants on and get out the door.
This was during Christmas break in high school and it was about -10 or -15 outside at the time.

 

[Leancuisine]

Actually my display picture was taken st Patrick's day in Columbus GA during my last month in the army.
My buddy ended up hanging this older Asian lady who owned her own barband restaurant, and she had us over later for spicy squid.
Not a very crazy story, but it was the last month my good buddies and I were all together before I ETS

 

[jaymaximus]

Hahahaha too funny man.
I once had this chicks grandma beating me with her purse all the while I'm trying to get my sweatpants on and get out the door.
This was during Christmas break in high school and it was about -10 or -15 outside at the time.

It wasnt me, but I had a battle who met this chick when we were in Austria when we were at a club. They didnt speak the same language but he ends up going home with her. The next morning we're looking for him and starting to panic because it was a unit retreat. He ends up pulling up in front of the hotel getting dropped of by the chicks GRANDMOTHER. Thats right, he went to a chicks house, fucked, and her grandma cooks him breakfast and gives him a freakin ride.

 

[Leancuisine]

So I guess I should contribute and say an actual story that I think it's crazy. One story involving this crazy Delta mother fucker, and another involving ANA. If anyone had the pleasure of working with those fuck heads....

So we were out in our Bradley's cruising with this delta guy Dan. our lead got hit by a big ass IED. Luckily the pressure plate was offset from the IED quite a ways, so when it went off, it just knocked the Bradley off road and on its side. We took a little small arms fire, but they scattered once 3 different 50's opened up on them.
No one was seriously injured. Just some hearing loss and bloody noses.
Anyways after we scavenged everything and re loaded in the convoy, we were doing a head count and it came to light that we were missing the delta guy. Took us an hour to find him, but we ended up finding him in this bum fuck village 5 or 6 clicks to the east, beating the shit out of this haji and his family trying to get information on who placed an 800lb IED in the road across the way.
Dan wasn't getting into a little firefight without getting his answers.

 

[Leancuisine]

2nd story. I'm 19 years old. Literally my first week or 10 days in Afghanistan. Shit hasn't even settled in that I'm overseas.
I hear these 2 ANA guys start arguing with each other. Not many people knew what they were saying, but after a minute of yelling jibberish at each other, the one ANA guy shoots the other. My squad leader was about to shoot him, but then this guy shoots him self.
So the first cas is rolling around on the ground trying to put his guts back in his stomach, and our doc goes up and fuckin saves this dudes life (gets an acom out of it, when really he should have gotten a CMB out of it). So the next day we finally find out what happened.
The first guy was trying to get the other guy to go out with him, but the 2nd guy says no. So naturally, guy #1 shoots guy #2, then sees his dead end situation and decides to off himself.

Was a great welcome to the sand box.

 

[johntt44]

Only had 1 one night stand in my life. I was 21 and lived in a 3br apartment with 2 guys who were originally from Mass also. We lived in a big apt complex. One of my roommate ex girlfriend came to visit him and she brought a tan, dark haired girl Denise with her. I think she was either italian or Portuguese. Anyways, her and I end up going to Bennigans to eat. I had a few beers and she had mudslides. She showed me how she could tie the cherry stems with her tongue and kept touching me . She was 24yo and just got divorced after being married since she was 18! We go back to the apt and I sit on the couch. She comes out in a purple bikini and asked if I wanted to go swimming with her. I obviously went. We had sex in the pool in the courtyard between ALL the apts(11pm). The funny/gross part was when I pulled out and shot a load in the skimmer. We both laughed. I felt bad the next day when there were people in the pool.

 

[ickyrica]

Only had 1 one night stand in my life. I was 21 and lived in a 3br apartment with 2 guys who were originally from Mass also. We lived in a big apt complex. One of my roommate ex girlfriend came to visit him and she brought a tan, dark haired girl Denise with her. I think she was either italian or Portuguese. Anyways, her and I end up going to Bennigans to eat. I had a few beers and she had mudslides. She showed me how she could tie the cherry stems with her tongue and kept touching me . She was 24yo and just got divorced after being married since she was 18! We go back to the apt and I sit on the couch. She comes out in a purple bikini and asked if I wanted to go swimming with her. I obviously went. We had sex in the pool in the courtyard between ALL the apts(11pm). The funny/gross part was when I pulled out and shot a load in the skimmer. We both laughed. I felt bad the next day when there were people in the pool.

Don't feel bad. That's what the chlorine is for!

 

[johntt44]

Don't feel bad. That's what the chlorine is for!

You more than anybody knows those Portuguese/Italian girls! She was from Peabody.

 

[ickyrica]

You more than anybody knows those Portuguese/Italian girls! She was from Peabody.

Yes I do. The area is crawling with them lol. Peabody, Lynn, Revere, fucking north shore girls lol.

 

[Oregongearhead]

Lol^ never did X, probably should have.


Ok so I'm 17,my folks are gone to Westport for the weekend and it's usually party central at my place. I was the youngest of my old crew so a few buddies would snag bar broads or college chicks n bring them to my place or we'd have the usual high school sluts/ hot broads/ don't tell anyone you stuck it in my butt girls.
It's early ( ish ) and me and a couple buddies are getting shit together- beer, liquor etc and my buddy , let's call him Brian ( his real name lol) calls and says
" Bro I just got the best blowjob in my life I'm bringing her to your place and she's going to suck everyone off". Cool shit right? Wouldn't be the first time a chick made her way around the sectional so I'm happy for that. I usually loved the older broads so I'm super pumped. There's nothing like a hot chick watching you get slurped by an older chick that will seal the deal better.[emoji23].
Party starts getting cool , no Brian. Shits getting cray, still no Brian. 2 fights, a broad puked on my Cerwins( they used to BUMP) somehow a rainbow of MD 20/20 and Still no Brian.
Fucker shows up empty handed talking about I don't want to talk about ole girl. Notice he's got a mark on his cheek. Well after major questioning it turned out that ole girl was a dude and he found out after hitting his knees and a dong flew up in his face. He punched ole girl uppercut style right in the balls and she 1-2'd him like Ali. Lmao.
I ended up banging some fat broad that night who told everyone I blew twice.

@bhog --Westport WA ? I used to live in Ocean Shores WA .

 

[bhog]

@bhog --Westport WA ? I used to live in Ocean Shores WA .

Yes sir. I've been across the way to Ocean Shores quite a few times.