Ever feel you missed out on "the one"?

[Hightower]

Sex is the lower form of brain activity.

You can see in the brain where sex drive and attraction are taking place. It is in the center just barely above the start of the brain-stem.

These functions are on autopilot. There simply isn't that much to it as far as your control over it.

The problem is love and sex both involved the same area of the brain. With love branching out to the prefrontal cortex, but we're dealing with the same chemical neurotransmitters.

So if someone understands this and views it from this lens, they are less likely to drag themselves into the emotional turbulent world of love and sex.

If the senses are broken down and viewed one by one, it wouldn't take long before you realize that love should be replaced with universal kindness and compassion. Love directed towards one individual, especially as it pertains to sex is the cause of a lot of suffering, where one is allowed love and the other is rejected. Sex in many ways is based on greed and this also leads to misery for millions of people.

Empathy is probably the greater emotion to that of love, it certainly targets a larger portion of the brain.

I see Love and Fear as one in the same. Love is possessive and that leads to fear and eventually suffering when it has to come to an end if one hasn't moved past these emotions.

Very interesting position, I respect her thanks for such an interesting story. But for me, love is an important aspect of life. Love from mother, to family, to children. Love to give care to loved ones.

 

[Hightower]

That’s some deep Master Yoda stuff right there bro.

I also thought about the deep meaning of Yoda

 

[hijoshiki]

That’s some deep Master Yoda stuff right there bro.

For me the problem with sexual love or what we would call relationships that eventually become long term or evolve into marriage, is that people build up and wall off these relationships. They do things that strengthen the attachment and it almost becomes sort of an obsessive madness where one or both partners are constantly doing things to reassure the other out of fear of losing the relationship.

It's a self absorbed madness that millions of people are living out all across the world, but it's probably worse in societies obsessed with resource accumulation in order to squelch that nagging feeling in the back of their mind that every relationship has to end eventually.

Life it would seem to me is a mental skill, much more than a physical skill and yet modern day relationships emphasis the physical and material aspects and seem to look down on anyone that starts to ask questions and points out problems.

So while people talk about unconditional love, there doesn't seem to be an unconditional relationship. All relationships are built on conditions a long list of conditions that will be expected to produce more pleasure than pain or at least minimal amounts of frustration or mental fatigue.

The thing is once you start meditating and detaching you no longer care about expectations. It's not that you don't care for the other person, it's just that you're noticing the things that are unnecessary that another person who hasn't had a chance to quite their mind will still be obsessed with.

This is probably why ultimately anyone that starts down this path and goes into it is gonna end up walking away from a lot of things and ultimately romantic relationships as well because you simply can't try to keep someone else happy when the meditator is gonna see much of this activity as feeding the partners addictions.

The Zen guys seem to have a different take, because they don't attach meaning to activity and words don't do a very good job of describing reality, they don't have to attach a particular meaning to any given activity(non-dualism, everything connected to each other). The only problem with this is that it allows for both good and evil without discrimination and that's dangerous, but also liberating because a person no longer carries their past around with them, so they are able to carry out an activity, but leave that activity behind and not let it bother them with a guilt free future.

 

[hijoshiki]

Very interesting position, I respect her thanks for such an interesting story. But for me, love is an important aspect of life. Love from mother, to family, to children. Love to give care to loved ones.

Sure those attachments exist and aren't going anywhere unless they produce more pain than pleasure.

Obviously your mother and children are gonna form very strong emotional connections built on oxytocin(love hormone).

That said it would still do anyone good to gain some skill in letting your family know that while you love them, you aren't gonna get trapped into feeding their addiction to be reassured over and over that you love them. Imagine the worst case, you are a Kardashian and Kim is your daughter, she wants a new car for her 16th birthday, a very expensive vehicle. You instead donate that money to a homeless shelter because you're rich instead of trying to earn the love of your daughter which shouldn't be necessary. Now she could be skilled and recognize this was a good thing, but in typical American fashion she is pissed off and rejects you.

Welcome to the American way of doing things, completely unskilled, ruled by emotions and out of control.

 

[Hightower]

Sure those attachments exist and aren't going anywhere unless they produce more pain than pleasure.

Obviously your mother and children are gonna form very strong emotional connections built on oxytocin(love hormone).

That said it would still do anyone good to gain some skill in letting your family know that while you love them, you aren't gonna get trapped into feeding their addiction to be reassured over and over that you love them. Imagine the worst case, you are a Kardashian and Kim is your daughter, she wants a new car for her 16th birthday, a very expensive vehicle. You instead donate that money to a homeless shelter because you're rich instead of trying to earn the love of your daughter which shouldn't be necessary. Now she could be skilled and recognize this was a good thing, but in typical American fashion she is pissed off and rejects you.

Welcome to the American way of doing things, completely unskilled, ruled by emotions and out of control.

I don’t know, I don’t know, this format is alien to me and I’m glad that everything is different for me

 

[Hightower]

For me the problem with sexual love or what we would call relationships that eventually become long term or evolve into marriage, is that people build up and wall off these relationships. They do things that strengthen the attachment and it almost becomes sort of an obsessive madness where one or both partners are constantly doing things to reassure the other out of fear of losing the relationship.

It's a self absorbed madness that millions of people are living out all across the world, but it's probably worse in societies obsessed with resource accumulation in order to squelch that nagging feeling in the back of their mind that every relationship has to end eventually.

Life it would seem to me is a mental skill, much more than a physical skill and yet modern day relationships emphasis the physical and material aspects and seem to look down on anyone that starts to ask questions and points out problems.

So while people talk about unconditional love, there doesn't seem to be an unconditional relationship. All relationships are built on conditions a long list of conditions that will be expected to produce more pleasure than pain or at least minimal amounts of frustration or mental fatigue.

The thing is once you start meditating and detaching you no longer care about expectations. It's not that you don't care for the other person, it's just that you're noticing the things that are unnecessary that another person who hasn't had a chance to quite their mind will still be obsessed with.

This is probably why ultimately anyone that starts down this path and goes into it is gonna end up walking away from a lot of things and ultimately romantic relationships as well because you simply can't try to keep someone else happy when the meditator is gonna see much of this activity as feeding the partners addictions.

The Zen guys seem to have a different take, because they don't attach meaning to activity and words don't do a very good job of describing reality, they don't have to attach a particular meaning to any given activity(non-dualism, everything connected to each other). The only problem with this is that it allows for both good and evil without discrimination and that's dangerous, but also liberating because a person no longer carries their past around with them, so they are able to carry out an activity, but leave that activity behind and not let it bother them with a guilt free future.

Love and marriage is a system of measures and a compromise and it is work in a good sense of the word. Relationships do not appear from scratch, they are created by two partners.

 

[hijoshiki]

Love and marriage is a system of measures and a compromise and it is work in a good sense of the word. Relationships do not appear from scratch, they are created by two partners.

How much of that work is trying to reassure and earn the respect of you partner over and over. Do couples relax and accept the person for who and what they really are, or do they chase their tails endlessly in order to overcome that nagging feeling that your partner expects more.

I've watched many couples create so many problems for themselves and get themselves into problems they never needed.

Constant goal making, grasping and clinging for a new experience to bring meaning to a relationship that has the risk of going stale. Instead of accepting that there isn't any experiences that will do completely away with a need to excite your partner. So to me this seems to be a form of mania, two people feeding the beast and neither willing to step off the crazy train to put a stop to it.

 

[BawlsDeep]

I cant get close.....I drive by from time to time to make sure shes ok

Not legally anyways, gotta keep that 500yards

One of these days some motherfuckers gonna be hidin in the closet

If anyones in the closet in this scenario its trentrentren

im gonna be nice as I can be at this moment.

Oh good, polite civilized discourse

Youre a fuckin pussy who thinks hes more than what he is, the only ones youre impressing are the dickheads that arent gettin any and living vicariously through your fake ass alpha attitude. You bragged in front of my face like that id put your teeth down your f'in throat, got it? Youre a fuckin punk ass bitch

By god, that wasnt nice at all.

Im not sure why so many people proudly announce theyll maim or kill others over a slight grievance, but i can think of few things weaker than throwing ur life away because you arent man enough to rationally deal with your emotions.

we're men. We like to do manly shit.

we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we like to go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do!

yesterday when I fucked her, I made her pussy bleed

Dont hog all the credit, the herpes helped.

Sex in many ways is based on greed and this also leads to misery

Especially for the women im with.

 

[Hightower]

How much of that work is trying to reassure and earn the respect of you partner over and over. Do couples relax and accept the person for who and what they really are, or do they chase their tails endlessly in order to overcome that nagging feeling that your partner expects more.

I've watched many couples create so many problems for themselves and get themselves into problems they never needed.

Constant goal making, grasping and clinging for a new experience to bring meaning to a relationship that has the risk of going stale. Instead of accepting that there isn't any experiences that will do completely away with a need to excite your partner. So to me this seems to be a form of mania, two people feeding the beast and neither willing to step off the crazy train to put a stop to it.

This work is always relevant, since relationships must always be maintained. And not only at the beginning, as respect for each other is also necessary constantly. When each of them works and the partner sees respect and work, it will always be valuable.

 

[hijoshiki]

This work is always relevant, since relationships must always be maintained. And not only at the beginning, as respect for each other is also necessary constantly. When each of them works and the partner sees respect and work, it will always be valuable.

Not necessarily if one wakes up and decides not to play this game anymore.

The system that you see as respect between couples is really forged through endless propaganda and advertising. It's not an organic natural state of man. It's a consumer culture where you must buy services and products to make yourself look desirable to others.

In the past you hunted, built shelters, weapons to protect, but eventually there was an end to the need for resources because you had no way to transport excess.

A relationship today expects the build up of wealth, travel and leisure and if these are sorely lacking that relationship because of propaganda is looked to be less than adequate to meet the standards of the age we live. However the concept of love should be there, but it will quickly fall apart because we have accepted that we are only as good as our next purchase and live in constant fear of not being able to continue to do as others do around us. It's not the relationship we fear losing, it's the ability to buy, the fact that you will stick out if you aren't like everyone else, that is the greatest dread of most people.

What happens when a person in a relationship decides to stop this process, to control their impulse to react to the persistent feelings of dissatisfaction. To accept things the way they are and be satisfied knowing that if they don't learn self control, gain insight into why they do the same things and over that they will never stop nagging feelings of having to look good in the eyes of others, particularly their mate and by this others will never be able to stop this unnecessary cycle of misery. If this causes a mate to leave because they no longer feel valued, was this really a relationship that needed to exist in the first place, because it's obviously a dead end for anyone that wants to move past this way of life.

 

[Hightower]

Not necessarily if one wakes up and decides not to play this game anymore.

It is sometimes more difficult to admit the problem and start to change. Start all over again and friend. It's simple and complex.