Title says it all. Relapsed on heroin again, trying to kick currently. I know there are a bunch of recovering addicts on the board. Just wanted to tell on myself, to get some of the power out of it. I made it 30 hours and couldn't take it, did a shot to get some sleep. Now I'm trying again. I really fucked up. Hard to imagine getting strung out after quiting for damn near 20 years, but here I am. Hoping to be on the other side of this as quick as possible. Although I know there isn't any magic bullet to quit. It takes time and pain unfortunately
I've been there. Too many times man... it's such a crazy feeling... every timeg you use you feel the teeth of addiction slowly shining deeper into your neck... yet you still do it anyway. Why? Because the human brain was never meant to handle the ridiculously huge reward center explosion that is opioids, or many other drugs, including sugary donuts and ice cream and Starbucks frappes. For real though.
I was never fan of the 12 step program. I don't believe in god or any higher power, so many of them aren't even possible for me to do wholeheartedly.
You did the right thing by telling your wife. I had to go through the same thing with my girlfriend many years back. I felt so awful. I can't say it recommend this for everyone... but I got a lot of benefit out of a solo mushroom trip in the woods, just me and my dog. I took 3.5 grand and was trippin my balls off, but that really helped me feel so much better about life and the mistakes I'd made. I got hooked on opiates AGAIN. I sourness something like 8 grand on drugs. About $1500 of which I ended up flushing down the toilet when I quit. The trust between me and my girl was broken for a while. It took several months for it to heal. Now we were still having sex during that time, everything was normal except the divide between us, which I feared would never go away and i had broken it forever. But it did heal. We are still together and I love her more than anything. There is a ton of respect between us both directions. So again, you did the right thing by telling her; it will only make it easier for you to quit.
Weaning down WILL significantly reduce the withdrawals. That is a fact and you are correct. Many don't have the discipline to stick to their taper though and end up increasing their dose again, or doing something to mess it up.
Some people find that switching to a very low dose of kratom twice a day just for ONE SINGLE week can be beneficial in helping the taper even more. But you MUST be sure to quit the Kratom after that 7 days is ul, otherwise you just swap one addiction for another. If you can take off work then it probably isn't worth it. Idk if you shoot or sniff, I am assuming sniff since you were able to hide it from your wife and usually IV marks are pretty prominent. You could taper further by doing literally the tiniest bump in the morning, then again in the evening. Basically maintaining a steady, but ever decreasing blood level before you drop off.
Otherwise if you can get any gabapentin or pregabalin, that is very good for withdrawals. So is amazing, which is a nitic oxide supplement actually, but it has some NMDA activity and it really reduces opioid withdrawals well. I think you would take like 800 MG or something, but verify that first.
You made it 20 fucking years clean man. Congratulations! You still deserve credit for that. You slipped up. It happens. You came clean about it and now you're taking the consequence like an adult. It sucks. It is embarrassing. You can feel ashamed. That is all normal. But you don't need to, nor necessarily should you feel those things. You made a mistake. Lots of people have made awful mistakes. Your weakness is opioids. Mine is too. There's a ton of people like us. Other people's weakness is shopping. They literally ruin a marriage because they can't stop buying shit. Be thankful you wife is supportive of you. Make sure she knows how much you appreciate her love and support during this time.
That's why I have him set to ignore. He's just an asshole to everyone, it seems like his entire mission on this site is to spread negativity and try to bring people down or start stupid drama or something. Either way, not the kind of person I care to read. I think I saw one
single post in his post history that was actually productive. The guy likes to spout his opinions as though they're fact because he has "read psychology studies" and whatever else. Fuck 'em. I don't need stupid people like that messing with my experience on Meso or anywhere else in life.
