Husband on Androgel, worried about the rest of the family

[CubbieBlue]

Re: Frustrated with husband with anger issues...help

Few of us want to change. We are usually compelled to by exigent circumstances. I know I am.

I would consider her booting his ass an exigent circumstance.

(+2 vocab points by the way)

 

[GirlyMan]

Re: Frustrated with husband with anger issues...help

I would consider her booting his ass an exigent circumstance.

At a certain point, she should definitely threaten that to see if it has any effect. But, in my opinion, that's a late stage test indicative of a marriage close to being beyond repair. She should first just beat the shit out of him, explain to him slowly in gradeschool grammar that it is not okay to be an asshole and see if that fixes him. Works more often than not.

 

[biceps72]

Re: Frustrated with husband with anger issues...help

At a certain point, she should definitely threaten that to see if it has any effect. But, in my opinion, that's a late stage test indicative of a marriage close to being beyond repair. She should first just beat the shit out of him, explain to him slowly in gradeschool grammar that it is not okay to be an asshole and see if that fixes him. Works more often than not.

i agree! a good asskicking > any lecture or a commonsense discussion!

 

[hardasnails1973]

Re: Frustrated with husband with anger issues...help

Some times women like the drama find it a rush

My cousin was with an asshole drug dealer, where she was shot at, cried all the time, never happy, constantly saying how he beat her. I was like "why don't you leave the asshole". She replied "I love him" You can't help any one that does not want to help them selves. I tried to reason with her, but it was impossible and I was not going to waste my time any more.

 

[BBC3]

Re: Frustrated with husband with anger issues...help

I recall the poster. Risperdal is a medication to treat schizophernia. This is nothing she is going to get fixed around here - you guys are wasting your keystrokes. Further, birds of a feather and all. She knew what he was when she married him. That is, if he even exists. Perhaps she should elaborate on what SHE is taking... I would also speculate this person is out on EVERY website that will humor the presentation. She has just been busy hitting them all and finally made it back around here.... That is all that I will add on this as I recall the thread... If you look SHE is crazy as hell and bouncing from one extreme to another. This is the physical embodyment of all the evil aspects that is WOMAN, rolled into one and multiplied. Schiz or multiple personality INDEED....!

If you ever venture out to one of the mental health website this is typical bullshit you find posted over there. The only difference is that all the posters are usually COMPLETELY IGNORANT. The blind leading the blind and all to hear themselves type. ITS ONLY goal here is to try to evoke as many competent posters involvement as IT CAN...

 

[zkt]

I merged all her threads in hope that it would make more sense to anyone trying to figgure out what is happening with apappala` situation.
Google search= apappala forum returns several similar posts on various forums.

 

[Michael Scally MD]

I merged all her threads in hope that it would make more sense to anyone trying to figgure out what is happening with apappala` situation.
Google search= apappala forum returns several similar posts on various forums.

I must disagree. The thread is without the OP. Also, it matters little to none that she is searching for help elsewhere.

 

[zkt]

I must disagree. The thread is without the OP. Also, it matters little to none that she is searching for help elsewhere.

YEs, I definitely hit a wrong key somewhere with the merge and her post of 6-11 appears to be lost. My fault entirely.
I included the reference to queries on other forums because there seems to be some question as to her truthfullness and intent. It might be useful to know if her story is consistant.

 

[Nordic11]

Google search= apappala forum returns several similar posts on various forums.

Google reveals this poster spinning this exact story since 2004. After 7 years, nothing has changed. Most of what she posts looks to be copy/paste but there are discrepancies (correctional officer in some and public safety in others). Doesn't mean the story isn't true, I guess.

 

[GirlyMan]

Google reveals this poster spinning this exact story since 2004. After 7 years, nothing has changed. Most of what she posts looks to be copy/paste but there are discrepancies (correctional officer in some and public safety in others). Doesn't mean the story isn't true, I guess.

I really couldn't give a shit if it's true or not. Still merits discussion if only as a hypothetical. Hell I just assume all of these threads are hypothetical.

 

[DragonRider]

Google reveals this poster spinning this exact story since 2004. After 7 years, nothing has changed. Most of what she posts looks to be copy/paste but there are discrepancies (correctional officer in some and public safety in others). Doesn't mean the story isn't true, I guess.

True, but in 2004 and 2007 the problem was only his psych meds. Now in 2011, he is having the same problem but now it's caused by changing his Androgel dose from 5g a day to 10g a day.

I really couldn't give a shit if it's true or not. Still merits discussion if only as a hypothetical. Hell I just assume all of these threads are hypothetical.

I get the impression that he/she is attempting to perpetuate the roid rage myth.

 

[GirlyMan]

I get the impression that he/she is attempting to perpetuate the roid rage myth.

Well that's gonna backfire 'cause the more we discuss it the more we dispel it.

 

[getz]

Re: Frustrated with husband with anger issues...help

Goddam getz, ain't you a Medical Doctor? Not what I would want my wife to hear from her Doctor.

I'm an ER doc. I see ladies on a weekly basis that waited "too long" to get the picture and come in after they get the stuffing beat out of them, or worse.

 

[apappala]

I am back on and thanks to everyone who offered HELPFUL opinions/answers. To clarify, yes, he has changed over the years. I would not have married him if he had acted this way initially. Everyone changes, I am not saying that I have not changed. Most of my changes involve coping mechanisms I have developed to deal with him. When your husband comes upstairs and you he has been peacefully preoccupied for hours and starts yelling at you and calling you a "F*CKING RETARD," something is wrong. He yells at me for no reason. Or how about him SCREAMING at me because there is an ant on the wall and I must have left something out somewhere to cause that to happen (my house is immaculate). My children and I pussyfoot around him. Or why every time he goes into his garage he freaks out because he has left so much clutter around (chemicals up to 20 years old, never putting his tools back where he got them, etc) and he screams at me like it is my fault (F you/F this/F that, all directed at me). I removed my bikes, kids toys from garage years ago and we are banned from the garage...it is entirely his mess and he blames it on me. For those of you wondering why I am still here...it is the economy. In my trade, I used to make $10K a month in software. Those jobs were outsourced to Asia and now, while it is a professional part-time job ($20/hr as a writer at a university), I am pulling only just over $1200/mo. I hope men realize how many women are stuck in relationships such as this because they fully intend to take their kids with them when they evacuate. Where I live, rentals range from 1K-1200K a month. And for those of you that hint that there are some women who thrive on the high of being mentally abused...I am no dummy. I am living this life but I have a private savings account, two p.o. boxes...one local and one in another state where I am conducting a job search, and have a storage unit where I have spirited sentimental and valued items (this is a peace of mind thing). I am ready to go once that elusive full-time job comes my way...searching every day, enough said. I want to thank the men on here who have really recognized my dilemma. Yes, I married him 21 years ago and he has most definitly gone downhill. He does not leave the house much (retired yes, CORRECTIONS OFFICER, I was trying to refer to his field in a general fashion when I mentioned public safety.) Our neighbors are a nightmare because they try to incite him because of the event that occurred two years ago ago and they saw him being taken away by police. We have the darn surveillance cameras running 24 hours a day. QUESTION...someone suggested he apply gel right before bed. I think we have noticed that he has a hard time falling asleep when he does this. Dr. about to be notified for updated tested. What is the specific name of the test that he would be looking for to test for estrogren/aromatase? Someone mentioned a do-it-yourself lab test you can send away. And finally, I think I know part of his problem. I have figured out that he misses applications on certain days, sometimes for days in a row. He wakes at 4:30am for his retirement job and comes home at lunch but then sometimes forgets. Could this be part of the answer? Wouldn't doing so be equivalent to going somewhat cold turkey which is bad, then a huge boost the day he reapplies? I find it very hard to follow the patterns of his moods. The only way I can tell is whether he leaves a latex glove with gel packet wrapped in it on the bed...and I leave it alone...won't throw it away for him!!!. Anyhow, just to let you know MOST of you have been great posters. The pompous ass/woman hater who gets on here and pens poison is obviously someone who has been mortally wounded by a woman, was raised by an abusive father, or is somewhat educated but is not as educated as he believes himself to be. And we all know men like that are compensating for their lack of size. Oh, and to that person who made the self-serving comment a year ago...yes, he gets enough sex from me. He is on Androgel and I have to chase him. What does that tell you?

 

[Jeton]

I am back on and thanks to everyone who offered HELPFUL opinions/answers. To clarify, yes, he has changed over the years. I would not have married him if he had acted this way initially. Everyone changes, I am not saying that I have not changed. Most of my changes involve coping mechanisms I have developed to deal with him. When your husband comes upstairs and you he has been peacefully preoccupied for hours and starts yelling at you and calling you a "F*CKING RETARD," something is wrong. He yells at me for no reason. Or how about him SCREAMING at me because there is an ant on the wall and I must have left something out somewhere to cause that to happen (my house is immaculate). My children and I pussyfoot around him. Or why every time he goes into his garage he freaks out because he has left so much clutter around (chemicals up to 20 years old, never putting his tools back where he got them, etc) and he screams at me like it is my fault (F you/F this/F that, all directed at me). I removed my bikes, kids toys from garage years ago and we are banned from the garage...it is entirely his mess and he blames it on me. For those of you wondering why I am still here...it is the economy. In my trade, I used to make $10K a month in software. Those jobs were outsourced to Asia and now, while it is a professional part-time job ($20/hr as a writer at a university), I am pulling only just over $1200/mo. I hope men realize how many women are stuck in relationships such as this because they fully intend to take their kids with them when they evacuate. Where I live, rentals range from 1K-1200K a month. And for those of you that hint that there are some women who thrive on the high of being mentally abused...I am no dummy. I am living this life but I have a private savings account, two p.o. boxes...one local and one in another state where I am conducting a job search, and have a storage unit where I have spirited sentimental and valued items (this is a peace of mind thing). I am ready to go once that elusive full-time job comes my way...searching every day, enough said. I want to thank the men on here who have really recognized my dilemma. Yes, I married him 21 years ago and he has most definitly gone downhill. He does not leave the house much (retired yes, CORRECTIONS OFFICER, I was trying to refer to his field in a general fashion when I mentioned public safety.) Our neighbors are a nightmare because they try to incite him because of the event that occurred two years ago ago and they saw him being taken away by police. We have the darn surveillance cameras running 24 hours a day. QUESTION...someone suggested he apply gel right before bed. I think we have noticed that he has a hard time falling asleep when he does this. Dr. about to be notified for updated tested. What is the specific name of the test that he would be looking for to test for estrogren/aromatase? Someone mentioned a do-it-yourself lab test you can send away. And finally, I think I know part of his problem. I have figured out that he misses applications on certain days, sometimes for days in a row. He wakes at 4:30am for his retirement job and comes home at lunch but then sometimes forgets. Could this be part of the answer? Wouldn't doing so be equivalent to going somewhat cold turkey which is bad, then a huge boost the day he reapplies? I find it very hard to follow the patterns of his moods. The only way I can tell is whether he leaves a latex glove with gel packet wrapped in it on the bed...and I leave it alone...won't throw it away for him!!!. Anyhow, just to let you know MOST of you have been great posters. The pompous ass/woman hater who gets on here and pens poison is obviously someone who has been mortally wounded by a woman, was raised by an abusive father, or is somewhat educated but is not as educated as he believes himself to be. And we all know men like that are compensating for their lack of size. Oh, and to that person who made the self-serving comment a year ago...yes, he gets enough sex from me. He is on Androgel and I have to chase him. What does that tell you?

Apappala, thank you for returning. 10mg of Androgel daily is a far cry from anything that could help "roid rage" manifest. there has been some recent medical news that such rages r more common in T-replacement therapy when estradiol is not controlled, but it's clear ur husband has learned to rehearse and perform his anger well beyond the scope of any TRT-based stimulation.

he seems comfortable living this way, and i promise y that the effect on ur children is worse than the effect on u. ur post here clarifies that he's doing a good deal of work just to be this way. he most definitely needs therapy, bcuz he needs training as to how to go about changing himself...but after all this time it doesn't seem that he wants to change.

if it's possible to discuss this with him rationally, try...but if u recoil in *FEAR* at the prospect of trying that, then it's time to investigate divorce AND firearms ownership/training. sometimes a husband like this wants hostages...fuck that.

my hope is that you can resolve the matter and salvage ur marriage, but it's more important to salvage the lives of ur children and urself.

 

[GirlyMan]

I'm an ER doc. I see ladies on a weekly basis that waited "too long" to get the picture and come in after they get the stuffing beat out of them, or worse.

I can see how that could color your response.

Yes, I married him 21 years ago and he has most definitly gone downhill. He does not leave the house much (retired yes, CORRECTIONS OFFICER, I was trying to refer to his field in a general fashion when I mentioned public safety.)

I take back my comment about him just needing a good ass-whipping. That will probably prove counterproductive with a Corrections Officer. This asshole probably does warrant a shrink. PM HeadDoc. He helped me when I needed it and I would not be reluctant to ask for his help again. (Thanks again HeadDoc!)

For those of you wondering why I am still here...it is the economy. In my trade, I used to make $10K a month in software. Those jobs were outsourced to Asia and now, ... I am ready to go once that elusive full-time job comes my way...searching every day, enough said.

Make sure you check out Federal employment opportunities. Some of them will even pay to relocate you if they want your mad ninja skills bad enough. The more our profession is outsourced, the more the U.S. Government needs us to check what kind of shit might be being surreptitiously inserted into the software we buy.

QUESTION...someone suggested he apply gel right before bed. I think we have noticed that he has a hard time falling asleep when he does this.

I dose at night. But I've suffered from insomnia forever so there's always a sleep aid ready if I need one. Just roofie his ass if you need to.

And finally, I think I know part of his problem. I have figured out that he misses applications on certain days, sometimes for days in a row. He wakes at 4:30am for his retirement job and comes home at lunch but then sometimes forgets. Could this be part of the answer? Wouldn't doing so be equivalent to going somewhat cold turkey which is bad, then a huge boost the day he reapplies?

I doubt it. Even before I started randomizing my Androgel dosage, I'd sometimes go 3-4 days without dosing, even up to a week, without it having any noticeable effect on me. This doesn't sound like a testosterone issue to me. Feels more like just an ordinary asshole not doing a very good job of anger management. Again, HeadDoc is probably your best bet here.

Stay safe apappala!

 

[apappala]

Jeton and Girlyman...you have been wonderfully supportive to me. The kind, informational and supportive comments you posted mean a lot to me. I grew up without any brothers and have an exceptional gentleman as a father so my husband is an anomaly to me. He has been to counseling but has ceased because he "doesn't like to talk." After our "traumatic event" two summers ago, we have been going to counseling together but every time I bring up an issue, he leaves the appointment furious. I approach an issue with kid gloves and make sure that it is not in a blameful fashion and he still cannot deal with it. One problem is that he started his Zoloft AND the Androgel at the same time. This was against the advice of the pdoc and the endo doesn't really know about his true personality re: anger. This is just all very sad because right now, I can tell that my feelings have changed toward him. I am basically biting my tongue all of the time so that he doesn't get pissy and threaten to not take his Zoloft/Risperdol (an act of vengeance if he gets mad at me). Until I get a full-time job, I am basically trying to keep it calm in the house even if I have to bite my tongue. I cannot go to a shelter with my 11-year-old son. It is too complicated in my state and DCF starts to scrutinize even the protective parent once this happens and I have done nothing wrong. I have seen a free women's lawyer for advice and set up the safety deposit box, p.o. boxes, storage, etc. I know I need to get out. I know you are right...I have suspected bipolar (very well acquainted with the disorder as a close family member had it...deceased now) and suspect PTSD from his years in corrections and being a vet. I was just wondering about him skipping dosages of Andro for a few days because I definitely notice a tie between his application and his mood within the next few hours. Also is there any tie between Androgel and suspected bipolar symptoms (overenergized/slightly manic)? Does anyone know?

 

[virtuosa150]

Zoloft is an antidepressant as you know. Maybe he needs lithium or something similiar to calm his mood down. Have you been to a psychiatrist? I just don't think a GP or an endo is suited to precribing drugs for a person such as your husband.

He has a serious brain chemistry imbalance.

 

[Jeton]

Jeton and Girlyman...you have been wonderfully supportive to me. The kind, informational and supportive comments you posted mean a lot to me. I grew up without any brothers and have an exceptional gentleman as a father so my husband is an anomaly to me. He has been to counseling but has ceased because he "doesn't like to talk." After our "traumatic event" two summers ago, we have been going to counseling together but every time I bring up an issue, he leaves the appointment furious. I approach an issue with kid gloves and make sure that it is not in a blameful fashion and he still cannot deal with it. One problem is that he started his Zoloft AND the Androgel at the same time. This was against the advice of the pdoc and the endo doesn't really know about his true personality re: anger. This is just all very sad because right now, I can tell that my feelings have changed toward him. I am basically biting my tongue all of the time so that he doesn't get pissy and threaten to not take his Zoloft/Risperdol (an act of vengeance if he gets mad at me). Until I get a full-time job, I am basically trying to keep it calm in the house even if I have to bite my tongue. I cannot go to a shelter with my 11-year-old son. It is too complicated in my state and DCF starts to scrutinize even the protective parent once this happens and I have done nothing wrong. I have seen a free women's lawyer for advice and set up the safety deposit box, p.o. boxes, storage, etc. I know I need to get out. I know you are right...I have suspected bipolar (very well acquainted with the disorder as a close family member had it...deceased now) and suspect PTSD from his years in corrections and being a vet. I was just wondering about him skipping dosages of Andro for a few days because I definitely notice a tie between his application and his mood within the next few hours. Also is there any tie between Androgel and suspected bipolar symptoms (overenergized/slightly manic)? Does anyone know?

:tiphat you are very welcome here, and i wish we had better solutions for you. it is elementary to expect that a person with manic or hypomanic episodes would be at greater risk for those episodes using anything that increases overall energy levels...but i also want to reiterate the *extremely* powerful placebo effect that T-therapy can have on people.

years of "roid rage" news stories have given many people the EXPECTATION that they will get more aggressive when on T. if you combine that expectation with a person prone to REHEARSING anger, AND who may have manic/hypomanic episodes, we get something like ur hubby.

 

[apappala]

I will have to digest the rehearsing anger thing. It is a new concept for me and is probably valid. He was raised by an very ethnic/loud/non-love-expressing family. I am not trying to perpetuate myths about his Mediterranean heritage but boy, his family truly is loud, emotionally cold and angry. Perhaps this rehearsing thing has roots in his childhood. He is overdue for his tests and we will see. He had his first day off yesterday for the summer (he has a retirement job and works a seasonal job...will go back in Sept.) It was bad. He has too much time on his hands and there is a pattern every year for the last three years since he retired at 44. When he is not working, he watches the neighbors, goes from room to room to peak at them, complains about them all day long. They are not winners by any means and are very problematic, but this hypervigilance (probably from 20 years in corrections) and probable PTSD from that experience amplifies when he does not work. His psychiatrist and our therapist both know he is doing this stuff, plus the installation of the three night vision zoom 24-hour cameras focused on their houses, but my husband has managed to convince the two doctors that all of this is justified because our neighbors are jerks. Meanwhile, I have to live with him doing this stuff and try to keep sane when all he talks about all day is "Did you see what X did now? He is mowing his lawn again...he is trying to incite me." WHAT? "Oh, get the license plate number of the car in our next door neighbor's backyard in case he ever causes problems>" "Call the police and tell them that Y walked back and forth in front of our house in the street when he went to go to talk to our other neighbor.' ARE YOU SERIOUS? He walked by one time and he is 70+ years old! ARGH. Sorry for my complaining. In the end I think it is a combination of the way he was raised + PTSD from corrections/military + maternal history of mental illness (aunt with schizo and mom self-medicated with alcohol for depression, died last year) + his own whatever disorder. I am convinced that there is a solution out there and he very well be bipolar but for him to change his antidepressant, recognize, take ownership or show some self-realization of his own behavior and actually be open and honest and talk with our therapist and his pdoc, but I do not see that happening. Thanks for all of your help. The Androgel is probably nothing but something in the background. It is just sad to see someone you love change so much and push the people that love him to consider leaving. My 19 year old son is old enough for him to say he remembers a different father and that he feel sorry for him because of his uncontrollable compulsion to watch his tapes of the neighbors and run from window to window. My 11 year old son is not lucky enough to have experienced my husband/his dad as he "used to be." Thanks again.